L
Living_in_solitude
Guest
Dear all,
I am certain that the word loneliness has been exhausted to death. Although this has been discussed countless times and maybe this thread will be no different from most of what people had to say about loneliness. Nevertheless, by creating it to fit my perception about loneliness, I am hoping that I get some light about this, sickening phenomena. I hope that many among you will participate in my humble thread. I hope that many will analyse, advice even criticize. All are welcomed with open arms.
I understand that childhood plays a big role in shaping one’s character. By the time a person reaches teenage, his character becomes almost carved in stone. I am certain that many have already guessed that my childhood was not the ideal one; hence at age 35 I am still battling to win my place in today’s, ever challenging society.
I am not going to talk about my early years of teenage in this thread, suffice it to say that I lived through many hardships and there were big contributors in making what I am today. What I would like to talk about is that I am aware of them and cannot go back in time to prevent this. What I am aware of is that i need to get out of this slump and do something before it’s too late.
How do I know that I am lonely? Easy! When I spend most of my time coming on the net checking my countless email accounts, jumping from one to another, hoping to find an email from the so called “friends” dropping me a small “Hello, how are you?”. When I call my house to check my answering machine, to see if anyone has remembered me, 10 times during working hours. When I get anxiety attacks on Fridays afternoon, knowing that the weekend is here and that I will walk into a dark apartment dominated by silence. I know that I am lonely. Mind you this is not something new to me; I have been living like this for... as long as I can remember. Even when I was in a relationship.
In the past three years I decided that enough is enough; I need to do something. So I subscribed to many dating sites. I had a very mature and a presentable profile and I was approaching women with the utmost respect. During my times on the dating sites I had written 100’s of emails if not 1000’s to find my inbox empty! I could not understand why. Surely I am doing something wrong, but what? The dating sites experience has shattered all my confidence and self esteem. So after 2 yrs and some 500$, I cancelled all my accounts and decided to pursue relationships in real life but where can I create meeting opportunities? So I decided to go into Latin dancing, knowing that it is very popular among women. Let me tell you the hardest thing anyone can do while his self esteem is below 0, is to go dancing ALONE without a partner. Yet I braved all and I went. Surprisingly I enjoyed my first lessons even though men were more than women at my school; usually it is the other way around. But still that did not discourage me because I did find a new passion in dancing; besides I said to myself that I can always make new friends, even male friends, to go out dancing. I went even further; at the same time I said to myself that staying home will do me nothing, so I picked up language lessons; Spanish to be exact. I mean what is the point of dancing on salsa music if you cannot understand what they are saying?
Friends, I have been in dancing business for a little over a year. And I am currently at an advanced level in salsa. And yet I am to make a single friend!!! I could not meet anyone at my work, dancing lessons, Spanish lessons or anywhere... and this is driving me crazy even depressing me most of the time because I am doing the best I can do change my life and I am getting nothing in return... I will criticize myself and say that I am obviously not doing a good job but I cannot take all the blame... I am sure that society is playing a role in making things difficult for me.
My question is: Why things have to be so difficult???
I hope that we can discuss this a little deeper now that I have provided you with a starting point, hoping to get to the bottom of this.
Regards
I am certain that the word loneliness has been exhausted to death. Although this has been discussed countless times and maybe this thread will be no different from most of what people had to say about loneliness. Nevertheless, by creating it to fit my perception about loneliness, I am hoping that I get some light about this, sickening phenomena. I hope that many among you will participate in my humble thread. I hope that many will analyse, advice even criticize. All are welcomed with open arms.
I understand that childhood plays a big role in shaping one’s character. By the time a person reaches teenage, his character becomes almost carved in stone. I am certain that many have already guessed that my childhood was not the ideal one; hence at age 35 I am still battling to win my place in today’s, ever challenging society.
I am not going to talk about my early years of teenage in this thread, suffice it to say that I lived through many hardships and there were big contributors in making what I am today. What I would like to talk about is that I am aware of them and cannot go back in time to prevent this. What I am aware of is that i need to get out of this slump and do something before it’s too late.
How do I know that I am lonely? Easy! When I spend most of my time coming on the net checking my countless email accounts, jumping from one to another, hoping to find an email from the so called “friends” dropping me a small “Hello, how are you?”. When I call my house to check my answering machine, to see if anyone has remembered me, 10 times during working hours. When I get anxiety attacks on Fridays afternoon, knowing that the weekend is here and that I will walk into a dark apartment dominated by silence. I know that I am lonely. Mind you this is not something new to me; I have been living like this for... as long as I can remember. Even when I was in a relationship.
In the past three years I decided that enough is enough; I need to do something. So I subscribed to many dating sites. I had a very mature and a presentable profile and I was approaching women with the utmost respect. During my times on the dating sites I had written 100’s of emails if not 1000’s to find my inbox empty! I could not understand why. Surely I am doing something wrong, but what? The dating sites experience has shattered all my confidence and self esteem. So after 2 yrs and some 500$, I cancelled all my accounts and decided to pursue relationships in real life but where can I create meeting opportunities? So I decided to go into Latin dancing, knowing that it is very popular among women. Let me tell you the hardest thing anyone can do while his self esteem is below 0, is to go dancing ALONE without a partner. Yet I braved all and I went. Surprisingly I enjoyed my first lessons even though men were more than women at my school; usually it is the other way around. But still that did not discourage me because I did find a new passion in dancing; besides I said to myself that I can always make new friends, even male friends, to go out dancing. I went even further; at the same time I said to myself that staying home will do me nothing, so I picked up language lessons; Spanish to be exact. I mean what is the point of dancing on salsa music if you cannot understand what they are saying?
Friends, I have been in dancing business for a little over a year. And I am currently at an advanced level in salsa. And yet I am to make a single friend!!! I could not meet anyone at my work, dancing lessons, Spanish lessons or anywhere... and this is driving me crazy even depressing me most of the time because I am doing the best I can do change my life and I am getting nothing in return... I will criticize myself and say that I am obviously not doing a good job but I cannot take all the blame... I am sure that society is playing a role in making things difficult for me.
My question is: Why things have to be so difficult???
I hope that we can discuss this a little deeper now that I have provided you with a starting point, hoping to get to the bottom of this.
Regards