Hesitation

[TheSolitaryMan]

Quick update.

Feel super guilty. I have a huge volume of work at present, but this girl is paying me a lot of attention.

She's sitting with me, making an effort to talk to me, cuddling up to me. I just can't seem to find it within me to ask her out.

I don't have the time to do so either. Sigh!

 

[passage]

I know its horrible, but alcohol always helps me with hesitation. Or you can just stop caring about the outcome, and be ok with whatever happens.

 

[jjam]

[video=youtube]


No time? NO TIME?
Sounds like you're forgetting the little things...

 

[tusk]

Quick update.

Feel super guilty. I have a huge volume of work at present, but this girl is paying me a lot of attention.

She's sitting with me, making an effort to talk to me, cuddling up to me. I just can't seem to find it within me to ask her out.

I don't have the time to do so either. Sigh!

Dude, that's awesome! Must be quite an ego-booster.
Why do you have to ask her out? If you're interested, you can show that in other ways.

 

[Annik92]

I think she sounds like a great girl, you should try with her at least. I think the pros outweight the cons in this situation, the fact that she doesn't swear so much around you (or in general) shows a lot of character, I'm not sure if I'd do that for a guy, not because I didn't want to but because changing how you speak is hard, so if she managed that, then that shows that she is willing to change for you, and she may be willing to give up smoking for you if you show her that you are worth it.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

Dude...you dont have to ask her out.
She already wants to be your gf and you dont even know it.
Shes akready nade an invitation or is persuing you.
How much more hints and signals do you want?

The ball is in your court.

K, to ease yourself into touching her or
Sponding back to her.

Here are some options...

PLAY FOOTSIE WITH HER.
PAT HER BACK.
MAKE AN EXCUSE TO PLAY WITH HER HANDS.
IF YOU STAND BEHIND HER...GET CLOSER
SO SHE CAN LEAN BACK INTO YOU.
IF SHE LEANS BACK...PUT YOUR HANDS ON HER WASTE.

BODY LANGUAGE...DUDE.

IF YOUR GOOD RESPONSE FROM HER..
LISTEN TO THE TONE OF HER VIOCE...
ITS BE AS SOFT AND SWEET OF AN ANGEL.

IF YOU GET THAT FAR...YOULL BE COMFORTIABLE
TO JUST PECK HER ON HER LIPS WHEN YOU PART.

THE NEXT TIME YOU SEE HER...GIVE HER A HUG.
IF YOURE WALKING TOGETHER...JUST GRAB HER
HANDS.....

K, IF YOU DONT KNOW HOW TO MAKE OUT
OR KISS....TELL HER.
JUST SAY WE NEED TO PRACTICE.

---

Or you can start calling her by her nick name.
If you don't know her nick name or middle name..
You need to ask her whats shes comfortiable with.

Or you can use other common names that couples
Calls each other.

Sweetie
Honey
Angel
Love
Darlin
Sweetheart
cupcakes....
Ect...ect ect.

Start responding to her as sweetie...
In so many ways your inviting her to be your gf
Without be formal.....

 

[Pezza]

I don't understand this TSM.

This girl is clearly into you, it's guaranteed that if you ask her out that she'll say yes. You know that she'll understand that you haven't got that much spare time for her right now.

If you truly want to ask this girl out and you can't then you're going to have to learn how to beat your shyness before it's too late.

However I'm under the impression that deep down you don't want to be with her, if that's the case then you should tell her, it's not fair on her as she's clearly interested in you.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

If you want to creat a simple romanic moment.
Kiss her and make out with her.....
In public...where you usually meet.
In front of the world.......
BE HERE WITH ME..IN THE MOMENT WITH ME.

your proud to be with her.
You dont worry what the world thinks.
You dint feel guilty or ashame.

It make you feel good and she feel good.
Itll also boost both your confidence..
You will also feel the fears flow out of you.

Its not formal...but you and her will remember
That moment.

 

[passage]

If you want to creat a simple romanic moment.
Kiss her and make out with her.....
In public...where you usually meet.
In front of the world.......
BE HERE WITH ME..IN THE MOMENT WITH ME.

your proud to be with her.
You dont worry what the world thinks.
You dint feel guilty or ashame.

It make you feel good and she feel good.
Itll also boost both your confidence..
You will also feel the fears flow out of you.

Its not formal...but you and her will remember
That moment.

You give a lot of good advice on women. I will most definitely incorporate a lot of what you see in my interactions with women

 

[The Good Citizen]

Nothing ventured... think of the gains! Only you know if she is right for you but there will always be little annoying habits with anyone you meet. Thing is, if you were to get together and it was a great relationship those little things would not seem such an issue when you weigh them up against what she could mean to you. If you get on really well you should be able to discuss them anyway if they still bug you, there may be a few things she would like to change in you too so you could have a trade off!

Its tricky going from being affectionate with someone to actually making that move. Don't have too much of a plan though, just get into the moment, try and make eye contact with her when you are close, raise a smile and tell her how you feel about her. Dont pour your heart out, maybe just enough to let her know how you feel and see how she responds, after that you're on your own !!

*Disclaimer* - back out plan if she were to say no (and there is a chance of that, nothing is definite from reading events described second hand through an internet forum)... just make no apologies, you've complimented her by telling her you like her, theres nothing wrong with asking, its natural and thats how people become more than friends and be glad that you had the guts to ask (thats always been my view). Anyway good luck.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

Sometimes if we have too much informations.
.itll work against us.
We get fixated to those ideas, or illusions we create
Of how things are suppost to be. Which crestes
Exeptation.
In our heads...always anynaizing.
We competely miss the out on the presence moment.

Renae and I very affectionate people.
She's more spare of the moment sometimes.
We can be just waking in the middle of an empty
Field. She simply just sit down. Pull me with her
and make out with her for5 mins.
But we've done thats so..so anywhere and
Everywhere. Its natrual or graceful.

All women thatscattracted to me has that
Sametype of traits.

---

The reasons why i can recall these moments is
Becuase i was in the moment at that time.

My first Gf did exactly the samething....
Just simple...bumping het elbow agsints
Mine a couple of times. As we joked around
Playing a vedio game....
In my head....i was thinking...thinking thinking.
So she bump her hips againts mine.
So i kindda kicked her foot.
After pkaying in the arcade....
She simply grap ny hand and told me
" come on" as she lead me to go show
Me something....
Im still......thinking tbinking thinking.
she lead me into a bawl room.
Show me a jukebox.
She was living at a hotel that was being rentalvated.
Her parents was managing it.
She put on soft music and slow dance by ourselves

---

So we started kissing and naking out.
I told her i didnt know how to kiss.
She told me she didnt either.

I basically spent my summer haning out
with her...swimming. making out in different rooms.
Watching air plans take off.
Watching the sunset from the balcony....etc.

We never had sexual inter course.We were only 15 and 16.
Lotz of petting, hugging and making out...
Puppy love.....

i never asked her to be my GF.
I was her BF already.

---

We didnt break up becuase thingscwent bad
Between us. Her parents had to move to
Rerenovate other hotels.

She called me for the next 3 yrs to tell
Me that she loves me. And will akways
Remember me.
I was her first BF and she was my furst GF.
FIrst love.....kinda losong our virginity
but not really.

Our lives had to go on...

---

We both had to start somewhere.
Im greatful i was bless with her and the
Moments we had together....

Even though i will never see her again.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

SHE NEVER MADE PLANS TO MEET ME, PLAY VEFIO GAMES
WITH ME NOR GO DANCING WITH ME.
NOR I MADE PLANS TO MEET HER
WE SIMPLY WENT WITH THE FLOW.

MY IDEA AT THAT TIME WAS THAT I WOULD
HAD TO ASK SOME CHICK OUT I KNEW IN CLASS.

RENAE CAME INTO MY LIFE THE VERY SAMEWAY.
SHE SHOW UP IN MY LIFE ONEDAY AND IT
WAS LOVE AT FIRST SITE. I DIDNT HASTITATED
WITH HER. IT WAS ALSO BECUASE I HAD EXPERINCE
WITH MY FIRST GF THAT MADE IT EASIER TO JUST
REACH OVER AND KISS RENAE OR HELD HER HANDS.

 

[Jesse]

This can be a tricky situation. There are things that you like about this girl, but you also have noticed some things you're kind of afraid of. One of the things you can do would be to go ahead and go out with her, but let her know you don't want anything serious right now. Tell her you want things to just be kind of relaxed as you get to know each other, but this doesn't mean you can't be physical with her either. You're obviously attracted to each other, so it's worth seeing where it could go. In this situation you don't have to try to weigh the good and the bad and then make a yes no decision about whether or not you want to get serious with her. Right now you have the license to go out with her and have fun. If you decide you don't want to be with her forever, then let her know you would just like to be friends. One thing you absolutely must not do is allow loneliness to decide if you stay with her or become more serious with her. It can be very easy to rationalize the things you don't like about her and stay with her because you are lonely. Don't do this. If there are things you really don't like about her, you will continue to not like those things in the future. So keep loneliness out of it. Realize that there are so many people out there, that if you just can't get past something about her, you can move on and be successful with someone else who could be a lot better for you.

 

[TheSolitaryMan]

I don't understand this TSM.

This girl is clearly into you, it's guaranteed that if you ask her out that she'll say yes. You know that she'll understand that you haven't got that much spare time for her right now.

If you truly want to ask this girl out and you can't then you're going to have to learn how to beat your shyness before it's too late.

However I'm under the impression that deep down you don't want to be with her, if that's the case then you should tell her, it's not fair on her as she's clearly interested in you.

There's two big reasons I haven't asked her out, actually:

1. She's having some issues with her past at the moment. Something to do with some other guy (apparently just a "friend" of hers) giving her problems of some kind. It's got to the point that she missed like a whole week of work recently.

This has started since we got more friendly, so I don't know if it's because she wants to break off and be with me or something? It's all very odd, but it's making me confused and more cautious.

2. A few days ago I bumped into a girl that I used to have a huge crush on years ago - we used to go to school together. She hasn't seen me since I lost a lot of weight, but I could tell she was impressed with my new physical appearance.

She sort of did a double-take, then went out of her way to come over and have a chat. She went as far as to introduce me to her new friends and say it was "really nice" to see me again, whereas before she hardly talked to me.

She has always been single (despite being very pretty) and is another pretty valid potential GF, especially if she does indeed like me!

---

However, the girl I have described in this thread is still definitely the girl I'd be clearly most happy to go out with at present. She's very kind and attractive, and I do feel obliged to try and get closer to her since she "asked me out" to an extent.

I think I will try the things you suggested LC, with body language. Thanks for the ideas

I'm very, very shy with that sort of thing though. I reckon she was even trying to flirt with me a few days ago but I sort of backed out of it a bit through shyness :shy:

So I would like to be with her, at least just to do some casual and friendly dates together or something, nothing "serious" as you put it. But at the same time, I'm not sure it's that simple!

 

[TheSolitaryMan]

Sorry for the double post everyone.

As usual, I'm sort of in an awkward spot

This girl is presumably single, but she keeps having some kind of altercation with this guy from her home town. Whatever their problem is, it seems to be making her quite upset recently. I feel sort of powerless to help.

We were talking last week for a while and she seemed really pleased to be speaking to me. We were stood outside and she just kept talking to me until she was actually shaking from the cold (at which point I told her to go back indoors!)

Anyway, I said to her "Hey, sorry to keep bothering you." since I've offered to help her out with work she's missed several times, but she's never able to meet up.

She laughed, suddenly seemed really shy (perhaps embarrassed?) and said "No, you're not bothering me at all. Not at all! You're doing me a huge favour."

I think she even said something like "I really appreciate it."

Plus she's always sitting with me when she can. When I greeted her last lecture she came to, she even sort of stroked my arm affectionately.

---

It's just so weird. I asked how she was two weeks ago and she sent me a message saying "I had a terrible weekend, I need to forget **** that's happening and concentrate on my work and present life I think. Thanks, see you soon xxx"

I'm assuming it's the guy, but urgh! Nothing's ever just simple, I swear.

She seems really sincere and honest, so I don't think she'd be trying to cheat or use me. It's more like she genuinely enjoys my company and would like to be closer, but there's something holding her back. We exchanged a compliment a week or two ago and she was sort of really shy and happy that I said she looks nice. Then she strongly hinted that she likes me as well, so I'm hoping I'm not simply imagining a romantic attachment.

I can sort of even see it in her eyes, when she goes embarrassed like she did in that conversation. Sort of a regret or upset that she can't be around me more? I know that feeling well myself.

So I'm at a loss. Any ideas at all on what I can do here? I don't want to start cuddling her or anything all of a sudden, because I wouldn't feel right if she's going out with this other guy.

At the same time, I hate how I just can't do anything to help her to just focus on her work and be happy

EDIT - I will add that she has met up with me countless times for hot drinks now. She invites me along and everything, just for us to talk. I'm so confused >_<

 

[Lonesome Crow]

Dude....
She making excuses for you to get on with it
Left and right.

Should had just hugged her when she was cold.
A woman standing in the cold shivering her ***
off maling hetself available to you...

Whatelse do you want her to do?
Flash her tittays at you?

Of course even if she did that...you woukd
It all wrong..thinking shes a ****.

yes, girls do that sometimes...talk about there ex to
get guys to make a move on them....
But she's having to pull out almost the damn entire cards.

Get on with it already....
She only going to do it for so long and that's that.
Your fucken making her feel like shes getting
Rejected.

Opportunities after opportunities.
You still dont just step through the invisible
Wall of fear.

For **** sake, youre not going to die if you hug and kiss
Her.
You're not going into combat..dude.
Youre going to get loving.

 

[TheSolitaryMan]

I hear what you're saying LC, but if she's actually upset about something in her past (possibly a guy, possibly not) to the extent that it's making her miss days of work...surely I shouldn't just blunder into getting closer to her? She might be in no state to respond to that, and I don't want to make her feel worse.

I'll ask her out if she's single and stable for a relationship, there's no doubt about that now. It's more just like I have no idea how to approach the situation she's in now :\

(I do appreciate the advice though, thanks)

 

[Lonesome Crow]

All ny exwf did was asked ne to go dabcung with ger.
All Renae did as smiked and winmed at me.
All Sherry did was asked me to go have dinner with her.
All Jennifer did was played with my arms.
All Cyndy did was told me a joke....

The first time i met these women or they made themselves
avaliable to me...

I still had to make my moves after the invitations.

 

[TheSolitaryMan]

All ny exwf did was asked ne to go dabcung with ger.
All Renae did as smiked and winmed at me.
All Sherry did was asked me to go have dinner with her.
All Jennifer did was played with my arms.
All Cyndy did was told me a joke....

The first time i met these women or they made themselves
avaliable to me...

I still had to make my moves after the invitations.

That makes sense. But did any of those girls struggle with past relationships? Or become less available to you because of them?

That's my issue and I cannot see a way around it.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

Shes not up set at anything....
Shes making an excuse for her to hold her....
Cry on your shoulders sort of speak.
Your reading too much into it or thinks too much.

Just kiss the woman already....

Walk through your fears.
FEARS IS STOPPING YOU IN YOUR TRACKS.
The rest of the **** just supports your FEARS.

THERES 2 types of Fears...
Youre miss identifying them.

Just kiss the woman....
REGRET IS A SON OF A *****.

---

She makes herself less avavilabr to you casse
Your rejecting her.

As far piont xyz....you gotta get to piont A first.

Renae is my second GF or Love.
As i was her second BF.
Im Renaes troubled past..She is mine.
Renae and i have a history..
We love each other very much.
Our relationship is full of love
And a liitle of everything ekse
In between....
But dosnt have anything to with
You being afriad

The only person that didnt have an Ex
was my first GF..I wss her first BF.

Most women dont wanna know abiut my
EXs....or how many knotch i have on my
Belt...