Hi everyone

Unexistent · Feb 6, 2011

I'm an 18-year-old male from Sweden. I'm pretty much as close to complete loneliness as you can come. I haven't had a single friend since I was 11, and during whole my life, I haven't had more than 6. This isolation from others has resulted in me not being able to communicate with others. I seriously can't keep a conversation going for more than a few minutes, I just don't know what to say. I feel like life is a movie where everyone but me has been given the script. I avoid talking to others as much as I can, I even avoid places with much people, since hearing others talk and laugh make me feel even more alone. I don't do too well in school, mostly because much of what you do requires you to be social in some way and because being all alone pretty much takes away the will to do anything. Some days I just stay in bed, with the exception of visiting the bathroom and grabbing something to eat.

I'm unattractive, although maybe not that ugly as I think. I'm pale because I rarely go out, I weigh only 45 kilograms/~100 pounds (I eat well, not sure if it could be related to my depression). I don't in anyway exercise, I've tried several times, but I've always ended up losing my motivation after a few weeks. Other than thinking of myself as physically unattractive, I also pretty much lack any hobbies so I don't have any help in conversations by talking about my newly built model plane, yesterday's football game etc.

I don't really know what to do in order to get out of my loneliness. I've had thoughts about committing suicide - either alone or kill as many as possible before the police gets me. I don't have thoughts like this now, and right now, I don't ever believe I will make them real. I also don't know what will happen once I'm finished with school (currently last year in secondary school). I don't have any plans on studying more, mainly because I have poor grades and lack the motivation. I'm also very concerned about my future. I don't have any hope of getting a job due to my low education in combination with poor social skills. Are there any chances of getting a job? What kind of job?

I've also lost faith in human kind. When I was younger, I used to be a "nice guy", dreaming of becoming a doctor and help people, now I don't really give a **** about all the bad in the world. Death, abuse, rape or any other form of evil; I don't really care about the people affected by it. No one is nice to me, so why should I be nice and care about others?

I'm not really sure what I aim to achieve by posting this, maybe to prove that there are some people in the world who do care, maybe because I don't have anyone to talk to. I don't really know...

Mary Mary · Feb 6, 2011

Hello. Sorry you're so bummed.

Unexistent · Feb 6, 2011

Thanks for the welcome... I try to be positive, but it's not always the easiest thing. Maybe I can learn some things from here to boost my motivation and self-confidence. I feel that the lack of those two things is what prevents me from progressing in life.

Mary Mary · Feb 6, 2011

What works for motivation for me is to focus on what I've accomplished no matter how small and to imagine how good a task will feel when it's done.

Martial arts helped me gain confidence. One poster recommended young men to work as a volunteer fire fighter.

May not work for you, but they worked for me. Other's will come along and share their experiences.

brickinthewall · Feb 6, 2011

Welcome to the forums!

Hope you don't mind if I call you notunexistent.

What you came here to prove will be proven to you , there are people out there who care , you just haven't met the right people yet or perhaps you think you haven't.

While I can't promise many things I promise that if you hang out here for a few days you will definitely get your mind off things, mostly because there are a lot of people here with similar issues and as wrong as it may sound this is a very comforting thought.

I'm sorry to hear that you lack motivation but just because you aren't doing well in school it doesn't mean you don't have a future.
Here's a fun fact about doctors , the most successful ones aren't the ones that finished top of their class. Most careers in life aren't about knowledge but about passion. Narrow things down for yourself , just think about simple things that you like (there is no such thing as not enjoying anything) and see what your possibilities are from there on , perhaps ask someone on the forum , I'm sure there a lot of people with different careers here that can give you advice.Going to university might change your life in so many ways you can't imagine , I won't elaborate on this because it would take up the whole page.

In the meantime , like Mary said , try finding a hobby. I found music very good therapy for me. I bought a guitar a few years ago and it definitely opened up a few doors for me and I promise that you don't even have to leave your room in order to learn to play it.

Don't give your hopes up on humanity yet , there ARE people out there who care , you just haven't met them yet.