Holding myself accountable

[Somnambulist]

(I don't know which sub-forum this belongs in, but ...)

I'll get right to it. In some of my recent posts, I demonstrated some behavior and spoke some words that I am ashamed of, to put it mildly. I set pretty high standards for myself as a person, and for how I treat others, so I am disappointed with my conduct. I have claimed, many times, and I sincerely believe, that "the last thing any of us needs is more foes", and I acted utterly hypocritically with regard to those words. I wasn't the only one who misbehaved, but I can only hold myself accountable.

In the movie "Saving Private Ryan", Tom Hanks' character says, "I just know that every man I kill, the farther away from home I feel." I'd rephrase that profound statement to say, "Each person I antagonize, the farther away I feel from being at peace with myself." I really do feel that way.

The fact that we are here on a support site for lonely people, and are arguing against each other, is quite sad, if you stop to think about it. If I offended anyone or was unpleasant, in general, I apologize from the heart.

I must say that my experience here on this forum has been a mixed one, and quite different from what I initially expected. I was very naive, to think that I could come to a melting pot of people with such varied experiences and be able to communicate and give/receive support without misunderstanding or disagreement. I think my expectations were way off. Some personalities just don't like each other ... and won't. I have encountered some that mine doesn't like and who, likewise, don't like mine. Harsh reality, right ?

To put it differently, I was expecting that everyone here would be very different from the people I have met in "real life" ... i.e. people who entered and *inevitably* left my life. I was wrong yet again

At times, I favored one side of an argument simply because I identified very strongly with someone who described an experience similar to my own. Then, when someone else criticized that viewpoint, it felt like a personal attack. My ego took over, triggered other egos, and the quality of the conversation was compromised. I have always maintained that the ego doesn't belong in such conversations, yet, I let my own ego take over a few times.

Anyway, the most important thing I'm saying is that I didn't mean to create any unpleasantness here ... that's the last thing I wanted to do. And, I hold myself accountable for my words and actions.

Additionally, and for the reasons I mentioned, I'm really not sure I'm getting what I want out of this forum, and might have to reconsider how much time I spend here.

I hold no grudges against anyone here. If anything, I have learned from pretty much everyone I met here. I wish you all the very best. Really.

 

[ladyforsaken]

Hey, we're all learning wherever we go, as long as we're willing to be self-aware of the things we do and say that affects others in one way or another. Seems like you took the time to reflect on your time here and how your words have affected others and I always believe there is room for doing better and doing more good. It's a start.

The forum is filled with real people... with real emotions, thoughts and feelings... so I don't think it's that much different from what you may experience in real life. Just comes in the form of words here.

Anyway, I'll give you a pat on the back for this. *pat pat*

 

[TheRealCallie]

It's all well and good that you're holding yourself accountable for the things you did, but IMO, when you sit there in that apology and tell others what they were doing and how they feel, it takes away from that.

You don't know any of us, you don't know how we think or whether or not we have egos. That's speculation and assumptions. Hold yourself accountable for what you did, but don't tell others what they did because you don't and can't know that.

 

[Tuathaniel]

I just joined, but my impression so far has been that your posts have been among the more pleasant ones. I understand why you would reconsider the amount of time you'll spend here. I'm doing the same already, after a certain thread turned into a bonanza of victim shaming. This forum would be better with you in it, though.

 

[MisterLonely]

I just joined, but my impression so far has been that your posts have been among the more pleasant ones. I understand why you would reconsider the amount of time you'll spend here. I'm doing the same already, after a certain thread turned into a bonanza of victim shaming. This forum would be better with you in it, though.

This makes me sad to hear, I in general don't have the time to read and reply to everything here, so I choose carefully how to spend my time, not all views will seamlessly come together to form some magical forum utopia, and thankfully so to be honest, if everyone hear was like me I'd learn nothing new, we'd all be sitting around depressing one another, I'm also quite new to the forums and even voicing my opinion at times seems challanging.

@Tuathaniel, First impressions are important, I hope you'll give it a bit more time, but if not I'll welcome you back anytime!

@somnambulist, so you clash with people, maybe abit more then most others even, that is something I actually like about you, you are unafraid of voicing your opinion even if that opinion is in stark contrast with others, ofcourse when I feel you crossed a boundry I might just let you know. Not because I feel like flaming or anything like that, but because I just don't agree with it, no offence is taken, and i'm not trying to offend either.

 

[reynard_muldrake]

Loneliness, or any related issue, is going to have most (if not all) of us on edge, so it's easy to go on the defense when you feel attacked. Just keep in mind that any place will include people who won't see eye-to-eye with you on certain topics. Even though your posts were passionately written, you still made some sensible points and didn't go into Blame Game mode. In my opinion, you didn't do anything that warrants an apology.

 

[BadGuy]

At times, I favored one side of an argument simply because I identified very strongly with someone who described an experience similar to my own. Then, when someone else criticized that viewpoint, it felt like a personal attack. My ego took over, triggered other egos, and the quality of the conversation was compromised. I have always maintained that the ego doesn't belong in such conversations, yet, I let my own ego take over a few times.

why does it need to be an argument or personal attack?

 

[kamya]

He explains why in the words that you quoted...

 

[BadGuy]

why does it have to turn into that
why can people not accept people have different views beliefs etc

 

[DarkSelene]

why does it have to turn into that
why can people not accept people have different views beliefs etc

I think he accepts it, that's why he's apologizing. It was his ego, as he says, in the heat of the moment, probably.

 

[user 115627]

I must say that my experience here on this forum has been a mixed one, and quite different from what I initially expected. I was very naive, to think that I could come to a melting pot of people with such varied experiences and be able to communicate and give/receive support without misunderstanding or disagreement. I think my expectations were way off. Some personalities just don't like each other ... and won't. I have encountered some that mine doesn't like and who, likewise, don't like mine. Harsh reality, right ?

To put it differently, I was expecting that everyone here would be very different from the people I have met in "real life" ... i.e. people who entered and *inevitably* left my life. I was wrong yet again

I'd say these two paragraphs contain the most important lessons you can learn. The people around here do have vastly differing experiences and personalities but it isn't a melting pot. Not at all. Furthermore, there is nothing magical or enlightening about loneliness unless you are a very specific type of person who knows how to utilize it properly. Being detached from or even antagonized by the majority of people is not proof of anything fundamentally better within you - or anything worse, for that matter. Everyone can experience it at some point.

I hope this didn't sound too abrasive, but I used to "romanticize" loneliness and detachment when I was still a teenager and it's just a rabbit hole that leads nowhere.

 

[Meaw]

First of all - Somnambulist, I hope you'll stay here with us. I appreciate how you say what you think, even if I sometimes get surprised over some extra heated comments that could have been said in more thoughtful ways. I am glad to see you apologize. I am also glad to see you still care, still fight, still know who you are in this world.

Sometimes everything is not to be found in the teachings of one person - or even in the teachings of all the people this far on Earth. However, I am glad you found teachings that help you. Also, it is strong to admit ones errors.

Callie, I did not see it as if he tried to tell us how we felt or what we said. From this angle it merely looked like he was seeking answers and trying to understand, which is common among people.

Tuathaniel, I can see what you mean, and I agree, and it's a shame. I do hope it all calms down, and that you stay here with us, riding out the "storms" I am afraid recent activities will chase decent people away

MisterLonely, I see what you mean with choosing how to spend ones time... it is something I have to work on a bit. Glad you took your time to show support, though

Rodent, you have come to some insightful conclusions. And the second part is not abrasive at all to me at least.

Tuathaniel and Somnambulist... If any of you would choose to jump the boat, I am glad to have met you, and I hope your futures turns out great I know that might not be the case, but I'd still want to say it before it would have been too late. This of course applies to many more people here, but these ones are the ones I have seen thinking about being less here as of now.

Meaw out for now, ciao

 

[Bubblebeam]

I just joined, but my impression so far has been that your posts have been among the more pleasant ones. I understand why you would reconsider the amount of time you'll spend here. I'm doing the same already, after a certain thread turned into a bonanza of victim shaming. This forum would be better with you in it, though.

This. Very much this. 

I never quite understood why you're apologising. I haven't read every single post of yours, but so far I've only ever thought that you're lovely. The place is definitely better with you in it Somnam.

 

[Somnambulist]

This forum would be better with you in it, though.

Somnambulist, I hope you'll stay here with us. I appreciate how you say what you think

The place is definitely better with you in it Somnam.

Thank you, guys. If you insist, I guess I'll have to stay I think I will need a different approach to participating here, however.

Certain useful facts about this forum have come to light, since I wrote this, as birds have been chirping in my ears.

 

[Somnambulist]

Thanks, everyone, for your thoughtful responses ... and your support.

 

[Somnambulist]

so you clash with people, maybe abit more then most others even, that is something I actually like about you, you are unafraid of voicing your opinion even if that opinion is in stark contrast with others

This is invaluable feedback, thank you !

My English teachers in grade school neglected to teach me two words - "popularity" and "reputation", because they had the foresight to know I wouldn't need those words in my vocabulary. I have never been popular or reputable, in any group of people, least of all my own family.

You're right, I don't and won't kiss a$$ to win favors or friends ... I've never known how to do that. I'm not here for that. I'm here to share my life experiences, for 1 - my personal catharsis, and 2 - in the hopes that someone else could benefit from them.

The few friends I've had in my life liked me because they saw a quality or trait deep in me that they liked. I don't know how to voice an opinion other than my very own. I live 120 miles from Hollywood, but can't act to save my life.

 

[mari1969]

(I don't know which sub-forum this belongs in, but ...)

I'll get right to it. In some of my recent posts, I demonstrated some behavior and spoke some words that I am ashamed of, to put it mildly. I set pretty high standards for myself as a person, and for how I treat others, so I am disappointed with my conduct. I have claimed, many times, and I sincerely believe, that "the last thing any of us needs is more foes", and I acted utterly hypocritically with regard to those words. I wasn't the only one who misbehaved, but I can only hold myself accountable.

In the movie "Saving Private Ryan", Tom Hanks' character says, "I just know that every man I kill, the farther away from home I feel." I'd rephrase that profound statement to say, "Each person I antagonize, the farther away I feel from being at peace with myself." I really do feel that way.

The fact that we are here on a support site for lonely people, and are arguing against each other, is quite sad, if you stop to think about it. If I offended anyone or was unpleasant, in general, I apologize from the heart.

I must say that my experience here on this forum has been a mixed one, and quite different from what I initially expected. I was very naive, to think that I could come to a melting pot of people with such varied experiences and be able to communicate and give/receive support without misunderstanding or disagreement. I think my expectations were way off. Some personalities just don't like each other ... and won't. I have encountered some that mine doesn't like and who, likewise, don't like mine. Harsh reality, right ?

To put it differently, I was expecting that everyone here would be very different from the people I have met in "real life" ... i.e. people who entered and *inevitably* left my life. I was wrong yet again

At times, I favored one side of an argument simply because I identified very strongly with someone who described an experience similar to my own. Then, when someone else criticized that viewpoint, it felt like a personal attack. My ego took over, triggered other egos, and the quality of the conversation was compromised. I have always maintained that the ego doesn't belong in such conversations, yet, I let my own ego take over a few times.

Anyway, the most important thing I'm saying is that I didn't mean to create any unpleasantness here ... that's the last thing I wanted to do. And, I hold myself accountable for my words and actions.

Additionally, and for the reasons I mentioned, I'm really not sure I'm getting what I want out of this forum, and might have to reconsider how much time I spend here.

I hold no grudges against anyone here. If anything, I have learned from pretty much everyone I met here. I wish you all the very best. Really.

Would be a pity if you leave because your posts and comments are very interesting but if it is the best for you go ahead. i will miss you.

 

[Somnambulist]

(I don't know which sub-forum this belongs in, but ...)

I'll get right to it. In some of my recent posts, I demonstrated some behavior and spoke some words that I am ashamed of, to put it mildly. I set pretty high standards for myself as a person, and for how I treat others, so I am disappointed with my conduct. I have claimed, many times, and I sincerely believe, that "the last thing any of us needs is more foes", and I acted utterly hypocritically with regard to those words. I wasn't the only one who misbehaved, but I can only hold myself accountable.

In the movie "Saving Private Ryan", Tom Hanks' character says, "I just know that every man I kill, the farther away from home I feel." I'd rephrase that profound statement to say, "Each person I antagonize, the farther away I feel from being at peace with myself." I really do feel that way.

The fact that we are here on a support site for lonely people, and are arguing against each other, is quite sad, if you stop to think about it. If I offended anyone or was unpleasant, in general, I apologize from the heart.

I must say that my experience here on this forum has been a mixed one, and quite different from what I initially expected. I was very naive, to think that I could come to a melting pot of people with such varied experiences and be able to communicate and give/receive support without misunderstanding or disagreement. I think my expectations were way off. Some personalities just don't like each other ... and won't. I have encountered some that mine doesn't like and who, likewise, don't like mine. Harsh reality, right ?

To put it differently, I was expecting that everyone here would be very different from the people I have met in "real life" ... i.e. people who entered and *inevitably* left my life. I was wrong yet again

At times, I favored one side of an argument simply because I identified very strongly with someone who described an experience similar to my own. Then, when someone else criticized that viewpoint, it felt like a personal attack. My ego took over, triggered other egos, and the quality of the conversation was compromised. I have always maintained that the ego doesn't belong in such conversations, yet, I let my own ego take over a few times.

Anyway, the most important thing I'm saying is that I didn't mean to create any unpleasantness here ... that's the last thing I wanted to do. And, I hold myself accountable for my words and actions.

Additionally, and for the reasons I mentioned, I'm really not sure I'm getting what I want out of this forum, and might have to reconsider how much time I spend here.

I hold no grudges against anyone here. If anything, I have learned from pretty much everyone I met here. I wish you all the very best. Really.

Would be a pity if you leave because your posts and comments are very interesting but if it is the best for you go ahead. i will miss you.

Thank you, that's very sweet of you

 

[morrowrd]

(I don't know which sub-forum this belongs in, but ...)

I'll get right to it. In some of my recent posts, I demonstrated some behavior and spoke some words that I am ashamed of, to put it mildly. I set pretty high standards for myself as a person, and for how I treat others, so I am disappointed with my conduct. I have claimed, many times, and I sincerely believe, that "the last thing any of us needs is more foes", and I acted utterly hypocritically with regard to those words. I wasn't the only one who misbehaved, but I can only hold myself accountable.

In the movie "Saving Private Ryan", Tom Hanks' character says, "I just know that every man I kill, the farther away from home I feel." I'd rephrase that profound statement to say, "Each person I antagonize, the farther away I feel from being at peace with myself." I really do feel that way.

The fact that we are here on a support site for lonely people, and are arguing against each other, is quite sad, if you stop to think about it. If I offended anyone or was unpleasant, in general, I apologize from the heart.

I must say that my experience here on this forum has been a mixed one, and quite different from what I initially expected. I was very naive, to think that I could come to a melting pot of people with such varied experiences and be able to communicate and give/receive support without misunderstanding or disagreement. I think my expectations were way off. Some personalities just don't like each other ... and won't. I have encountered some that mine doesn't like and who, likewise, don't like mine. Harsh reality, right ?

To put it differently, I was expecting that everyone here would be very different from the people I have met in "real life" ... i.e. people who entered and *inevitably* left my life. I was wrong yet again

At times, I favored one side of an argument simply because I identified very strongly with someone who described an experience similar to my own. Then, when someone else criticized that viewpoint, it felt like a personal attack. My ego took over, triggered other egos, and the quality of the conversation was compromised. I have always maintained that the ego doesn't belong in such conversations, yet, I let my own ego take over a few times.

Anyway, the most important thing I'm saying is that I didn't mean to create any unpleasantness here ... that's the last thing I wanted to do. And, I hold myself accountable for my words and actions.

Additionally, and for the reasons I mentioned, I'm really not sure I'm getting what I want out of this forum, and might have to reconsider how much time I spend here.

I hold no grudges against anyone here. If anything, I have learned from pretty much everyone I met here. I wish you all the very best. Really.

One thing a lot of people seem to forget, is when talking online, you're talking to "real people" - it's so easy to get careless sitting in that easy chair in your man-cave, beer in hand, music going, and no consequences. You're apology is a good thing, for you more than the rest of those on this forum.  You are learning the lesson so many others out there would do good to learn as well.  Respect given, is respect gained.

Don't quit the forum over small potatoes.  This place is a resource, use it as such. Ask questions, share life events and receive valuable feedback. Or do as I do, read some of the stories, and comment once in awhile.

 

[Somnambulist]

(I don't know which sub-forum this belongs in, but ...)

I'll get right to it. In some of my recent posts, I demonstrated some behavior and spoke some words that I am ashamed of, to put it mildly. I set pretty high standards for myself as a person, and for how I treat others, so I am disappointed with my conduct. I have claimed, many times, and I sincerely believe, that "the last thing any of us needs is more foes", and I acted utterly hypocritically with regard to those words. I wasn't the only one who misbehaved, but I can only hold myself accountable.

In the movie "Saving Private Ryan", Tom Hanks' character says, "I just know that every man I kill, the farther away from home I feel." I'd rephrase that profound statement to say, "Each person I antagonize, the farther away I feel from being at peace with myself." I really do feel that way.

The fact that we are here on a support site for lonely people, and are arguing against each other, is quite sad, if you stop to think about it. If I offended anyone or was unpleasant, in general, I apologize from the heart.

I must say that my experience here on this forum has been a mixed one, and quite different from what I initially expected. I was very naive, to think that I could come to a melting pot of people with such varied experiences and be able to communicate and give/receive support without misunderstanding or disagreement. I think my expectations were way off. Some personalities just don't like each other ... and won't. I have encountered some that mine doesn't like and who, likewise, don't like mine. Harsh reality, right ?

To put it differently, I was expecting that everyone here would be very different from the people I have met in "real life" ... i.e. people who entered and *inevitably* left my life. I was wrong yet again

At times, I favored one side of an argument simply because I identified very strongly with someone who described an experience similar to my own. Then, when someone else criticized that viewpoint, it felt like a personal attack. My ego took over, triggered other egos, and the quality of the conversation was compromised. I have always maintained that the ego doesn't belong in such conversations, yet, I let my own ego take over a few times.

Anyway, the most important thing I'm saying is that I didn't mean to create any unpleasantness here ... that's the last thing I wanted to do. And, I hold myself accountable for my words and actions.

Additionally, and for the reasons I mentioned, I'm really not sure I'm getting what I want out of this forum, and might have to reconsider how much time I spend here.

I hold no grudges against anyone here. If anything, I have learned from pretty much everyone I met here. I wish you all the very best. Really.

One thing a lot of people seem to forget, is when talking online, you're talking to "real people" - it's so easy to get careless sitting in that easy chair in your man-cave, beer in hand, music going, and no consequences. You're apology is a good thing, for you more than the rest of those on this forum.  You are learning the lesson so many others out there would do good to learn as well.  Respect given, is respect gained.

Don't quit the forum over small potatoes.  This place is a resource, use it as such. Ask questions, share life events and receive valuable feedback. Or do as I do, read some of the stories, and comment once in awhile.

Yes, you're right. Thanks for the response. That is great feedback.