how do I meet girls?

[Sling]

I don't know if you experience anxiety, Sling. I do sometimes. Other times I'm quite bold. I really can't explain it. I've noticed that it depends on my mood at the moment. I've learned that the best thing to do to overcome anxiety is to just SPEAK. Even if it comes out wrong, once the ice is broken, it becomes easier to connect.

I do have some significant anxiety problems. Or I guess it's better to say, I always know that I'm susceptible to anxiety. I've gotten a lot better about being able to talk to just about anybody. I'm pretty good at making people laugh, so I use that to my advantage.

Whenever I ask a girl out and get turned down, it obviously doesn't feel very good. All I can really do is just pick myself up and move on, which I do. But Sometimes I wonder if I'm going about it wrong. Is it okay to just say "hey, would you like to go out sometime?" (Not out of the blue, to someone I've been talking to for a while.) Am I supposed to make it sound more "natural" or something?

Hmmm... if only we could get the dozens of desirable women Socrates has undoubtedly hooked up with to come in here and explain for us just how his methods of hair gel and childish passive-aggressiveness swooned them...

 

[Badjedidude]

Hmmm... if only we could get the dozens of desirable women Socrates has undoubtedly hooked up with to come in here and explain for us just how his methods of hair gel and childish passive-aggressiveness swooned them...

Haha.. indeed.

 

[ChiCowboy]

I do have some significant anxiety problems. Or I guess it's better to say, I always know that I'm susceptible to anxiety. I've gotten a lot better about being able to talk to just about anybody. I'm pretty good at making people laugh, so I use that to my advantage.

Whenever I ask a girl out and get turned down, it obviously doesn't feel very good. All I can really do is just pick myself up and move on, which I do. But Sometimes I wonder if I'm going about it wrong. Is it okay to just say "hey, would you like to go out sometime?" (Not out of the blue, to someone I've been talking to for a while.) Am I supposed to make it sound more "natural" or something?

Yeah, that's fine. If a woman is interested in meeting someone, it shouldn't much matter how you ask her out. It's been a long time, but I used to tell women I was attracted to that they were attractive, and I wanted to take them out. "I think you're gorgeous, and I'd like to get to know you better." Sometimes it worked. Sometimes not. Just relax, be yourself and the words should come to you. Each situation is different.

Hmmm... if only we could get the dozens of desirable women Socrates has undoubtedly hooked up with to come in here and explain for us just how his methods of hair gel and childish passive-aggressiveness swooned them...

Indeed.

 

[SofiasMami]

Hi Sling-
You sound like a decent guy. If you're willing to put yourself out there, I think you'll meet someone special. If a girl you're talking to says she's interested in meeting up sometime, I would use that opportunity to set a date then, like coffee the next weekend or something like that.
I'm out there dating but the main way I've been meeting men is via online dating sites. It's a lot easier for me that way being a single parent of a young girl.
And it sounds like you don't believe whatever useless twaddle and nincompoopery Socrates is selling, so you automatically get points for that!



Teresa

 

[Cathedral]

I think you're much better off trying to find that "special someone" IRL, because online dating is a joke.

 

[Sling]

And it sounds like you don't believe whatever useless twaddle and nincompoopery Socrates is selling, so you automatically get points for that!

Thank you That seduction community bs seems so pathetic to me, it turns dating into a combative exercise, and I'm pretty sure most men who practice it just resent women in general and their own inability to control things in particular. I want a relationship, not a pissing contest.

Although I actually have tried internet dating in the past, but it didn't go anywhere for me. Being a woman, it probably works easier for you - the ratio of men to women on those sites is, what, like 10 to 1? I think I am probably better off sticking to real life.

But that still leaves me wondering where I can go to actually meet women. I feel weird about just randomly starting a conversation with one just anywhere, particularly because several of my female friends have told tales of how much they despise being randomly approached by guys. But not a single girl I am friends or socialize with is single, as far as I know. So what are my options?

 

[ShybutHi]

But that still leaves me wondering where I can go to actually meet women. I feel weird about just randomly starting a conversation with one just anywhere, particularly because several of my female friends have told tales of how much they despise being randomly approached by guys. But not a single girl I am friends or socialize with is single, as far as I know. So what are my options?

Yeah sling i know what you mean. There is something i find strange about just starting a conversation with a woman anywhere too, there needs to be some actual reason to spark the conversation in the first place anyway. Thats just me though and its probably just because im shy and not used to just randomly talking to strangers... Afterall there must be lots of people in relationships who meet randomly in this situation and get together.

Also no women im friends with or socialize with is single either so im in the same situation as you there.

 

[Brian]

Me and two of my guy friends were talking about how important it is to have "******". One of my beautiful female friends even told me straight up that the man she wants has to be a "laid-back, gym-fiend, *******" (EXACT words). There are scrawny little dudes whose arm I could break with zero effort who have beautiful girls all over them because they display their "******" and "peacock" correctly. (It's sickening but true)

It is a fact of life that I extremely loathe, but true. "******" (aka "confidence") should NEVER be a attempted though unless one has the looks, muscles, and social capital to back it up.

Then why do I have a gorgeous gal with long auburn hair who gets hit on by every guy she sees?

Dude, your first post here was silly. I'm in ok shape, but I'm not a gym nut. I'm confident and comfortable, and I think I'm funny, but I'm not an *******. She likes me because she's a mature adult and I'm fun to be around and can carry on a conversation(her words, not mine). And I didn't have to put on any kind of facade or embark on a quest of self-loathing to get her.



Sling, to add to what these other guys said, just be confident and get out there. There is some truth in some things Socrates has to say; you -do- need 'social capital' to be able to date and have relationships, because it's a big part of what you bring to the table. There's lots of different types of 'currency' in life, and this is one of them; another is 'political capital', which often takes the form of favors amongst various circles.

Social capital makes you interesting, basically.

And, yeah, get in shape. It shows you care about yourself and strive for a higher standard. Everyone likes that.

Other than that, you have to find the place that -you- can meet women. That depends on who you are and who you are looking for. Book stores, coffee houses, these are good places. Some other people need bars or night clubs. And, some still have success with dating sites.

I found mine volunteering.

Stick around though, this place is a great support mechanism and a good sounding board for thoughts and ideas.



...Really though? Martial arts AND dancing classes? You're over compensating. Do you play a full rock band compliment, too?

 

[SofiasMami]

And it sounds like you don't believe whatever useless twaddle and nincompoopery Socrates is selling, so you automatically get points for that!

Thank you That seduction community bs seems so pathetic to me, it turns dating into a combative exercise, and I'm pretty sure most men who practice it just resent women in general and their own inability to control things in particular. I want a relationship, not a pissing contest.

Although I actually have tried internet dating in the past, but it didn't go anywhere for me. Being a woman, it probably works easier for you - the ratio of men to women on those sites is, what, like 10 to 1? I think I am probably better off sticking to real life.

But that still leaves me wondering where I can go to actually meet women. I feel weird about just randomly starting a conversation with one just anywhere, particularly because several of my female friends have told tales of how much they despise being randomly approached by guys. But not a single girl I am friends or socialize with is single, as far as I know. So what are my options?

Hi-
I've heard stats about how there's so many more men than women on dating websites but I'm not really sure that's true. I mean, where do you find this type of statistic and how do you know it's reliable. It could just be a rumor started by someone who's gone sour on the idea of internet dating.

I've been approached here and there by men and I'm not normally offended when they do. It just depends. If I'm struggling to carry like 20 grocery bags to my car or if I'm dealing with my daughter while she's having a little tantrum and a guy hits on me - they're not going to get a friendly response because that's just not a good time. One guy left a note on my windshield at a park saying he thought I was cute and so on and gave me his number. I did call a few days later and we had a few friendly conversations. Another guy asked me out for coffee while I was grocery shopping once but I already had a boyfriend at the time. I guess it's more about timing than where you actually approach a girl. If she doesn't look too busy and doesn't have a ring on, you could just smile at her, make eye contact and see if she smiles back and make some small talk. What's the worst she could say? No? And you know the saying - if at first you don't succeed, try again!
Good luck!

Teresa