How do lonely people who don't do drugs/alcohol find a romantic partner?

[Ox Blood]

lolwat

Last I checked, most people can't stand those that drink excessively or do drugs. Unless they just want a quick lay.

 

[passage]

lolwat

Last I checked, most people can't stand those that drink excessively or do drugs. Unless they just want a quick lay.

hahaha thats true. Thats certainly what I want.

 

[Ak5]

Necroposting. :O

 

[dannyr22]

It's hard OP, when I was a stoner & taking drugs years ago I was able to meet girls, even online!

Now I have problems & am clean it's completely dried up. Nearly everybody who was in my year at school gets a relationship etc except me I feel left out.

Online dating just does not work for me maybe it does for others but seriously I think it's a waste of time. Most accounts are ghosts & the girls who do want a date get extra picky as men give them the creeps & demand sex etc

 

[nerdygirl]

A guy flirted with me at WalMart the other day. If not for my current aversion to dating, I would have been more receptive. Definitely no drugs or alcohol involved with chatting up somebody at the store!

 

[Callie]

A guy flirted with me at WalMart the other day. If not for my current aversion to dating, I would have been more receptive. Definitely no drugs or alcohol involved with chatting up somebody at the store!

Now wait...I could totally see that if you had said any other store, but you said Walmart, so drugs and alcohol could definitely be a factor

 

[Unwanted94]

Lonely people don't find romantic partners.

 

[Aube]

I often get approached by men in public places (in public transportation, in the street or in a store). Non-caucasian people do that a lot, I find. Maybe they're more gutsy? White guys are shy.

It is quite flattering. But personally, even when it's done tactfully, I'm too reserved to respond to it well. I do the same as if someone was asking me for a lighter or a smoke: ''Sorry, I don't have that''. It makes me uncomfortable because I like to know something about someone, like to have known the person a little bit before we go on a date. But other women go with it and go on dates from there.

It can be done and even if the girl is not interested, she'll feel flattered. If she has a minimum of class, she'll be polite to you.

 

[Phaedron]

Are you serious? Most girls seem to want someone that is clean and doesn't do any drugs. I guess it depends on where you are meeting them.

 

[Ashariel]

I am not an expert on this. But my friend says that one of the best ways to meet people is to get involved with social activities that you enjoy. And then you meet other people who like the same activities that you do.

(Okay, that probably sounds like a no-brainer! I'm not a social person so I have no clue!)

 

[hye345]

You can't socialise at all without encountering alcohol at every turn. You don't have to drink, but you will be an outcast in many social situations if you don't. The reason is simple; Most people, especially women, only drink socially--they have no interest or desire to consume alcohol, only a desire to fit in socially. People who don't drink are essentially sending the message that they're better than other people who are sheep in their social attitude and behaviour.

This is a relevant statement. Last year, I was given the opportunity to partake in this sort of lifestyle by my sister and her friends. I..... have mixed feelings over it. I can't deny that I enjoyed most of the outings I was allowed to ride shotgun for, but I hate myself for having enjoyed them. The thing is, that even in these sorta situations, I generally keep to myself, and pretend to listen to everyone in the group. It takes quite a few drinks to get me to loosen up, and all is well. For a while. But then I sober up, and become my introverted self once more, but that also comes with the memories of things I've said, and thought that are outside of my personality. This year, I've decided to redeem myself through indefinate IRL social exile(I'm not religious, but the idea of redemption through self sacrifice appeals to my sense of nobility)

But it begs an interesting question, though. How are people like myself and the OP supposed to meet a potential partner if they can't or won't partake in certain social norms? Or maybe a lifetime of loneliness is the price we pay to keep our moral highgrounds?[/i]

Code SOL, there are many legitimate reasons why you shouldn't drink/do drugs: maybe its against your religious beliefs, maybe you hate the taste/smell, etc... but one of them is NOT because you are holding on to a moral highground. That my friend is all in your head, built to make you feel better about your choice. I have an acquaintance who does this, and many times he's difficult to be around. NOT because he doesn't drink himself, but because he's always critical and whiny of those that do.

Granted, a life of complete sobriety, absent of all external chemical alterations on the mind, has its benefits (mainly health). If that is a tradeoff that you are willing to make, then great, I wish you well. But make no mistake about it, it doesn't put you in a higher moral caliber. Nor does it really make you a martyr, since the only person who directly benefits from the sobriety is yourself, just like the guy who chooses to have a beer with friends is the only one who directly benefits from the 'buzz'.

P.S. looking at people who (lightly or moderately) drink in social situations as conformers and "sheep" brings you down to the same level as those who are using peer pressure to get others to try them (Not saying you do this, but just something to think about).

 

[Lost Soul]

Well, there is still plenty of people who don't do drugs, (don't drink alchohol is rare, and special).

I'd stay off the dating sights, it's very bad for men in general. I came accorss a forums for plenty of fish, and they all had very similar problems. I got off that site in December last year, glad I did. Just giving you the heads up.

 

[Not_Lonely]

Dating sites have all been a waste of time for me. I guess I can try to pickup a random woman in public, but that always came off as creepy to me.

Hi I do pick up random women in public sober.

Let me explain. At school I was bullied, I was a total loner for about 3 years. A lot of what I read on this forum reminds me of how I used to feel back then.

That's what drove me to turn my life around, it took a long time of small steps but today I'm confident and I have so many friends around me. I'm a very social guy now because I guess deep down I fear of being on my own like I was back then. After saying that I don't have any problems any more.

I do pick up random women in public but I wouldn't recommend it unless you're super confident and know what you are doing otherwise it will come off creepy. You can either spend a long time learning how like I did. I recommend it but you have to be able to take the rejection and pain and you will be creepy. Everybody gets rejected, usually girls are rejecting the situation not you, she can't reject you if she knows nothing about you.

There is no easy path or simple answer. Start trying things though because it will lead you in the right direction, and don't give up EVER!

 

[The Good Citizen]

..

 

[IgnoredOne]

Granted, a life of complete sobriety, absent of all external chemical alterations on the mind, has its benefits (mainly health). If that is a tradeoff that you are willing to make, then great, I wish you well. But make no mistake about it, it doesn't put you in a higher moral caliber.

Yes, it does.

 

[The Good Citizen]

Granted, a life of complete sobriety, absent of all external chemical alterations on the mind, has its benefits (mainly health). If that is a tradeoff that you are willing to make, then great, I wish you well. But make no mistake about it, it doesn't put you in a higher moral caliber.

Yes, it does.

How's that view up there on the moral high ground? Bit hazy down here, in my drunken stupor.

 

[IgnoredOne]

How's that view up there on the moral high ground? Bit hazy down here, in my drunken stupor.

Unmistakably superior.