How do you make friends when you're already emotionally starved?

[Cucuboth]

I think that in some ways it is just better to accept one's reality.  Like, I am never going to have a tribe or squad of people around me.  I have spent years trying, volunteering, etc.  And, in those years, people were very happy to use me, but that was about it.   I realized the only time they contacted me was when they needed something.  So, i am done with that.  I have solitude.  Solitude is not loneliness but embracing the peace of your life.  Yes, i mean, i do get lonely and wish for something more.  But, I am ok just doing things on my own and finding enjoyment in that.

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And, if you feel emotionally starved, it is much harder because people sense that desperation and stay away.  Unfortunately the very thing you need and want, the desperation sends out vibes to people who then keep distance.  I think working on yourself is really how I approach it.  And, then if i make some connections while pursing my own interests, then that is great.  If not , then I enjoyed whatever it was that i am pursuing.

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Not everyone can be happy with a life on their own. I have been told, and seen here so many times, people saying that happiness comes from within ourselves. OK. But then most of the time they then proceed to tell you that you have to do what they say. What if having someone in your life, be a part of your life, someone to share things with, affection and intimacy, is part of what you need to have that happiness in yourself? If it really does come from within ... within ourselves, within each of us, individually ... then nobody really has the right to tell us that what we want is wrong (unless it is legally wrong of course). Some people can be happy with solitude. Some can’t.

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Unless I'm missing something I think you're referring to posts where people tried to point out that since you can't force a relationship to happen you just have to try and find a way to be happy alone in the mean time. Maybe I'm wrong, but I don't think anyone on here is going to tell you that wanting companionship is a bad thing.

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Maybe not anyone on here (or on this particular thread anyway), but have definitely been told many, many times, that me wanting, and having, a relationship is a bad thing. Disgusting is another word that has often been used.

 

[fluffer]

I certainly did not mean to imply that. Of course we want relationships with others. I think that is why many of us are here.