How do you stop the doubts creeping in ?

[Triple Bogey]

Then it should give you even better chance at saying something like "hey, I've seen you here quite often, it's been nice chatting with you, maybe we can chat more outside of my work time - i think it'd be fun" then you either do a quick exchange of numbers or make a meeting place and time on the spot. I know it is much easier to say these things.. I can only imagine how nerve-wrecking it can be but doesn't it frustrate you and make you wanna do something after so long? It will drive me crazy enough to do what I just said lol if I were in your position, because it will not stop bothering me and it will affect me .. quite a bit. So I just wanna get it out of the way and just do it.

I don't ask because I don't want to experience the feelings of rejection.
I feel embarrassed, depressed, upset and ashamed after a rejection. So it's easier not to do anything I suppose. It doesn't bother me not asking because I don't have any deep feelings for her. In the past I have asked women out because it was bothering me. Eating and sleeping etc. I knew they would say 'no' but I asked anyway to get it out of my system.

It's impossible to say those things to her. The shop is full of customers and staff. The second time I was talking to her, one of the managers was hovering around messing about with something. It would be embarrassing for her and me. It would be a awful, embarrassing moment. Especially on a Saturday, it is never just an empty shop with me on the till serving her. Sometimes in the week it's like that but I hardly see her apart from on Saturdays.

That's what I mean when I say it will never happen.

 

[ladyforsaken]

Well, all right then.. good luck anyway. Hope positive things will happen more often for you.

 

[Triple Bogey]

Well, all right then.. good luck anyway. Hope positive things will happen more often for you.

thank you.

 

[Rosewood]

Your a nice looking guy with talent. If she comes in ask her to look at some of your photography to get an opinion. Make her curious about you. Then when you get her talking ask about going to a nearby place sometime for coffee. tea. soda (whatever) to visit some more. Keep it small and dimple. No big investment or huge rejection.

 

[Triple Bogey]

Your a nice looking guy with talent. If she comes in ask her to look at some of your photography to get an opinion. Make her curious about you. Then when you get her talking ask about going to a nearby place sometime for coffee. tea. soda (whatever) to visit some more. Keep it small and dimple. No big investment or huge rejection.

thanks. Not sure about the nice looking guy bit.

 

[Triple Bogey]

I made her laugh today which was nice. And she asked me 'How are things ? How are you ?'
Last week I had briefly told her I was going to see the Tour De France. This week I went into more details and she said she 'had been thinking how I was getting there !'
We talked about other stuff as well. I tried to fish for information but she gives little away about her private life.
She talked a bit about my photographs so I might show her some next week.

When she walked in I felt a little feeling of butterflies in my stomach. I am attracted to her as well, physically which hasn't always been there. I like her coat and her shoes.

 

[SofiasMami]

Have you ever asked this lady her name? That might be an efficient way to show some friendly interest without risking full-on rejection. I ask that sometimes of the vendors (men and women) at the farmer's market I've been going to for years purely as a way to make a friendly connection.

-Teresa

 

[Case]

Last week I had briefly told her I was going to see the Tour De France. This week I went into more details and she said she 'had been thinking how I was getting there !'

Off Topic: I saw Stage 1 of the Tour de France today ending in Harrogate, and was quite surprised and happy to see so many people show up for this opener in England. (Too bad about Cavendish, though.) I'm quite envious of you. Where do you plan on watching? I'd love to see any pics you take of the race.

Anyway, back on topic. Making her laugh is HUGE. Very nice. Keep that up. Make her want to come there because you make her feel good. I hope you can escalate this into something meaningful. But as Teresa asked, make sure you get her name if you haven't done so yet. Good luck.

 

[Triple Bogey]

Have you ever asked this lady her name? That might be an efficient way to show some friendly interest without risking full-on rejection. I ask that sometimes of the vendors (men and women) at the farmer's market I've been going to for years purely as a way to make a friendly connection.

-Teresa

Yes, she is called Allison. I never use it though. It was on a telephone bill she paid with. Well the initial was. I asked what it stood for. She knows I am called David because other customers call me that. She never uses it though.

---

Last week I had briefly told her I was going to see the Tour De France. This week I went into more details and she said she 'had been thinking how I was getting there !'

Off Topic: I saw Stage 1 of the Tour de France today ending in Harrogate, and was quite surprised and happy to see so many people show up for this opener in England. (Too bad about Cavendish, though.) I'm quite envious of you. Where do you plan on watching? I'd love to see any pics you take of the race.

Anyway, back on topic. Making her laugh is HUGE. Very nice. Keep that up. Make her want to come there because you make her feel good. I hope you can escalate this into something meaningful. But as Teresa asked, make sure you get her name if you haven't done so yet. Good luck.

I am off to Sheffield now with my camera. Any good photo's I will put on here. A once in a life time trip ! I couldn't believe it when we got 2 stages in our county !

 

[Case]

I am off to Sheffield now with my camera. Any good photo's I will put on here. A once in a life time trip ! I couldn't believe it when we got 2 stages in our county !

Looking forward to it. Once again, the crowds came out in force. Wonderful to see.

 

[Triple Bogey]

I am off to Sheffield now with my camera. Any good photo's I will put on here. A once in a life time trip ! I couldn't believe it when we got 2 stages in our county !

Looking forward to it. Once again, the crowds came out in force. Wonderful to see.

It was fantastic, so exciting. I waited 6 hours and the moment when they rode past was amazing !

I have been thinking about it since it got announced. I had one chance to get in the right place. And getting there was a problem. It was a 14 hour day for me. But I'm not complaining. I picked a great spot to view it and my day was brilliant !

Will post the photo's tomorrow !

Gave me goose bumps !

I took loads of photo's and I think some are pretty good. I wanted to take at least one good one. Something to look back on !

 

[SofiasMami]

Sounds exciting, definitely a once in a lifetime event!

-Teresa

 

[Triple Bogey]

the thing with the woman customer is as dead as dead.
What a load of crap. Move on.

 

[beautiful loser]

Care to elaborate, Bogey? As sad as this sounds, this is one of the few threads I look forward to reading in hopes something good comes out of it.

 

[Case]

What do you mean by "a load of crap?" Did something happen?

 

[Triple Bogey]

well after last week when I told her about going to watch the tour de france and my photographs I had quite high hopes. She seemed interested.
I thought she would mention it eg 'How did it go ?' - a few other customers did.
So I took 2 photographs with me to work with intention of showing them to her.

She came in at the normal time, walked round the shop, didn't make eye contact as normal.
There was someone else on the till with me. I got some old fart who was rude and ******* deaf and looked at me funny.
The woman went to the other cashier. She was only stood 2 feet away though. I looked over and she said 'hi' but that was it. I kept glancing over but she never did.
She didn't ask me anything or show any interest.

Another thing I noticed today was a ring on her finger. Pretty sure it's her wedding finger. I am positive it wasn't there before. Maybe she got married ?
I know she doesn't give a **** about me.

Compare this to the customers who are really nice to me. Most are women as well. I shouldn't waste my time with this one because she isn't interested. Simple as that !

 

[ringwood]

well after last week when I told her about going to watch the tour de france and my photographs I had quite high hopes. She seemed interested.
I thought she would mention it eg 'How did it go ?' - a few other customers did.
So I took 2 photographs with me to work with intention of showing them to her.

She came in at the normal time, walked round the shop, didn't make eye contact as normal.
There was someone else on the till with me. I got some old fart who was rude and ******* deaf and looked at me funny.
The woman went to the other cashier. She was only stood 2 feet away though. I looked over and she said 'hi' but that was it. I kept glancing over but she never did.
She didn't ask me anything or show any interest.

Another thing I noticed today was a ring on her finger. Pretty sure it's her wedding finger. I am positive it wasn't there before. Maybe she got married ?
I know she doesn't give a **** about me.

Compare this to the customers who are really nice to me. Most are women as well. I shouldn't waste my time with this one because she isn't interested. Simple as that !

Oh boy...TripleB, I swear one of your biggest problems is assuming things and taking them personally. Let's look at the above statements in a rational light, without assuming that they are related to you in any way.

#1 - "She came in at the normal time, walked round the shop, didn't make eye contact as normal.... I looked over and she said 'hi' but that was it. I kept glancing over but she never did. She didn't ask me anything or show any interest."

Maybe she was having a **** day. Maybe she woke up in a bugger of a mood, and the last thing on her mind was chit-chat. Maybe she had a bad headache, maybe she was feeling anxious about something, maybe her dog got into her chocolate stash at home and she needed to rush him to the vet, maybe a bunch of jerks were out partying next door the night before and she got no sleep, maybe she simply had something else on her mind...Get it? The fact that she did not talk to you or seem her usual self DOES NOT mean that she doesn't like you. Until she comes up and says, "I don't like you," you will never know the truth. Stop assuming that everything in a person's behavior is a reflection on you - it isn't.

#2 - "Another thing I noticed today was a ring on her finger. Pretty sure it's her wedding finger. I am positive it wasn't there before. Maybe she got married?"

'Pretty sure it's her wedding finger' - it either is, or it isn't. And if it is, don't automatically assume that the person wearing the ring is married or taken. That's like assuming that a person NOT wearing a ring is single. Haha, not the case. Maybe she was out shopping in one of those lovely street markets you Brits have other there, spotted this fantastic ring she just had to have, and is now strutting about town showing it off.

#3 - I know she doesn't give a **** about me.

OK - pop quiz. Let's see if you have been paying attention.

The above statement is:
a) The ultimate absolute truth.
b) Uhhhh...What?
c) An assumption.
d) Excuse me, can I go to the washroom?

If you picked the letter C, you are correct! Gold Star for you.
Now...make any more of those and I will be coming round and doing this:
:club:

Class dismissed.

 

[Triple Bogey]

well after last week when I told her about going to watch the tour de france and my photographs I had quite high hopes. She seemed interested.
I thought she would mention it eg 'How did it go ?' - a few other customers did.
So I took 2 photographs with me to work with intention of showing them to her.

She came in at the normal time, walked round the shop, didn't make eye contact as normal.
There was someone else on the till with me. I got some old fart who was rude and ******* deaf and looked at me funny.
The woman went to the other cashier. She was only stood 2 feet away though. I looked over and she said 'hi' but that was it. I kept glancing over but she never did.
She didn't ask me anything or show any interest.

Another thing I noticed today was a ring on her finger. Pretty sure it's her wedding finger. I am positive it wasn't there before. Maybe she got married ?
I know she doesn't give a **** about me.

Compare this to the customers who are really nice to me. Most are women as well. I shouldn't waste my time with this one because she isn't interested. Simple as that !

Oh boy...TripleB, I swear one of your biggest problems is assuming things and taking them personally. Let's look at the above statements in a rational light, without assuming that they are related to you in any way.

#1 - "She came in at the normal time, walked round the shop, didn't make eye contact as normal.... I looked over and she said 'hi' but that was it. I kept glancing over but she never did. She didn't ask me anything or show any interest."

Maybe she was having a **** day. Maybe she woke up in a bugger of a mood, and the last thing on her mind was chit-chat. Maybe she had a bad headache, maybe she was feeling anxious about something, maybe her dog got into her chocolate stash at home and she needed to rush him to the vet, maybe a bunch of jerks were out partying next door the night before and she got no sleep, maybe she simply had something else on her mind...Get it? The fact that she did not talk to you or seem her usual self DOES NOT mean that she doesn't like you. Until she comes up and says, "I don't like you," you will never know the truth. Stop assuming that everything in a person's behavior is a reflection on you - it isn't.

#2 - "Another thing I noticed today was a ring on her finger. Pretty sure it's her wedding finger. I am positive it wasn't there before. Maybe she got married?"

'Pretty sure it's her wedding finger' - it either is, or it isn't. And if it is, don't automatically assume that the person wearing the ring is married or taken. That's like assuming that a person NOT wearing a ring is single. Haha, not the case. Maybe she was out shopping in one of those lovely street markets you Brits have other there, spotted this fantastic ring she just had to have, and is now strutting about town showing it off.

#3 - I know she doesn't give a **** about me.

OK - pop quiz. Let's see if you have been paying attention.

The above statement is:
a) The ultimate absolute truth.
b) Uhhhh...What?
c) An assumption.
d) Excuse me, can I go to the washroom?

If you picked the letter C, you are correct! Gold Star for you.
Now...make any more of those and I will be coming round and doing this:
:club:

Class dismissed.

aw thanks for taking the time to write all that !
It means a lot you are taking such an interest.

I respect your opinion. Maybe I am making an assumption but I am basing it on how other customers act towards me. Other women customers who show more interest and kindness. I look for body language, stuff like that. I am not saying these friendly women have a thing for me. Far from it but I think they genuinely like me and I am on their radar. The woman this thread is about - I could think she is shy or quiet but after my attempts at chatting for all these months and still she isn't like all the others, the only conclusion I can make is I am wasting my time with her.

Other women customers call me 'Dave' - I am on holiday this week, they will ask me what I did and where I went. They show an interest. This woman rarely does.

 

[ringwood]

aw thanks for taking the time to write all that !
It means a lot you are taking such an interest.

I am always around lurking, heh heh. :rolleyes2:
I am moving house (well, two households - ours and my Dad, he lives with us) - been busy, hence not posting much lately. I understand your point of view, just think that sometimes you are both not fair and too hard on yourself. I felt the need to point that out today!

Cheers, must run! Packing up my son's room while he is not here. Much easier.

 

[Triple Bogey]

aw thanks for taking the time to write all that !
It means a lot you are taking such an interest.

I am always around lurking, heh heh. :rolleyes2:
I am moving house (well, two households - ours and my Dad, he lives with us) - been busy, hence not posting much lately. I understand your point of view, just think that sometimes you are both not fair and too hard on yourself. I felt the need to point that out today!

Cheers, must run! Packing up my son's room while he is not here. Much easier.

Hope the move goes well !