How important are looks, to you ?

[beautiful loser]

Most of the people I become close to these days (as friends or as lovers) I actually have no idea what they look like until I've already decided they're beautiful.

That's a lovely sentiment painters radio!

---

I'm one of the few men that really doesn't place much emphasis on a woman's looks. In fact, the sexiest, most complete woman I ever knew was just an average looking woman, with an average figure that most guys wouldn't even give a second glance, but my god she had an amazing mind. One of the few women that could make me laugh, constantly thought outside the box and was intriguing to be around. She was ten years older than me and had a snarky, sarcastic quality that could rival any 20-something. Then, could quickly shift gears and display a wisdom beyond her years. She was absolutely amazing. I haven't seen her in nine years but still think of her, from time to time, and wonder what she might be up to.

This is a lovely story, do you think you could ever reconnect with her? If that's what you want?

---

LS, no there is way to reconnect. She lives in Canada and I tried to move up there and look for a job on a six month visitor's visa. Had several job offers but Human Resources of Canada...or whatever the hell is was called...told the companies they wouldn't allow a work permit, which I can understand. Even though I believe in "never say never" I'm sure we will never run into each other again.

 

[Regumika]

With so many single females here.... the reason why you're still single is due to the fact that there just aren't any men out there with a beautiful mind? If, a beautiful mind is all it took.

EDIT: Then, lets do a simple "tally" with just simple numbers, no specifics (no names). How many males on here do you have a crush on? That you think has a beautiful mind?

Hey Regumika

Is this directed at me?

No, not at all, there are quite a bit of single females here (that have said so publicly) who have said that they wouldn't mind finding a companion (whose physical appearance doesn't matter). If you want to participate in this tally you could, you don't have to though. I'm just trying to see if a beautiful mind really is all it took (as many of the females have claimed).

Though, I'm not surprised if the number is low (no offense to any males here, I'm a male too, I could just be speaking for myself though).

 

[Wanderer145]

I have to admit I need to be attracted to someone if I was attempting to approach them. Looks are subjective though so it works differently with different people. There are some women out there who dont think themselves to be very beautiful but some really are and they need reminding of it! In most cases they're not amazing super model looks but normal every day women. Some have really took my breath away with even not wearing make up. Course this is all based on looks at first glance and as time goes on with someone they don't really matter as much if you like the person underneath. The feeling of no matter how they look as they get older you still care for them as the person they grow into...

 

[Regumika]

I have to admit I need to be attracted to someone if I was attempting to approach them. Looks are subjective though so it works differently with different people. There are some women out there who dont think themselves to be very beautiful but some really are and they need reminding of it! In most cases they're not amazing super model looks but normal every day women. Some have really took my breath away with even not wearing make up. Course this is all based on looks at first glance and as time goes on with someone they don't really matter as much if you like the person underneath. The feeling of no matter how they look as they get older you still care for them as the person they grow into...

And just for the record, men wants to hear the same thing. So speaking as if "looks don't matter to me" really doesn't help your male partner either.

Female: How do I look?
Male: I don't really care actually, but you're beautiful anyways.
Female: Does this make me look fat?
Male: It doesn't matter to me, you're beautiful.

Is that how it's done?

 

[TheRealCallie]

With so many single females here.... the reason why you're still single is due to the fact that there just aren't any men out there with a beautiful mind? If, a beautiful mind is all it took.

EDIT: Then, lets do a simple "tally" with just simple numbers, no specifics (no names). How many males on here do you have a crush on? That you think has a beautiful mind?

Hey Regumika

Is this directed at me?

No, not at all, there are quite a bit of single females here (that have said so publicly) who have said that they wouldn't mind finding a companion (whose physical appearance doesn't matter). If you want to participate in this tally you could, you don't have to though. I'm just trying to see if a beautiful mind really is all it took (as many of the females have claimed).

Though, I'm not surprised if the number is low (no offense to any males here, I'm a male too, I could just be speaking for myself though).

Not everyone is interested or willing to be in a LDR.

I will admit there are some guys here that I would probably date....IF they lived near me. BUT, since they don't, it's irrelevant because I don't think I'm the type of person that could handle a LDR.

---

I have to admit I need to be attracted to someone if I was attempting to approach them. Looks are subjective though so it works differently with different people. There are some women out there who dont think themselves to be very beautiful but some really are and they need reminding of it! In most cases they're not amazing super model looks but normal every day women. Some have really took my breath away with even not wearing make up. Course this is all based on looks at first glance and as time goes on with someone they don't really matter as much if you like the person underneath. The feeling of no matter how they look as they get older you still care for them as the person they grow into...

And just for the record, men wants to hear the same thing. So speaking as if "looks don't matter to me" really doesn't help your male partner either.

I don't think I'm attractive and I don't want to hear that I am. I find it annoying. Yes, I will concede that other people don't have the same opinion of myself, but hearing it said by others isn't going to make me change my mind about myself. I don't think I'm ugly, but I'm also not anything special. I consider myself slightly below average.

 

[Regumika]

I will admit there are some guys here that I would probably date....IF they lived near me. BUT, since they don't, it's irrelevant because I don't think I'm the type of person that could handle a LDR.

This was all I was looking for, a crush, an interest. "some"

Anyone else? (females)

 

[Wanderer145]

I don't think I'm attractive and I don't want to hear that I am. I find it annoying. Yes, I will concede that other people don't have the same opinion of myself, but hearing it said by others isn't going to make me change my mind about myself. I don't think I'm ugly, but I'm also not anything special. I consider myself slightly below average.

You see yourself as you others see you completely differently so someone would see you as attractive to them, again on the point of subjectivity. I don't consider myself incredibly attractive in fact more average than anything else but somedays I love how I look when I see my reflection others I'm like jesus what happened to you? Even if it doesn't change your mind its good to know you're seen that way by someone else don't you think?

 

[TheRealCallie]

I don't think I'm attractive and I don't want to hear that I am. I find it annoying. Yes, I will concede that other people don't have the same opinion of myself, but hearing it said by others isn't going to make me change my mind about myself. I don't think I'm ugly, but I'm also not anything special. I consider myself slightly below average.

You see yourself as you others see you completely differently so someone would see you as attractive to them, again on the point of subjectivity. I don't consider myself incredibly attractive in fact more average than anything else but somedays I love how I look when I see my reflection others I'm like jesus what happened to you? Even if it doesn't change your mind its good to know you're seen that way by someone else don't you think?

I'm sure it makes most females feel good to hear those things, but I'm not one of those females. I don't need words. Actions have always been more important to me than words. If you're attracted to me and think I'm gorgeous or whatever, SHOW me you feel that way, don't just tell me.

 

[Regumika]

I don't think I'm attractive and I don't want to hear that I am. I find it annoying. Yes, I will concede that other people don't have the same opinion of myself, but hearing it said by others isn't going to make me change my mind about myself. I don't think I'm ugly, but I'm also not anything special. I consider myself slightly below average.

You see yourself as you others see you completely differently so someone would see you as attractive to them, again on the point of subjectivity. I don't consider myself incredibly attractive in fact more average than anything else but somedays I love how I look when I see my reflection others I'm like jesus what happened to you? Even if it doesn't change your mind its good to know you're seen that way by someone else don't you think?

I'm sure it makes most females feel good to hear those things, but I'm not one of those females. I don't need words. Actions have always been more important to me than words. If you're attracted to me and think I'm gorgeous or whatever, SHOW me you feel that way, don't just tell me.

I like the way you think. And it goes beyond just attractiveness. Appreciation? show it. Love? show it. Adoration? show it. Words are often... pretty cheap.

 

[Littlesecret]

And just for the record, men wants to hear the same thing. So speaking as if "looks don't matter to me" really doesn't help your male partner either.

Female: How do I look?
Male: I don't really care actually, but you're beautiful anyways.
Female: Does this make me look fat?
Male: It doesn't matter to me, you're beautiful.

Is that how it's done?

Looks are not my first or even second priority when finding someone. I've liked and seen people in the past that would be considered very handsome but I didn't connect with them. Not saying I've connected with everyone that by society standards are demeaned unattractive but percentage wise I have been more attracted and connected a lot better with them.

I think this is a hard question to answer for most because we all live different lives and meet potential partners differently, It just takes one time to fall for someone you weren't initially attracted but began to find their personality so engaging it made you see them in a totally different light, and it can make you change your whole philosophy on this subject.

Just like the other way round, there was this guy from university that all the girls found attractive including myself and after a few conversations with him I realised how boring I found him, like Sahara desert boring (if you catch my drift) automatic turn off.

To answer you initial question I don't know anyone well enough on here to say I have a crush but I'm definitely intrigued to find out more about them and see what develops.

 

[Wanderer145]

I'm sure it makes most females feel good to hear those things, but I'm not one of those females. I don't need words. Actions have always been more important to me than words. If you're attracted to me and think I'm gorgeous or whatever, SHOW me you feel that way, don't just tell me.

Actions speak louder than words. What's better than physically showing someone is into you! You still need one to compliment the other though. I personally like the mix.

 

[WildernessWildChild]

I'm sure it makes most females feel good to hear those things, but I'm not one of those females. I don't need words. Actions have always been more important to me than words. If you're attracted to me and think I'm gorgeous or whatever, SHOW me you feel that way, don't just tell me.

I think I understand what you mean Callie- the thought that someone's making an effort to show you how much they appreciate you in different ways can be incredibly alluring and kind of seductive. I've never been much on the flowers/wine/dinner/etc. thing (although they do have a time and place), I've always shown it in different ways like surprising them with a random trip or activity, getting a favourite piece of furniture restored, putting a stereo in a car, and other off-the-cuff kind of stuff. If a person makes the effort to show you that your presence in their life inspires them to do something beyond words then you're going to sit up and take notice.

When I see the posts on ALL regarding "...the (insert appropriate gender choice here) I've met around here aren't hot/attractive enough..." it drives me absolutely crazy. The looks fixation gets sooooo tiring- I had an acquaintance years ago who'd been a model and travelled the world doing photo shoots, magazine spreads, etc. for almost a decade If most looked at her they would consider her plain but once the makeup was on she was a whole new person. She was always amused by my lack of interest in her photos that everyone clamoured to see, I simply enjoyed being around the unique person she is who'd had experiences most could only dream about.

 

[TheRealCallie]

I'm sure it makes most females feel good to hear those things, but I'm not one of those females. I don't need words. Actions have always been more important to me than words. If you're attracted to me and think I'm gorgeous or whatever, SHOW me you feel that way, don't just tell me.

I think I understand what you mean Callie- the thought that someone's making an effort to show you how much they appreciate you in different ways can be incredibly alluring and kind of seductive. I've never been much on the flowers/wine/dinner/etc. thing (although they do have a time and place), I've always shown it in different ways like surprising them with a random trip or activity, getting a favourite piece of furniture restored, putting a stereo in a car, and other off-the-cuff kind of stuff. If a person makes the effort to show you that your presence in their life inspires them to do something beyond words then you're going to sit up and take notice.

When I see the posts on ALL regarding "...the (insert appropriate gender choice here) I've met around here aren't hot/attractive enough..." it drives me absolutely crazy. The looks fixation gets sooooo tiring- I had an acquaintance years ago who'd been a model and travelled the world doing photo shoots, magazine spreads, etc. for almost a decade If most looked at her they would consider her plain but once the makeup was on she was a whole new person. She was always amused by my lack of interest in her photos that everyone clamoured to see, I simply enjoyed being around the unique person she is who'd had experiences most could only dream about.

Another thing about me, I don't want you to BUY me things either. Find creative ways to show me, ways that don't cost money. If you DO spend money, make sure it's something you KNOW I will love. I was never really one to like getting flowers. A single rose here and there, maybe, but don't send me a dozen, that's so cliche, IMO. Or calla lilies is a good bet with me too.

I prefer actions over words because I've been lied to a lot in my life. On what I just wrote, I've also had people try to buy my love, so I'm not big on getting gifts either. So, if you do that, put a hell of a lot of thought into it.

 

[WildernessWildChild]

I was never really one to like getting flowers. A single rose here and there, maybe, but don't send me a dozen, that's so cliche, IMO. Or calla lilies is a good bet with me too.

Had to look up calla lilies- I've seen them, just didn't know the name. I'm more of a fan of tiger lilies myself, I like the 'in your face' boldness of their scent and appearance. When it comes to flowers taking the time to pick and choose in a decent shop is the only way to go....and roses are so trite.

 

[VanillaCreme]

I don't think I'm attractive and I don't want to hear that I am. I find it annoying. Yes, I will concede that other people don't have the same opinion of myself, but hearing it said by others isn't going to make me change my mind about myself. I don't think I'm ugly, but I'm also not anything special. I consider myself slightly below average.

I'd have to agree with this for myself as well. I don't want to hear it either. I know I'm not. Sure, I've had a few guys here or there think I'm pretty for whatever insane reason, but I don't think it's true. And the guy I'm with now doesn't care. I just fry him some chicken, and bake a few cakes and peach cobblers for him, and he's fine with how I look.

 

[bender22]

Would I date a girl with a great personality who I didn't find somewhat physically attractive? Probably not.
Would I date a good looking girl with an awful personality? Probably not.
Would I hook up with a good looking girl with an awful personality? Yes.
Would I hook up with a not so good looking girl with a great personality? Probably not.

Yes, looks are important to me but personality is also a big factor if I'd like to spend more than one night with the girl.

 

[ardour]

Would I hook up with a good looking girl with an awful personality? Yes.

Bender please, you're better than this.

 

[Solivagant]

I wanted to chime in but I don't have much to add that hasn't already been said, so I'm just going to echo.

Can't think of anything that's never been mentioned before except possibly seeing people do good deeds or defend someone unprompted, that'll make someone attractive to me much more attractive.

Well you posited some features as negative (of course just to you) but from what I've seen the edit those out here because they make people with those features feel bad about it. I've certainly felt bad before when someone's mentioned small breasts. Yeah it shouldn't be that big a deal but looks are one of the most sensitive subjects we have as a mass-communicating society.

I disagree. I think, subconsciously we (usually) tally up all the times we hear something we have/are is ugly. Everyone gives a ****, we just do our damned not to show it. But thank you very much for saying you like small breasts - it's not something I hear/see often(obviously because of that oft-repeated pop-standard).

On this forum there are alot of threads that are seen as degrading against woman, sometimes they seem to be pure hate. I think that because of that, we as a community are very sensitive about threads like these, as they happen alot. I personally facepalm at the overwhelming majority of the threads where people want to be respected and loved, and where being disrespectful and hateful seems to be their way to try and achieve that.

Unless they invent a device that lets you see what somebody's personality is like from 5 meters away looks will matter. (imo)

This device is called the internet

Most of the people I become close to these days (as friends or as lovers) I actually have no idea what they look like until I've already decided they're beautiful.

I've always thought that, ultimately, the mind is the sexiest organ ever. Meet someone on the same wavelength as you and....BOOM!!...mere superficial looks cease to exist.

When I see the posts on ALL regarding "...the (insert appropriate gender choice here) I've met around here aren't hot/attractive enough..." it drives me absolutely crazy. The looks fixation gets sooooo tiring-

I'm more of a fan of tiger lilies myself, I like the 'in your face' boldness of their scent and appearance. When it comes to flowers taking the time to pick and choose in a decent shop is the only way to go....and roses are so trite.

^ All of the above!

I don't think I'm attractive and I don't want to hear that I am. I find it annoying. Yes, I will concede that other people don't have the same opinion of myself, but hearing it said by others isn't going to make me change my mind about myself. I don't think I'm ugly, but I'm also not anything special. I consider myself slightly below average.

I'm sure it makes most females feel good to hear those things, but I'm not one of those females. I don't need words. Actions have always been more important to me than words. If you're attracted to me and think I'm gorgeous or whatever, SHOW me you feel that way, don't just tell me.

Another thing about me, I don't want you to BUY me things either. Find creative ways to show me, ways that don't cost money. If you DO spend money, make sure it's something you KNOW I will love. I was never really one to like getting flowers. A single rose here and there, maybe, but don't send me a dozen, that's so cliche, IMO. Or calla lilies is a good bet with me too.

I prefer actions over words because I've been lied to a lot in my life. On what I just wrote, I've also had people try to buy my love, so I'm not big on getting gifts either. So, if you do that, put a hell of a lot of thought into it.

I'd have to agree with this for myself as well. I don't want to hear it either.

^ I too agree, I feel the same way.

I've never been much on the flowers/wine/dinner/etc. thing (although they do have a time and place), I've always shown it in different ways like surprising them with a random trip or activity, getting a favourite piece of furniture restored, putting a stereo in a car, and other off-the-cuff kind of stuff.

=] I love to be shown affection in those kinds of ways, it feels more thoughtful. I'm not much one for traditional generic "romance" either.

With so many single females here.... the reason why you're still single is due to the fact that there just aren't any men out there with a beautiful mind? If, a beautiful mind is all it took.

EDIT: Then, lets do a simple "tally" with just simple numbers, no specifics (no names). How many males on here do you have a crush on? That you think has a beautiful mind?

No, not at all, there are quite a bit of single females here (that have said so publicly) who have said that they wouldn't mind finding a companion (whose physical appearance doesn't matter). If you want to participate in this tally you could, you don't have to though. I'm just trying to see if a beautiful mind really is all it took (as many of the females have claimed).

There is an amazing man here who I was attracted to before I ever knew what he looked like. That man is now my amazing boyfriend. =]

Looks are important to everybody, anyone that says otherwise is a lier.

True for you is not true for everyone. Just because you can't fathom it another way doesn't make the people who can liars.


Physical attractiveness is not important to me, it has little to no bearing on how or why I choose a partner. I'm not saying there aren't features I find more attractive than others, but the way someone looks will not make me interested in them. It just doesn't factor in.

 

[Triple Bogey]

looks can mean so many different things.
somebody can look untidy or miserable or on the other hand bright and happy.
I don't take any of notice of physical looks, not really. But the overall look of a woman is important

 

[TheSkaFish]

Looks are important to me. I like girls who are conventionally pretty, but with their own unique spin on it. There are lots of girls out there who certainly aren't ugly, but a lot of them look more or less the same. I want someone who is pretty and doesn't look like anyone else.

This is not to say that looks can make up for a lack of personality though. I'd like a unique personality as well. I want someone who will fascinate me, I want someone whose conversations will make me happy. Looks and personality to me carry equal weight. I want someone who stands out from the crowd.