How Lonely can be Good

[M_also_lonely]

Actually loneliness can be good--at least from what I've learned recently from Buddhism.  Because when a Buddhist monk practices meditation, it works best when he is alone.  Even when a Buddhist monk lives with other monks at a Monastery, they are admonished to not talk to each other. It is part of their discipline.  Because the emphasis is on self-contemplation, self-mastery.

There are even those monks who don't even live with other monks at the monastery but instead go off by themselves into the wilderness to become hermits.  So that life of Hermitage is much more harsh than residing at a monastery. But they make that decision in order to attain Nirvana, the spiritual state beyond human emotions.  Nirvana is the spiritual state beyond human emotions, so that would obviously do away with loneliness.  At that point the loneliness would be eliminated, don't you think?
So let me ask you folks--do you think that a life of Hermitage can be good for you?

It is very difficult when we are discussing on terminologies. Everyone has different ideas about a particular term, based on what they've read/heard/experienced.

It becomes a lot easier when the word itself is kept aside and the idea is discussed. 
I'll try.
Loneliness/aloneness/solitude/hermitage/seclusion...... Could lead to endless debates. 
But the root idea is in being alone. It can be pleasant or unpleasant. Depends on where the individual has reached in their journey. Social bonding is an evolution of the idea of forming groups to make survival easier.

Things change when we move beyond living for survival. The need of the other reduces. Self reliance tends to increase. 
-----------


But what should one do? 

Depends. Why did Buddha do what he did? Why do Buddhists do what Buddha did? There's a huge difference. 

Whatever Buddha said were recommendations. Based on his experiences. Whatever he did, the guide was his intelligence itself. Not out of dogma.

I mean, the entire rebellion against Vedic and Hindu culture that was created by Buddha was for the very reason that it had become dogmatic. People had stopped living like the yogis did (relying on individual's experiences and understanding), and instead started living based on what physical actions they did, without reaching an inner tendency to do so. 
That's the whole point. 

Do what Buddha did, but not because he did so, but only if and because it comes from within.

Should you try what they prescribe? Definitely. Experiment on it. But if it doesn't work out for you, you shouldn't be reluctant on rejecting it regardless of what others tell you to do. That is the way of Buddha.

---

While we're at it, how about Yoga exercises? That Yoga is another constructive way to master our emotions.

I don't think yoga is an exercise. 

There are about 200 sutras in the basic Yogic literature. Out of which, only a few (single digit number) describe physical postures.

 

[ardour]

Personally, the loneliest I've ever felt before was while I was surrounded by other people.

That is the perspective of the 'haves': those used to having people around them, to the point where it becomes like a background noise they might want to (temporarily) remove themselves from.

Real social isolation is different from alone time. People can feel "lonely" if they feel misunderstood or don't relate to those around them. This is a far cry from being a surplus, forgotten about person with no-one to reach out to or even have a simple conversation with. Long periods of that during adolescence stunt mental and social development. And chronic loneliness in adults is about as lethal as smoking. Buddhism isn't a solution for most people.

 

[August Campbell]

Ironically Buddism reminds me a lot of Kohlinar (pardon the spelling). While rewarding in some respects, well...even Spock had to admit it didn't hold all the answers (well, until they decanonize ST:TMP, but what's sacred nowadays anymore?).

Akin to Tropical's view, I think Solitude can be good. Loneliness....not very much so. Then again, as a great philosopher once stated, "Everybody dies alone". So maybe the point is moot.

Point well-taken about Spock's Kolinahr. While Kolinahr is a total purging of emotions, I remember there was another phase, a preliminary phase, in which a Vulcan still had emotions which he had to analyze and examine.  I'm trying to recall the word, but it's too difficult to recollect, because it was a Vulcan word with an unusual pronunciation.  All I remember for sure is that it began with the letter "d." Also I suspect that the written form has apostrophes due to its phonetic stops.  Cannot find the word online so I thought maybe you might know the word.

 

[August Campbell]

From my time learning about buddhism and mindfulness I think it makes you a little bit less... controlled by your emotions. And physical intimacy can come with massive suitcases of wild powerful emotions. So to master your emotions via enlightenment makes physical intimacy less of an inducement as it is for most people that are deeply connected with their emotions and thus controlled by them. I liken it to the character of Spock from star trek. No one would think of him as sad. 

Personally I think most people today could do with learning a little bit more about buddhism, mindfulness, and disassociation with their emotions.

Yes, Emily, agreed--Zen discipline is very similar to Spock's emotion control, non-attachment. It sounds that you are applying that discipline.

 

[August Campbell]

Although I can't relate to your sentiments about Buddhism, as I am completely non-religious, I think there's a good point to be made here. As many other users have said - loneliness can be an effect of being alone, but you don't have to be alone to experience it. Similarly, you can be alone and not be lonely. Personally, the loneliest I've ever felt before was while I was surrounded by other people. Sure, I was alone in the fact that I had no one to talk to, but not nearly as alone as the hermits that you speak of in your post. I also tend to enjoy being alone (as in, completely by myself), despite the loneliness that can occur as a result. 

That being said, I don't think loneliness is always a bad thing. It is something that everyone will experience at some points in their life, and is just another human emotion. It definitely has the potential to be harmful, especially if it becomes excessive and all-consuming, so much so that it interferes with your daily life (as with most other emotions). 

No matter if you're religious or not, meditation seems to be a safe way of coping with such issues. Although I haven't found much success in doing it myself, I think it is something that everyone should give a chance. Going even further than that - I imagine that religion can also help some people with these issues.

Actually many people say that Buddhism is not a religion but instead more of a philosophy because the practice is basically Atheistic .  Because when the Dalai Lama was asked "Is there a God? His answer was "It's not important whether there is a God or not--but instead in how we treat our fellow men."
Of course just like Christianity--even Buddhism has many different denominations so some of them incorporate the supernatural into the basics.  Those resulted when Buddhism spread to neighboring countries, each one of which added their own beliefs.  But at its core Buddhism is all about coping with our emotions.  And it's done by practicing meditation.

 

[August Campbell]

If you look at the movie "Woman in the Dunes," you can see the effects of solitude and isolation, as the woman lives alone in the desert and is constantly threatened by the inward flowing sand.
The cinematic use of Sand is unmistakably Zen when we look at Japanese Zen Gardens where its gravel is raked in specific patterns. As part of their training, Zen monks use a rake to create specific patterns in the gravel as an aid to meditation and development of spirituality. Gazing at the ripple patterns for a protracted period of time can gradually give meaning to one's life. And this is what we see in the film, "Woman in the Dunes."  This movie is highly recommended for those of you at this forum because it gives insight into isolation.

 

[August Campbell]

To continue my comparison of the Japanese Zen garden from my previous post, specifically the sand in those Japanese Zen gardens, the Sand Woman movie has more of an impact because of the animated nature of the sand. In order to cope with the unrelenting stresses and vicissitudes of life, we are told in Zen Buddhism to "go with the flow." Although that usually refers to the flow of Water, it could just as easily be used as an analogy to Sand with its obvious flowing quality.

 

[August Campbell]

The Sand-woman with her acceptance and resignation at the inescapability of the Sand represents Buddhist stoicism and austerity and maybe even the extreme self-denial of asceticism, as seen in the Hermits I mentioned in my introductory post. On the other hand, the man Junpei represents the Non-Buddhist with his aggressiveness. But the more he resists, the more frustration he suffers.
The point is that the lady-character is a good example showing the mental attitude of a Hermit.

 

[August Campbell]

At some points, the film becomes almost surrealistic when the camera focuses on the actual movement of the sand.  
Although many reviewers interpret that the Sand represents the pointlessness of life, I instead see the Sand as our lifelong struggle...with emotions. Life is never pointless to me. Instead it's our emotions that cause all the difficulties.

 

[August Campbell]

Now that the coronavirus has imposed the social isolation of stay-at-home restriction, it is a very opportune time to practice meditation.  It's because meditation works best when one is in your solitude.  So use the corona's social isolation to your advantage.