How to fall out of love?

[TropicalStarfish]

I don't understand the problem. You are in love with some one and you don't know if they have a girl friend or not? And, even if they didn't, it wouldn't matter because you feel you have no chance with them? Yet, you've tried to remedy the problem by not talking to them at all?

I just don't understand exactly what you mean?

There was this girl in a college chemistry class I had a huge crush on through out the whole semester. On the final day of class, after our test, I finally got the courage to ask her out or something. I was rejected pretty hard, but also very gently. I didn't take it well; but, at least I knew where I stood, in the end, and that I sort of ****** up the possibility of a friendship, by taking the rejection so hard.

It was absolutely humiliating and I was mortified for a few hours; but, I look back and, she was gorgeous, and it took guts for me to even try, lol. I was probably way out of my league; but, hey, I tried.

You can't know how the dress fits till you try it on. And if you know the dress is too expensive, try it on anyway, just to see how you look in it for a bit.

I don't see how hard it would be to be rejected by some one you are in love with, especially if you have no chance; just go up to them and say, hey would you like to go on a date with me, and then they will say no. lol.

Maybe I'm not understanding the situation.

 

[4No1]

I will add that you don't seem to know the person very well. So are you sure you're "in love" or just really interested? I've never been "in love" with someone I don't know well or had dated for a while. Sometimes it's hard to know, but maybe worth exploring before diving too deeply?

Well then, I'd say you have two choices. Get to know him better, so you can find out if it's really love....or get a new obsession. Ask him for coffee or something simple.

I know him as well as he let. We'd been friends for a few years, more than 5, than I realized I feel smth else. It was more than 5 years ago.
I'm not sure, what I really feel. Maybe it's just a good excuse not to have any relationship at all. I feel I'm a little it afraid(I was tol a few times I do maybe it's really so)
If I ask out I'd have to talk as it is otherwise we just have a friendly chat and that is all. I don't want to risk

They are hormones. You can't agree?

This one can agree ) Love is hormones, can't agree with "love doesn't exist. it's just hormones". What is love for you then? For me it's just a name of a feeling(and that not only humans feel), so it sounds for me like "fear doesn't exist, it's just hormones". Are you sacred of the russian women? )
I think it's not all so bad, like everybody rejects everybody. I think there are people(including me) that are not lucky or do smth wrong, or both.

Just imagine... he's your long lost brother, works every time
<...>
I have learnt to love him from a distance though and so I guess thats my advice.

It's a nice idea about a brother ) I want to moove forward, not to love from a distance

"My love is not like others. Mine is true. Others have no idea how I felt." is a general thought in most people.

If it was so how could we discuss it all? I think we all have the similar love. Please share your story.

just go up to them and say, hey would you like to go on a date with me, and then they will say no. lol.

Yeah that seems to be the only way out. I'm afraid and not sure of what exactly. We have the mutual friends, we are friends. I'm a little bit scared if our friends would know, I'm doubt he will say anyone, but what if he does. Probably I have to think what exactly I'm afraid of.
I'd prefer just to stay friends and not feel anything more, but I can't control it ) That's the problem, I think.

And I think wouldn't it be a betray of our a fiendship if I ask him? Like you have a friend, doesn't suspect smth bad, and than one day after more than 10 years of friendship that friend just come and say "would you like to date me". I think I would be scared if i had to reject a friend, I would panic.

 

[user 139760]

...time heals all wounds.
Sorta. Kind of. Half-assedly.


That being said, Russian women are hot. I'm jealous

 

[U-122]

This one can agree ) Love is hormones, can't agree with "love doesn't exist. it's just hormones". What is love for you then? For me it's just a name of a feeling(and that not only humans feel), so it sounds for me like "fear doesn't exist, it's just hormones". Are you sacred of the russian women? )
I think it's not all so bad, like everybody rejects everybody. I think there are people(including me) that are not lucky or do smth wrong, or both.

For me love doesn't exist. It's convenience. And it's extremely rare now that such convenience is forever. It's not even permanent. When two humans or animals connect with each other, especially where i am now, it's mostly because they like each other but also for convenience. Nobody just simply exists here. From what i read many other experienced men say the same, so it's not just my opinion. I personally never had it, as much as i tried to give. Hormones, brain chemistry is the simplest easiest explanation. Fear is not so much for convenience lol. Also hormones. I fear only two things in my life: women and tomorrow. All women, not just russian.

 

[U-122]

...time heals all wounds.
Sorta. Kind of. Half-assedly.


That being said, Russian women are hot. I'm jealous

Time only removed them from my memories. Didn't heal my wounds.

So hot you can get burned if you're not careful.

 

[TropicalStarfish]

I know him as well as he let. We'd been friends for a few years, more than 5, than I realized I feel smth else. It was more than 5 years ago.
I'm not sure, what I really feel. Maybe it's just a good excuse not to have any relationship at all. I feel I'm a little it afraid(I was tol a few times I do maybe it's really so)
If I ask out I'd have to talk as it is otherwise we just have a friendly chat and that is all. I don't want to risk


This one can agree ) Love is hormones, can't agree with "love doesn't exist. it's just hormones". What is love for you then? For me it's just a name of a feeling(and that not only humans feel), so it sounds for me like "fear doesn't exist, it's just hormones". Are you sacred of the russian women? )
I think it's not all so bad, like everybody rejects everybody. I think there are people(including me) that are not lucky or do smth wrong, or both.



It's a nice idea about a brother ) I want to moove forward, not to love from a distance




If it was so how could we discuss it all? I think we all have the similar love. Please share your story.


Yeah that seems to be the only way out. I'm afraid and not sure of what exactly. We have the mutual friends, we are friends. I'm a little bit scared if our friends would know, I'm doubt he will say anyone, but what if he does. Probably I have to think what exactly I'm afraid of.
I'd prefer just to stay friends and not feel anything more, but I can't control it ) That's the problem, I think.

And I think wouldn't it be a betray of our a fiendship if I ask him? Like you have a friend, doesn't suspect smth bad, and than one day after more than 10 years of friendship that friend just come and say "would you like to date me". I think I would be scared if i had to reject a friend, I would panic.

нет, it would be anything BUT a betrayal of friendship. Friendship is about honesty and trust. So, be honest. Writing a letter might be easier, or harder, depending on the situation; but, just say it. I think that's the best thing to do, especially if it's been so long. And rejecting a friend, would also be the honest thing to do. You wouldn't want some one to date you out of guilt and bad feelings, so why would you do that to some one else?

I don't know the situation, so there is little I can say; but, if some one knew me for 10 years and confessed a deep feelings for me...
If I felt the same, it would probably be a great surprise, but, I still might take some time to think about it.
And, if I didn't feel the same, I would hope I would let them know, as gently as I could, and I would understand if they couldn't be friends anymore, or needed some time away, etc.. I'd probably feel terrible, and wish they didn't hurt; but, things like that end up resolving themselves, eventually..