How to find someone when you have a problem with everything?

[SomeoneSomewhere]

I'm not putting this in the "Relationships" section and in "Social Problems" for a reason and the reason is that I know that the problem lies within me. I just don't know how to fix it as I feel like I've either come too far with the mindset or I've built walls too high and too thick.

So I have a problem with everything. Specifically speaking, I hate how coy girls act, how they can get away with rejecting a guy for no good reason at all, how stupid, cheap-looking guys with **** for brains get chosen instead of someone with brains, etc.

As I said before, I know I'm wrong in this somewhere. I just should accept things as they are and move on but how?

 

[9006]

I'm pretty sure it's something that balances out since some guys are no better.

Is this something that's happened to you? Or are we just generalizing here? Either way I can assure you that not all girls are like this.

 

[Case]

I'm not putting this in the "Relationships" section and in "Social Problems" for a reason and the reason is that I know that the problem lies within me. I just don't know how to fix it as I feel like I've either come too far with the mindset or I've built walls too high and too thick.

So I have a problem with everything. Specifically speaking, I hate how coy girls act, how they can get away with rejecting a guy for no good reason at all, how stupid, cheap-looking guys with **** for brains get chosen instead of someone with brains, etc.

As I said before, I know I'm wrong in this somewhere. I just should accept things as they are and move on but how?

"Be the change you wish to see in the world." - NOT said by Gandhi
"If we could change ourselves, the tendencies in the world would also change. As a man changes his own nature, so does the attitude of the world change towards him. ... We need not wait to see what others do.” - Actually said by Gandhi

How do you accept things as they are and move on? Here's a short list:

1. Try never to compare yourself, your progress, your station in life, with anyone else.
2. Try never to look down on anyone else for any reason.
3. Try never to act superior to anyone else even if you think you are superior. It's an ugly trait.
4. Know that the only person you can change is you.
5. Know that people are generally good, but who get into bad habits.
6. Never let another person's bad day become your own, if you can help it.

You have control over your reactions. You can choose anger or you can choose a calmer approach. I choose to be calm, to be serene, to see life as a good thing, and to see people as good. Sometimes I am wrong about people, but when I am, I simply let those people pass by like a leaf in a river.

These may sound like high-falutin' ideas, but I actually live every one of them. I can't say that these will help you, but I can say they have made my life so much better than before.

 

[ladyforsaken]

^I like that list.

Case, I like your posts.

 

[EveWasFramed]

...I hate how coy girls act, how they can get away with rejecting a guy for no good reason at all, how stupid, cheap-looking guys with **** for brains get chosen instead of someone with brains, etc.

Just because YOU don't think they have a "good reason" doesn't mean they don't. Everyone (both men and women) is entitled to their own opinion when it comes to what they do or don't like in the opposite sex.
So yes, my suggestion is to focus on YOURSELF, rather than what others are doing.

 

[VanillaCreme]

Find someone else who has a problem with everything? At least y'all can have problems together.

 

[Rosebolt]

So I have a problem with everything. Specifically speaking, I hate how coy girls act.

So not everything at all, but more focussed on girls. I'm going to make one stream of educated guesses here.

I think you are frustrated that you are single, or perhaps frustrated/not over a previous relationship. You want to enter a relationship (again), but don't have any succes doing so. You see a pattern developing, where guys that you perceive a certain way are more succesful then you. Considering your frustration is apparently large enough to cover most of your time and life, your "problem with how girls act" becomes a "problem with everything." It's not everything at all, but it's everything that's important to you now.

Like i said, this is just me guessing and i'm probably wrong and all that. Assuming i'm right, i do have some suggestions.

Broaden your view. No, not when it comes to girls, but when it comes to life in general. Focus more on the hobbies you have, the friendships you have, family, etc. etc. This makes it so that the "problem with everything" becomes a smaller problem, and easier to handle after that. But making it smaller seems like a tough enough first step.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

You're assuming that women don't have the right to reject you based on what they like or don't like?

 

[SomeoneSomewhere]

You're assuming that women don't have the right to reject you based on what they like or don't like?

No, no, you guys are getting it all wrong. It isn't about me judging girls on who they should be with or who they shouldn't be. I understand that it is completely their choice.

Let's say that I don't like the way some people behave in certain situations. Like when a group of friends meet up and act all crazy, even when they know that they're bothering people. And PDA.

Let me just clear out the part about the rejection. It all boils down to the same old "good boy, bad boy" debate. I guess I'm bothered by the fact that how guys who don't care about anything (education, work, etc.) can get all that attention when a guy who's determined and focused cannot.

 

[duff]

I'm not putting this in the "Relationships" section and in "Social Problems" for a reason and the reason is that I know that the problem lies within me. I just don't know how to fix it as I feel like I've either come too far with the mindset or I've built walls too high and too thick.

So I have a problem with everything. Specifically speaking, I hate how coy girls act, how they can get away with rejecting a guy for no good reason at all, how stupid, cheap-looking guys with **** for brains get chosen instead of someone with brains, etc.

As I said before, I know I'm wrong in this somewhere. I just should accept things as they are and move on but how?

acceptance comes in time. You can either become a bitter, cynical person full of hatred or just accept things as they are.

I've gone past the wondering 'why'

I remember when I was 16 or 17, most of the lads in my class at school started dating or met women at disco's or were 'liked' by women. I wasn't.

I remember playing in this football team. I was the only one who was single. They all had girlfriends or wives.

I remember playing in this four ball at golf when I was in my 30's. They all had partners. They all shagged around as well. Cheating when they could. I could never get a first date.

At work there is a 80% 20% women to men split. All the men over the years, have either had affairs (the manager as been caught in his office shagging a few times), being 'fancied' by one of the women, started dating, or whatever. Within a week of starting the deputy manager had 2 women chasing after him. He never said a word in the first few weeks as well ! I'm the loser who fancies a woman and everybody thinks it's funny. I'm the bloke who isn't good enough for anyone !

But I've accepted it and don't really give a **** anymore. I don't know 'why' since I am friendly to everybody I meet. Women don't like me, no idea why.

I suggest just to 'accept' it and concentrate on what you like doing !

 

[EveWasFramed]

But I've accepted it and don't really give a **** anymore.
I suggest just to 'accept' it and concentrate on what you like doing !

^^ This is me at this point in my life.

 

[VanillaCreme]

I guess I'm bothered by the fact that how guys who don't care about anything (education, work, etc.) can get all that attention when a guy who's determined and focused cannot.

That's not always the case. However, even if it were, doesn't that just prove to you that maybe, perhaps, you should stop thinking about it so much and stop trying so hard?

 

[duff]

But I've accepted it and don't really give a **** anymore.
I suggest just to 'accept' it and concentrate on what you like doing !

^^ This is me at this point in my life.

good.

It's summer here, the sun is out and I'm enjoying it !
The last 2 summers have been horrible for me. Two different women, same outcome. I just hate feeling miserable. I hate being in a dark place all the time. I stepped back in September last year and said to myself 'enough is enough' - no more women ruining my life !

I was like every teenager when I was 16. I wanted a girlfriend. I spent the next 15 years trying. I can't tell all you good people one single decent story. It was all ****. Asking women out and getting laughed at, crushes, not having the balls (or sense) to ask a woman out because I knew they would turn me down. It was horrible. I had this experience when I was 31, something that happened at work and I ended up having to explain myself to this personnel manager. I had to defend myself because I had asked this stupid woman out and she hadn't liked it. And when I was sat there listening to this woman go on, I said to myself 'this is it. The end.' - and it was, I never bothered with women for another 10 years. I still talked to them of course but I didn't ask any out. I didn't even consider it and I got on with things and was reasonably happy. And then in October 2010 I fell for this woman at work and had 18 months or pure ****. Three different women (I dated one briefly before she lied to me !) - it was an horrible 18 months, hardly slept, hardly eat, felt horrible all the time. Anyway this year I've got back to my normal happy self.