I don't belong anywhere?

[Fragile]

Does anyone else have this constant feeling of not being welcome or not belonging in any kind of social situation with others?

For me it's just crumbles my soul, and I feel like this constantly except for when I'm alone, wich is fine in small doses.

How do I change this?

 

[Ashariel]

Yeah, I feel that way too. I deal with it by avoiding social situations (since I don't enjoy them anyway!) But some groups of people are nicer than others. Also certain activities are easier to participate in, without having to be great at socializing.

If I were to try to join some kind of group activity, I'd look for something that truly interests me, where I could enjoy the event even if I didn't really hit it off with anyone there.

 

[whispers]

Yes, i used to avoid social situations. Somehow felt like i was not welcome or not interesting to anyone. Years later...when i come in a room i lite it up, how did i acheive this ??, i realy think it is all about self esteem. I worked very hard at healing the broken parts of me. I remember having a paper in my mirror, every time i looked at myself i read it. Something like '' i am beautifull, i am special, i am unique''

When entering a room or arriving somewhere, i arm myself with a smile, and a mission....get a ginger ale. I give compliments, even to strangers, somehow it all comes together.

you are worthy of beeing part of this society, you are a very important part of this world, without you so many lives would be different. You are here, might as well enjoy it.

 

[ladyforsaken]

I feel like that a lot of times too. Sometimes too awkward that it makes me sweat.

I've learned to just try to shake it off, ignore it and just do my thing but that also means I gotta ignore and be in denial of those awkward feelings that come. I don't know. Afterwards I'd feel dumb and stupid and glad that I'm out of that situation..but I tend to avoid people most of the time to prevent this from happening. Ah what an anti-social I can be. :\

 

[fox]

Yes, I know this feeling exactly.. every place, even on the internet.

As for me, I work on it very slow.. probably it seems silly, but I try to overcome it first time in the chat room here.. just now, after a long time I go there, it begins to feel maybe every person does not actually hate me and wish I go away.(of course, maybe I am incorrect about this..)

Maybe you can try it this way? Give yourself a long time and much patience, to be around some sort of group, and maybe can slowly feel more comfortable with them.

 

[wolf359]

Have that same feeling too, it sure does make you feel lousy.
For a long time, many years, I was subjected to social situations very often, it was unavoidable at the time. It was terrible at first, sweating, anxiety. Didn't do real well either; quiet, hardly said a word.

But I did notice that after quite a while, I got alot better at talking to people and felt more comfortable. It took a long time to realize, but it was because of the frequency of having to do it that made it bearable. I guess I got kind of used to it.
It actually got easier, although
I wouldn't go so far to say as I looked forward to those situations, I didn't. I hated it. But I could get through it. Simply because of how often I had to do it.

Now that the situation I was in no longer exists, I'm back to the same old feelings of not belonging, anxiety, etc. And I avoid social situations like the plague. But if something comes up that I can't avoid (and it WILL happen, that's life), I try to draw on that experience, and it does help.
So I would say, if you do something often enough, maybe you'll get used to it.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

It's a weird feeling of being disconnected.....for the past 3-4 years
Especailly in the past year.
Somehow or another i just cant get with the mother fucken program anymore.lol

I dont have social anxiety, wanting to fit in or none of that.
I can hang out, meet people or chicks...ect
It's just everything and everybody in life looks or seem retarded to me.

I know what cuased it...
Neverless it donst help in how in the **** its going to get fix.
It's kind of like I see life through fracture mirrors with a ****** up hazed.

 

[Solitary man]

Does anyone else have this constant feeling of not being welcome or not belonging in any kind of social situation with others?

For me it's just crumbles my soul, and I feel like this constantly except for when I'm alone, wich is fine in small doses.

How do I change this?

I've always felt like an outsider and a misfit, I used to take pride in it when I was younger, but as I've got older sometimes I wish I could just fit in somewhere, but regrettably the feelings of being different and disconnected from others has just intensified.

This has led to a lot of loneliness (hence my use of this site) and isolation. I just can't seem to relate and easily connect with other people. In fact, I'm a misanthrope, as I really don't like most people.

I can't answer your question, as I don't know if a leopard can change its spots. I'm a chronic loner. I seriously wish I wasn't this way, but I feel that it's a genetically inherited personality trait, as my dad was a loner too.

Sometimes I get lonely and depressed not being a social animal, then at others I feel that this is just the way I am and this is how my life is meant to be.

Outsider, loner, misfit, recluse, reporting in for duty.

 

[passage]

I do sometimes, but I have found people who aren't really like that. Unfortunately these "kinder" people tend to have problems with substance abuse, or they probably will in the future.

 

[Callie]

I often feel like I don't belong, but I know a lot of it is in my head. Doesn't mean I can stop myself from thinking it. Unless I'm really depressed, I don't care if I "belong" or not, I go where I want and I don't really care what people think.

(Well, I do care, but I can push that aside and do it anyway, usually)

 

[hopsfox]

A leopard can change it's spots. Literally. We adapt to our environment very slowly but sometimes with speed caused by a mutation. If the change caused by the mutation is favourable to the leopard it will stay that way until new changes happen in the environment or the leopard.

We are born with traits that doesn't fit society and then it is a struggle. It is really hard to be thought of as odd, that others would dismiss you without even giving one a chance. That hurts

We may also try to adapt to our environment consciously.

This is a really good one!
"When entering a room or arriving somewhere, i arm myself with a smile, and a mission....get a ginger ale. I give compliments, even to strangers, somehow it all comes together."

It can be as other's on this forum have shown, measured too. Did I smile at someone today?

 

[5pt7art]

yea i feel the same way....just last night i was wwatching some freinds band perform...and i couldnt help but feel isolated from others i knew in the crowd.....the more i thought of it the more i realized i didnt fit in anymore like i used to so i dont know what to do

 

[Lost Soul]

Yes, all the time.

I'm trapped with a curse. A curse of misery. Everyday is the same, I rather die. It sucks, alL this time, you are hoping. You wait, like your building up a dream. Then one day, you realize, that was didn't exist In the first place.

You realize that eVerything you did was for nothing, a failure. I kept looking for a friend, someone who understands mE, someone with a good personality. Someone different from everyone else. Someone to make me happy. Someone with hove and happiness and wants to share it. The person in my dreams is only in my dreams.

All the pain and nights of crYing yourself to sleep was for nOthing. You can't fit in anywhere. YoU feel awkward all the time. Only time you feel normal, is in youR safe haven. away from everyone and everything.

There is nothing worse, then realizes years of waiting and hoping was for nothing. I see a girL who fits my type of personality, realize she judges me, and that doesn’t like me, even after just one look at me. I have no attractions, so I am nothIng. I thought there was love, I thought I did have a Future. I don't. I don't stand a chance with a girl, never have and never will. It's painful. When I see someone I like, it hurts. It bothers me. I know that I can never be with that person, and no doubt she already has a girlfriend. Most girls do, and they don't realize how lucky they are. I'd give anything to be thEm.

Everyday is the same. Even though I do different things everyday, it still feels the same. No one knows what it's like, everyday for me. No one has a clue, most don't even care. I guess that's all I have to say. If it's anything it's that. I hope someone can understand that, and maybe someday, someone would finally understand me.

Just someone misunderstood.

Bud "Aspie" Borden.

 

[Solitary man]

Yes, all the time.

I'm trapped with a curse. A curse of misery. Everyday is the same, I rather die. It sucks, alL this time, you are hoping. You wait, like your building up a dream. Then one day, you realize, that was didn't exist In the first place.

You realize that eVerything you did was for nothing, a failure. I kept looking for a friend, someone who understands mE, someone with a good personality. Someone different from everyone else. Someone to make me happy. Someone with hove and happiness and wants to share it. The person in my dreams is only in my dreams.

All the pain and nights of crYing yourself to sleep was for nOthing. You can't fit in anywhere. YoU feel awkward all the time. Only time you feel normal, is in youR safe haven. away from everyone and everything.

There is nothing worse, then realizes years of waiting and hoping was for nothing. I see a girL who fits my type of personality, realize she judges me, and that doesn’t like me, even after just one look at me. I have no attractions, so I am nothIng. I thought there was love, I thought I did have a Future. I don't. I don't stand a chance with a girl, never have and never will. It's painful. When I see someone I like, it hurts. It bothers me. I know that I can never be with that person, and no doubt she already has a girlfriend. Most girls do, and they don't realize how lucky they are. I'd give anything to be thEm.

Everyday is the same. Even though I do different things everyday, it still feels the same. No one knows what it's like, everyday for me. No one has a clue, most don't even care. I guess that's all I have to say. If it's anything it's that. I hope someone can understand that, and maybe someday, someone would finally understand me.

Just someone misunderstood.

Bud "Aspie" Borden.

I understand you. In fact I could have written what you have written myself, as my life has been very similar. I can empathise 100%. I've always felt myself to an outsider, misfit, loner and recluse. This feeling was recently compounded when I sat on the shore front and noticed that all of the people around me were with someone else ie. mostly couples. I felt different, alone, and single, which I have been for many years.

Most people find that special person, or don't and opt for anyone out of desperation; whilst others were destined to walk alone. I'm certain that I'll never find that special someone, and I don't say that out of self pity or pessimism, I'm just being realistic.

So, what can you do with your life when you feel like you're on the outside and shall forever walk alone? You try to be as happy as you possibly can be with what you have. If you have good health, take good care of it; cherish and nurture it, it could be taken from you at any moment. If you have an appreciation of music/film/books ...et al., immerse yourself in those passions.

I try to exercise regularly (not near as often as I should), and enjoy the beautiful natural environment where I live. I am probably the most anti-social loner on the planet. Meeting and socialising with people goes so hard against the grain of my nature that I am very rarely capable of it. I'be been alone for 16 years, and I don't see that coming to an end.

The trick is to keep your head above water, try to prevent yourself from becoming depressed, and try to keep up your spirits and self-esteem. My appreciation of comedy helps me out here, and sometimes I laugh at myself and how ridiculous I have become.

Hang in there, who knows, maybe some day things shall change when you are least expecting it.

 

[sicaKAWAII]

It's just like me too. I never fit in, and I always feel like I'm an outcast. That's why I would never join a group gathering or something like that since it makes me feel small and pitiful. Ironic that being with other people makes me lonely while being alone with myself does not. Pathetic, isn't it?

I haven't been able to come around in this situation myself so I can't give you any advice except that there's always God who loves us.

 

[Lost Soul]

It's just like me too. I never fit in, and I always feel like I'm an outcast. That's why I would never join a group gathering or something like that since it makes me feel small and pitiful. Ironic that being with other people makes me lonely while being alone with myself does not. Pathetic, isn't it?

I haven't been able to come around in this situation myself so I can't give you any advice except that there's always God who loves us.

Being around other people makes me lonely, because I know I can not relate to them, nor be accepted by them. Mostly, it's because they don't notice me, so it's like I'm there, but I'm not.

"Doctor Jones, Jones, calling Doctor Jones, Doctor Jones, Doctor Jones wake up now (wake up now)"...

 

[sicaKAWAII]

@lostSoul

ah yes, it's the reality of it. it's because I can't relate to them that I felt alienated being around with them. That makes it pretty logical why being alone is much better off. Stupid pathetic life I have.

 

[Lost Soul]

Don't feel bad. You stand a much better chance than I do! Stay strong. You have the music in you!

I have faith in you.

 

[rollingtrouble]

Yes, I definately do. It didn't used to be that way for me earlier in life, but after a bad accident nine years ago that left me in a wheelchair as a quadriplegic, I am now left with social issues. I can't go out in public without being stared at like some kinda freak. I can't do many things for myself anymore that I used to take for granted. Simple things like going out to eat and having to have someone else cut my food for me, opening doors for me, helping me navigate obsticles wheeling in public, etc. is so embarassing for me. I lost friends because I was no longer able to particpate in most activities I used to enjoy doing, and that loss of common interest and ability made the friendships grow not only far apart, but lost altogether. I feel so vulnerable, and am not physically able to defend myself personally. I can't remove myself from any dangerous or bad situations very quickly at all. So I find myself avoiding even going anywhere or meeting anyone. Even when I go out, to the store or any kind of events with people, I feel so out of place and stick out like a sore thumb. People stare, and I hate that so bad. I don't fit in anymore anywhere, I am a stranger inside my broken unresponsive body that does not move or feel anymore. I am truly an outcast, a prisoner condemmed for life in this broken body with no chance of parole, no pardon, no chance of escape.

 

[sicaKAWAII]

Don't feel bad. You stand a much better chance than I do! Stay strong. You have the music in you!

I have faith in you.

Nah, why would you say that? I'm hopeless, I know it. How about you? I wasn't able to make certain of this but are you in the same situation as I have?