I don't know what is wrong with me

[anil_zx3]

I'm 25 and have never had a real girlfriend in my life. seems the only girls who will talk to me are the ones that already have boyfriends. this aggravates me because it seems no girls are otherwise interested in me.
whenever i see people together or someone starts to say something about me not having a girlfriend i start to have this heavy pains in my chest.
i don't know why it hurts so much.
Am i going to have a heat attack down the road. I know in decent shape even thou i have stopped working out for a long time now. i have lost my motivation to work out because if i'm in shape with a six pack, benching almost twice my weight and able to run 8 kilometers in about 32 minutes and still no one finds me attractive then i'm wasting my time. theres something else wrong with me.
Its seems to be getting worse as the years go by. There are people around me who claim to be my friends but it seems like they are only there because they feel sorry for me. Honestly I don't feel there is anyone out there for me. or i will ever find anyone. if i was going to find anyone i would have found someone in college. seems like life is over now. wasted 3 years of my life for nothing. i would have been better off being shot at in Afghanistan.


is there any medication i can take to suppress this feeling when i cant handle it. i don't like to be medicated but it seems like i have episodes that come and go.

I find that i am trigged by my environment and just have trouble controlling how I feel.

one thing that bothers me is when i find people making public scene of affection. i tell them to get a room just loud enough that they hear me as i walk by. i hate having to see it. and i hate being rude but it bothers me to see it.

i don't think i am able to function in society at times and i find myself putting myself in harms way but don't care about myself anymore.

i was diagnosed with an adjustment disorder recently and told to see my family doctor. but i didn't want to me medicated. they didn't really find anything wrong with me in the hospital. i would refuse to take medication by convincing the nurses that i didn't need any. I believe that taking something for the rest of my life will just make me Dependant and make the pharmaceutical rich. that wouldn't make me happy. i did however eventually agree to take something but then quit taking it because it was giving me headaches. I knew they were only mental headaches because i would only get the headaches when i was at rest not thinking about anything. when i was occupied i was fine. I didn't like the way it was messing with my head.


what do you think is wrong with me. i'm trying to figure out my issues.

 

[Brian]

The chest pain isn't just you. This happens to a lot of people including myself during deep depression, anxiety, and yeah, when my parents ask me if I have a girlfriend yet. No, dad, I don't. I've been unable to interest anyone for the past 5 years since striking out in to the world...it's not changing any time soon no matter how hard I try. I'm boring and ugly.

Some day I'll actually say that to him and we'll see what he thinks then. Maybe they'll stop asking.


I don't know what the actual physiological cause is. But I will say that people with anxiety and depression issues (us) have a significantly higher risk of heart problems. Hopefully our being in shape will counter that.


Then again, I -could- use the sleep...

 

[anil_zx3]

maybe i should take up smoking. i found it was easier to talk to girls who smoke. only problem is you don't smoke so you don't have that in common. so much for trying to pick up girls who smoke. seems they go for guys who smoke too. i cant stand smoke but i cant stand these episodes either. supposedly smoking saves as many people as it kills.

I think i was on wellbutrin at one time. I think it was a stop smoking aid as well. stupid psychiatrist didn't believe me when I said i didn't smoke or do drugs and made me get a blood test. doctors are *******.

 

[Danielle]

yeah... i think taking up smoking is a fantastic idea.

no.. seriously, you are suffering from anxiety and depression, and you feel jaded. I don't think you are "destined" to have a heart attack... but you could def. try to lessen your stress levels... get back into working out and such.

As far as the finding a girl thing... it will happen when you least expect it, and when it is supposed to. There is nothing wrong with you... hang in there... someone special will come along.

You could try to breathing techniques for the anxiety you feel, deep belly breaths, and trying to visualize a comfort spot in your mind when you feel the tightness in your chest.. or when you feel like shouting out at couples expressing PDA's. If you think this is totally lame... call your Dr. and see what they have to offer.

take care.

 

[Brian]

If you want to smoke to have something in common with a woman, you could try cigars. I don't drink, do drugs, or smoke cigarettes, but I have a cigar on a rare occasion.

They're different (you don't see a cigar smoker every day), they're actually pretty tasty (I DONT mean the crappy Swisher Sweets, either ), and you don't inhale them so you don't crud up your lungs.

You do increase your risk of mouth/throat cancer, but honestly I don't think having one every few weeks or months is that significant, especially compared to the other crap I'm exposed to and immersed in. Not sure how it would fit in for you but it's something to think about.



Back to anxiety and chest pain and jadedness, I've noticed that aside from depression I have some anger problems too sometimes that make me feel really tense. Like at work tonight the vacuum kept hanging up on desk corners and it wouldn't pull to me as easily as I would have liked. I got pretty flustered and was thinking a LOT of negative thoughts about -everything-, and eventually I kicked the vacuum across the room with my boot and tossed two chairs out of my way when I could have just calmly moved them.

I think part of it is being alone at work so much I have time to brood over my frustrations and all the types of people I can't stand; incidentally most of those people are young, so being at a school exacerbates my rage.

 

[Haz]

I know that feeling all too well.

I do feel that one has to learn to work on such insecurities and loving themselves a little more before reaching out to someone to take them to the next level, otherwise they will be your only crutch and if things sour.... you will be left absolutely crushed.

Just relax... I learnt to appreciate my solitude instead of fearing it. All kinds of different pressures come with relationships, you will forever have your hand in your wallet for one

 

[theunfeelingsoul]

i had the same predicament a while back. when i realised that having a girlfriend is not what i wanted. cause i had issues with them and issues without them...

i found out that i like gilrs cause thjey listen and often i pour out my heart to the when i have personal issues. so what i neded wasnt a girlfriend, but a really good friend who is a girl. good, important friendship is way more better tha going out with someone. because in friendship there is a feeling of respect, admiration and meaningfulness. a realationship will be good for a few monthes ten you start fighting cause someone dosent respect the other.

build friendship relationships instead of girlfriends...that way if you two end up togethjer it will be because of somthing deep, nt an infatuation

 

[anil_zx3]

I know that feeling all too well.

I do feel that one has to learn to work on such insecurities and loving themselves a little more before reaching out to someone to take them to the next level, otherwise they will be your only crutch and if things sour.... you will be left absolutely crushed.

Just relax... I learnt to appreciate my solitude instead of fearing it. All kinds of different pressures come with relationships, you will forever have your hand in your wallet for one

all the female friends i had have always drained the wallet anyway. form all i have heard from other old guys is thats how all women are anyway.

i don't think i need a girlfriend. i only feel this way when i'm exposed to too more than i can handle like going to too many movies that are packed with couples. its just hard for me to see some things around me.

---

If you want to smoke to have something in common with a woman, you could try cigars. I don't drink, do drugs, or smoke cigarettes, but I have a cigar on a rare occasion.

They're different (you don't see a cigar smoker every day), they're actually pretty tasty (I DONT mean the crappy Swisher Sweets, either ), and you don't inhale them so you don't crud up your lungs.

You do increase your risk of mouth/throat cancer, but honestly I don't think having one every few weeks or months is that significant, especially compared to the other crap I'm exposed to and immersed in. Not sure how it would fit in for you but it's something to think about.



Back to anxiety and chest pain and jadedness, I've noticed that aside from depression I have some anger problems too sometimes that make me feel really tense. Like at work tonight the vacuum kept hanging up on desk corners and it wouldn't pull to me as easily as I would have liked. I got pretty flustered and was thinking a LOT of negative thoughts about -everything-, and eventually I kicked the vacuum across the room with my boot and tossed two chairs out of my way when I could have just calmly moved them.

I think part of it is being alone at work so much I have time to brood over my frustrations and all the types of people I can't stand; incidentally most of those people are young, so being at a school exacerbates my rage.

when i worked a midnight job as a building operator in a residential apartment i would daily get pissed ans smash stuff. that job gave me nightmares. every time that phone rand i would have a heart attack.

 

[Haz]

Well, I used to not be able to bear being around couples and what not. It's never nice to feel like a third of fifth wheel.

Still, keep in mind that familiarity is key to overcome your troubles. If you hang around them enough you'll notice couples arguing and fighting all the time, and how mundane their situation really can be. Having no attachments can most certainly have its benefits, even if you do miss out on some lovin'. It will come though.

 

[anil_zx3]

Well, I used to not be able to bear being around couples and what not. It's never nice to feel like a third of fifth wheel.

Still, keep in mind that familiarity is key to overcome your troubles. If you hang around them enough you'll notice couples arguing and fighting all the time, and how mundane their situation really can be. Having no attachments can most certainly have its benefits, even if you do miss out on some lovin'. It will come though.

i cant stand that either. i grew up listening to my parents bitch and complain about stupid ****. i cant deal with others either.

 

[Luna]

I feel a sharp pain in the chest when I see people having fun together.
It doesn't even have to be couples; just people around my age together laughing or going to the movies is enough to make me feel a loss.

I wish I could help you somehow - but I don't know how and if so, what way I could...
If there is a way, then please let me know...

I'm going through it too, and what I try to do is keep myself busy.
It doesn't lessen the pain (for me at least), but my hobbies serve as a good distraction, otherwise I would be sleeping and moping around the house all day.

Please don't put yourself in harms way...you don't deserve that.
Just take care of yourself; a lot of people are struggling with that too.
But hey, we're all in this together...

*hug*

 

[ofmelancholy]

probably the urge that makes you ask whats wrong with you