I dread the thought of growing up.

[msanonymous94]

I'm here cause I have more reasons that I'm lonely and its embarrassing to admit. 

First off, I'm the single one out of the group. All of my friends are married and have kids and they're younger than me. I am for one, impeccable of love. Next off, its frustrating most days that seeing my grandpa bedridden till there's sad vibes developed in there. Then, worst off, the family in my home makes the loneliness even worse. I have communication issues with my family. I don't really have that intimate personal communication with them even with my grandpa and I have been only wishing I can make memories with him before he's gone cause my grandpa is freaking 93 years old and at his near death experiences. 

I dread the thought of growing up. I don't want to face pain. I don't want to face the death of my grandpa, I don't want to be forever alone when currently- I haven't had any experiences of dating anybody and I'm turning 26 freaking next week. My family has been so strict on me that I've become career-minded instead and does not have any mindset to be in a relationship. 

I feel lonely and I don't know what I want or how to seek help from this. I'm here in hopes, I get better understanding instead of..

"I'm sorry you're going through this trauma." 

I'm sick of all those sorry's, I've been lonely so much that I even accept living for myself instead of living things cause they're sooo bloody temporary. Even this is a struggle to get out of loneliness. Yes, I have anxiety and depression.

 

[MissBehave]

A lot don't know what they want to do with their life at all until way way older. Some never find out for a lot of reasons.
Is there a way for you to get a break from your family? Either detach a bit from them or go somewhere so you can start the process of listening to yourself rather than the opinions of others. It sucks that the growth we can achieve isn't a instant push button. It would make a lot of things easier. Instead the right time mixed with the right/wrong experiences is needed to unlock it. I think that putting yourself first can help a bit.

Welcome btw. *hug*

 

[constant stranger]

I'm taking it that you live with your family? If you do, I think that makes growing up much, much more difficult. In fact I think it's essential that making your own home is essential for growing up.
Moving out (and everything that goes along with that) will probably increase your stress levels......short term anyway, but it's probably worth it.
I notice that you say "...the family in my home makes the loneliness even worse." That statement speaks volumes.....

At 26, if it were me, I wouldn't want to postpone growing up any longer. Time is not on your side.

 

[Sir Joseph]

Msanomynous94, you may or may not appreciate my Christian perspective, but I'll give you a response that's more than sympathetic I'm sorries - an answer that is entirely applicable to your troubling issues.

First, you should recognize that some of your stated worries are not current issues of growing up, but future issues of growing old.  I too see the degrading condition of my 91 year old dad and others who struggle with failing, frail bodies.  And as an aging man myself who's already become half of what I used to be in looks and abilities, I understand the fear of growing old and decrepit.  However, you're far too young to let such thoughts of future concerns weigh you down now.  Is it rational to deprive yourself of the abundant blessings you have now with youth for a fear that the good times will end somewhere down the road?  Would you not enjoy a meal or a fun event because you knew that it would eventually end?  I don't think so.  It's reasonable to observe and ponder the implications of growing old as you're doing with your grandfather, but you mustn't allow that to unnecessarily deprive you of your youth.  So maybe you will face 10-20 tough years when you grow old, but you should have 40-60 good years to live first.  They warrant your attention now more than aging worries for the future.  That's a secular response that should sound agreeable, but it's not the most important issue in my view. Nor does it offer a complete answer to your multiple feelings of anxiety, depression, and loneliness.

My faith as a Christian is the ONLY thing that's allowed me to face the depressing prospect of growing old and dying.  I honestly don't see how others, like my own atheist parents, face life and death without it, though it's got to be a tragic and sad affair.  I take real comfort though in knowing that this life is just a short, temporary trial run for the real life that's to come.  Our 80-100 years here may seem like everything to a non-believer, but a Christian knows that it pales in comparison to the eternal glory that lies ahead.  You see, I don't just believe this based upon a blind faith.  I know beyond a reasonable doubt, based upon the historical, scientific, prophetic, and textual criticism evidence, that the Christian faith is true, and that the witnessed death and resurrection of Jesus is my assurance of having the same destiny - a new body in a new world for an eternal life that's too wonderful to imagine.

As a Christian, I know who I am, where I come from, what my purpose in life is, and what my eventual future is.  It's a comforting position to be in and helps me deal with lifes challenges, deficiencies, worries, and relationships.  It hasn't prevented me from having to face my own lifelong singleness and loneliness, but it sure has made me see the big picture of all that matters, and helped me to focus outwards rather than inwards.  If you don't have this, you need it.  It will help suppress your worries about growing old, will help you appreciate your youth and blessings now, and will give you a worthy passion and purpose for making your life count.   To that goal, here's a good sermon that's worth your time if you're interested.
   
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[Zelazek]

MsAnonymous94. Okay, no sorrys. Practical advice only.

You say you don't know what you want. Okay, ask yourself a series of questions. Do you enjoy the job you are in at the moment? You say you are career-minded. Is it a career you are passionately interested in? If so, great. That is a big part of being happy in life. But it doesn't sound like it to me. Consider changing it. Even if you ultimately decide to stay in the job because it's not that awful and the money is pretty good, at least you are staying in the job because of a considered decision. You are taking control and not aimlessly drifting.

But you might reply by saying you don't know how to find out what you want. The golden rule here is to follow your passion. You must have an idea about what kind of work makes you happy. And if you really don't, then ask yourself this: Do I like using my brain or do I prefer physical activity? Do I like monotonous, simple, repetitive work or do I prefer solving problems? Do I like working with people or do I prefer working alone? Do I like being inside or do I prefer being outside? If you have clear answers to any of those questions, then you will have some idea of what areas you might want to go into.

You must have some interests and hobbies. Throw yourself into those. Become an expert in something. Nothing gives you greater confidence than becoming very good at or knowledgeable about something. Have you ever thought about writing a family history, for example? Ask your grandfather about his earliest memories. Write them down or record your interviews with him so you don't forget. Do the same with your parents and with your extended family. Become known as the family historian. You will gain some respect within the family, acquire status and prestige, and your confidence will grow. The more confident you are, the more attractive and popular you will become because people are attracted to the self-assured, not to desponds. Your self-absorption and depression will melt away without you even noticing. One day you will wake up and realise you are happy.

 

[msanonymous94]

I'm taking it that you live with your family?  If you do, I think that makes growing up much, much more difficult.  In fact I think it's essential that making your own home is essential for growing up.
Moving out (and everything that goes along with that) will probably increase your stress levels......short term anyway, but it's probably worth it.
I notice that you say "...the family in my home makes the loneliness even worse."  That statement speaks volumes.....

At 26, if it were me, I wouldn't want to postpone growing up any longer.  Time is not on your side.

Thanks. In my culture, every single matured adult still have to adapt in living with their parents till their 35 years old and this is why everyone married young. But I like it when you say "stress levels is short term anyway," I can take that when my mental health is prepared for the right secure full time job.

---

First, you should recognise that some of your stated worries are not current issues of growing up, but future issues of growing old.  I too see the degrading condition of my 91 year old dad and others who struggle with failing, frail bodies. And as an aging man myself who's already become half of what I used to be in looks and abilities, I understand the fear of growing old and decrepit.  However, you're far too young to let such thoughts of future concerns weigh you down now.  Is it rational to deprive yourself of the abundant blessings you have now with youth for a fear that the good times will end somewhere down the road?  Would you not enjoy a meal or a fun event because you knew that it would eventually end?  I don't think so.  It's reasonable to observe and ponder the implications of growing old as you're doing with your grandfather, but you mustn't allow that to unnecessarily deprive you of your youth.  So maybe you will face 10-20 tough years when you grow old, but you should have 40-60 good years to live first.  They warrant your attention now more than aging worries for the future.  That's a secular response that should sound agreeable, but it's not the most important issue in my view. Nor does it offer a complete answer to your multiple feelings of anxiety, depression, and loneliness.

I love the ones stated in bold! I love it so much! It calms me down. Thanks. 

---

MsAnonymous94. Okay, no sorrys. Practical advice only.

You say you don't know what you want. Okay, ask yourself a series of questions. 

Thanks but I don't mean not knowing what I want in that sense. I meant for myself, I don't know how do I heal from loneliness. I'd still be lonely despite me socialising or having good times.

 

[msanonymous94]

A lot don't know what they want to do with their life at all until way way older. Some never find out for a lot of reasons.
Is there a way for you to get a break from your family? Either detach a bit from them or go somewhere so you can start the process of listening to yourself rather than the opinions of others. It sucks that the growth we can achieve isn't a instant push button. It would make a lot of things easier. Instead the right time mixed with the right/wrong experiences is needed to unlock it. I think that putting yourself first can help a bit.

Welcome btw. *hug*

Thanks for the welcome
One of the good things about the covid-19 situation, I'm quite happy that I get a break from all the family gatherings, but I'm currently waiting for the lockdown to be over - just stress me out that I can't get out of the house a lot.

 

[ziggyldn]

A lot don't know what they want to do with their life at all until way way older. Some never find out for a lot of reasons.
Is there a way for you to get a break from your family? Either detach a bit from them or go somewhere so you can start the process of listening to yourself rather than the opinions of others. It sucks that the growth we can achieve isn't a instant push button. It would make a lot of things easier. Instead the right time mixed with the right/wrong experiences is needed to unlock it. I think that putting yourself first can help a bit.

Welcome btw. *hug*

Thanks for the welcome
One of the good things about the covid-19 situation, I'm quite happy that I get a break from all the family gatherings, but I'm currently waiting for the lockdown to be over - just stress me out that I can't get out of the house a lot.

I'm 29 and have never dated (and don't have any friends either). Moving out of the family home is easier said than done. I live in London so unless you want to rent forever, you need to just stay at home and save up. Kind of annoying though when you see everyone else your age with their own space and identity. Everything in my house is what my parent chose so it doesn't even feel like me. I don't even know what me is.

I don't know where you live, but in England anyway you can now go out as much as you like for exercise, sunbathing or picnics (really?!). But it's still only in household groups.

What are the restrictions where you are?

 

[Sir Joseph]

msanomynous94, I appreciate your positive response and am glad you found some value in what I said.  Now, here's a non-religious followup to ponder.

If freedom and independence is what you want, as it should be at your age, you could achieve it much sooner and easier by leaving your extraordinarily high priced environment.  So first, look for job pursuits outside of London.  If that doesn't work for you in the year ahead once businesses reopen and life resumes normalcy, you might consider a more adventurous option - moving overseas.

With just a few months of savings to live on initially, you could get started in several different countries pursuing a number of different job options.  The first, easiest, and most obvious is teaching English.  You'd take one of the two foreign English teaching courses and be certified in a short time.  I've known several expats doing this; it's not a great career path for permanent financial success, but it's a worthwhile and interesting venture that would get you out in the world on your own, allow you to save a bit of money, and lead to other opportunities.  What other opportunities?  There's hundreds of thousands of them; look on-line and start researching the companies hiring overseas foreign workers.  Most want specialized education, skills, or training, but that's something you can pursue once you find what interests you.  Point is, your current trapped situation at home in London needn't be your world of opportunity.  Take advantage of this lockdown era to do some productive web research on career prospects.  Then, start making a plan to exit your situation by next year.  Staying at home should not be your default plan.  You can do better. 

 

[Tapioca]

Hi welcome! Reading your post what I first thought is that moving out is good first step since it's affecting you in a bad way. Second thought was that I get how frustrating it is to want to make good memories with someone but it's hard because things are not sailing smoothly in between you two and you can try but sometimes it doesn't work like that. You can put so much in trying and it might not work and I think it's unfair that you carry all the weight of this kind of family dynamics. I hope that made sense. Correct me if I am wrong on this: but I feel like I get your fear of growing up. For me it's this fear to loss more time, memories to be made, and life experiences that everyone seems to live at my age. It's like I've lost so much, keep losing, and seems like it'll be like that. That's my fear of growing up, it's as if our time is NOW and its happening as we speak and it feels like it's almost over and I haven't even been able to be part of one small part of it. So my advice is there's a need to make peace for what has been lost and slowly give yourself the opportunity to live life at your pace. I think that coming to terms is a first step in that matter. It's easier said than done and pretty much trial, error, trial, error. I find that keeping a journal has helped me see where I am hurting. I do it as if I were sending letters to my old self and sometimes God. I think it helps if you aren't accustomed and it helps if you feel awkward about it.