I feel uninteresting to women

[Batman55]

And Underdog, my little canine wolf-wannnabe - you are still a virgin, if your posts are true. And a male virgin I once knew, who made exactly these kinds of comments, was a parasitic little twit whose whole reason for living was to make himself feel better about his life by making multiple stupid asides when the world could see that his life was an enormous stinking garbage truck of sour grapes. But the fact that you are on this forum for the lonely gives me the hope that you are, in fact, out for something better than that little *** was. ...

How would you define a life that is "an enormous stinking garbage truck of sour grapes..."?

I'm not taking sides with anyone here, I just want your definition of it. However, I'm hoping this particular male virgin you're talking about is not just some "average unlucky loser" who became naturally bitter after a while, but someone who actually may deserve this unpleasant description you've written above.

 

[TheSkaFish]

And Underdog, my little canine wolf-wannnabe - you are still a virgin, if your posts are true. And a male virgin I once knew, who made exactly these kinds of comments, was a parasitic little twit whose whole reason for living was to make himself feel better about his life by making multiple stupid asides when the world could see that his life was an enormous stinking garbage truck of sour grapes. But the fact that you are on this forum for the lonely gives me the hope that you are, in fact, out for something better than that little *** was. ...

How would you define a life that is "an enormous stinking garbage truck of sour grapes..."?

I'm not taking sides with anyone here, I just want your definition of it. However, I'm hoping this particular male virgin you're talking about is not just some "average unlucky loser" who became naturally bitter after a while, but someone who actually may deserve this unpleasant description you've written above.

The problem with people like that is the cyclical nature of their lives. Guy gets rejected. Guy becomes bitter. Guy's bitterness causes him to feel it's hopeless so he stops trying to improve himself and becomes uninteresting. Guy's bitterness also causes him to constantly complain. The combination of bitterness and complaining causes him to be a turnoff to women, who reject him. He doesn't see why, and thinks he's just unlucky so he doesn't change anything. And the cycle continues....

 

[Batman55]

Let's hear Jags take on it

 

[TheSkaFish]

Let's hear Jags take on it

I know, sorry. This is just something I think about a lot, and really try to comprehend to the fullest.

 

[jaguarundi]

I think you will find that I was talking about someone I knew, and that I had hopes that The Underdog was not in fact, a complete little **** like that, but had some hope. I haven't read all his posts, but I'm sure they continue to be most enlightening.

 

[The Underdog]

How would you define a life that is "an enormous stinking garbage truck of sour grapes..."?

I'm not taking sides with anyone here, I just want your definition of it. However, I'm hoping this particular male virgin you're talking about is not just some "average unlucky loser" who became naturally bitter after a while, but someone who actually may deserve this unpleasant description you've written above.

Try not to take it too seriously. You'll lose grey matter from that one there. I ignore its posts.

 

[WildernessWildChild]

And usually the responsibility to do the maintenance falls to you - the guy!

writes TheSkafish

Oh come on fishy-fish. Most of your comments have been pretty reasonable, actually. But you have admitted that you haven't yet had a girlfriend. I suppose you get these ides of who does what in a relationship from made-for-tv movies? Cos like our Eve, there has not been one relationship I have ever been in where it hasn't been down to me. Where to go, what to do, where to live. Who buys the mothers-day/birthday and sodding Xmas presents for the guys' mother father ? The woman. Who gets the decorations for Xmas? The woman. Who gets the bloody bills paid, the kids fed and cleans the house when the parents come around? Who gives support when the job is crap, when the boss is a ******* (or *****) the f***ing football team loses and all the rest of it? OK - maybe 10% the guy. The rest? THE WOMAN. Frankly my darling boys, it gets really, really old.

And Underdog, my little canine wolf-wannnabe - you are still a virgin, if your posts are true. And a male virgin I once knew, who made exactly these kinds of comments, was a parasitic little twit whose whole reason for living was to make himself feel better about his life by making multiple stupid asides when the world could see that his life was an enormous stinking garbage truck of sour grapes. But the fact that you are on this forum for the lonely gives me the hope that you are, in fact, out for something better than that little *** was. ...

OMG, this "... was a parasitic little twit whose whole reason for living was to make himself feel better about his life by making multiple stupid asides when the world could see that his life was an enormous stinking garbage truck of sour grapes..." is one of the funniest things I've read recently- I sooooo want an opportunity to use it soon

 

[WallflowerGirl83]

I'm sure you'll end up finding a woman who will end up find you interesting. Keep searching, don't give up hope. =) Find people who you have things in common with, set up dates that both of you can enjoy. Ask them about their interests and what they love to do in their spare time. I enjoy conversation and talking, this matters a lot to me but I'm not sure if all woman are like that. Continue to put yourself out there. I wish you all the best of luck! =)

And trust me I thought that I was uninteresting too for the longest time. Find out what else you're into, get to know yourself a little better. Even try getting involved in more activities and hobbies. It's not to late to try.

 

[ardour]

The problem with people like that is the cyclical nature of their lives. Guy gets rejected. Guy becomes bitter. Guy's bitterness causes him to feel it's hopeless so he stops trying to improve himself and becomes uninteresting. Guy's bitterness also causes him to constantly complain. The combination of bitterness and complaining causes him to be a turnoff to women, who reject him. He doesn't see why, and thinks he's just unlucky so he doesn't change anything. And the cycle continues....

Why is it up to men to change, to better themselves while women take it easy - but don't ask that; you'll look like a bitter misogynist.

Change and self improvement have to come from more than a desire for sexual approval, that's a weak motivation at best, and it fools your into believing you're never going to be good enough.

 

[Sci-Fi]

You're fooling yourself if you think women are taking it easy.

 

[EveWasFramed]

You're fooling yourself if you think women are taking it easy.

I'd give you +100 for that if I could.

 

[ardour]

Hi! I'm 43 years old now and I never had any girlfriend. I had multiple sexual relationships with women but most of them were one night. About four years ago, I had a fuckfriend for about three months but that's all. I didn't have a sexual relationship for the last year and a half.

In the last two-three years, I tried to change my life, to improve it. I was going out more often. I met a lot more people and tried to keep contact with them. I tried to build friendship with men and women.

But every woman I touch seems to disappear from my life. I can't keep a male-female friendship and it's worst with relationship. I have dated a lot of women but I'm always single.

I don't know what to do now. I feel sometimes the best thing is to forget about women and sex and do something else.

I felt like crap and I am tired of trying and falling down and trying and falling down again. Maybe I am just not interesting to women at all?

First off, let me just say that I've never had a girlfriend either, so I suppose anything I say should be taken with a grain of salt. But I've been studying the attraction process for a while now, since 2012, and I feel like I've learned a thing or two. Personally, I think my chances will improve once I have created a stronger identity for myself through my passions and have a little money in my pocket - that one's always held me back.

I think part of the problem is that many guys who haven't had girlfriends are putting the cart before the horse - you're just looking for a woman you want. But you have to look at yourself first. Like, what do you like to do? What kinds of things do you like to talk about? People love talking about their passions to one another, that's an interesting conversation. Even just being well-read and knowledgeable about a lot of things gives you a variety of topics to throw out there. It gets even better when you share a passion with someone, it creates a strong connection.

Once you've established a relationship, you can't just dust your hands off and be content. The process is always in motion - either growing or dying. It's constant maintenance, even after marriage, to keep the relationship fresh and alive. And usually the responsibility to do the maintenance falls to you - the guy! So you have to keep finding interesting things to do and talk about, you have to keep maintaining and building the energy bond between you and the lady. You know the feeling when you first meet and you're all excited to share things about yourselves with each other? You have to keep that up - always. I wish you luck, but you're further along than me in that you've had girlfriends. After all, you're double oh seven! You've got this!

Of course relationships require effort, you shouldn't take someone for granted, but you make it sound exhausting, like scaling an ever rising mountain. How much trust is there if you constantly have to play your partner like she's a fiddle to keep them interested? Is that much of a partnership? Maybe I speak from the lazy perspective but this doesn't seem very appealing.

 

[Batman55]

Of course relationships require effort, you shouldn't take someone for granted, but you make it sound exhausting, like scaling an ever rising mountain. How much trust is there much if you constantly have to be play your partner like she's a fiddle to keep them interested? Is that much of a partnership? Maybe I speak from the lazy perspective but this doesn't seem very appealing.

You should listen to my other recent seminar on this very topic... (...but it seems like you already did)

 

[TheSkaFish]

The problem with people like that is the cyclical nature of their lives. Guy gets rejected. Guy becomes bitter. Guy's bitterness causes him to feel it's hopeless so he stops trying to improve himself and becomes uninteresting. Guy's bitterness also causes him to constantly complain. The combination of bitterness and complaining causes him to be a turnoff to women, who reject him. He doesn't see why, and thinks he's just unlucky so he doesn't change anything. And the cycle continues....

Why is it up to men to change, to better themselves while women take it easy - but don't ask that; you'll look like a bitter misogynist.

Change and self improvement have to come from more than a desire for sexual approval, that's a weak motivation at best, and it fools your into believing you're never going to be good enough.

I never said women are taking it easy. I don't think they are. Especially not in cases like this. It might not always be a conscious effort on another person's part either. I think it's more like, if you want a certain person, you really have to be something special. You have to separate yourself from the crowd by improving yourself in some way.

I don't just want to do it to get better in this category either. It's just part of my general idea that life doesn't get better until one makes a better self, and I'm tired of life dumping on me. I'm going to do something about it.

 

[FreedomFromLiberty]

The problem with people like that is the cyclical nature of their lives. Guy gets rejected. Guy becomes bitter. Guy's bitterness causes him to feel it's hopeless so he stops trying to improve himself and becomes uninteresting. Guy's bitterness also causes him to constantly complain. The combination of bitterness and complaining causes him to be a turnoff to women, who reject him. He doesn't see why, and thinks he's just unlucky so he doesn't change anything. And the cycle continues....

Why is it up to men to change, to better themselves while women take it easy - but don't ask that; you'll look like a bitter misogynist.

Change and self improvement have to come from more than a desire for sexual approval, that's a weak motivation at best, and it fools your into believing you're never going to be good enough.

I never said women are taking it easy. I don't think they are. Especially not in cases like this. It might not always be a conscious effort on another person's part either. I think it's more like, if you want a certain person, you really have to be something special. You have to separate yourself from the crowd by improving yourself in some way.

I don't just want to do it to get better in this category either. It's just part of my general idea that life doesn't get better until one makes a better self, and I'm tired of life dumping on me. I'm going to do something about it.

TheSkaFish might not have had a girlfriend yet, but I think he's on to something. I've ended friendships and relationships because I haven't felt like they were going anywhere. People who are just moping their way through life generally aren't very appealing as a partner to anybody. If you don't feel like you have something to look forward to in life without a partner, why should a partner look forward to a life with you?

The key I think is to stop moping, get out of the house, and have some gumption! If your life is worth living, it should be worth living with or without a partner.

 

[CHSlater]

The problem with people like that is the cyclical nature of their lives. Guy gets rejected. Guy becomes bitter. Guy's bitterness causes him to feel it's hopeless so he stops trying to improve himself and becomes uninteresting. Guy's bitterness also causes him to constantly complain. The combination of bitterness and complaining causes him to be a turnoff to women, who reject him. He doesn't see why, and thinks he's just unlucky so he doesn't change anything. And the cycle continues....

Why is it up to men to change, to better themselves while women take it easy - but don't ask that; you'll look like a bitter misogynist.

Change and self improvement have to come from more than a desire for sexual approval, that's a weak motivation at best, and it fools your into believing you're never going to be good enough.

I never said women are taking it easy. I don't think they are. Especially not in cases like this. It might not always be a conscious effort on another person's part either. I think it's more like, if you want a certain person, you really have to be something special. You have to separate yourself from the crowd by improving yourself in some way.

I don't just want to do it to get better in this category either. It's just part of my general idea that life doesn't get better until one makes a better self, and I'm tired of life dumping on me. I'm going to do something about it.

TheSkaFish might not have had a girlfriend yet, but I think he's on to something. I've ended friendships and relationships because I haven't felt like they were going anywhere. People who are just moping their way through life generally aren't very appealing as a partner to anybody. If you don't feel like you have something to look forward to in life without a partner, why should a partner look forward to a life with you?

The key I think is to stop moping, get out of the house, and have some gumption! If your life is worth living, it should be worth living with or without a partner.

it all makes sense now. I've been questioning myself why am I less interesting than other guys. I only came to understand the why when I started put myself on they shoes. I started to think "If I were her, why would I date me?". It's funny, because I realized the ***** I was. I mean, because of my poor experience with dealing with women, I usually say things that would be funny to say to men (and some few women). It only make them want me as a friend or not even that!

As SkaFish said, self improvement is the key, and if you want to get someone you like to like you back, it's important for you to know that in her/his mind there is an entire world going on. You need to understand that like you, they want to be with someone who will make them happy, and if they don't feel like you're the one who will make it, then they don't have any reason to be in a relationship with you. You may be the one, but remember: MARKETING IS THE SOUL OF BUSINESS.

The problem is that changing yourself is lot harder than it looks. I'm trying so hard to stop making my "mistakes", but I always end up being myself...

 

[ardour]

The problem with people like that is the cyclical nature of their lives. Guy gets rejected. Guy becomes bitter. Guy's bitterness causes him to feel it's hopeless so he stops trying to improve himself and becomes uninteresting. Guy's bitterness also causes him to constantly complain. The combination of bitterness and complaining causes him to be a turnoff to women, who reject him. He doesn't see why, and thinks he's just unlucky so he doesn't change anything. And the cycle continues....

Why is it up to men to change, to better themselves while women take it easy - but don't ask that; you'll look like a bitter misogynist.

Change and self improvement have to come from more than a desire for sexual approval, that's a weak motivation at best, and it fools your into believing you're never going to be good enough.

I never said women are taking it easy. I don't think they are. Especially not in cases like this. It might not always be a conscious effort on another person's part either. I think it's more like, if you want a certain person, you really have to be something special. You have to separate yourself from the crowd by improving yourself in some way.

I don't just want to do it to get better in this category either. It's just part of my general idea that life doesn't get better until one makes a better self, and I'm tired of life dumping on me. I'm going to do something about it.

TheSkaFish might not have had a girlfriend yet, but I think he's on to something. I've ended friendships and relationships because I haven't felt like they were going anywhere. People who are just moping their way through life generally aren't very appealing as a partner to anybody. If you don't feel like you have something to look forward to in life without a partner, why should a partner look forward to a life with you?

The key I think is to stop moping, get out of the house, and have some gumption! If your life is worth living, it should be worth living with or without a partner.

Excellent point, but it's a basic human desire (for most) to want a partner. Having plenty else going on doesn't stop that.

 

[LadyDaria]

Hi! I'm 43 years old now and I never had any girlfriend.

I am 43 too. I have also never had a boyfriend. That doesn't mean I haven't found guys attractive.

But I kind of cringe at the idea that any guy would think I want someone interesting. I kind of don't. I just want someone who is nice to me. Who makes me feel interesting. Who is there for me in a pinch. Who is nice to others... who makes me feel safe. To the extent that someone who may have something interesting going on seems like they can get any woman they want... I would wager it isn't that they are interesting... it is that they make people feel good about themselves as well.

Personally I find dating to be a disaster - which is something I find problematic. It is something about dating that makes almost any man not attractive to me. There is something inauthentic about it that wipes off on the man. I would suggest that you get to know women in another capacity first. Are there women in your workplace that you like but didn't consider for one reason or another. Do you do volunteer activities... do you talk to women on the internet? I think if you are going to change just model guys who may be this way. Just watch how they seem to be open, and accept everyone and look in your eyes and say hello to everyone, not just the women they are interested in.

My 2.5 cents.

 

[jaguarundi]

LadyDaria wrote I would wager it isn't that they are interesting... it is that they make people feel good about themselves as well.

Bingo - we have a winner!

Less whining about why the other sex won't date you - more trying to make other people feel good..