B
Bei
Guest
Hello anyone who reads this. I joined this site at the end of last year and didn’t stick around for too long. I think when I first joined I was hoping to make friends but I’m so shy that I still can’t be myself on an anonymous website. I guess I’m always afraid what people will think of me even when they can’t see me.
I’ve come back to the site because I have a lot of things coming up that will require me to change my ways and I’m kind of scared and thinking it might help to get it out here. A few weeks ago I found out I will be the made of honor for my best friend’s wedding which is really exciting. We’ve known each other since we were fifteen. I honestly thought she would pick someone else. I just didn’t see what help I could be to her. I have no job and I don’t even drive. It actually made me feel really good that she still chose me. That means she still has faith in me. So, now I’m just a little worried that I won’t change. My biggest fear is that I won’t lose the weight I want before then. I am so uncomfortable at my current weight that the thought of having to stand up there with her in front of so many people I don’t even know makes me wish I could get out of it.
Before I found out I was to be a made of honor I had already started a 30 day juice fast. I’m almost done now. I only have 4 more days. I’m not sure how I’ve made it this far on a fast when I couldn’t even stop eating bread but I did. The new challenge will be to stay on a clean healthy diet and not go back to oreos.
My life is going from hiding in my room most of the time to starting school this August, wedding in October, trying to find a job, making trips to L.A. pretty soon since that is where my best friend lives and a family reunion in July that I’ve skipped out on for the last 6 years.
The thing that has stopped me from living life normally for so many years is how badly I feel about myself. It’s not something I ever really say out loud but I think I’ve had myself convinced for a very long that nothing good will happen to me because I’m ugly. I’m considering talking to a therapist or something because I know it’s not normal to have these thoughts. This isn’t the state of mind I’m in all the time but it’s what prevents from going out alone or certain places with too many people. I just don’t want anyone to see me sometimes.
One of my goals is to practice being more positive. It’s so hard sometimes but I’ve been getting a little better while on this juice fast.
I will stop now before it turns into another page.
I’ve come back to the site because I have a lot of things coming up that will require me to change my ways and I’m kind of scared and thinking it might help to get it out here. A few weeks ago I found out I will be the made of honor for my best friend’s wedding which is really exciting. We’ve known each other since we were fifteen. I honestly thought she would pick someone else. I just didn’t see what help I could be to her. I have no job and I don’t even drive. It actually made me feel really good that she still chose me. That means she still has faith in me. So, now I’m just a little worried that I won’t change. My biggest fear is that I won’t lose the weight I want before then. I am so uncomfortable at my current weight that the thought of having to stand up there with her in front of so many people I don’t even know makes me wish I could get out of it.
Before I found out I was to be a made of honor I had already started a 30 day juice fast. I’m almost done now. I only have 4 more days. I’m not sure how I’ve made it this far on a fast when I couldn’t even stop eating bread but I did. The new challenge will be to stay on a clean healthy diet and not go back to oreos.
My life is going from hiding in my room most of the time to starting school this August, wedding in October, trying to find a job, making trips to L.A. pretty soon since that is where my best friend lives and a family reunion in July that I’ve skipped out on for the last 6 years.
The thing that has stopped me from living life normally for so many years is how badly I feel about myself. It’s not something I ever really say out loud but I think I’ve had myself convinced for a very long that nothing good will happen to me because I’m ugly. I’m considering talking to a therapist or something because I know it’s not normal to have these thoughts. This isn’t the state of mind I’m in all the time but it’s what prevents from going out alone or certain places with too many people. I just don’t want anyone to see me sometimes.
One of my goals is to practice being more positive. It’s so hard sometimes but I’ve been getting a little better while on this juice fast.
I will stop now before it turns into another page.
