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lonesome
Guest
I hate myself.
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lonelygirl
Guest
I'm sorry. I don't think you REALLY hate yourself. At least not 100 percent.
You probably know you have some good qualities mixed in there with the human-part. The mistakes, the things we've done wrong.
Why do you hate yourself? I realized on a train in Italy from Rome to Florence that many of my problems in my life stem from self-hatred.
But God does NOT want us to hate ourselves! Each human is a unique creation! With many blessings and abilities! Remember that.
You probably know you have some good qualities mixed in there with the human-part. The mistakes, the things we've done wrong.
Why do you hate yourself? I realized on a train in Italy from Rome to Florence that many of my problems in my life stem from self-hatred.
But God does NOT want us to hate ourselves! Each human is a unique creation! With many blessings and abilities! Remember that.
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AaronAgassi
Guest
Amazing!
If I used the expression: "You speak only to hear yourself talk" naturally, you'd find that recriminating. Because that specifies motive, and perhaps unfairly. So, let me be more precise: Your responses have a certain sameness, because they are from the same recover of stock response within your own mind. -Regardless of your deepest motives.
What remains is how little lonesome actually posted, lonelygirl, for you already to have all the answers!
But lonelygirl, you are not really receiving new messages and the creating there from from new messages in response. This is a parody of genuine communication with content!
And I say this, not to be cruel, but because this is a perfect example of loneliness even within a crowd! And how tragic! Indeed, I'll be surprised if we ever hear from lonesome again. For his was the desperate expression of despair, typical of the hit and run poster. Indeed, I only wish that poor lonesome might linger if only long enough to draw any little comfort from your homilies, lonelygirl. Nevertheless, I also wish that we might somehow rise somehow beyond empty group validation.
If I used the expression: "You speak only to hear yourself talk" naturally, you'd find that recriminating. Because that specifies motive, and perhaps unfairly. So, let me be more precise: Your responses have a certain sameness, because they are from the same recover of stock response within your own mind. -Regardless of your deepest motives.
What remains is how little lonesome actually posted, lonelygirl, for you already to have all the answers!
But lonelygirl, you are not really receiving new messages and the creating there from from new messages in response. This is a parody of genuine communication with content!
And I say this, not to be cruel, but because this is a perfect example of loneliness even within a crowd! And how tragic! Indeed, I'll be surprised if we ever hear from lonesome again. For his was the desperate expression of despair, typical of the hit and run poster. Indeed, I only wish that poor lonesome might linger if only long enough to draw any little comfort from your homilies, lonelygirl. Nevertheless, I also wish that we might somehow rise somehow beyond empty group validation.
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DutchGirl
Guest
I agree with you on that one, Aaron.
Please Lonesome, come back. Can you tell a little bit more? Maybe we can be of help.
Please Lonesome, come back. Can you tell a little bit more? Maybe we can be of help.
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AaronAgassi
Guest
Should we email him/her?
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teach
Guest
Hi Lonesome, and welcome.
I've read your other posts and pleased to have you here. This is a very definitive posting, much more basic than the other postings. Has something occurred, recently like today or last night, that causes this particular saddness? I like that you used this outlet to share your emotion and encourage you to continue to share, perhaps someone here has something that may help meet your needs.
Take care.
I've read your other posts and pleased to have you here. This is a very definitive posting, much more basic than the other postings. Has something occurred, recently like today or last night, that causes this particular saddness? I like that you used this outlet to share your emotion and encourage you to continue to share, perhaps someone here has something that may help meet your needs.
Take care.
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Guest
Guest
AaronAgassi said:
Amazing!
I actually agree with Aaron!
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AaronAgassi
Guest
And what have I said here any different from the positions that I have maintained all along? Indeed, what besides or beyond as much as I've reiterated here in, that you cannot agree with, how so and why?
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lonesome
Guest
Hi everyone,
No, i am not a hit and run poster - Here I am and Im not going anywhere!
Thanks everyone for your responses and offerings to talk.
I suppose my post should have said "I hate myself RIGHT NOW" or ALOT OF THE TIME. I had a very rough week and, yes, there was a particular event that made me make that posting. I didnt even feel like having a conversation, or getting some sort of response - I just wanted to see what the words I had been thinking all week looked like when I wrote them. Im glad I got some responses though.
Anyone who knows a little about my previous postings will know that I have been struggling with drinking for a long time. Once again, I let myself down and had one too many - the guilt and depression afterwards is horrible, not knowing what I may have done during a blackout and if anyone noticed is even worse. Why do I always do this again and again? Why cant I just learn my lesson?
I had serious thoughts about wanting to kill myself the night I posted that, as I just couldn't see a way out and was so disappointed in myself. Then I felt extreme guilt about thinking that way - there are people out there who are seriously ill and want to live and here I am wishing that I didnt have the priviledge. I wish I was the person I was before this all began, but Im changed and now I cant look at things like I used to. Sometimes, it just gets too hard and I want to be in a better, more peaceful place where my brain stops running at a hundred miles an hour.
This week, I had to undergo a "test" in order to see if I had gotten better and could live a normal life. This should have been a really good week for me. But I failed that test. This was a really defining week for me and I couldnt do it. I dont know if I can make up for it next week. I need strength, strength, strength.
No, i am not a hit and run poster - Here I am and Im not going anywhere!
Thanks everyone for your responses and offerings to talk.
I suppose my post should have said "I hate myself RIGHT NOW" or ALOT OF THE TIME. I had a very rough week and, yes, there was a particular event that made me make that posting. I didnt even feel like having a conversation, or getting some sort of response - I just wanted to see what the words I had been thinking all week looked like when I wrote them. Im glad I got some responses though.
Anyone who knows a little about my previous postings will know that I have been struggling with drinking for a long time. Once again, I let myself down and had one too many - the guilt and depression afterwards is horrible, not knowing what I may have done during a blackout and if anyone noticed is even worse. Why do I always do this again and again? Why cant I just learn my lesson?
I had serious thoughts about wanting to kill myself the night I posted that, as I just couldn't see a way out and was so disappointed in myself. Then I felt extreme guilt about thinking that way - there are people out there who are seriously ill and want to live and here I am wishing that I didnt have the priviledge. I wish I was the person I was before this all began, but Im changed and now I cant look at things like I used to. Sometimes, it just gets too hard and I want to be in a better, more peaceful place where my brain stops running at a hundred miles an hour.
This week, I had to undergo a "test" in order to see if I had gotten better and could live a normal life. This should have been a really good week for me. But I failed that test. This was a really defining week for me and I couldnt do it. I dont know if I can make up for it next week. I need strength, strength, strength.
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AaronAgassi
Guest
lonesome, you give no idea about whatever underlying issues, only the behavior from being so upset by whatever so troubles you.
Lost in the Oilfield
Well-known member
I hate you too... there now you can hate me instead 
But seriously... I feel the same way with posting sometimes, not so much to get response or start conversation, but rather to maybe make sense of the thoughts racing around in my head and the frustration I feel when I fail or seem incapable of overcoming a hurdle. I find personally that demanding manual labor helps me ease my mind for awhile... even tasks as simple as working in a garden or doing chores can sometimes work almost as well at bringing some small measure of peace. Sometimes even that isn't enough, but I know the emotional turmoil will pass eventually, so I just try to occupy myself with something until it does.
If you have been strong enough to accept that you have a problem, strong enough to try and fight it, and strong enough to pick yourself up and try again, I'm sure you will also have the strength to succeed.
Take care lonesome
But seriously... I feel the same way with posting sometimes, not so much to get response or start conversation, but rather to maybe make sense of the thoughts racing around in my head and the frustration I feel when I fail or seem incapable of overcoming a hurdle. I find personally that demanding manual labor helps me ease my mind for awhile... even tasks as simple as working in a garden or doing chores can sometimes work almost as well at bringing some small measure of peace. Sometimes even that isn't enough, but I know the emotional turmoil will pass eventually, so I just try to occupy myself with something until it does.
If you have been strong enough to accept that you have a problem, strong enough to try and fight it, and strong enough to pick yourself up and try again, I'm sure you will also have the strength to succeed.
Take care lonesome
jales
Well-known member
- Joined
- Apr 7, 2007
- Messages
- 1,178
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- 15
this is a really difficult place..the world...this is what i'd like to say though. It works for me (and heaven knows i'm screwed-up). We are all the same. You can't hate yourself...even though you might do stuff you wish you didnt because. Because you and I are the same. We have different genes..may be inclined differently and went through different things..so yea we might act differently. But if I was you..I'd make the same choices, and you were my in my shoes..you'd do just as I do..so
i dont know if this is making any sense..or if it helps..but it works 4 me
I really believe we are all the same..dont judge others cause you'll end up judging yourself
try to be a good person (which you suuurely seem like). And that's the most you can do oka...don't worry or beat yourself up for not being what you think is perfect in what you know to be an imperfect world :0)
i dont know if this is making any sense..or if it helps..but it works 4 me
I really believe we are all the same..dont judge others cause you'll end up judging yourself
try to be a good person (which you suuurely seem like). And that's the most you can do oka...don't worry or beat yourself up for not being what you think is perfect in what you know to be an imperfect world :0)
jales
Well-known member
- Joined
- Apr 7, 2007
- Messages
- 1,178
- Reaction score
- 15
another thing...its so easy for us to form addictions that help us momentarily deal with pain..i think its a natural thing. And beating up on yourself over it..i do that all the time...i can hurt feeling so powerless to our addictions...I can relate to that..
sometimes we need to replace them with something healthier...i dont know. But try not to beat up on yourself to much..its a natural thing...so many people end up in those situations..find the strength to get better ..you are limitless..but you also have a nature
sometimes we need to replace them with something healthier...i dont know. But try not to beat up on yourself to much..its a natural thing...so many people end up in those situations..find the strength to get better ..you are limitless..but you also have a nature
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AaronAgassi
Guest
Is this insight, or more jumping to conclusions?
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Guest
Guest
I guess the reason I am so vague about things is because even though we are all anonymous here, I feel like if I give too much detail I will be exposed.
These are things I am very embarrassed about and even though I dont know any of you in person, there is always that small and probably stupid feeling of "what if they know its ME"? Its probably my paranoia kicking in.
These are things I am very embarrassed about and even though I dont know any of you in person, there is always that small and probably stupid feeling of "what if they know its ME"? Its probably my paranoia kicking in.
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lonesome
Guest
Guest said:
The message above was me (lonesome). Oops, forgot to sign in.
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teach
Guest
Hi Lonesome.
I sometimes have that same thought, what if I say something too detailed about my past and there's someone here who knows about it. But, sometimes it's good to have someone to talk with, so even if you don't like sharing on the forum, if you find someone(s) that you built trust with on the site, PM them to share more, without the fear of broadcasting to the world. I think everyone on here PM's someone else once in a while.
I sometimes have that same thought, what if I say something too detailed about my past and there's someone here who knows about it. But, sometimes it's good to have someone to talk with, so even if you don't like sharing on the forum, if you find someone(s) that you built trust with on the site, PM them to share more, without the fear of broadcasting to the world. I think everyone on here PM's someone else once in a while.
