I Must Be A Creep

[Claudia1794]

On here I'm avoided. My only friend on here has gone silent on me. I don't think I'm creepy. You aren't a creep or creepy some people - too many people - are just ******' judgemental twats.

 

[okidoke]

On here I'm avoided. My only friend on here has gone silent on me. I don't think I'm creepy. You aren't a creep or creepy some people - too many people - are just ******' judgemental twats.

I never said that I thought I was a creep, just that I must be one. I have been called a creep, more than once. I have a story I don't wish to share at the moment, but my life and career were destroyed by the people who called me that.

 

[Finished]

On here I'm avoided. My only friend on here has gone silent on me. I don't think I'm creepy. You aren't a creep or creepy some people - too many people - are just ******' judgemental twats.

You are NOT a creep! I like you and I'm glad you are an active part of the forum! I look forward to reading your comments. I often think about you and your chickens. Ha! ha!

 

[Claudia1794]

I never said that I thought I was a creep, just that I must be one. I have been called a creep, more than once. I have a story I don't wish to share at the moment, but my life and career were destroyed by the people who called me that.

Yes, I know you didn't refer to yourself as a creep which is why I said people are judgemental. I have had people say I have some creepy habits but I don't think anything about me is creepy. So, I was just attempting to be positive. Clearly I've yet to get the hang of that.

 

[Finished]

I never said that I thought I was a creep, just that I must be one. I have been called a creep, more than once. I have a story I don't wish to share at the moment, but my life and career were destroyed by the people who called me that.

I've been called a looser by many people including my brother, his wife, my sister, and her husband. They continually teased me about being a no go anywhere looser. After my mom and dad died I no longer had any need to interact with them. So, I haven't and never will. FuckBacon other people. They say hurtful things to make themselves feel better.

 

[ardour]

I never said that I thought I was a creep, just that I must be one. I have been called a creep, more than once. I have a story I don't wish to share at the moment, but my life and career were destroyed by the people who called me that.

There's a difference between creepy and creep. I have also been called that by some woman at work because I didn't return her smiles (my mother had just passed away at the time and I wasn't feeling friendly). It led to nasty rumours and a couple of facebook deletions from people I previously got on with.

 

[okidoke]

....... I was just attempting to be positive. Clearly I've yet to get the hang of that.

I appreciate the effort.

I've been called a looser by many people including my brother, his wife, my sister, and her husband. They continually teased me about being a no go anywhere looser. After my mom and dad died I no longer had any need to interact with them. So, I haven't and never will. FuckBacon other people. They say hurtful things to make themselves feel better.

Well, considering my life experiences, I call myself a loser.

There's a difference between creepy and creep. I have also been called that by some woman at work because I didn't return her smiles (my mother had just passed away at the time and I wasn't feeling friendly). It led to nasty rumours and a couple of facebook deletions from people I previously got on with.

Aren't creeps creepy by definition?

 

[Finished]

Well, considering my life experiences, I call myself a loser.

Stop it! Stop comparing yourself to others. If you believe you are a loser then you will project being a looser. But, if you project yourself as a winner other people will see that. Your inner voice can really fuckbacon you up. Instead let your inner voice make you feel better. Tell yourself you are awesome! I know it's hard. Sometimes my inner voice tells me I'm a piece of shitbacon. But, I have to say no! I'm not. Then I think about all the positive things about myself. Please try doing that too.

 

[Unsigned]

I never said that I thought I was a creep, just that I must be one. I have been called a creep, more than once. I have a story I don't wish to share at the moment, but my life and career were destroyed by the people who called me that.

Yeah, I know the feeling.
I've never once in my life had a female I consider attractive show interest in me.
They've always treated me like I'm "Son of Sam" or something.
So yeah...I get you.
I'm not "Son of Sam" by the way.
Just a guy without a square jaw & chiseled facial features.
So yeah...I suppose to females that makes me a "creep".
To hell with them.

 

[okidoke]

Stop it! Stop comparing yourself to others. If you believe you are a loser then you will project being a looser. But, if you project yourself as a winner other people will see that. Your inner voice can really fuckbacon you up. Instead let your inner voice make you feel better. Tell yourself you are awesome! I know it's hard. Sometimes my inner voice tells me I'm a piece of shitbacon. But, I have to say no! I'm not. Then I think about all the positive things about myself. Please try doing that too.

I'm not comparing myself to others. I have failed over and over and over again with everything I try in my life, that's what I base me being a loser on. I call myself a loser in private. I have always projected positivity, optimism and fun throughout my life, until recent years after my life went down the toilet. I read lots of books on self-help and the like, I've seen psychologists and other mental health professionals, but ............ I am where I am.

 

[Finished]

I'm not comparing myself to others. I have failed over and over and over again with everything I try in my life, that's what I base me being a loser on. I call myself a loser in private. I have always projected positivity, optimism and fun throughout my life, until recent years after my life went down the toilet. I read lots of books on self-help and the like, I've seen psychologists and other mental health professionals, but ............ I am where I am.

Is there anything you enjoy doing?

 

[okidoke]

Is there anything you enjoy doing?

of course

 

[Finished]

of course

Do you fail at those things. I assume you don't.

 

[okidoke]

Do you fail at those things. I assume you don't.

Well, I don't see them as fails or successes, they are just things that I do. I guess the fact that I can do them and others may not be able to, then I can count them as a success, but then I'd be comparing myself to others. I know I'm being a bit over dramatic, of course I can see some successes in my life, like having raised three great kids, and getting fit again, but I just don't know how to "people" anymore, or ever did now that I look back.

 

[Finished]

Well, I don't see them as fails or successes, they are just things that I do. I guess the fact that I can do them and others may not be able to, then I can count them as a success, but then I'd be comparing myself to others. I know I'm being a bit over dramatic, of course I can see some successes in my life, like having raised three great kids, and getting fit again, but I just don't know how to "people" anymore, or ever did now that I look back.

Okay, I believe you are talking about something else. IMO, being able to socially interact with people is a skill. Most people are born with it, learn it early on in life, or pick it up somewhere along the way and it becomes automatic for them. I never did. But, I did watch other people and see how others reacted to them. Then I did what they did to see what kind of reaction I got. I learned. But, it was not automatic and stressful to me. At jobs, I was often told I was a perfect match. I wasn't. But, I pretended to be in order to get certain reactions.

So, if you don't have social skills you can learn them. You can make people react to you how you want them to, to a certain degree. I'm sure there are videos on youtube showing how people react to the same person acting differently. People that are well liked act completely different then people that others think are loosers. Yet, they could actually be complete loosers.

 

[ardour]

Aren't creeps creepy by definition?

Yeah but creepy people aren't always creeps. You can "innocently" have mannerisms or behaviours others deem creepy, as a result of poor social skills usually.

 

[okidoke]

...... being able to socially interact with people is a skill. Most people are born with it, learn it early on in life, or pick it up somewhere along the way and it becomes automatic for them. .......

So, if you don't have social skills you can learn them. .......

Yeah but creepy people aren't always creeps. You have can "innocently" have mannerisms or behaviours others deem creepy, as a result of poor social skills usually.

I know it's a skill. I've felt out of place almost everywhere I've been, but faked my way with social skills to interact with people. After several other jobs I became a police officer for over twenty years and dealt with many situations, as you can no doubt imagine, and I was even a trained negotiator for several years, talking people out of killing themselves or others, etc, etc, (yes, I'll tick that off a success obviously) and just talking with people seemed easy, but I guess the traumas I've faced plus the eventual destruction of my career, my integrity and my confidence, well my whole ability to just deal with people has fallen apart. People always say, "be true to yourself" and "just be yourself" and "don't be a fake" and to be honest, I don't know where the real me is anymore.

I know I'm not a creep. I know people are judgemental and can be ******** too often. I'm a good person. I've done many good things for people in my life purely because I thought it was the right thing to do. I wish karma was a little kinder to me I suppose. I try not to complain because I know I have it better than many others as far as a roof over my head, financial stability and my physical health for the most past, but it would be nice to have than special reciprocating bond with someone.

 

[charlotte craig]

Can I take a class somewhere? Because people tend to gravitate towards me, tell me their whole life story and what their grandpappy did in 1882. I can't even tell someone they smell nice without them telling me an extensive story that no one asked for. Trust me, it's not greener over on this side of the grass either. I'd rather be left alone, especially when I'm trying to get something done for the day.

hi VanillaCreme I get the same as you. I go on a new forum, go to a park and sit on a bench, go to a social, wherever I go someone says they are unhappy and depressed and wants to tell me all the ins and outs of every feeling they have ever had, as if they are the only person in the world and they should fascinate me and it should become my time consuming problem to let them offload it all onto me. Ive noticed that most of the time these are the most boring and selfish people you could meet! These strangers are not at all interested in you or me as a person, or how our life is, just wanting us to listen to all their stuff for ages. They nag me for my address telling me that when they get really fed up and need a listening ear they will turn up at my house to go on about it - er no, they dont get my address and if they somehow found it out anyway they would not be allowed to set foot over the front door. I feel the same as you. If I am alone it doesnt mean I am not busy or want someone else there. If I had wanted company I would have INVITED someone I like to come over!

 

[charlotte craig]

Do you live in New York or on or near the West Coast?

In my experience, I really feel like the place a person lives, and where their foundations are, has a lot to do with how others will react to them. Everywhere you go there will always be a Walmart and a McDonalds; but, people really are different, sometimes, from place to place..

It's queer. People used to gravitate towards me as you describe, where I used to live, in the Midwest; but, now, in the Western United States, I feel like a pariah. I'm well groomed, polite, non-confrontational... It isn't enough, people generally seem slightly unnerved by me (like they don't know what to make of me, except that I feel like an outsider to them), and consequently often hostile. It depends on the environment though, some places aren't as bad as others..

And believe me, from my perspective, it's much nicer when people generally respond positively to you. I suppose I was fortunate, in that, people usually left me alone, when people generally responded positively to me; but, even as of a few years ago, I'll still get the occasional person who just feels very talkative around me. It can be uncomfortable; but, it's a hell of a lot better than cashiers, and random people you've never met before, just acting like you're a leper or something, for no discernible reason.

I think our state of mind, in one form or another, or multiple ways, broadcasts itself, and people pick up on it; that, combined with our general personality, the things that went into it's formation, and the physical places we find ourselves in, pretty much sums up the lot of it. Our appearance and presentation has an effect, that, I surmise, will be different from place to place, circumstance to circumstance.

Like how a city slicker will generally find nothing but hostility out in the boonies; they'll be viewed as a fancy pants outsider. I guess sometimes we are just out of our element, literally, or in our mind, or both...

---
To the OP, so, I doubt very much you are a creep, and people probably don't really think that of you either. There's just a lot of factors that are in play. And unfortunately, when our confidence is low like that, and people in general often take offense to quiet types who try to avoid trivial social situations, it becomes a bit of a vicious circle. You feel like an outcast, so you sort of assume the role of outcast, covertly, and people begin to respond in ways that reinforce the belief that motivates your behaviors, and it just sort of feeds on itself.

I can remember times in my past though, where, I had known people, but not very well, only to find myself in a situation where we actually have a chance to truly get to know one another. And the person or persons say they thought I was this that and the other, and I say I thought you were this that and the other, and we were both totally wrong; and that we both weren't anything like what our preconceived notions were.

It's just that, especially when one feels like an outsider, you're going to avoid the types of situations that may lead to preconceived notions being dispelled.

So, we can't always give as much credit to the way we feel, as we often do. There are so many variables to consider; the chance that we have come to erroneous conclusions is quite high. And it's even higher in these times of confusion, despair, insanity, madness, and hostility; because, these are new and challenging times, the world over...

Just my 2 cents anyway.

And yeah, the single man syndrome, eh, it happens. Not much one can do about it. About the only thing you could do to improve it, is not obsessive over it constantly, and make it out to be worse than it is. It's tough being a single woman too, in different ways, and different people will experience it differently. For some, it works to their advantage, for others, they find it a curse. But, perception and the angle we come at the world, I think, has a lot more value to it, than what we often consider.

It's kind of the old question, "does the world out there, happen to you, or do you happen to it." And whatever the answer is, seems interesting to ponder, "why is that so?"

It's a bit of both, at different times... etc.. etc..

No walmarts in UK and it is not just about the country it is the part of the country. If you go to the poor parts it is different to if you go to the wealthy well heeled parts. IF I advertise for staff I can predict the calibre of the person and how suitable they will be according to which ad they saw or which area they live in. Some will apply for the job despite being totally unsuitable, not fitting any of the job description, having nothing at all to offer, wouldnt be able to get a job at minimum wage, but they aim high and think I will pay them six times the minimum wage simply because they are hoping they will get lots of money, like winning the lottery. Others will be totally right and could get a good job elsewhere.

 

[charlotte craig]

@ okidoke....Is there someone whom you consider it appropriate to ask for some feedback from, a bartender, a clergyman maybe, a neighbor down the street who's been acquainted with you for a few years......and ask what their opinion is why people are avoiding you? The scenarios you describe are pretty dramatic....crossing the street when they see you and leaving the vicinity when you show up......and you don't know why. That's a major disconnect with your fellow humans........something is out of sync and a forum like this isn't going to be able to figure it out.

That does not make sense, no minister, bar man or neighbour would be honest and say I think they run a mile because of, they would be trying to skirt around the reason for fear of upsetting the person. What is the point in saying the truth anyway? You are what you are, whatever reason you are given you wont change.