I need a HUG

[mauthecat]

I am 35, I do believe that is too old. I live with my parents, all I have is a cat that I love. No kids, no bf, no friends. 
That is why I post here, I really have no one to talk to. 
My family is very distant and uncaring even though we live together. 
Also I work online, so I don't get out of he house. And now the money I make is not enough to pay what I owe. So I am trying to find a second job. 
So going out and meeting people would be hard. 
I tried dating apps I have deleted them all. I will become one with my bed and my wall, as the pirates on the flying Dutch man. 
My heart feels empty so suddenly, it was so full of love now that love is unrequited and unwanted. I don't know what to do with the pain.

 

[zero]

What I did when I was in your situation, with pretty much the same feelings and thoughts, was that I turned to see the beauty in every simple small thing in life that filled my heart. And I turned my love and help doing small acts of kindness for those helpless and deprived of love: animals, children, homeless, beggars. Helping others I helped myself. The smile in their face, the gratitude in their eyes, a warm hug sincerely given, the feeling of unconditional love spreading out to those who need it most and truly appreciate it, made me remember who I really am, realize that I am not empty inside, that love comes back in unexpected forms and that it is still out there, if only we have the eyes open to recognize it. The pain was more bearable, I loved myself again and got rid of the preconceived idea that happiness, love, reciprocation of feelings/love and validation depend on/imply a significant other.
I know you hurt a lot (hug), but once you get to the point of "no more suffering" and "I better start loving myself", you`ll come to an inner peace that will also reflect outside. Life has mysterious ways of giving us what we want. Let it work its magic on you. Let love find you. We are so self-centered and like to have an explanation for everything, and that causes us a lot of suffering. We cling to the person who doesn`t appreciate what we do and feel...isn`t that sort of undermining your own worth, making one person responsible for your happiness? Try and see things from a detached positive perspective and you`ll find the answers within yourself, crystalclear.

 

[Meaw]

Ey, sign me up for one of those hugs too X_X

 

[Kianda]

I am 35 [...] My heart feels empty so suddenly, it was so full of love now that love is unrequited and unwanted. I don't know what to do with the pain.

*H*U*G*S*

I have such empathy for you.

I was about your age when I went through a similar situation.

It sounds like you would benefit from some kind of grief counselling.

 

[mauthecat]

Thanks again you guys for your hugs and all your kind thoughts. 

yes I do believe I will need therapy.

 

[BadGuy]

I wonder if there is hug therapy

 

[zero]

I`m sure hugs have their therapeutical effects....besides there`s the free hugs thread in the positivity forum
...meanwhile, I`ll give Meaw one big hug here:

 

[Tuathaniel]

The way you talked about being "too old," I imagined you had to be past 50 ...

Seriously, 35 is NOT too old. I'm 34, and I only met my (first ever in my entire life) boyfriend last year. There are loads of articles out there about how much harder it is to meet people today than just a few decades ago, and how an increasing number of people stay single for a lot longer now than what used to be considered "normal." So you're far from the only person in this situation, and 30 is the new 20.

It's sad to see how you seem to have completely given up on love, because I see myself from just last year in your words, when I was utterly convinced that my ship had sailed on the whole love and relationship thing - until this one special guy showed up and proved me wrong. Now I think about all that time I wasted beating myself down and telling myself I was unlovable, and I really don't wish those thoughts and feelings on anyone else.

Of course, nothing in life is certain, but I both hope and believe that someone great will turn up some day and prove you wrong, just like I as proven wrong last year. Also, feel free to drop me a message whenever you're feeling lonely and would like someone to talk to. Nobody should be alone.

 

[Somnambulist]

The way you talked about being "too old," I imagined you had to be past 50 ...

Seriously, 35 is NOT too old. I'm 34, and I only met my (first ever in my entire life) boyfriend last year. There are loads of articles out there about how much harder it is to meet people today than just a few decades ago, and how an increasing number of people stay single for a lot longer now than what used to be considered "normal." So you're far from the only person in this situation, and 30 is the new 20.

It's sad to see how you seem to have completely given up on love, because I see myself from just last year in your words, when I was utterly convinced that my ship had sailed on the whole love and relationship thing - until this one special guy showed up and proved me wrong. Now I think about all that time I wasted beating myself down and telling myself I was unlovable, and I really don't wish those thoughts and feelings on anyone else.

Of course, nothing in life is certain, but I both hope and believe that someone great will turn up some day and prove you wrong, just like I as proven wrong last year. Also, feel free to drop me a message whenever you're feeling lonely and would like someone to talk to. Nobody should be alone.

Hey Tuathaniel, I'm 33 !

mauthecat, Tuathaniel, Somnambulist ... 35, 34, 33

(And yes, I agree that there is plenty of time left, mauthecat !)

 

[Somnambulist]

I am 35, I do believe that is too old. I live with my parents, all I have is a cat that I love. No kids, no bf, no friends. 
That is why I post here, I really have no one to talk to. 
My family is very distant and uncaring even though we live together. 
Also I work online, so I don't get out of he house. And now the money I make is not enough to pay what I owe. So I am trying to find a second job. 
So going out and meeting people would be hard. 
I tried dating apps I have deleted them all. I will become one with my bed and my wall, as the pirates on the flying Dutch man. 
My heart feels empty so suddenly, it was so full of love now that love is unrequited and unwanted. I don't know what to do with the pain.

I understand your feelings about your age, as you and I are only a couple of years apart. I sometimes think that the 20s are "supposed to be " a person's "prime", but that is perhaps just an overgeneralization.

Everyone's experience is different ... my former coworker was 37 when he found his first long term and successful relationship ... which then became his marriage ! He was miserable when I met him (he was about 35) ... he was utterly alone, he used to close all his blinds and sleep all day long every weekend ... totally depressed. He met his wife online, they were continents apart. Today, they, of course, live together, have a kid together, and a huge extended family (she's Vietnamese). He is living a very full life and is happier than ever.

Your life can change on a dime, but I firmly believe that if you are unhappy about the present, do something about it. Whatever that is ... take some steps to bring about the changes you want. If you've tried, try more ... when you are ready.

I'm not invalidating what you said, only trying to shine the light on the other side of your wall.

 

[BeyondShy]

Still didn't get one

 

[Somnambulist]

Still didn't get one

Aww ... come here !

 

[BeyondShy]

Well, thank you.

 

[Bubblebeam]

 

[Somnambulist]

 

[melofsalem]

*HUG*

 

[Somnambulist]

For those of you "devastated by the election", here's a hug from the former president ...