monkeysocks said:
I think you need to go back and look in the mirror and look at the gorgeous guy who YOU are, the one that your work colleagues think enough of to be concerned about.
Beauty is also on the inside , nothing gorgeous about someone who has contributed to you feeling like this - so from my stance she is only gorgeous on the outside - that only fades in time.
The world is also full of gorgeous women and men on the inside and out - don't lose faith , go and find them , the ones who won't leave you feeling empty and alone .
No I am not offering ! LOL - just being a listening ear, who has been there for just as long and went onto better things.
As I said 'find a smile' because feeling down only prevents us from getting where we want to be again.
You are not a Punk, life just dealt you a bad set of cards for a while, You are making other peoples errors your burden and blaming yourself for their inadequate attitudes.
The problem is when people often look back they self judge on their own errors and take on the whole thing as 'My fault ' and then end up feeling completely crap about themselves.
This is a trait of only the 'greatest people' - because they have a conscious, remorse and true commitment.
Forget her and start loving yourself again and re-open all the options that you have closed down.
If you don't I am going to keep sending you beating smilies - LOL
Thanks very much for cheering me up MonkeySocks. I appreciate your support.
Today's a sad day, as usual. Went on YT see some videos on depression, bipolar disorder and how to solve these issues. And it didn't help at all.
I suddenly had a sugar craving. I went to the supermarket and bought some chocolate bars and a few beers. I felt paranoid on the road to the supermarket. I tried not to make contact with people's eyes.
On the road back home I ate some chocolate and it made my stomach ache. I'm drinking my first beer to wash that chocolate crap down.
I've received two calls from work today. I didn't answer. In the message they left they asked me where I was and if I was coming today. I've been missing the last couple of days.
It's hard. Life's hard. I don't think I can handle this psychological pressure any longer.
I know that the booze won't help but I don't know what to do right now to alleviate that pain. I really have no one to give a call to right now. I'm ashamed I don't have anyone to talk to when needed. I feel stupid.
I had my mum on the phone yesterday. Hearing her voice almost made me cry. She was asking if everything was alright because I hadn't called for a long time. I wanted to say "oh if you knew I'm contemplating suicide mum like everyday. I feel so sad." She would've panicked. So I shut my mouth and simply said that everything was alright. When she hung up I was so ashamed.
I walked around town in the dark to breath some fresh air as I hadn't gone out for days and stayed at home intoxicating myself. Oh dear...
What the hell am I doing on this planet ? I just wanna vanish and never be heard of again. If it wasn't for my family I'd probably have tried killing myself a long time ago. Talking about it doesn't even ease the pain anymore. I feel stuck.
This beer and chocolate is giving me diarrhoea. I feel sick. What the hell is going on with me ?
Near where I live there is a bridge under which there is a highway. Sometimes when I cross that bridge it is very scary because I think I can actually jump off that bridge and be hit by a few cars and trucks and just die like an idiot. I try to stay as far as I can from the edge of the bridge and try not to think about it.
I hear voices in my head. I reminisce on past events that occurred in my life and I feel so ashamed for having said this and having done that and whatever.
I'm so sick of all that. I have the impression that people don't even remember their past errors. But I do all the time. I try to forget about them. But it's hard. I have to fight these negative thoughts every moment of the day.
Man I am sick. I really believe that I can call my condition a disease. No doubt about it.
HappyYogi said:
Please don't compare yourself. I know people like that on FB, one woman a party every weekend, often more. I wonder what makes them feel they need to post constant pics of themselves. I think it's a bit egoistic. Be glad you are not a braggart or show off. It's amazing the stuff on FB. One woman constantly posts to get others to say "how beautiful" you are.
One thing that has helped me is to just accept you are different. You are not her and that's OK. You are you. You can only be your best and go after your own goals with small steps in improvement. There will always be others with more in life. The key is to figure what you need to be happy and go after that without comparing yourself to others.
Yeah dude thanks for the comment. I know people show only a side of their life on face book and it's the brightest of them. I know that but it doesn't help.
To be different is not that appealing when you realize that being different in my case means that I spend my whole time on my own dreaming of a better life.
Indeed it's quite annoying. I couldn't ever be happy with myself as long as I am that way.
Walley said:
sometimes, the people that appear to have perfect lives or a lifestyle that others admire, are actually just presenting a facade and their lives are more about superficial things, but void of meaningful things.
I knew someone like that, who had a bigger house than everyone first, had a good paying job and they were a picture perfect couple.
I always felt that they were phony though in their relationship, and once they had a drunked fight and devorced, and both turned into alcoholics and lost all kinds of money and the material things they accumulated.. then everyone realised things we'rent so "perfect" as they had presented themselves to be.
as for the party lifestyle being something to bragg of or feel jealous about.. it's not. trust me.
take away the drugs and alcohol and it's just a bunch of people standing around in small groups that can barely talk over music. they are lonely even in a crowd, whether they know it or not.
I was one of them!
i used to go to a party or out to some social gathering every single friday or saturday night for years. but now, i avoid them and have no desire to be one of them. it's a shallow empty existence.
Shallow empty existence ? Yeah that's me.
