I Want To See Other Men But Doubt My Boyfriend Would Go For That

[SofiasMami]

Hi-
I started seeing a guy on the regular in mid-November after being single for 4+ years. I should say that I enjoyed and still enjoy being single.

I wasn't too interested at first but he's charming and it seemed like he couldn't get enough of me. I think he won me over with all the attention.

But there's been a few things niggling at me during the short time we've known each other. I like oral sex, he doesn't. It also seems like the attentiveness has waned. In the past, if a guy has been really into me, he lets me know it. This guy - well - thinking out loud here - I don't think he's really interested.

I'm introverted and usually shy when I meet someone for the first time. But once I feel comfy, you can't shut me up. I'm also straightforward and to the point (in a sweet way, of course ). He commented at first on how "quiet" I was, now I'm talking more (a little ) and I feel like I'm not being listened to.

I'm not into analyzing guys and trying to figure out what they're thinking and why they do what they do. Did that in my 20s and I'm past all that **** now. I take what a guy does at face value now and then try to decide what I should do.

He did stake out a claim a few weeks after we met and asked if he could call me his girlfriend and I said yes but I also don't think it's appropriate to have a deep talk about the "Relationship" when I've only known the guy for less than 2 months.

Has anyone ever been in a relationship where you or the other person asked if you could see other people? Is that the death knell for the relationship?

Thanks for listening!

Teresa

*edited for spelling

 

[Limlim]

Doesn't like oral sex? The... ****?

Anyway, it was actually my first girlfriend that threw in the idea that we become poly amorous. I thought I'd be the type of guy who would be thrilled with the idea, but it turns out that I wasn't. It took pretty much everything I had to get a girlfriend in the first place, something back then that I considered an achievement akin to the first moon landing. Basically made me realize that since I wasn't the type to go out and get other girls, the situation would turn into to her seeing a bunch of other dudes while I sat at home alone. I probably would have been more comfortable with it were I also seeing other girls.

I didn't think it at the time, so I gave the green light but eventually we broke up over it when I later on said I wasn't comfortable with it. There were other factors involved for us, but it didn't help things either. Though in your case I don't know how it will go because you've only been with the guy for < 2 months.

 

[SofiasMami]

Hi Limlim-
Poly amorous - that just sounds so much more classy than "seeing other men". I like it
So how long were you with your first girlfriend before she tossed out that idea?

Teresa

---

Hi-
And now I'm embarrassed because he just texted "are u upset"? Guess I haven't texted him since about yesterday.
I'll get back to him after my violin practice

Teresa

 

[Limlim]

2 years for us, she sat down and had a talk with me in that she saw me as her main stable life partner which she loved very much, but that she needed more in her life. To me it translated to "I like that you support me emotionally, I like your stability, your money and I'd love to have you raise our children (we didn't have any yet) but I want to see other men for the fun monkey sex times, that's where you're not giving me enough."

Oddly enough I probably would have been more comfortable being the "other guy" in the relationship rather than primary partner. Because it would have meant to me that I would be the one providing the missing element rather than the one that was lacking. I didn't hate her over it, but I knew she would be more suited to another type of guy, the ones who would give their left nut for a girl that would tell them to pick up at the bar as often as they want.

I was much better off with my successive girlfriend who took the approach of spending a lot of time teaching me to be a better lover I got a lot better in that department afterwards and appreciated her more for taking the time and having patience during my.... learning period. (yes I mean in bed when I say be better lover. I can admit I sucked now that I'm better at it )

 

[Badjedidude]

Personally-- and this is just my opinion --you should just dump him and find someone else who more closely matches your interests in sex. *shrug*

Either way, I hope things work out for ya.

 

[SofiasMami]

Hi-
Yeah, you're probably right, BJD. I'm a big wuss when it comes to dumping men. *sigh* who knew dating would be kinda hard.

Teresa

 

[SofiasMami]

Hi-
So after laying awake last night trying to figure out what to do, I kicked Mr. Doesn't Like Oral Sex or Spooning to the curb this afternoon. I put on my big-girl pants, called him and told him I want to see other people and I'm not ready for a commitment yet. He took it surprisingly well and just said "ok". I was hoping he wouldn't start crying or try to talk me out of it but he didn't. I guess I was right, he wasn't feeling it either.
I'm done analyzing and all that, especially because we just met less than 2 months ago. I will say, though, that he told me a few weeks after we met that he is actually separated and not divorced. I don't think he 's going back to his wife but that's unfinished business, as far as I'm concerned and not something I can help him with.
So *ahem* there's another guy in the background who's been sexting me over the past 2 months. I told him I was seeing someone on the regular and he said he didn't care. He's definitely not my type but we women in our 30s have our needs, you know

Teresa

 

[Badjedidude]

^^^Haha.. well I'm glad to see you're decisively acting to put yourself in a better situation romantically. lol

Hope everything goes well for you!

 

[VanillaCreme]

Eh, kind of wary on the relationship thing myself, but I don't think seeing other guys is right when you officially have a boyfriend. Break it off, sure, and then go for other men. Then you won't be attached to one dude, so he can't complain or cry about it when he discovers you've been out with another dude.