I wish I'd just die already

[Ijustwish]

I should be grateful for my health, a roof over my head (which btw, I worked hard for) and everything that I do have, yet...I still hurt...

The pain just never goes away...

How I always feel, is like my heart has been freshly broken again and again every ******* day...

I JUST WISH I WOULD DIE ALREADY

I don't enjoy to be alive...all my life, I've felt that the negatives outweigh the positives...I am alive not because I'm a coward of suicide but because of how I know it'd affect my family (even tho they often berate me because they take me for granted)...

But oh god, I often dream of being shot or coming down with a terminally ill sickness...I desperately wish I could exchange my life with someone who would more appreciate it...I have sick family members - why could it not have been me instead??!! They are the ones with loving husbands, children, and most importantly - they are such positive people and appreciate life (even before they were sick)...

I would be miserable sick...but I am miserable alive and healthy anyway!!
What would it matter?!

I WAAAAAAAAAAANT TO DIEEEEEEE

It would be such a ******* relief...I am so unhappy, angry, hurt and feel like I'm being slapped again and again every day that I wake up...

I wish I could commit suicide but I don't want to hurt my loved ones but ****, I just wish I could finally find peace...

I've tried so hard for so long since I was a child, but I just can't escape and I hate life itself.

I wish my mother had aborted me...her first child (would have been my sister) was miscarriage...I wish I died...now my only choice is to continue suffering or die shamefully...hence, why I prefer to die either at someone elses' hands or sickness...

I should wander around the streets at night and wait to get killed but the problem is, I don't want to suffer and be tortured before I die...but just being shot and not know? That would be fine by me

 

[Trent]

chances are that you would start to really appreciate life (even the little things) once you came down with the terminal illness that you are hoping for

 

[SophiaGrace]

Sometimes I really wish this for myself too OP. Maybe more often than I like to admit to 99.9% of people.

Mostly though, sad enough to say, most people do not care about your thoughts, or they care in a way that damages/hurts you and causes damage, rather than supporting and encouraging you.

Don't people know how to be encouraging/supportive in a way that doesn't smack of insincerity? I guess, for most people, they don't.

 

[potato]

I can relate to this. However, I warn from my own meandering experience, be careful what you wish for.

Sometimes these thoughts can lead you to pave your own destiny into a downward spiral. You may get what you wish for in some form or another, but in some cases it involves you enduring a long road of a unique kind of hell on earth beyond what you could ever have imagined possible.

Just know that you have the power to create and build your life; just as you have the ability to let it deteriorate and crumble. You only have one life. It takes work and you may fail many times before you succeed. Whichever path you choose, destiny is ultimately in the palm of your hands.

 

[ladyforsaken]

chances are that you would start to really appreciate life (even the little things) once you came down with the terminal illness that you are hoping for

This is so true.

Ijustwish, please keep moving forward. It must be hard and frustrating to live when you just have the desire to die. I experienced this for a period of time before and I kept wishing I'd get into an accident or something just to take care of it cos I didn't want to hurt my family with suicide. I tried suicide anyway.

Not worth it. I realise that there is more to life than what I was thinking. Sometimes, you just gotta go out there and look at things under a different setting or light. You'll be surprised how the mindset change can make a vast difference to your outlook in life and your feelings about life.

Look at the good things that you have, even though they may be little. Look at what you like doing or what would make you happy. Do them. If there is nothing that does? Then go out there, help the poor and needy. Volunteer your services to disadvantaged children or orphans. These things tend to be an eye-opener and a great learning experience.

There really is so much more to life we all haven't discovered, I'm sure. Come on, let's keep going. *hugs* Your life is precious to yourself and to your loved ones... and to the future that you could have which you could mould if you work hard for what you want. Yes, easier said than done. But who said life would be easy?

 

[RealRecognizeReal]

I can relate. True you should be careful what you wish for but at times when you are that down you don't really think about that. I myself have been thinking how I wish I didn't exist. It's been even worse since yesterday and all because I got into an fight with someone I care about deeply yesterday. I have a habit of being reckless with my mouth. I really don't think before I speak. And well even though what I said was the truth, it could have came out in a better way. That person hasn't talked to me since. I can't take the silent treatment. My anxiety is at it's highest. Can't do nothing but cry. I know everyone is different and they may need more time to cool off. I don't know what to do..This pounding headache that doesn't go away and the empty sick feeling in my stomach has been torture.

 

[IgnoredOne]

Again, I accept being a beneficiary to your life insurance. I'll even buy it for you.

 

[LonelyAtNight]

wow, I can just hear and feel your pain and despair, even if you got one little thing in a day or a week that brought even a bit of pleasure....do you have that?....I'm going to run some things past you....you do sound profoundly alone and I'm guessing without support or connection....so if you have anyway to get yourself to a counselor or a personal coach??...the worse thing about this much despair is that you are in it alone....even if you don't get to a counselor or somebody...I'm glad you shared here, now, and I will look for further sharing in next number of days hopefully from you....

 

[floatsamjetsam]

Again, I accept being a beneficiary to your life insurance. I'll even buy it for you.

You're so funny

 

[Gurp]

come on man , atleast post the reason why u feel this way ????????????

 

[OhGodImLonely]

chances are that you would start to really appreciate life (even the little things) once you came down with the terminal illness that you are hoping for

LOOOOL !

all I wish for that fellow is to die very, very slowly...

 

[monkeysocks]

Again, I accept being a beneficiary to your life insurance. I'll even buy it for you.

You're so funny

shouldn't laugh but that is so funny.

I understand how you feel, I think many of us on here have been there at some point.

When I walked the streets with nothing but the clothes I stood in through no fault of my own - I realised what I did have. MYSELF, My health and my family. The things that some people didn't have.

There is a reason people from the past don't make it to our future and always in the end is because they don't deserve us whether we made mistakes or not.

If you were not a good person you would not hold such pain and anger - so take all that good and love yourself. The rest will then resolve itself.

 

[dying inside]

I understand what your feeling. I have had the same feeling for a long time.

 

[bonnie84]

if u die.. i will be sad..

i dont know who u are...

but i will be sad...

cuz u told us who u are ....on this thread.

 

[Tiina63]

OP-I often feel the same way as you do.
Sophia Grace-your comments to the OP were very thoughtful and helpful.

 

[Frodothelost]

Sometimes I really wish this for myself too OP. Maybe more often than I like to admit to 99.9% of people.

Mostly though, sad enough to say, most people do not care about your thoughts, or they care in a way that damages/hurts you and causes damage, rather than supporting and encouraging you.

Don't people know how to be encouraging/supportive in a way that doesn't smack of insincerity? I guess, for most people, they don't.

:rolleyes2: wow nice post soph

 

[Wayfarer]

I can relate, really. What I can say to you is that a good thing would be to find something you enjoy doing, a hobby, something like that. That would occupy your time and make you feel a little better, trust me. Apart from this probably your best possibility is to find a person to share what you feel with: I agree, just talking won't make the pain you feel fade away, but it will surely lessen it.
(At least it works for me so far)
Another good advice I've read somewhere is not to think about the tomorrow or the yesterday, but only about the now, to live in "day-tight compartments".

Other than that.. hmm you're free to pm me to talk, if you like and/or think it would be good to talk a bit.

See you!

 

[madera23]

I should be grateful for my health, a roof over my head (which btw, I worked hard for) and everything that I do have, yet...I still hurt...

The pain just never goes away...

How I always feel, is like my heart has been freshly broken again and again every ******* day...

I JUST WISH I WOULD DIE ALREADY

I don't enjoy to be alive...all my life, I've felt that the negatives outweigh the positives...I am alive not because I'm a coward of suicide but because of how I know it'd affect my family (even tho they often berate me because they take me for granted)...

But oh god, I often dream of being shot or coming down with a terminally ill sickness...I desperately wish I could exchange my life with someone who would more appreciate it...I

have sick family members - why could it not have been me instead??!! They are the ones with loving husbands, children, and most importantly - they are such positive people and appreciate life (even before they were sick)...

I would be miserable sick...but I am miserable alive and healthy anyway!!
What would it matter?! 

I WAAAAAAAAAAANT TO DIEEEEEEE

It would be such a ******* relief...I am so unhappy, angry, hurt and feel like I'm being slapped again and again every day that I wake up...

I wish I could commit suicide but I don't want to hurt my loved ones but ****, I just wish I could finally find peace...

I've tried so hard for so long since I was a child, but I just can't escape and I hate life itself.

I wish my mother had aborted me...her first child (would have been my sister) was miscarriage...I wish I died...now my only choice is to continue suffering or die shamefully...hence, why I prefer to die either at someone elses' hands or sickness...

I should wander around the streets at night and wait to get killed but the problem is, I don't want to suffer and be tortured before I die...but just being shot and not know? That would be fine by me
[/quote]

hi, I dont want.to say this. To you, but those wishes are being put. Into your mind and emotions by a demon that is trying to destroy you
.stop listening to that dark force, the pain you feel is it what it feels and you are feeling what it feels.
God is waiting for you to come to HIm with your sins,   Are you angried easily?
who do you need to forgive?
Have that relationship with Him and the darkness will have no power to take over you .
I hope you can understand what I am saying.
Go through the pain without getting upset by resenting it.and ask GOd to help you.

Louise

[i]Edited by minus to unscramble mycode[/i]

 

[madera23]

No one here are seeking for the truth, you want to have your ego pacified. If you write the truth here it will be deleted.


Just want to add that there are dark forces causing your fear and anxieties. I have gone through it and the only thing you have to fear is the spirit of fear that speaks to you.
Stop listening to it, stop feeding it and it will flee.

 

[Sci-Fi]

... If you write the truth here it will be deleted.

Not true. Posts are rarely if ever deleted.