I'll drink the pain away

[lonesome]

I am just wondering how many people here self-medicate through the use of alcohol and/or drugs as a means of "numbing" their loneliness and their anxiety?

Or self-medicating as a means of becoming more social, coming out of their shell, shedding their low self-esteem - in effect, so that they can become someone other than their true sober selves? So that nobody can see that their true self is a hopeless blubbering mess.

I know that this kind of abuse is very prominent with people who suffer from depression, anxiety and loneliness; it is something that I have had to struggle with for a long time.

And with the dependence comes feelings of shame, guilt and extreme self hatred.

Is anyone here like me?

 

[Blue Sky]

Hi Lonesome

Yeah I used to do it. My drinking started as a teenager, it was harmless fun at first, but over the years my drinking steadily increased. When I moved away from home and lived by myself that's when my problem really started. I was on my own, lonely, nothing much to do apart from work, so I would drink. I thought the booze was my best friend, I really did. But it lead me down a path of depression and suicide atempts. Eventually I found myself in detox centres, and that's where I was introduced to AA. I started going to meetings, but it took me at least 18 months to stop drinking all together. I haven't drank for 2 years now, I had to hit my rock bottom to stop, well for me anyway. I'm still lonely, but I now can get by a day at a time without drinking. I have now learnt that I'm the only one who can help myself. All of the detox centres and rehab programs and support groups won't help, unless your willing to give 100% Stopping drinking, was the hardest thing that I have ever done in my life. If I didn't stop, I wouldn't be here now, that's how serious my problem was.

 

[Guest]

Thanks blue sky, for answering.

Controlling your drinking is incredibly difficult - The minute you start facing a challenging situation, bam! your brain switches onto automatic and before you know it you are back to where you were.

What always confuses me is this: Am I my 'real' self when I am sober, lonely and afraid - or do my true qualities only come out when I am drunk and relaxed enough to become outwardly the true person I think I am inside?

How do you feel about this?

 

[Blue Sky]

Well, for me, when I drank I would let my guard down, like many people do. I would be more relaxed, take more chances, and be more open with people. But as my addiction took hold, I became more reclusive, I wouldn't go out, wouldn't even answer the phone, I would just sit in front off the tv all day and try to as the topic states, drink my pain away. Everyone is different, some people will drink and want to party all night, others will want to be on there own. But I understand what your saying about the differences in yourself when you are sober, and then drunk. I did like some of the ways I acted when I was drunk at times, I was open, not afraid, and some times confident, but you can't be drunk all of the time, I've tried it and it doesn't work lol. And I wasn't the same person that I am inside.
So an option is to work on your sober state, seek counseling, or go to AA, or a support group. AA did miracles for me, I have a sponser who I can phone up everyday if I want to, and talk to him about what's on my mind. But because I don't know you, I can really only speak about the issues I have had and the action I took.
If you don't have the need to drink and can get by that's fine. But if your drinking is something you can't do without, well something I would start to consider is some plan of action, before it takes over your life.

Hope that helps.

 

[Bluey]

Hallo lonesome I think that drink just enhances the way you already feel. So if your feeling happy then it well make you moor happy but if your feeling sad then it well make you moor say.

I sometimes get drunk coz am trying to num the feelings that hurt. Its manly when am bored and feeling a bit down when I do it. But I always like company when I have a drink but thats not always the case. I never thought I wouled ever drink alone. I have always thought that this is sad. But its like sometimes I have to get out my head just for something to do. Its like that am doing something about how lonely I feel. See most of the time there is nothing that we can do but maybe when we drink we have control. Even it its control just to not think about the things that bother us.

most of the time I do not get drunk that often just sometimes I feel like doing it. But if your doing it all the time you need to try and not do that. I don't know what I would do if I found my self getting of my head avery night. If this is the case then just do what I do. keep yourself busy on sights like this are any thing that your into. OK sometimes thats not a nuff but then its OK to have a drink sometimes it dose you good to get legless sometimes.

peace out and look after yourself and give the liver a rest from time to time ye cheers bud

 

[Pebblette]

At first, drinking can help you feel confident and like you're fitting in, but then yes, it does start to make you feel poorly about yourself when it becomes a habit. And that's as bad as not socializing and being stuck at home with no friends. Generally, the people you drink with are superficial anyway. That's why I don't drink anymore (I only drank socially and became the occasional drunk). Besides, sometimes you can stick your foot in your mouth when you're drunk due to overconfidence.

 

[lonelygirl]

Hi new person,

Drinking and drugging the pain away is a real technique that millions have used for many, many centuries--sadly, rather unsuccessfully.

I will admit that I have tried to eat the pain away.

It works for about 5 minutes and then you just feel worse, and even disgusted with yourself.

Is there something else you could try? Martial arts? Debate club? Chess? Anything that uses your mind and mental energy and you could express your anger and sadness without hurting yourself or others?

 

[moongirl]

Hi lonesome i like the way u say that so if u need someone to talk i am here just send to me life is like a road u walk and talk some time u feel like u are lonely but yeah there is people would care to talk to u and know about you so give them chance ( like me ) okay wish you the beast

 

[Lost in the Oilfield]

I think alcohol is pure evil in a bottle. Enough said.

Marijuana is good. It sedates and makes people less destructive, even creative. Also it increases appetites. While alcohol does the exact opposite (except the hunger part... I can eat like a pig after drinking)

Coke is good if girls are doing it cause they get horny when they come down off it. I get extremely talkative on that stuff, which is a miracle cause I'm as antisocial as they come. It's bad for you though, undoubtedly. Not to mention people turn it into crack which is only slightly more evil than alcohol, and I never tried that junk, but watched people puking their guts up each time they smoked it. I hate wasting food, so I don't want to try it.

Magic mushrooms are good. The only danger with this, and with acid (LSD), is that both require that you enter into the high in a positive mood, otherwise you could be in for a 'bad trip'.

Xstacy is good for mood enhancement, however it is hard on your body, and if improperly prepared, it can kill you.

Speed and/or bennies are fun too, but they're really hard on your body, like immediate negative effects are felt when you start coming down, and grinding your teeth (also applies to X and coke, when you're coming down) is a nasty side effect.

None of the above have ever helped me with feelings of loneliness other than to make me forget I was lonely for a little while. Usually I was with people when any substances were being used. I get lonely about one thing - women... or more accurately the lack thereof in my life.
My jobs have been "man" jobs. Meaning either women can't hack the work I do (Ladies don't get all up-in-arms most guys can't handle my job either) or they just aren't around since I spend nearly every working hour in isolation. Sort of makes it impossible to meet someone.
However, that is my own fault and directly under my own control. I refuse to work for less than I make now, and due to isolation, danger pay, living expenses covered, NO job can offer the same pay. So it is also true that loneliness is also directly in your control. Nothing is stopping you except you period. There is no greater foe to battle in life than oneself.

This has no relevance but it's funny-
"There's no "I" in team."
"Nope, but there is a M and E, ME get it!"
LOL, a kid said that once to his coach and it cracked me up, he probably picked it up off some TV show. Crap they're showing kids these days is unreal.

Anywho,
I'm not pushing drugs here, although I'd rather deal with someone who's stoned than someone who is drunk.

...And remember kids everything in moderation.

 

[Lost in the Oilfield]

Lol, not sure if it's bad practice to double post but I sort of read the title, made a post, then read through the other posts so I'll just take a sec to respond to some other posts...

Lonesome- of all the stuff I'd mentioned the only things I had dependency problems with were smoking cigarettes (nasty habit, quit but always end up going back to it) and smoking weed. I was dependent on that joint after work every single day... without it I would become very grumpy, my nerves were shot, my appetite was poor at best, and I had trouble sleeping at night. The nice thing with weed is that 2 days max after you come off from smoking too much pot you feel right as rain. Up till that you can suffer what I mentioned above, as well as some pretty heavy depression. Plus when I was smoking heavy (1 to 1and1/2 ounces a month) I lost motivation. I'd still get to work, work 14 hrs a day, 7 days a week for a month straight with three days off each month (so still very motivated to work for cash), but after work I would do absolutely nothing but get stoned and watch movies or play video games... once or twice a week I'd head to the grocery store to restock supplies, cause I would starve otherwise. By the end of it I felt bad because I wasn't keeping up on little goals apart from work that I'd set, like working on my car, cleaning it, going out to shop for electronics, contacting friends/family, etc. So it was not a good situation. Weed does not make me social... actually it enhances my anxiety around public areas sometimes. So in moderation I find it has it's uses but if abused, like everything else, it can cause depression.

Blue Sky
Congrats on staying off the bottle!
I have never personally suffered from alcoholism since I can't seem to understand how to stop drinking, lol. I drink till I either throw up, black out, or pass out. Then I remember why I never liked drinking and I stay away from the stuff for another year. I HAVE lost very good friends and family members to alcohol. I young friend of mine recently had his legs shaved completely off at the knees after crashing his motorcycle while drunk, another down the road where I grew up was killed after driving his motorcycle at 50mph through the side of a parked half-ton, another was killed a year ago by a head-on collision in his truck with another truck, unfortunately the other vehicles driver, an off-duty police officer that wasn't drunk, was also killed. I got a great-uncle I have never known because he's been plastered every day for the last 50 years and will stay that way till it kills him. These are just a couple of the reasons I tend to abstain from alcohol entirely.
In defense it does have its benefits if used properly. My sister introduced me to drinking wine before a meal. I found it increased my appetite and also made my giddy... as long as it was one glass, it was actually a very enjoyable dinner.

Guest
My own observation of drinking would be that alcohol enhances your mood... much like the acid/mush trip... going in bad = bad trip while going in good = good trip. 'Going in' meaning getting drunk. If you get a little buzz I find it's just you sober, but with a little looser tongue and a little more carefree. Once you're drunk who knows what you'll say or do. I've done some things I would have never done if I'd been sober, or just buzzed. So I don't consider me drunk as being who I am inside at all. I am generally a caring, considerate, perhaps overly-self conscious person while sober, and I am much the same while buzzed, but when drunk I've done things I've regretted and even had to go apologize for in the aftermath, so no. I don't think the drunk you is the real you. It's the alcohol.

Bluey and Pebblette
Good points, I'm bored of talking about booze so I'll leave it there.

Lonelygirl
I've never tried eating away badness... but I can understand. I feel happy when I eat, thats usually cause I don't eat a whole lot so I get grumpy. When I eat the grumpiness goes away. I should probably eat more than I do... I'm slightly underweight for my age/size and country, but I almost dislike feeling overfull as much as feeling starved. And most times eating is an inconvenience.

That's far as I remembered... I'm tired, not feeling lonely... think that passed a few hours ago... and ready for bed.

Good Night. Lost in the Oilfield Signing Off.

 

[lonesome]

Thanks guys for all your input and stories.

Lost in the Oilfield - i think you are right: when im slightly buzzed, thats still me (and a me that I still prefer to the sober me and thats something i still need to work on). But when im drunk, that is not me at all, its the alcohol. Better to be sober than sorry! (easier said than done)

I am now a registered user and look forward to continuing to chat with everyone in the future!

 

[Lost in the Oilfield]

I can relate. My brother was a raging alcoholic. He ended up getting an under-aged girl pregnant many years ago... fortunately things worked out and he married her nearly ten years later, but at that time he didn't know what to do about this pregnant teenage girl, and his drinking got a lot worse. It came to the point where he had serious ulcers. He was drinking and taking penicillin for the ulcers at the same time. He was forced to either quit or start losing the support of his family. Even today he still fights against getting smashed, he'll buy a half-dozen beer to share with his wife and get a buzz every so often, but as long as he can keep it in check and not relapse into the minimum 24-beer-a-day habit, that's perfectly acceptable. Change is gradual, not instant, just like becoming alcoholic, pothead, or loner... these aren't things that just happen one day, so they can't just end in one day either.

Thx for the chat.

And congrats on becoming a member, I just joined up today too.

 

[lonelygirl]

Hey Lost in the oilfield,

I'm Lost in the Supermarket!

;-)

Drugs have their uses. I have never really tried any. I have a very addictive personality and I'm scared.

I have heard that coke is far too wonderful. No wonder so many people spent the 80's coke up out of their minds!

Heroin is supposed to be the creme de la creme, but that junk will kill you quickly.

So many people chasing after these things to alleviate their pain...it is nothing but chasing the wind.

I recently met someone who said that the only hell is this life. I'm not sure, my religious training would tell me otherwise, but I cannot believe that a loving God sends his children to hell for drinking, drugging, eating, smoking, snorting, gambling, *******, or spending their pain away.

I guess the trick is to learn and to want to seek God rather than escape.

Hugs,

LG.

 

[Lost in the Oilfield]

Heya Lonely,

I too believe in God. I always have... why? I suppose cause when I was a kid wandering alone He let me know he was there far too many times for me to dismiss it. That support never left, even today things happen that I can only attribute to Him.

As far as life being hell, definitely not. There is a hell and it's much worse. Here at least you still got a choices. There all you have is eternity to live with the choices. I think of life as a final exam from start to finish. There's many grades you can achieve from a complete failure (Hitler), to passable grades, the average non-practicing Christian, to head of the class (the truly pious). Thats a generalization but still I think of life as test. Each choice is multiple whether or not we realize it at the time of the decision, and we are graded on those choices. That's just my viewpoint.

I have a rather addictive personality as well, so with my introduction into the world of drugs, I approached it with some apprehension but also I suppose with a feeling of exploration. I documented my experiences including the quantity of the drug I took, time it took for the drugs effects to begin after consumption, the feelings both physical and emotional that I felt, how long the drug lasted and any changes along the way, and finally the feelings coming down both physical and emotional, and any after effects over the next few days. I only did this with the harder of the drugs. Marijuana I had smoked when I was 13 and I never took notes on that, or alcohol for that matter, but I never got drunk till I was 16.

Coke is a powerful drug. It hits fast and perks you up like you just drank ten espressos with as many spoons of sugar in one shot. First is pain of the powder in your sinus, next you get the residue running down your nasal passage into your throat, it tastes horrible. Then the high kicks in. This is all in a matter of seconds. I get extremely talkative which is strange for me, I get sweaty palms, my mind races a million miles a minute from one thought to another. Within five minutes you feel like having more and this continues till whatever you have is gone. We had only half a gram so it didn't last long with three people. Girls seem to get very horny with it, especially when they start to come down a little. I've never woken up the next day with any desire to have more, in fact quite the opposite. It makes my sinuses stuffed up and I feel like I have a head cold the day after. Combined with the ridiculously high price it is something I have little interest in doing... well maybe just a little if a pretty girl offers and I don't need to work the next day
Weeell, no I don't do that any more, and I've only done it on four occasions but I don't mind sharing the learning experience.

Anyway, heroin I don't want, don't need, and will never touch. I had and will always have a strict prohibition against two things - Crack and Smack - no Crack and no needles. I was always against it and in recent years I came to learn of a cousin I hadn't seen since childhood that is battling with addiction to those drugs and also the HIV he contracted from being addicted to those drugs and using dirty needles. It's sad, I can picture what he looked like back then and I loved him as I do all my family, but I've been told I'd barely recognize him now. So sad, it's a shame.

I don't do any drugs now except the occasional bit of marijuana that, in it's defense, is a plant put on this earth in the form it's in and serving the purpose it's supposed to serve.

Wow i make long posts... verbal diarrhea sorry.

 

[lonelygirl]

Fascinating!

It's fun to meet a fellow intellectual who actually believes in God!

lol

You know, it's SO fashionable to bash Christianity these days--well then again, they were doing it since Jesus!

Don't you KNOW that Christianity is so boring, so repressive? lol

The same knee-jerk liberals who bash Christians ironically defend Islam. HA!

Remember to be in the world but not of it.

I see nothing wrong with smoking pot in the privacy of your own home, as long as you don't go out driving stoned and hurt someone.

I'm for Ron Paul, the Libertarian running on the Republican ticket. I myself am an independent with Libertarian leanings.

I think drugs should be decriminalized for private usage. It should be illegal to drive under the influence, though. That is putting innocent people at risk for your own selfish pleasure, no?

Super interesting.

Speaking of the sex/drug connection....did you ever do it whilst high? I heard that it really heightens your senses. However, I mentioned I already love sex. With my luck, I'd get high and contract HIV.

I have alot of trouble with my sinuses as is--i think i have a deviated septum lol. And I never snorted coke in my life.

What also scares me these days is Crystal Meth. This girl I know online is enjoying 'magic dust' and you can smoke heroin as well.

They call is Chasing the Dragon in Thailand. Smoke crystal meth, that **** is POISON. Evil stuff it does to the body!

PS Can I tell you something sick? I, just once, would like to snort coke off a hooker's ass and then bang a guy that I love/trust.

HA!

 

[Guest]

Hi guys,

im not religious at all - but at the same time, im not against christianity or any other religion. Everyone can believe what they believe and it does not bother me! I believe in nothing but human will....

However, when someone's beliefs start to affect me directly, then that starts to be a problem. I once had a really religious friend who used to go to church every week and try to follow all the requirements - but in the end, she was the most impolite and inconsiderate person I have ever known. I believe that religion is becoming "cool" these days and people like to say that they are religious as a means of claiming that they are 'good people' - all I have to say, is prove it rather than say it!

Im not trying to put down religious people, but I just want to say that religion should be something very personal that makes you be a better person, rather than making it a public statement!

I am very open to different beliefs, but when you look at the evidence, religion is the main problem when you look at modern day society...without it, im sure, it would be a more peaceful world.[/i][/b]

 

[lonesome]

By the way, the guest posting before was me - sorry forgot to sign in....

 

[Blue Sky]

Thanks Lost In The Oil Field, for sharing about drugs, I never done drugs, so it was good to find out about how they take affect and what they do to people.

I'm a believer, I don't go to church, but when I did the 12 step program for my alcoholism, praying and having a god in my life sure helped.

 

[Guest]

Hi guys,

im not religious at all... but I just want to say that religion should be...

I just love it how irreligious people arrogate to themselves the right to say what religion should be.

...but when you look at the evidence, religion is the main problem when you look at modern day society...without it, im sure, it would be a more peaceful world.

If your talking about Islam, then I'd say your right.
If your talking about Christianity, then I can't imagine how you could say that. If people would live in accordance with Christian principles, and not just profess them, then the world would be a much better place. The problem is with certain people, not with the religion itself.

Just commenting, NOT trying to start a debate

Best of luck to you!

 

[lonelygirl]

Guest,

I do agree with you to a point.

Christianity, I think, is the best the world has, so far. I call myself a Christian Buddhist because I love the confounded look on people's faces.

I am a Christian because I accept the Christ rather than reject the Christ (annointed one.)

I am a Buddhist because I accept that Life is Suffering.

Now, comes the debate.

Is life suffering because we stubborn little humans are in defiance against the One God? Because we constantly chase after the momentary pleasures of this brief life--the sex, drugs, parties, booze, money, etc.?

Or, is this just the human condition? That we must suffer on this planet, the pain and torment of all that humanity has to unleash upon one another--abuse, molestation, cruelty, etc.?

I wrestle with this. A big tripping stone for me is sex. I like a more Buddhist approach to sex--that between consenting adults who are honest with each other, it doesn't HAVE to be confined to the marriage bed. I think that CLEARLY there is no way that God intended us to have sex for procreation only and not pleasure, because then humans, particularly females, would not be orgasmic. Some women are multi-orgasmic!

Guest,

I agree, though, that if more people were REAL Christians (Christ-followers, people who want to emulate the ACTIONS of Jesus Christ), this world WOULD be a more loving, kind, forgiving, and merciful place in which to reside.