I'm 25, no luck so far. Is it too late?

[Darrell_Licht]

A lot of women your age look to 30 something guys more often than not. I don't think you're anywhere 'too late'.

A preoccupation with something else would do you more good.

 

[DariusArgent]

I'm almost in the same situation. Except that I didn't get much compliments from friends that are girls... hell, I had very few friends that were girls (sadly I have none now).

People say that there are always fish in the sea. And that is kinda true (well not in my area, every man/woman that I know is/was in a relationship). If you have friends to hang out with, do so and be outside, be known to people. There is always a chance someone would approach you.

Best of luck.

 

[will89]

25 is young mate. The hardest thing is convincing yourself that you still have time when your head wants you to think you don't. Although I'm definitely no relationship expert, i wouldn't advice you rush anything. A bad relationship can be pretty off-putting in the long term. Better take the time to find that right girl than rush it and come out with a broken heart and spirit.

 

[Nethic]

I'm not sure what women want, but it isn't me. I have friends that are girls... I've been told I'm really funny, a chill dude, any kind of compliment you can imagine I've received at one point or another. But I can just tell... every girl I talk to, meet, interact with... there's just nothing there. Not an ounce of interest from anyone, really. Maybe I don't try hard enough. I have such strong anxiety and serious reservations about talking to girls, I mean, I don't handle rejection well, so that's part of it.

What is it that you want? A relationship? dates? Sex?

"But I can just tell, every girl I talk to, meet, interactive with...there's just nothing there."

Are you willing to bet your life on it? Are you willing to put your life on the table and say that there is nothing there - not an ounce of interest from anyone? Are you 100% sure you know what is going on in the head of another person?

And if you are not certain enough to put your life on the line for that claim, how is it possible for you to become more certain? What do you need to do in order to be 100% certain (enough to be able to put your life on it and say that this girl is not interested in you)? What do you need to do to get that response?

I have such strong anxiety and serious reservations about talking to girls, I mean, I don't handle rejection well, so that's part of it.

I imagine that you'll probably have to figure out how to get over this to answer my question. I wish I had more for you, but I don't. I struggle with these issues myself.

 

[ardour]

What is it that you want? A relationship? dates? Sex?

"But I can just tell, every girl I talk to, meet, interactive with...there's just nothing there."

Are you willing to bet your life on it? Are you willing to put your life on the table and say that there is nothing there - not an ounce of interest from anyone? Are you 100% sure you know what is going on in the head of another person?

And if you are not certain enough to put your life on the line for that claim, how is it possible for you to become more certain? What do you need to do in order to be 100% certain (enough to be able to put your life on it and say that this girl is not interested in you)? What do you need to do to get that response?

There comes a point where certainty isn't worth the continual knock-backs and risk of being portrayed as a predator any more. He shouldn't give up yet, but I wouldn't tell him to go drown in rejection in the hopes of finding someone either.

This is a slightly overwrought analogy to the situation many of us face:

"Imagine that you’re traveling through a distant land and come upon a society where a man who wants a relationship must go into an arena with innumerable doors. All the women who have seen the man and are attracted to him then enter the back of the arena and take up behind some of the doors. But the rest of the doors are supplied with fierce tigers that would eat the man. There are many doors – hundreds perhaps – and the ratio of women to tigers is what we shall call “attraction.” The lower the ratio, the more likely the man will meet his fate in the jaws of a tiger. But men are fighters – they can fend off at least a few of the tigers, acquiring a few scars and losing some blood along the way – and are willing to do this so long as one of the doors eventually reveals a loving woman. But still, these men can only fight off so many tigers before they end up a mangled wreck of their former selves. And the women, who peer out through secret peep holes, see a progressively uglier man until they lose interest and walk off, in turn being replaced with more tigers. Eventually the man must admit defeat. Yes, there may be one unopened door left that holds his lover, but at some point it just stops being worth it.

The really attractive men – well, they sometimes open multiple doors and have their way with all the women before moving on to yet another – completely unconcerned for the occasional tiger. And the women complain about this, they think it’s awful. But the less attractive men keep getting mangled. Everyone is unhappy about this arrangement, men and women alike. Women think it’s next to impossible to find the right guy… they peer at them through the peep holes as they either have their way with every other girl in town or else are mangled by the tigers.

The ridiculousness of this society becomes apparent to you when you find out that at any time, the women who are standing behind those doors can just open the doors themselves, walk into the arena with the man and say, “here I am, the interested one!” But they don’t. So you find one of the women who lives in this society and ask her why they don’t end the game even when they can. And she answers it flatly: because they just aren’t interested in a man who wouldn’t risk getting eaten by a tiger in order to be with her. She can open the door but she doesn’t want to. She swears up and down that she finds these men who are being mangled by tigers to be very attractive and feels extremely sorry for them now that they’re dead, but she is just unwilling to end the ritual. Yet, she claims up and down that the reason why she is alone or that she has been used and discarded is because men are either cowards or ********."

 

[sanguineRose]

I don't think 25 is too late. Love knocks on our door when we least expect it. Just don't stop believing.

 

[Regumika]

There was this song that I listened to.. The Only Exception

She sings about how she doesn't believe that love lasts from seeing her father and mother, with this guy as the only exception. She will believe that love can last, with him. Though, there is one verse in the song that bothered me... She said:

"And I've always lived like this
Keeping a comfortable distance.
And up until now I have sworn to myself
That I'm content with loneliness.

Because none of it was ever worth the risk."

What exactly is she (us) afraid of risking? If you're pretending to yourself saying that you're content with loneliness, what do you have to lose from getting into a relationship? To be hurt, from trust? Well, no one said you need to dive in head first into a relationship.. take it slow. It's impossible to know 100% that you won't be hurt but you can be 95% sure. There are plenty of measures to take to almost guarantee you wouldn't be hurt, it just takes time.

Back to the topic(?) - I have found out that in a relationship, when it comes down to it, it doesn't matter if you have skills, talents, or traits. What matters is the compatibility in beliefs, values, and morals. Which is why so many "good" people are emotionally hurt, because they have the outward image with good skills/talents/traits but after being in a relationship the other finds out that the beliefs/values/morals just do not match. So they part ways. Then the "good" person wonders why it didn't work even with all the good looks/habits/traits.

 

[Triple Bogey]

I'm not sure. Most people start dating in their early teens. All the cools kids anyway. 18 is leaving it late. 25 - he is going to have to get very lucky. I realized at 31 that it wasn't going to happen for me. Now I am 46 I don't give a ****. I don't see why it's so important to people. I don't understand why people are so unhappy because they don't have a bed partner.

Please try not to force your defeatist attitude upon others.

not a defeatist attitude at all, a realistic one.

A lot of people on here have very unhappy lives because they are single. That's really sad to see because I don't think it's too bad. Lots of advantages. I think these people should concentrate on more important things such as getting a good job, earning some cash, travelling, experiencing new things, enjoying life, meeting new people etc.

---

I believe it is never too late.

which is fair enough but while you are waiting I hope you enjoying your life !

---

25 is young mate. The hardest thing is convincing yourself that you still have time when your head wants you to think you don't. Although I'm definitely no relationship expert, i wouldn't advice you rush anything. A bad relationship can be pretty off-putting in the long term. Better take the time to find that right girl than rush it and come out with a broken heart and spirit.

I think at 25 it should have happened by now. Obviously everybody is different.

 

[ladyforsaken]

I believe it is never too late.

which is fair enough but while you are waiting I hope you enjoying your life !

I'm not really waiting, I have given up on it entirely. But I believe there's hope for those who believe in working your way up in this area.

 

[Triple Bogey]

I believe it is never too late.

which is fair enough but while you are waiting I hope you enjoying your life !

I'm not really waiting, I have given up on it entirely. But I believe there's hope for those who believe in working your way up in this area.

I see

 

[ABrokenMan]

As someone who has experienced nothing but heartbreaking disappointment and frustration with the opposite sex / matters of the heart, the only lesson I have learned is something to pass onto those younger than I- a 'change' in mindset and outward action is far more effective and easier the younger in age you are.
I unfortunately find myself lost and looking backward - it is much more difficult to change and expect positive outcomes the older you are, especially if you have very little positives to fuel your journey forward.
If I were 25 again, I'd have dealt with circumstances in a much different manner. But flip those two numbers around - as I approach that age, the weight of the cloth I wove by my own actions and non-actions is ten times as heavy. Other issues have cropped up as well, which were not even on my radar two and half decades ago.

Do yourself a favor - even if it seems daunting - throw caution to the wind. Try.
i wish someone had encouraged me when I was 25.

 

[misterpete]

I'm not sure what women want, but it isn't me. I have friends that are girls... I've been told I'm really funny, a chill dude, any kind of compliment you can imagine I've received at one point or another. But I can just tell... every girl I talk to, meet, interact with... there's just nothing there. Not an ounce of interest from anyone, really. Maybe I don't try hard enough. I have such strong anxiety and serious reservations about talking to girls, I mean, I don't handle rejection well, so that's part of it.

Hey there brother, I think I understand what you're going through. Here is my advice for handling rejection: talk to a lot of random women. A good way to start is to talk to women working in stores, malls, restaurants etc. They are obliged to talk to you because it's their job to do so, and every interaction will slowly diminish your fear of rejection. It's tough but it's a great way to increase your tolerance to it. You'll end up laughing at all the rejections you do experience (and you'll have some funny stories to tell), trust me.

It's a bit like lifting weights. You'll start working out with lighter weights. At first it will be hard. Eventually you'll build muscle, get bigger, stronger, and the lighter weights will literally feel like nothing to you.

I used to over-think a lot before talking to women, but at one point I actually got pretty darn tired of it and learned not to expect anything from my interactions. That helps too, if you don't expect much from each interaction, and I mean in a positive way.

You say you're a funny and chill guy already and that your female friends say so as well (and they compliment you on other things), trust me once your confidence level goes up, you're pretty much set my friend. Get out there and meet some ladies

Hope this helps!

 

[TheSkaFish]

As someone who has experienced nothing but heartbreaking disappointment and frustration with the opposite sex / matters of the heart, the only lesson I have learned is something to pass onto those younger than I- a 'change' in mindset and outward action is far more effective and easier the younger in age you are.
I unfortunately find myself lost and looking backward - it is much more difficult to change and expect positive outcomes the older you are, especially if you have very little positives to fuel your journey forward.
If I were 25 again, I'd have dealt with circumstances in a much different manner. But flip those two numbers around - as I approach that age, the weight of the cloth I wove by my own actions and non-actions is ten times as heavy. Other issues have cropped up as well, which were not even on my radar two and half decades ago.

Do yourself a favor - even if it seems daunting - throw caution to the wind. Try.
i wish someone had encouraged me when I was 25.

if i may ask, what would you have done differently? i'm 28, and haven't had any success in this area either. i'm trying to discard my attitude of "it's a bad boy's world / it's hopeless" to a problem-solving one, where i can find the problem areas and troubleshoot them.

 

[aspalas]

I haven't read the whole topic, but I want to add my opinion too .

Girls are people, like in Ocelot's post (2nd post). Approach whoever you wan't with not a single intention or expectation; like you probably approach men. Men can "reject you" (as in, they don't want to talk to you), so do women. There's not a single thing wrong about that and it happens to EVERYONE. Even the most handsome guys. Approaching/talking to someone without any expectation is way easier. If it clicks (with a woman), it's great, if it doesn't click... Well, he or she is just a person that doesn't want to talk. That's it. That's the best and most logical way to deal with this.

Also, 25 is not that old. I'm 20 and I wonder if I'll ever have a relationship. I have kissed and had sex, but to be honest, without any love it's just nothing (I am not joking, sometimes I even regret all that). I've been rejected by every girl I've ever actually liked/loved, and that obviously hurts. There's not a single person who wouldn't experience this... But this is not a reason to not be out there. It's a matter of being open, being active, meeting as much people as you can, and just letting it happen. I've never heard anyone actually looking for a relationship finding a good one. All the people I know just stumbled upon it, but obviously you'll have to be open for it. I've learned from this. I try to get to know everyone I meet, and if there's a "click"... Well, it might be the girl I am looking for. I haven't found her yet but I'm sure I will, and I'm sure you will. Just be open and don't take life too seriously. Enjoy it.


It's not strange to not have found anyone at your age. Of course a lot of people have their first relationship when they are teens, but usually the relationships just last a year or even less and are totally worthless. I'm pretty sure it's just the social pressure that causes all of this, so be happy you're not influenced by that. Your friends saying you are funny and all counts for something, they wouldn't say it if you weren't, so don't worry about being unattractive, I'm pretty sure you're just not that influenced by peer pressure. Anyway, good luck and take care!

 

[ABrokenMan]

As someone who has experienced nothing but heartbreaking disappointment and frustration with the opposite sex / matters of the heart, the only lesson I have learned is something to pass onto those younger than I- a 'change' in mindset and outward action is far more effective and easier the younger in age you are.
I unfortunately find myself lost and looking backward - it is much more difficult to change and expect positive outcomes the older you are, especially if you have very little positives to fuel your journey forward.
If I were 25 again, I'd have dealt with circumstances in a much different manner. But flip those two numbers around - as I approach that age, the weight of the cloth I wove by my own actions and non-actions is ten times as heavy. Other issues have cropped up as well, which were not even on my radar two and half decades ago.

Do yourself a favor - even if it seems daunting - throw caution to the wind. Try.
i wish someone had encouraged me when I was 25.

if i may ask, what would you have done differently? i'm 28, and haven't had any success in this area either. i'm trying to discard my attitude of "it's a bad boy's world / it's hopeless" to a problem-solving one, where i can find the problem areas and troubleshoot them.

A couple of things:
1 - i would not have let my high school rejection perpetually influence or haunt me.
The whole situation is too lengthy to recount here, but i was lied to all in the name of someone feeling "sorry" for my lonely status and inertia with girls.

2 - I would have allowed myself to just experience the potential chance / shot when i had a date with a girl (only three times, at 20, 25 and 29 - then I had nothing again until I was 38). If I had just let myself experience the experience, so to speak, and not gotten so hung up on making the current opportunity "the one", I believe I would have come out a stronger, and confident person on an emotional level. i was so worried about the person getting away, or changing her mind that I only thought about that. This made me much more anxious, worried and probably seemed a bit too clingy to the other person.

Had I acted in a way that allowed myself to enjoy the experience and time spent with these girls, I would've helped myself in the long run. i also would have been much more assertive. I'm sure I missed opportunities that I was blind to,because I struggled with an improper, unclear mindset. However, it is easy now with hindsight to see that I helped ruin any potential. I was not the sole cause, mind you, but having an open mind that is not swayed by the past is essential in moving on. My problem now is that my lack of positive experiences in personal relationships has leaked elsewhere in my life over the years. Sad to say, it is what you do not have that influences first impressions with potential partners - in the majority of cases.

 

[TheSkaFish]

Approach whoever you wan't with not a single intention or expectation; like you probably approach men. Men can "reject you" (as in, they don't want to talk to you), so do women. There's not a single thing wrong about that and it happens to EVERYONE. Even the most handsome guys. Approaching/talking to someone without any expectation is way easier. If it clicks (with a woman), it's great, if it doesn't click... Well, he or she is just a person that doesn't want to talk. That's it. That's the best and most logical way to deal with this.

That's what kills me though. When i think of "not clicking" with someone, i think of people that i don't have much overlapping interests or ideas with, so we have little to say to each other and what we do say is just small talk. But I had at least some interests and ideas in common with all of the girls that i've liked, and they have, at some point, wanted to talk to me. They've reached out to me when they could have just passed without noticing me, and when we talked, they gave me complete, well-constructed, and lengthy replies in a very warm and friendly tone instead of indifferent two-word responses. I felt like our conversations had substance and were about things that really mattered to us. One in particular was always initiating contact with me and we would talk for hours about anything and it flowed so well.

It all just makes me think that there could have at least been some potential, if i'd only had my life together and played my cards right. Now i just have to hope for a second chance but i don't know if i'll ever get it.

2 - I would have allowed myself to just experience the potential chance / shot when i had a date with a girl (only three times, at 20, 25 and 29 - then I had nothing again until I was 38). If I had just let myself experience the experience, so to speak, and not gotten so hung up on making the current opportunity "the one", I believe I would have come out a stronger, and confident person on an emotional level. i was so worried about the person getting away, or changing her mind that I only thought about that. This made me much more anxious, worried and probably seemed a bit too clingy to the other person.

That's a problem i have, too. I think i come on too strong too soon - when i like a girl, i like her a lot. i'm anxious to be done with the search and on to a relationship. the problem is, i come off as clingy and co-dependent. i wish these girls i like would give me a chance to show i would fix that about me.

 

[jj983]

I'm a little bit older than you, but not that much. My first actual relationship wasn't until I was 28 and it was something that was pretty clear it wouldn't last from the start (she had 15 years on me, and was really not in a great place in life), though we stayed together about 10 months. It wasn't for another couple years that I found myself in another one, which also didn't last, and taught me some unpleasant things about myself, but I kept putting myself out there as best I could. Just keep your head up and keep at it. You'll find someone, probably where you least expect it.

 

[TheSolitaryMan]

I'm not sure what women want, but it isn't me. I have friends that are girls... I've been told I'm really funny, a chill dude, any kind of compliment you can imagine I've received at one point or another. But I can just tell... every girl I talk to, meet, interact with... there's just nothing there. Not an ounce of interest from anyone, really. Maybe I don't try hard enough. I have such strong anxiety and serious reservations about talking to girls, I mean, I don't handle rejection well, so that's part of it.

But I see so many guys around me who don't have these struggles, or at least not to the extent that I do. All my friends have at least had a girlfriend at some point. I feel crippled. It's like skipping elementary/middle/high school and jumping right into college. People kind of develop these skills when they're young, but I never did. As a result I just feel so out of step with the whole "game" of hooking up, dating, etc.

Never finding anyone really scares me, and for the first time I'm feeling like I'm ready to give it up. Not that I ever really could completely. But there's something about me that just... isn't clicking. Doesn't work. I'm not even sure exactly what it is, but it sucks.

Hey man. I'm in exactly the same boat, minus a few short years. I feel that when I'm 25 I'll be in exactly your position too

I feel like I know completely what you mean. I find the most frustrating thing is that people in my family, friends circle etc. just fundamentally don't seem to understand why being single all the time bothers me.

It's like every year that ticks by the gap between me and "normal dating people" grows. It's like there's a huge, invisible barrier between me and people that are able to *go out* with girls. I go places with girls all the time, often alone, but it's never a date, it just never seems to happen.

Until I reach that elusive first romantic experience I'm going to always feel like I'm missing out and falling behind.

And the worst thing is that for a long time I thought it was because I was inferior in some way to the guys getting the dates. After thinking about it, I realised that's a whole load of rubbish: I know lots of guys who are less attractive, less moral and less intelligent (sometimes all three!) who have no trouble dating girls who wouldn't give me a chance, so basically I am unfortunately fresh out of ideas

 

[Nicholas]

I would like to back up Misterpete, great advice dude!

And from i have read youre not acting or even showing any "boyfriend material" sings, but rather "just a friend" sings... Girls will automaticly see you as a friend as long that you wont prove them wrong.

My advice, that some people will say is idiotic and any "pickup master" genius will say to avoid it, is..... If you like a girl, JUST GO AND TELL HER YOU LIKE HER, and ask her out. If you get rejected, congtrats! You have joined the billion club so just pick up a beer, put some good music, deal with it and try again.

Just do me a favor and dont be "that ******* that get the girl by bieng a complete douchbag"... Really i think that youre better then this.

Goodluck.

 

[Seeker_2.0]

I would like to back up Misterpete, great advice dude!

And from i have read youre not acting or even showing any "boyfriend material" sings, but rather "just a friend" sings... Girls will automaticly see you as a friend as long that you wont prove them wrong.

My advice, that some people will say is idiotic and any "pickup master" genius will say to avoid it, is..... If you like a girl, JUST GO AND TELL HER YOU LIKE HER, and ask her out. If you get rejected, congtrats! You have joined the billion club so just pick up a beer, put some good music, deal with it and try again.

Just do me a favor and dont be "that ******* that get the girl by bieng a complete douchbag"... Really i think that youre better then this.

Goodluck.

Was going to write an entirely new reply, but then again you covered everything I was going to say and then some. Couldn't agree more.