I'm a 31 year old guy, frustrated with being judged for only wanting to date younger women.

[Unsigned]

Wait till you get to 57 and you still only want girls 29 and under.
Ask me how I know...

 

[ardour]

NM

 

[J360]

This might help with younger women or might be junk check it out and let me know what you think.

https://m.timesofindia.com/life-sty...-to-keep-in-mind/amp_articleshow/70629315.cms

 

[ardour]

Just had another tedious debate on the reddit virgin sub about this.

OP, ffs dude, just find a 25-30 year old and be happy. At your age nobody can reasonably accuse you of anything for that. Don't wait and hope for someone even younger. In ten years you'll be roasted for even admitting an interest in anyone under 35.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

Just had another tedious debate on the reddit virgin sub about this.

OP, ffs dude, just find a 25-30 year old and be happy. At your age nobody can reasonable accuse of anything for that. Don't wait and hope for someone even younger. In ten few years you'll be roasted for even admitting an interest in anyone under 35.

Oh oh question… do you think this is like a sexuality? Or is it about more than just sex?

 

[ardour]

Oh oh question… do you think this is like a sexuality? Or is it about more than just sex?

It's biologically hardwired whether most men admit it or not:https://metro.co.uk/2019/02/22/men-regardless-age-will-always-attracted-women-early-20s-8718590/

Sexuality ultimately boils down to reproduction. Older men finding younger adults attractive is 'normal' from that perspective. That said, early 20s isn't realistic and brings up ethical issues (like financial independence, maturity, etc.)

 

[user 135067]

We are hardwired. But there is more. Those cute young girls that used to get our young hearts a flutter, we never loose the attraction to those that first started our interest in the opposite sex. However most of us can't really get down with that, for one, the juvenile nature of them. We matured, and frankly, those teenie boppers seem quite shallow and, well, juvenile. I'd be pulling my hair out after a date like that.

But their immaturity is what makes it predation. If they are of legal age, predation isn't a crime. It is still predation. I think it is their immaturity that draws the OP. To ask anyone to accept his predation is asking more than society will offer. He came here for permission. What I see is a lot of girls that likely regret meeting him. I could be wrong, but that's my take.

Now, it isn't unheard of for a couple to be years apart. If it's love and mutual, well, that's not our business.

 

[J360]

I guess that article once again shows women are always going to be more mature than men

 

[Adamridge79]

I guess that article once again shows women are always going to be more mature than men

Always?

 

[CenotaphGirl]

It's biologically hardwired whether most men admit it or not:https://metro.co.uk/2019/02/22/men-regardless-age-will-always-attracted-women-early-20s-8718590/

Sexuality ultimately boils down to reproduction. Older men finding younger adults attractive is 'normal' from that perspective. That said, early 20s isn't realistic and brings up ethical issues (like financial independence, maturity, etc.)

I mean like the reluctance to date anything else other than a girl under 30, my mum is a mature woman and she couldn't wash her car in peace, man after man slowed down to take a look and ask her if she’ll do theres… I was shocked lol my mum was overwhelmed as it reminded her she no longer has a man to protect her from this, and I was like… I thought we hit some kind of wall? Stupid redpillers getting my hopes up lol

Like I am not judging I just wondered if thats all he wants then… I wonder if it could be deemed a sexuality… because I am not going to lie, if you are really ugly but still relatively young some men will still like you for your “youth” like even if you are hideous lol in fact sometimes especially when you are hideous

 

[ardour]

I mean like the reluctance to date anything else other than a girl under 30, my mum is a mature woman and she couldn't wash her car in peace, man after man slowed down to take a look and ask her if she’ll do theres… I was shocked lol my mum was overwhelmed as it reminded her she no longer has a man to protect her from this, and I was like… I thought we hit some kind of wall? Stupid redpillers getting my hopes up lol

Like I am not judging I just wondered if thats all he wants then… I wonder if it could be deemed a sexuality… because I am not going to lie, if you are really ugly but still relatively young some men will still like you for your “youth” like even if you are hideous lol in fact sometimes especially when you are hideous

The men objectifying your mother would almost certainly have had partners throughout their lives. OP has never dated.

It's the healthy norm for preferences to adjust with your own, and more importantly, your partner's ages, but his never had the chance. So his mind defaults to the biological norm - re-enforced by where he still believes himself to be in life, emotionally/psychologically/etc. That isn't an orientation, it's a problem with inexperience and the inability to accept one's own aging.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

The men objectifying your mother would almost certainly have had partners throughout their lives. OP has never dated.

It's the healthy norm for preferences to adjust with your own, and more importantly, your partner's ages, but his never had the chance. So his mind defaults to the biological norm - re-enforced by where he still believes himself to be in life, emotionally/psychologically/etc. That isn't an orientation, it's a problem with inexperience and the inability to accept one's own aging.

So interesting, so do you think this contributes to the undesirability older male virgins face from women?

 

[ardour]

So interesting, so do you think this contributes to the undesirability older male virgins face from women?

Inexperience is generally undesirable in a man regardless of age.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

Inexperience is generally undesirable in a man regardless of age.

Well thats true, but no one is avoided harder than a older male virgin, maybe there is some consensus that they are like never going to want to be serious? I know of one guy who lost his virginity at 28 and he still acts like he is this unchosen virgin man despite it... strange, like it almost becomes a personality type.

 

[ardour]

Well thats true, but no one is avoided harder than a older male virgin, maybe there is some consensus that they are like never going to want to be serious? I know of one guy who lost his virginity at 28 and he still acts like he is this unchosen virgin man despite it... strange, like it almost becomes a personality type.

It's more the fact that an older male virgin is judged like he's the next Unabomber.

 

[Ignis]

Inexperience is generally undesirable in a man regardless of age.

I think there is a lot of truth to this.

I mean, personal experience here (And yes, PEMN is certainly a thing but I'm not the only one to experience it) I had like a REALLY long dry spell between 23 - 30. The further I got from 23, the more women started to cautiously ask why?
Is there something wrong with him? Why has it been such a long time since he's been intimate with anyone? And it was red flags for them.

I had more than a few potential dates walk away because they were either
A. Concerned that I was a serial killer
B. The fact that I was 'inexperienced' compared to my age was a sign I was either an incel, I wouldn't be able to take care of them or know how a relationship functioned (Like I was broken almost) or refer to point A.

I didn't want to, but I started not bringing it up which ended up causing questions from women as to why I'm so secretive about it in the first place, a lose lose situation -- and quite a frustrating one at that.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

It's more the fact that an older male virgin is judged like he's the next Unabomber.

But you said...

The men objectifying your mother would almost certainly have had partners throughout their lives. OP has never dated.

It's the healthy norm for preferences to adjust with your own, and more importantly, your partner's ages, but his never had the chance. So his mind defaults to the biological norm - re-enforced by where he still believes himself to be in life, emotionally/psychologically/etc. That isn't an orientation, it's a problem with inexperience and the inability to accept one's own aging.

So I'm asking is that ^^^^ a good reason to judge them?

 

[ardour]

I think there is a lot of truth to this.

I mean, personal experience here (And yes, PEMN is certainly a thing but I'm not the only one to experience it) I had like a REALLY long dry spell between 23 - 30. The further I got from 23, the more women started to cautiously ask why?
Is there something wrong with him? Why has it been such a long time since he's been intimate with anyone? And it was red flags for them.

I had more than a few potential dates walk away because they were either
A. Concerned that I was a serial killer
B. The fact that I was 'inexperienced' compared to my age was a sign I was either an incel, I wouldn't be able to take care of them or know how a relationship functioned (Like I was broken almost) or refer to point A.

I didn't want to, but I started not bringing it up which ended up causing questions from women as to why I'm so secretive about it in the first place, a lose lose situation -- and quite a frustrating one at that.

Yup.

How much worse is that going to be for a 30 something or middle aged guy with a lifelong dry spell.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

I think there is a lot of truth to this.

I mean, personal experience here (And yes, PEMN is certainly a thing but I'm not the only one to experience it) I had like a REALLY long dry spell between 23 - 30. The further I got from 23, the more women started to cautiously ask why?
Is there something wrong with him? Why has it been such a long time since he's been intimate with anyone? And it was red flags for them.

I had more than a few potential dates walk away because they were either
A. Concerned that I was a serial killer
B. The fact that I was 'inexperienced' compared to my age was a sign I was either an incel, I wouldn't be able to take care of them or know how a relationship functioned (Like I was broken almost) or refer to point A.

I didn't want to, but I started not bringing it up which ended up causing questions from women as to why I'm so secretive about it in the first place, a lose lose situation -- and quite a frustrating one at that.

Genuinely I used to care if a man had previous relationships or not, I mean.. it was an ego thing, I wanted to hear how much better I was than his ex's lmao alas... I figured you can be better than them and he'll still go running back to those hoes so may as well get over that and just hope he likes me for me and blah blah *insert mature babble here*.

I think it must be hard though, to have to continually prove yourself worthy with something you have little control over. I guess thats why some men love to rub it in when women start struggling in the dating world. So interesting to hear different perspectives actually.

 

[Ignis]

Precisely.

How much worse is that going to be for a 30 something or middle aged guy with a lifelong dry spell.

'Tis very unfortunate but it's something of a double standard (Not that I personally have that much of an issue with it, there are double standards everywhere). The conversation is always centered on women and the concept of purity but very rarely is it looked at from the other lens which is difficult given that women in current modern society are primarily the ones who decide whether or not men are given relationships, sex, etc.
Means that a guy who has had a lifelong dry spell is going to find it increasingly difficult for ANYTHING to happen as more and more of the dating pool looks at him and thinks "Well... He seems okay, but why so long?"

Not much that can be done about it unless society wants to change it but to keep throwing yourself out there and hopefully eventually something sticks.

Genuinely I used to care if a man had previous relationships or not, I mean.. it was an ego thing, I wanted to hear how much better I was than his ex's lmao alas... I figured you can be better than them and he'll still go running back to those hoes so may as well get over that and just hope he likes me for me and blah blah *insert mature babble* here.

I think this is certainly part of it, all of my girlfriends have wanted to know if I was the best girlfriend they'd ever had, the best this, the best that.
I also think it's almost like... A vetting process too though, if you've had past relationships before/been intimate with other women, then that means that SOMEONE ELSE has thought yeah, this guy is worth my time which means you can let down the defences a little bit.

While it is much easier for women in dating in terms of options, the problem for them ultimately comes down to quality control. They have so many options to choose from, that they need to be careful about who they choose, so who better to trust than the opinion of another woman?

I think it must be hard though, to have to continually prove yourself worthy with something you have little control over. I guess thats why some men love to rub it in when women start struggling in the dating world. So interesting to hear different perspectives actually.

To be honest, it's immensely frustrating. But, it's always important to take a step back and remember that "God dating is so hard for men", there are certainly difficult aspects for women too. Not the SAME issues mind you, and it's very hard for the otherside to see that perspective when they've never really had to experience before, but just knowing that it's not all picture perfect on the otherside too and you just gotta play with the hand you've been dealt, you know?