Estreen said:
Hey, I still listen to my parents at the age of 22,
My situation is interesting but not unusual, I just need people to not criticize me or call me ungrateful. I feel bad about being a young man during the War (however silly) and I feel like its my duty to be over there with my fellow citizens. I just wont be able to face myself if I look back on history, and ask myself "where was I during the War on Terror? Oh yeah, living with my parents in the suburbs!" It just doesnt sit tight with me. The other problem is that I used to take a medication that the army told me to get off for a year before joining. By March, the year will have passed, which is why I could not have signed up when I was 17 or 18.
I dont get along with my dad, and I find him very suffocating. He used to yell at me all the time, and a couple times he's tried crying like a little kid to get me to feel bad for him. I wanted to take out a Sallie Mae loan so they wouldn't pay for me to go to school, but they told me that was a foolish idea. Because of this, they have alot more control over my life than they should at 20, and I feel like a child. I so I plan on paying them back for college. I just feel like since they saved up for me to go to school, nothing I've done will have been my own accomplishment, and that makes me feel bad. I've worked all the way through college, but I feel like that this shud be something I worked for, but I think they're still not trusting of me taking the reigns of my own life. I wish I had time to make real money, but I've always been in school.
Like I said in my Lost Time thread, I spent two years at this lousy college, where there was nothing to do, and I hate myself for not leaving. Now I'm 20 and I feel like I missed being 18 and 19. My parents are so narrow-minded; They believe EVERYONE who takes a break from college will end up alcoholic and living in a trailer park, and when I was in HS, I really believed that. I have lost two years of the "college experience" and now I'm at a new school where I don't know anybody. Like I said, I suffer from incel, and that really really skews up perspective. I believe the reason I am incel springs from self-hatred, and the self-hatred springs from springs from the fact that I feel emasculated by my dad: he doesn't even insult me anymore, but he used to, and when I would scream at him, the last few times he's tried to cry to make me feel bad.
My parents did come from the working-class, and made their money the hard way, but in the HS I came from you were taught: 1) Graduate from HS. 2) Go right to college for 4 years. 3) White-collar job. Nobody went to trade school, nobody went to army, nobody took breaks.
I dunno. That's why I see the army as a cure. It'll give me toughness and confidence, it will make me independent of my parents, and it will give responsibility as an adult.
I need some ideas, and please, nobody insult me.
