I'm not a kid anymore

[shells]

I feel like I an elderly broken woman, a bold young adult, an angsty teenager, and a confused child all bundled together that is comprised my body.

In reality, I am not a kid anymore. However, I hold some of the same emotions that a confused child has. I ask questions that don't have answers, and wonder about things that are beyond me. I can't make sense of things or people.

I act like a pubescent teen that is angry at the world. The world owes me nothing, yet I expect everything. I have rage that stems from being dealt a difficult hand and being cheated from self-entitlement. My anger is a mask: I am scared. I am vulnerable.

The young adult in me represents the sense of accomplishment that comes from hard work. Despite the circumstances, I am building myself up. I know what I want, but doubt my abilities will be enough to get there.

Since I was child, I have been told I was an "old soul". I now believe this to be one of the worst statements to tell children. I used to be innocent, quiet, and ignorant. Tribulation and experience has hardened my exterior, but I feel internally frail.

Not sure where I am going with this post. Just started to write and kept writing.

 

[PoWer2tHePeOpLE]

"i've done the maths to know the dangers of second guessing" - Tool

everyone experiences doubt i reckon.. part of the human experience.. (except psychos and sociopaths..) but to keep moving and fighting despite the doubts is our strength, our courage and from your post it seems that you are doing just that.. 'the accomplishment from your hard work'

pat yourself on the back more often be good to yourself and give yourself some credit for the things you have achieved.. no matter how big or small. you say you know what you want.. thats a damn fine achievement right there.. pat on the back! you are building yourself up?.. pat on the back! i bet you can even make your own breakfast, right? pat on the back!.. thats the idea

"technically i am made of steel" - beastie boys

the anger that you wear as a mask is not a completely bad thing.. 'anger is an energy' said the sex pistols and i take that in a positive way.. it can be a well spring of energy that you can transmute and use to fuel your endeavours positively. and 'the mask' can be a handy tool to use when dealing with people that have little or no empathy (psychos).. a natural defence. being scared and feeling vulnerable tells me you are a full human being and have a SOUL.

when adults say about a child that it has an old soul, i dont think they mean any harm or negativity by it, i think it's meant to be a compliment that the child exhibits character that seems mature and wise beyond their years.. but i getcha if you mean that it sets up an air of expectation of prodigious achievement that may backfire if the child internalises that sense of 'genious-to-be' and then feels as though nothing is good enough to warrant the truth of the label.. er.. was that clear? dunno it's late here..

 

[Lonesome Crow]

Don't worry.... when you get to be my age...people will start tell'in ya about your inner child
Find your inner child or remember how innocent, creative, imaginative you were..lol

The more mature we get the more we worry less and less what the world thinks.
Well...life gets shorter and shorter of course and all of that BS/stress is piontless
Screw all the BS, guilt , shame or other people's morals/perceptions/ideas they want us to conform to.

You are whole and complete already from the begining..before you even came into this life.
You are a child of god made of the same stuff of the moon and stars...

If I love my own child no matter what (unconditionally).
She need not earn my love nor do anything...It is her herritage.
If there is a god...Surely God's love for you is greater then mine for my duaghter. God has no limits.
You are a child of god..it's your herritage. You need not do anything nor earn god's love for you.

 

[shells]

PoWer2tHePeOpLE, your post made a lot of sense. Thanks for taking the time to respond.

Sometimes I think we all need to take some time and congratulate ourselves from time to time.

Lonesome Crow, Sometimes it's hard to find the girl I used to be. I'm not blind anymore to the things that were right in front of me the whole time.

Your daughter is surely lucky to have a father like you that loves her unconditionally. =)

 

[Mr. Sir]

I feel like I an elderly broken woman, a bold young adult, an angsty teenager, and a confused child all bundled together that is comprised my body.

In reality, I am not a kid anymore. However, I hold some of the same emotions that a confused child has. I ask questions that don't have answers, and wonder about things that are beyond me. I can't make sense of things or people.

I act like a pubescent teen that is angry at the world. The world owes me nothing, yet I expect everything. I have rage that stems from being dealt a difficult hand and being cheated from self-entitlement. My anger is a mask: I am scared. I am vulnerable.

The young adult in me represents the sense of accomplishment that comes from hard work. Despite the circumstances, I am building myself up. I know what I want, but doubt my abilities will be enough to get there.

Since I was child, I have been told I was an "old soul". I now believe this to be one of the worst statements to tell children. I used to be innocent, quiet, and ignorant. Tribulation and experience has hardened my exterior, but I feel internally frail.

Not sure where I am going with this post. Just started to write and kept writing.

how old are you?

 

[shells]

I'm 18.