lucrezia333
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- Feb 11, 2011
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Okay so, I'm 24 years old and up till recently I was a virgin. I met this friend of my cousin last August and we became really good friends. As he was from another town (about an hr away) ever since our first chat online, we kept talking non-stop every day online for 3-4 hours (sometimes maybe more) through the messenger. We would talk about everything and anything; from family issues, to past loves, to aspirations, to future plans and aspects on life. And we seemed to be having a lot in common both in our interests and in general other factors in our lives.
So after about 3 1/2 half months (in the meantime we would visit one another - cause as I said before he is a friend of my cousin so he would either come to see his friends in my hometown or I would go and see him whenever I could in his town) we both started getting very frustrated that we didn't have any emotional contact with a partner as we both felt (and had) the need to feel something from another human being, like a hug or a little bit of tenderness. So we agreed that we could have like hugging sessions the next time we'd see each other to get this feeling off of us, like from one friend to another friend as a sort of help. In early December when he visited my town we got together one night and we hugged for ten minutes. At the beginning it felt strange, and then it got really comfortable. But not sparks right away.
Then we decided to keep this on. Then I left for a week for holidays but we'd still chat online. When I came back from my holiday we met again and we hugged again. This time it became more intense and fiery. But still nothing happened. I kept telling him that I wouldn't want to screw our friendship up and if I wasn't a virgin I might even consider sleeping with him, but I didn't want to mess what we had up. The next morning we got together again for one of our hugging sessions, as usual. This time whilst hugging, very intensely, he turned towards me and said 'can I try one thing?' and I said yes and he kissed me. And that was it. It didn't feel weird at all, it felt very normal and natural and it seemed like we couldn't get enough of each other. And I decided I wanted to sleep with him, to actually have sex for the first time, without this meaning that would destroy our friendship or that we'd automatically become a couple (as I'm not a big fan of relationships, we decided to call it 'friends with benefits'). Labels in my opinion are wrong as they define things that sometimes are not there, but anyways.
So we spent all of Xmas holidays together (as he would stay all the Xmas period @ his grandparents’ house). And so we'd meet early in the morning and we'd spent the whole day together. Every day, all day for a week and a half. And after the Xmas holidays he'd start college (his college is an hr away from my town, but up in the mountains) so we'd see each other more seldom.
And that's when the big issue for me begins: he moved away, and during the first couple of weeks I was trying to go and see him at least once a week so that we don't lose this physical connection. As I've never really had such a kind of contact with a man before (btw he's 2 yrs younger than me) I don't know how to handle such situations. And during the 2nd week when I went up to his college to see him we had our first fight. He wasn't prepared to see me, but he didn't tell me beforehand cause he didn't want to hurt me, and he erupted when I went up there. It's been a little more than a month since he started his college and I'm still in my hometown (which I want to leave) in my steady on-going job (which although I have no complaints about, it does not satisfy me in the least since it's not what I want to do with my life) whilst he started something new in his life, and he's really enjoying himself.
We still have daily communication thru online messenger for quite a few hrs per day, but since he left I have not slept one night without either waking up in the middle of it and start thinking about him, or worrying that he might start to fancy another girl (there's this girl they hang out, she's really cool and she has more or less the same interests as I do, and she's really open-minded and free-spirited as I am), or worry that without the physical contact I might slowly start to fade away from his life.
At the beginning and for a whole month, I'd text him every single morning just to say 'good morning' but I felt that it was a bit too much of a girlfriend thing and that he'd always respond cause he wouldn’t want to hurt me or out of obligation. He doesn't talk about his feelings towards me (although just before he moved to college he said he'd love me-as a very close friend I presumed, as he does not believe in the romantic love as well) and he's a person who doesn't talk, he acts more. I asked him, jokingly a couple of times if he fancies that girl, and he said she's not his type, but having not seeing how she looks like, I'm so worried. I'm an over-weight girl, with many low-confidence issues and I am worried that if we don’t see each other that often he will soon grow out of me.
Ever since he started college I don’t sleep well, I don’t eat very much, I’m moody, I don’t speak much, I avoid my parents (I always used to have a good relationship with my parents, especially my mom whom I used to tell her EVERYTHING and ever since I got together with this guy I stopped opening up to her cause I didn’t want to jinx it). We are of course keeping this whole ‘friends with benefits’ between us as we don’t want our other friends or my cousin to find out, in case things get awkward. I feel depressed most of the times and I’m very sad when he doesn’t text or if he’s very cold and distant thru the messenger. Of course you’ll tell me, it’s an online messenger, it will always be cold. But it didn’t use to be before he went away as he’d always put kiss or hugging emoticons and he would be different in the way he spoke to me (even online).
I should add that we have met every week since he went away, but we only had sex twice, and the last time it was very raw, not cold exactly but it didn’t have the tenderness it used to have during the Xmas period (he used to hug me so much after the ‘act’ before) and now due to time limitation mostly (cause we don’t have a place to just lie with ease) we just do it and get on with it. I’m angry all the time now and most of the times envious that he gets to be doing something which he loves so much. He keeps telling me that because he’s doing something he loves so much, he doesn’t miss me as much, and he doesn’t think about his friends (including me, as I’m one of the friends) as much as he used to.
I miss him so much though. Yesterday again I woke up at 2.30am and couldn’t sleep again. He will be driving back in his hometown with this girl again (she’s giving him a lift) and she’ll be driving back with him at the college on Sunday night. And I won’t get to see him till next week, when I go up briefly just to get something off of him. I am worried he’ll find the new girl exciting and fun, whilst I’m growing dreary and boring. Of course this might not be the case AT ALL, but since he doesn’t talk about his (whatever) feelings he may or may not have about me, I’m left to assume a lot.
My life didn’t use to revolve around him though. Six months ago, I was a total different person; I’m a very strong, positive (most of the times) person with a can-do attitude that wanted to live and enjoy things. And now all I think about is a guy. I’m a bit of a tomboy as well, so not into fashion, nails and hair AT ALL, and being someone’s girlfriend and chasing him all the time it’s not really my thing. I just texted him good morning now and I know he might take ages to reply, if he replies at all.
I’m at my wits end. I cannot keep living my life in this way. I got so depressed this week I saw no point in living at all. Everything is so vain and without consequence. And in a greater extend, what I’m going through with this person shows me that life has not a real point really. Even if I wanted to do things, what would be the purpose of them? Human beings are so vain and greedy, they are never satisfied. I just want our friendship to go back to the way it was, without me thinking what he’s up to all the time or whether he thinks about me the way I do. He was the one to introduce me to this Forum; hence I took the initiative to write what I’ve been going through these past few months. He calls me dramatic and extreme most of the times (I’m into the Arts by the way, and theatre most specifically, but not as an actress) so I tend to over-exaggerate and make a big-deal out of things.
He often says that I’m selfish and very ego-centric because I’m very individualist as a person. Having lived for 6 years away from my parents (studies and then work) I have learned how to take care of myself and I am very much of an individualist thinker (I always look out for me first and foremost). But if this were entirely true, and if indeed I’m as selfish and ego-centric as he accused me of being, I would have cut and run from this whole situation. Without me knowing I’m left asking him when I’ll get to see him or be with him (physical and not) and it’s like he’s the one making up the rules of when we’ll see each other now.
Every time he says to me ‘you can’t have me all to yourself woman, you got to compromise and you knew how the situation would be when we first started this whole thing’. Before he went away I told him to tell me that whenever he wanted out of this thing, that I’d want him to tell him and that above all I see him as a friend and that what I need most out of him is honesty. He is very kind at moments and whenever we do get to see each other he kisses me, but he’s not giving me sex as much as I thought he would be for a guy. He told me before that sex is not really the biggest need in his life, and as long as he has me to satisfy this need when he wants to, he’s more than happy to keep what we have for a very long time.
So that’s it. I could go on and blubber all day long about this thing but I’ve already wrote too much. Can someone help me or advice me on how I can feel good again, on how to find pleasure in the simple things and on how to focus on myself again? I stopped going to the theatre which I used to love, and now I don’t even find satisfaction to even going to see a play. A friend of mine keeps telling me that it’s time I leave this whole situation behind.
I also have quite a good relationship with his sister and a couple of weeks ago I called her up and we had an in-depth conversation (girl to girl) and told her that I love her brother very much. Not just cause of the sexual connection that we have developed but the mental relationship which we have. She was so happy to hear me say this, as she knew from the first moment she found out about us that we are very good together (I met her during Christmas and we liked each other very much and we hanged out as well). His sister is very positive towards me, although his mom wouldn’t be thrilled if she’d find out about me and him, as she has high hopes of getting him involved with a highly paid woman of a position and status. He is against marriage himself, as am I, and hates his mom meddling in his private situations. I met his mom and she was very kind to me, although I could tell that she wouldn’t want to see her son having someone like me as a lover.
What are your opinions on my story? Anyone that can help me at all?
P.S. Sorry for the ‘book’ I wrote. I got carried away to get everything down. I want this person so much in my life, and don’t know whether it is cause he was my first or whether we’re such good friends, but I wouldn’t want to screw this all up by my incessant jealousies and over-bearing attitude.
So after about 3 1/2 half months (in the meantime we would visit one another - cause as I said before he is a friend of my cousin so he would either come to see his friends in my hometown or I would go and see him whenever I could in his town) we both started getting very frustrated that we didn't have any emotional contact with a partner as we both felt (and had) the need to feel something from another human being, like a hug or a little bit of tenderness. So we agreed that we could have like hugging sessions the next time we'd see each other to get this feeling off of us, like from one friend to another friend as a sort of help. In early December when he visited my town we got together one night and we hugged for ten minutes. At the beginning it felt strange, and then it got really comfortable. But not sparks right away.
Then we decided to keep this on. Then I left for a week for holidays but we'd still chat online. When I came back from my holiday we met again and we hugged again. This time it became more intense and fiery. But still nothing happened. I kept telling him that I wouldn't want to screw our friendship up and if I wasn't a virgin I might even consider sleeping with him, but I didn't want to mess what we had up. The next morning we got together again for one of our hugging sessions, as usual. This time whilst hugging, very intensely, he turned towards me and said 'can I try one thing?' and I said yes and he kissed me. And that was it. It didn't feel weird at all, it felt very normal and natural and it seemed like we couldn't get enough of each other. And I decided I wanted to sleep with him, to actually have sex for the first time, without this meaning that would destroy our friendship or that we'd automatically become a couple (as I'm not a big fan of relationships, we decided to call it 'friends with benefits'). Labels in my opinion are wrong as they define things that sometimes are not there, but anyways.
So we spent all of Xmas holidays together (as he would stay all the Xmas period @ his grandparents’ house). And so we'd meet early in the morning and we'd spent the whole day together. Every day, all day for a week and a half. And after the Xmas holidays he'd start college (his college is an hr away from my town, but up in the mountains) so we'd see each other more seldom.
And that's when the big issue for me begins: he moved away, and during the first couple of weeks I was trying to go and see him at least once a week so that we don't lose this physical connection. As I've never really had such a kind of contact with a man before (btw he's 2 yrs younger than me) I don't know how to handle such situations. And during the 2nd week when I went up to his college to see him we had our first fight. He wasn't prepared to see me, but he didn't tell me beforehand cause he didn't want to hurt me, and he erupted when I went up there. It's been a little more than a month since he started his college and I'm still in my hometown (which I want to leave) in my steady on-going job (which although I have no complaints about, it does not satisfy me in the least since it's not what I want to do with my life) whilst he started something new in his life, and he's really enjoying himself.
We still have daily communication thru online messenger for quite a few hrs per day, but since he left I have not slept one night without either waking up in the middle of it and start thinking about him, or worrying that he might start to fancy another girl (there's this girl they hang out, she's really cool and she has more or less the same interests as I do, and she's really open-minded and free-spirited as I am), or worry that without the physical contact I might slowly start to fade away from his life.
At the beginning and for a whole month, I'd text him every single morning just to say 'good morning' but I felt that it was a bit too much of a girlfriend thing and that he'd always respond cause he wouldn’t want to hurt me or out of obligation. He doesn't talk about his feelings towards me (although just before he moved to college he said he'd love me-as a very close friend I presumed, as he does not believe in the romantic love as well) and he's a person who doesn't talk, he acts more. I asked him, jokingly a couple of times if he fancies that girl, and he said she's not his type, but having not seeing how she looks like, I'm so worried. I'm an over-weight girl, with many low-confidence issues and I am worried that if we don’t see each other that often he will soon grow out of me.
Ever since he started college I don’t sleep well, I don’t eat very much, I’m moody, I don’t speak much, I avoid my parents (I always used to have a good relationship with my parents, especially my mom whom I used to tell her EVERYTHING and ever since I got together with this guy I stopped opening up to her cause I didn’t want to jinx it). We are of course keeping this whole ‘friends with benefits’ between us as we don’t want our other friends or my cousin to find out, in case things get awkward. I feel depressed most of the times and I’m very sad when he doesn’t text or if he’s very cold and distant thru the messenger. Of course you’ll tell me, it’s an online messenger, it will always be cold. But it didn’t use to be before he went away as he’d always put kiss or hugging emoticons and he would be different in the way he spoke to me (even online).
I should add that we have met every week since he went away, but we only had sex twice, and the last time it was very raw, not cold exactly but it didn’t have the tenderness it used to have during the Xmas period (he used to hug me so much after the ‘act’ before) and now due to time limitation mostly (cause we don’t have a place to just lie with ease) we just do it and get on with it. I’m angry all the time now and most of the times envious that he gets to be doing something which he loves so much. He keeps telling me that because he’s doing something he loves so much, he doesn’t miss me as much, and he doesn’t think about his friends (including me, as I’m one of the friends) as much as he used to.
I miss him so much though. Yesterday again I woke up at 2.30am and couldn’t sleep again. He will be driving back in his hometown with this girl again (she’s giving him a lift) and she’ll be driving back with him at the college on Sunday night. And I won’t get to see him till next week, when I go up briefly just to get something off of him. I am worried he’ll find the new girl exciting and fun, whilst I’m growing dreary and boring. Of course this might not be the case AT ALL, but since he doesn’t talk about his (whatever) feelings he may or may not have about me, I’m left to assume a lot.
My life didn’t use to revolve around him though. Six months ago, I was a total different person; I’m a very strong, positive (most of the times) person with a can-do attitude that wanted to live and enjoy things. And now all I think about is a guy. I’m a bit of a tomboy as well, so not into fashion, nails and hair AT ALL, and being someone’s girlfriend and chasing him all the time it’s not really my thing. I just texted him good morning now and I know he might take ages to reply, if he replies at all.
I’m at my wits end. I cannot keep living my life in this way. I got so depressed this week I saw no point in living at all. Everything is so vain and without consequence. And in a greater extend, what I’m going through with this person shows me that life has not a real point really. Even if I wanted to do things, what would be the purpose of them? Human beings are so vain and greedy, they are never satisfied. I just want our friendship to go back to the way it was, without me thinking what he’s up to all the time or whether he thinks about me the way I do. He was the one to introduce me to this Forum; hence I took the initiative to write what I’ve been going through these past few months. He calls me dramatic and extreme most of the times (I’m into the Arts by the way, and theatre most specifically, but not as an actress) so I tend to over-exaggerate and make a big-deal out of things.
He often says that I’m selfish and very ego-centric because I’m very individualist as a person. Having lived for 6 years away from my parents (studies and then work) I have learned how to take care of myself and I am very much of an individualist thinker (I always look out for me first and foremost). But if this were entirely true, and if indeed I’m as selfish and ego-centric as he accused me of being, I would have cut and run from this whole situation. Without me knowing I’m left asking him when I’ll get to see him or be with him (physical and not) and it’s like he’s the one making up the rules of when we’ll see each other now.
Every time he says to me ‘you can’t have me all to yourself woman, you got to compromise and you knew how the situation would be when we first started this whole thing’. Before he went away I told him to tell me that whenever he wanted out of this thing, that I’d want him to tell him and that above all I see him as a friend and that what I need most out of him is honesty. He is very kind at moments and whenever we do get to see each other he kisses me, but he’s not giving me sex as much as I thought he would be for a guy. He told me before that sex is not really the biggest need in his life, and as long as he has me to satisfy this need when he wants to, he’s more than happy to keep what we have for a very long time.
So that’s it. I could go on and blubber all day long about this thing but I’ve already wrote too much. Can someone help me or advice me on how I can feel good again, on how to find pleasure in the simple things and on how to focus on myself again? I stopped going to the theatre which I used to love, and now I don’t even find satisfaction to even going to see a play. A friend of mine keeps telling me that it’s time I leave this whole situation behind.
I also have quite a good relationship with his sister and a couple of weeks ago I called her up and we had an in-depth conversation (girl to girl) and told her that I love her brother very much. Not just cause of the sexual connection that we have developed but the mental relationship which we have. She was so happy to hear me say this, as she knew from the first moment she found out about us that we are very good together (I met her during Christmas and we liked each other very much and we hanged out as well). His sister is very positive towards me, although his mom wouldn’t be thrilled if she’d find out about me and him, as she has high hopes of getting him involved with a highly paid woman of a position and status. He is against marriage himself, as am I, and hates his mom meddling in his private situations. I met his mom and she was very kind to me, although I could tell that she wouldn’t want to see her son having someone like me as a lover.
What are your opinions on my story? Anyone that can help me at all?
P.S. Sorry for the ‘book’ I wrote. I got carried away to get everything down. I want this person so much in my life, and don’t know whether it is cause he was my first or whether we’re such good friends, but I wouldn’t want to screw this all up by my incessant jealousies and over-bearing attitude.
