Im soooo lonely

[ld1989]

I've been lonely for a really long time . It's not that I don't have people that care about me or are with me ... Its that the type of relationship that I need isn't something that can be easily acquired for me . I guess speaking in lamest terms I want love . Some would tell me I've never been in love and technically speaking I haven't . But unrequited love is so I guess I have .. Its just I feel like no one loves me or could love me and I put myself out there over and over again but no one cares about me like that . I've been alone for so long I feel like life isn't worth living . All I want in life is love its the only goal I have . I don't care about being rich or famous being known .. I just want love . Like I was sad so I started writing and I ended up writing about how I feel ... I ended up writing .."I am so lonely I've had the realization that this world isn't worth living in . Day by day im losing my faith in everything . Why does everything have to hurt so much ? id rather die then feel how i have for so long . I want love ... How can I give so much and receive so little ?I plaster a fake smile on and I don't know why ...I wish I could live in my dreams so I could know the embrace of the object of my affection ... I can't take it anymore ..Despair is my name it's perfect it describes my life." It's a bit dramatic but Im really down . I don't understand how people can be so mean .. Im a human too and have feelings and Im tired of being alone ...

 

[mimizu]

I had this too... I wish I could help you. Do you believe that love is possible ? I just try to convince myself that I don't need to be loved and that happiness is in keeping your brain busy. (with a game or work, for example). If your brain is too loaded to think depressive thoughts, then you aren't depressed.

Also... do you know that many people out there despise people who want to die because they experience too much emotional pain. I saw people saying things like

"someone who wants to suicide is weak and doesn't deserve to live anyway"

"if I came accross someone who tried to suicide I would beat them up... I would enjoy that very much"

...

It's painful to live in this world.

 

[angeLLblueshadow]

i just loved the way you wrote your feelings, in my oppinion it was perfect...and the best part is that i can relate to this words...i feel the same way...all i've ever wanted was love...but...

 

[Mechanical]

Me too! (>_< ) I've kept a diary from 2002 when I was around 12 and I said that I was lonely throughout the entries to this very day. So I definitely know how you feel. Loneliness grinds into you until you're only dust and feel worthless.

Your words hit the nail on the head. I wish loneliness didn't hurt so much, too.

Also... do you know that many people out there despise people who want to die because they experience too much emotional pain. I saw people saying things like

"someone who wants to suicide is weak and doesn't deserve to live anyway"

I don't know why people are like that. I've heard plenty of people say the same sorts of things. They just don't understand at all. The people that say that must have had support from their family and friends their whole lives, but I never have. It's hard to do anything without support because it makes any effort you give just a waste of time.

 

[ld1989]

I had the chances to be with people but I couldn't .. I couldn't love them because I couldn't find them attractive . I really like this one girl but im so messed up from all the disappointment's and rejection that im having a really hard time talking to her .... Im going for it with my life though ill be obliterated if things go wrong because im trying so hard ...

 

[mimizu]

I don't know why people are like that. I've heard plenty of people say the same sorts of things. They just don't understand at all. The people that say that must have had support from their family and friends their whole lives, but I never have. It's hard to do anything without support because it makes any effort you give just a waste of time.

Yes... this affection and support... friends and family that love them... this is what them the confidence. And then they become insensitive to people without confidence, because they don't understand us. And say those hurtful things without even thinking.

They never thought of suicide because they life is happy (more or less..) they haven't felt this LONELINESS that eats you alive. Sometimes it does feel that it's better to die than live in pain all your life.

 

[justjames]

of all the time i spent in unbearable agony, with nothing but an irrevocable sense that death was the only solution, and was what i deserved, i never once got to the point where i would have had anything like the amount of conviction it takes to end your own life. when it was at it's worst so that i was in some much intense agony that i couldnt bear to exist, i would just think "what the hell must people be going through that they actually have the guts to kill themselves?"

then when i see people accusing suicide victims of being cowards it's just so *** backwards that it's sick.

not that i'm saying suicide victims are making the correct choice, because they certainly are not, but that isn't because they are stupid, cowardly or weak.

 

[BrokenDreams]

I feel the same way. I want to be loved. I honestly can't remember anyone ever saying "I love you" to me and truly meaning it. My parents don't say that, they just get mad at what a failure their daughter is. Lots of people hear that phrase everyday, but I just want someone to say it to me and truly mean it. It'd mean the world to me.

I also tend to look out my window on nights when I can't sleep. Once I stared out of my window and I thought to myself, If the world is filled with over 6 billion people (Please forgive me if this in not even close...) why can't one single person actually truly love me? (Yes, this is sort of how I came up with my siggy.)

Sometimes I wonder if love is even existant for me. *sigh*

 

[justjames]

you're right, it is about 6 billion.

the problem isn't whether there is someone who could genuinely love you as there must be hundreds of thousands, the problem is *finding them*. I have the same problem. But I've learned not to take it personally - i know that sounds impossible and it's taken me a few years to get to this stage, but I know that it's ludicrous to believe that there is simply no one else in the world that thinks like me. But i also know that if they're thinking like me, they aren't going to be telling people about it.

it's a difficult problem, especially when you don't even know what it is that you want. i recently realised that i am just lonely, and i want to find someone who understands what that is like, hence finding this forum.

 

[haveallbutnothappy]

People who are on this forum do understand what you're going through. Love is all relative, when you have someone who constantly tells you he loves you but you feel its fake and a notion just to keep you around selfishly, it's even worst than not having anyone at all. When you have everything you every want in life, but that one person whose suppose to take care of you and love you, neglects you because he's too busy building a life for "us" is even a worst feeling. You can't blame him for neglecting you because he's working so hard, but you hate him because he has not one moment to care for you. Everything he tries to do feels fake, feels like he's just entertain you so you stop nagging. You feel so helpless. Yes, we share your pain. It's nothing you want to share with your friends because you dont want to air your dirty laundry, yet there is no one out there who will understand. That you have everything but you are empty inside.

 

[EveWasFramed]

People who are on this forum do understand what you're going through. Love is all relative, when you have someone who constantly tells you he loves you but you feel its fake and a notion just to keep you around selfishly, it's even worst than not having anyone at all. When you have everything you every want in life, but that one person whose suppose to take care of you and love you, neglects you because he's too busy building a life for "us" is even a worst feeling. You can't blame him for neglecting you because he's working so hard, but you hate him because he has not one moment to care for you. Everything he tries to do feels fake, feels like he's just entertain you so you stop nagging. You feel so helpless. Yes, we share your pain. It's nothing you want to share with your friends because you dont want to air your dirty laundry, yet there is no one out there who will understand. That you have everything but you are empty inside.

*watches for spam link to appear soon*

 

[Badjedidude]

^^^My job, my job! SPAAAAAM hunter extraordinaire! lol

 

[epsom]

i think i have love but things are rather complicated but we'll see how it goes

 

[kimoegypt]

Right -
what you wrote is the way we should be -
- last Love is Not Enough