I'm weird.

[SophiaGrace]

This is why we shouldn't throw our lumps of coal away. They're all potential diamonds. Not barbeque briquettes damnit!

 

[dead]

i'm sorry to hear that. but still. does not do to help the bully by agreeing with them.

 

[eris]

i'm sorry to hear that. but still. does not do to help the bully by agreeing with them.

I think I'm wierd for a lot of different reasons. Not just because my mom says I was. I meant she was right about my life being hard.

------------

everyone else - thank you all for what you've said. I really means a lot to me.

i think i mostly wrote this thread just because i needed to put it somewhere, and get it out of my head.

 

[echo]

I think you might associate weirdness with negativity when it's not negative at all. The word,"Weird" what does that word mean to you? To me weirdness means nothing because everyone is unique, every single person in this world has some form of "weirdness" in them by default because that is what being unique is, there are no two people exactly alike, no two people fit into the same mold and yet there will always be people who can relate with you. There is always going to be other people that will accept and love you the way you are, you are perfect the way you are and your mother or certain people that can't see that are not worth your time, you should not allow them to make you feel hurt.
I think you need to try to care a little more about yourself, try to accept yourself and love yourself because in doing so, all the people that try to hurt by calling you names or insulting you, none of that will matter because you will already know that you are happy with the person you already are.

 

[eris]

The word,"Weird" what does that word mean to you?

I think it means different things depending on context.

I'm kind of ironically using it in many different ways to say that...but only I seem to catch things like that

 

[Nina]

I think of the label, "wierd" as anything that can differ from any persons perspective of a "norm" The possibilities for it's use in that formate is endless, since we all have idiosyncrasies...I LOVE weird. I think folks who dress diversly are more interesting to look at. Sort of like a striking piece of art on a white wall. I also love to converse with people who have a completely different view than my own. I'd go insane if I had to be locked in a room with people who were exactly like me. I don't always do so well in a room with JUST me now.....

 

[Asterli]

Hi Eris,

I found your story very sad. I really feel with you and I couldn't understand why your mother never could feel with you as well. I get the impression that she only broke you down and didn't want to use her energy to built you up and I think that is selfish. I sometimes break down if I don't get the support from the ones I love. Then it's just like a house of cards.

But I think you are not weird but you just have/had other interests. You chose something that you feel happy with and that is the unique thing inside of you.

 

[jivan]

yes man i agree....
you are a diamond born in a coal mine....

 

[change 4 good]

My mum has been emotionally abusive throughout my life and still is even though I am now 42...I know the feeling. Like everyone else here says...its definitely your mum thats the weird one!

 

[Yukhi]

Your mom has probably never looked at herself before calling you weird and besides, everyone's different. Being normal is a different meaning to everyone. You're not weird eris. You're special! (no, not special child xD)

 

[eris]

Thank you everyone I never thought I would get so many replies. Youre all nifty.

 

[ShybutHi]

eris--
I think you're probably a wonderful person, raised by dysfunctional people in a toxic environment. The way you described yourself, you could be any of my fellow artist pals. Most artists are, "weird". Creativity doesn't always lok like it got purchased at the mall...(((eris)))

Lol yeah why are artists wierd by a large majority, im a musician and im pretty wierd!!!!

Infact i play gigs, im a guitarist but i have social anxiety and used to get panic attacks really badly, had to go to the doc because of it, it felt like my heart was going to explode whenever i got a panic attack and i got incredibly irritable, i still get very anxious in social situations sometimes aswell. Playing infront of people is extremely hard but i guess i have got some willpower in me. What a contradiction though.... lol

 

[ranja2010]

I'm wierd. I've always been weird. I'm mentally ill but it's more than that. I like weird movies, I like weird music. I dress weird. I say weird things. I'm just weird.

When I was a kid my mom always told me I was weird and no one would like me if I didn't knock it off. I wouldn't say she was abusive as she never beat me but she was very mean and neglectful. I never got birthday presents or school clothes or anything like that.

When I was about 11 I think I finally realized how weird I was. My moms boyfriend was a DJ, and he had a gig at a girls birthday that was about my age. They made me go even though I didn't know anyone. I just sat there quietly. At one point the birthday girl and a few of her friends came up to me and told me I had to leave because it was a private affair. I told her I was with the DJ, but she didn't care and got her mother to make me leave. Her mother told her I wasn't hurting anything and to leave me alone. When I got home he told my mom what happened, and that I didn't even try to make friends. My mom spanked me, and told me I was going to have a hard life. She was right.

Your Mom sucks.. how could she do that to a 11 year old! Shes the one that needs therapy!!

 

[eris]

Want to hear something else pretty terrible ?

When I was 9 there was a kids party for halloween at some kind of government run social hall. It was supposed to be a small party, and then the kids would go trick-or-treating, and then everyone would go back to the building to check the candy and have some fun. My mom took me and dropped me off. It turned out that you needed to be registered and be part of a certain group to go to the party. They let me call my mom, but then I had to sit outside. I called my mom, and she yelled at me. She said that she had plans and that she would pick me up when she had originally planned to. I sat outside from the early morning until dark. I was there at least 4-5 hours, and I had nothing to eat or drink. When I got in the car I was crying, and she never said a word to me about what happened

 

[Nina]

eris--
You mom has some very serious dysfunctional issues, far beyond just genera,l parental ignorance...My heart goes out to you. NO child should ever have to endure situations like this. You aren't weird. YOU are a survivor and a damn fine one if you ask me.

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ShybutHi--
You're right and I stand corrected. I have known some pretty "unique" musical types but remember we NEVER call it anything but, "Creative Genius" lol...

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ShybutHi--
You're right and I stand corrected. I have known some pretty "unique" musical types but remember we NEVER call it anything but, "Creative Genius" lol...

---

I liked that last post so much I did it twice...ooops!

 

[eris]

(((Nina))) thank you ..............and thank you to everyone who has supported me. It makes me feel a lot better about humanity.

You know, now that I think about it it couldn't have been 8 hours. But they did have a party, go trick-or-treating, have the candy checked at the hospital, and then wrap up at the social hall. It was probably around 4-5 hours. It was starting to get dark out when she picked me up.

 

[Just_Some_Dude]

Want to hear something else pretty terrible ?

When I was 9 there was a kids party for halloween at some kind of government run social hall. It was supposed to be a small party, and then the kids would go trick-or-treating, and then everyone would go back to the building to check the candy and have some fun. My mom took me and dropped me off. It turned out that you needed to be registered and be part of a certain group to go to the party. They let me call my mom, but then I had to sit outside. I called my mom, and she yelled at me. She said that she had plans and that she would pick me up when she had originally planned to. I sat outside from the early morning until dark. I was there at least 8 hours, and I had nothing to eat or drink. When I got in the car I was crying, and she never said a word to me about what happened

my mom and dad weren't very nice to me either. i feel ya.

 

[Yukhi]

Want to hear something else pretty terrible ?

When I was 9 there was a kids party for halloween at some kind of government run social hall. It was supposed to be a small party, and then the kids would go trick-or-treating, and then everyone would go back to the building to check the candy and have some fun. My mom took me and dropped me off. It turned out that you needed to be registered and be part of a certain group to go to the party. They let me call my mom, but then I had to sit outside. I called my mom, and she yelled at me. She said that she had plans and that she would pick me up when she had originally planned to. I sat outside from the early morning until dark. I was there at least 8 hours, and I had nothing to eat or drink. When I got in the car I was crying, and she never said a word to me about what happened

*Sigh* damn these people who have absolutely no remorse T_T Tsk tsk tsk.

Not only your mom but also the ones in charge who were there at the party. It would have been nice if they still let you join even if you weren't registered right! Most especially since you were just dropped off and you and your mom(maybe she didn't know) didn't know!

Some parents just don't know and can't appreciate the blessing of having children when there are so many infertile couples just dying to have at least one baby.

 

[eris]

^ See the thing is she would never ask to know something like that. She isn't very smart. I would be really surprised if her IQ is 95. Also she has Borderline Personality Disorder which can sometimes make a mean-spirited person become a monster. She was the meanest when I was like 8-11...because her 21 yr old boyfriend hated me. They were at the bar everyday.Throughout my life she was a (mean) drunk, and she would drink 1-4 times a week. She quit drinking in '05 when she had to start taking psych meds. She is an absolutly different person now, and remembers nothing about what really happened... 8 -11 was a really really bad time in my life. She thought that I was being bullied because I was weird. It was just as bad as 23-26 when I almost killed myself. At least the bullying ended at 13 when I moved and I stopped wanting to kill myself after my apt. burned down in '06...losing everything made me start over and I found some good things...and my husband !!!...but I still isolate myself and avoid social events.

When I was 13 my grandmother moved in and she wasn't very nice either. My cousins stole everything my dad had ever given me and my mom said there was nothing she could do about it. My mom and gram would punish me by ignoring me (and yelling about the same thing over and over...and making me "clean aggressivly"...that's the only way I can describe it.) They barely even spoke to me and sometimes it would go on a day or more. Only one time I flipped...started breaking dishes. My mom called the cops and long-story-short I ended up in a youth shelter for over a year. Not juvenile hall. A shelter at the YMCA. I would talk to my dad about once every three months and see him maybe once a year. Mind you he only lived 15 miles away. I would tell him the things that happened to me and he seemed upset about it, but never actually did anything except argue with my mom. There are some other things that happened to me that I'm not going to talk about. In high school I stayed away from home. I partied all the time and I didn't have rules. She took me to a hospital again at 17 because she thought I was morbid because I had dyed black/blue hair and always stayed in my room when I was home. I think she actually blamed Marilyn Manson (lol) They let me go the next day. I left home three days before I turned 18...moved to pittsburgh...12 yrs later and here is me.


geez. cry me a river...

 

[Nina]

((((eris)))) But despite all the horrific times you've experienced YOU did make here. This tells me you're strong. That's a powerful starting point for going even further towards your goals. I think it's good that you're letting some of this pain from your past out. Getting rid of the past allows you to make space for today and tomorrow.