In a college of 28,000, I am alone.

[Lonesome Wolf]

Hey, I'm new to this forum but not really because I have been reading post from here for quite some time now. Now I feel like I should give it a try.

My problem is that right now I feel like the loneliness guy on campus at my college.
-you can skip and skim as there is alot to read, I will pretty miuch go over 8 years of my life lol-
ok to start, before I entered college I was this super happy go lucky guy who never really cared about relationships. I never had a girlfriend, didn't go to prom (because i got rejected a couple of times and lost interest), never kissed a girl, never...well you get the point. I was really happy back then in my own world. I got to college off of studying hard and doing extremely well in my sport which led me to a full ride at UNC.

when I got here things didn't change much. yeah everyone around me went out and got crazy drunk, but that wasn't me so I just kept on doing what I did in high school, study hard and train hard in my sport. but over the years something has been eating away at me. i don;t know why but I really thought I was missing something in my life like that special someone. I have tons of close friends but for some reason hanging out with my buddys doesn't change things anymore, and it some times makes me feel worse because I am the only guy out of all my friends who doesn't have a girl. and even worse, most of them cheat on their girls like it's nothing and brag to me about it, and that just fustrates me even worse because I know if I found that right person I would never let go and I'd never treat her wrong, but I can't.

I'm 21 now, and I have 1 more year left. Over the past 3 years, I've tried to talk to a lot of girls. I spent so much time trying to meet new people, going to event's, doing organizations, and even going out occasionally, but not getting drunk of course. I've actually been on a lot of dates and every time I had a awesome time with that person, but as time passed, usually after a few months or alot of dates, I always try to see what the person would think about us being together, and they would always reject me, nicely of course. i've had so many reasons, but "I really like you too, but I just want to be friends" is like 95%.

recently I was rejected by this one girl that I have been trying to talk to for months. it hurt badly, and so did all the other ones. being rejected, I can easily describe as one of the most painful experiences in my life. after a major rejection it hurt me to the point to where I fell into depression. even now, I feel depressed and alone. Face book is making things extremely worse, because now I see all these girls that rejected me with some guy that's cheating on them and sometimes even my "friend". things have gotten worse since i've been working non-stop and my friends have been really busy too. even when I do see my friends and family it doesn't really help get rid of that feeling when I am away from them. I'm surrounded by thousands of people right now but when I go throughout my day, but I quite honestly feel like I completely by myself.

While I'm not asking for the super hottie, I am asking someone who is attractive. is this asking too much? To be honest, I'm not interested in sex or the status of being in a relationship. I just honestly want a girl in my life. one who I can talk, hangout with, and just simply be with. but now I'm i am thinking maybe I should just stop trying, I should focus on my career and shut myself off.

what should I do? should I keep on trying even though I continuously get rejected? even so should I lower my standards?

or is there another way? a way to get rid of this loneliness without having to find that special someone? deactivate face book? stop dating?

forgive me for my grammar and long entry. thank you for your time

 

[EveWasFramed]

OK....first things first....

Go Tar Heels!!

OK, now with that out of the way....

Nah, I think it's perfectly fine to want to be attracted to the person you want to have a relationship with (at least on some level). Attractiveness is objective....beauty really is in the eye of the beholder. I suppose you have to make a choice, Wolf. Risk being rejected, or stop trying at all.
As for Facebook....well, it's a great way to keep in touch with friends, but it's also a very good way to make yourself completely miserable. Do yourself a favor and deactivate your account. You can always reactivate it later.

Good luck, and welcome to the forum, dear.

 

[Lonesome Wolf]

OK....first things first....

Go Tar Heels!!

OK, now with that out of the way....

Nah, I think it's perfectly fine to want to be attracted to the person you want to have a relationship with (at least on some level). Attractiveness is objective....beauty really is in the eye of the beholder. I suppose you have to make a choice, Wolf. Risk being rejected, or stop trying at all.
As for Facebook....well, it's a great way to keep in touch with friends, but it's also a very good way to make yourself completely miserable. Do yourself a favor and deactivate your account. You can always reactivate it later.

Good luck, and welcome to the forum, dear.

Thank You! your right, I should either try to keep finding that someone or just give it up all together. I really want to just give it all together and stop worrying about women but that's like impossible for me. I'd have to walk blindfolded for the rest of my college experience in order to stop thinking about that someone.

I'm not saying I think I should stop looking for that someone just because I keep getting rejected, but like I said before, it's one of the most painful experiences to go through. I'm getting better at dealing with it, but...yeah.

Your completely right about facebook. it's horrible. It makes me miserable a lot of the time, but it's one of my only sources to communicating with long distance friends and family. I have considered deactivating my account, but then I'd shut off a major network that allows me to communicate. I think I will keep it for now, and only use it to check my profile to see if someone has sent me a message or to say happy birthday.

 

[EveWasFramed]

Thank You! your right, I should either try to keep finding that someone or just give it up all together. I really want to just give it all together and stop worrying about women but that's like impossible for me. I'd have to walk blindfolded for the rest of my college experience in order to stop thinking about that someone.

I'm not saying I think I should stop looking for that someone just because I keep getting rejected, but like I said before, it's one of the most painful experiences to go through. I'm getting better at dealing with it, but...yeah.

Your completely right about facebook. it's horrible. It makes me miserable a lot of the time, but it's one of my only sources to communicating with long distance friends and family. I have considered deactivating my account, but then I'd shut off a major network that allows me to communicate. I think I will keep it for now, and only use it to check my profile to see if someone has sent me a message or to say happy birthday.

aww...I know it's painful to get rejected. ((hugs))
But when you find that special someone, it will have all been worth it.
As for FB...do you have the willpower to avoid looking at the profiles of the girls that rejected you and delete them from your friends list? If so, then by all means keep your FB account. Otherwise, you are only punishing yourself. I wish you luck...you have some tough decisions to make.

 

[ThinkPositive]

I think it might be good for you to step back a bit. I don't mean give up and consider yourself a failure -- I mean, keep open to the chance of meeting your special someone, but like you said, just keep focusing on your studies and hang out with your friends, enjoy college. (Trust me, life gets a lot harder afterward.)

It's perfectly okay to stop "actively" looking, especially if you feel like it's causing you pain. And I know everyone is different, but personally, I would feel too pressured as a potential girlfriend by someone like you who's been feeling this way about dating and girls. I would be worried about you being too needy. Sorry if that sounds harsh, but often the best way to meet someone is to not look too hard (but be open to the possibility).

FYI, I may or may not know what I'm talking about -- I've had a lot more trouble making regular close friends and really never any problem at all at finding romantic partners. That could make me an expert or the opposite, LOL.

 

[QuietGuy]

Hey Wolf, welcome to the forum

I'm surrounded by thousands of people right now but when I go throughout my day, but I quite honestly feel like I completely by myself.

I know that feeling all too well. I've posted this Little Prince quote before, but I'll post it again because it's so true:

"Where are the men?" the little prince at last took up the conversation again. "It is a little lonely in the desert..."
"It is also lonely among men," the snake said.

It sounds like you're very similar to me:

To be honest, I'm not interested in sex or the status of being in a relationship. I just honestly want a girl in my life. one who I can talk, hangout with, and just simply be with.

I am the only guy out of all my friends who doesn't have a girl.

I know if I found that right person I would never let go and I'd never treat her wrong

Yes, yes, and yes!

but now I'm i am thinking maybe I should just stop trying, I should focus on my career and shut myself off.

It's really great that you have your career and sport to focus on, but that certainly doesn't mean you have to "shut yourself off" from looking for a relationship. In fact, I don't think it's possible (and probably unwise to try) to suppress your desire for a special girl in your life. It's a perfectly normal and healthy desire, and you shouldn't fight it.

what should I do? should I keep on trying even though I continuously get rejected?

I'm not sure if this'll help, but I'd never had a girlfriend until I was 21 (your age). The long long search for someone special was really slow and painful, but I knew I just had to keep searching, and then suddenly, one day, BOOM! I met this really sweet girl, and within a couple of months, she was my girlfriend

Anyway, welcome again to the forum, and check out my signature below for my two favourite quotes which keep me going each day.

 

[Lonesome Wolf]

Thanks, Everyone! You guys offer really good advise. I'm usually subjected to those simple replies from my friends like "there's plenty of fish in the sea" or "whoa, your still a virgin?". So I find it kinda of crazy but awesome that total strangers actually care enough to this extent.

I agree, I don't think I should give up, and I should try "actively searching" as many people call it. It's just that right now I'm going through a lot and I'm a little hurt, and I think it's best for me to just lay low for a while.

I'm kinda scared that i won't find anyone to be with while I'm in my last year of college this upcoming year. I really would mind sharing this experience with someone special, like going to college events and shows together, but I'm not going to force anything. it sucks, but I've always been alone like this since I've realized it my freshmen year, so i think I can handle one more year before I venture out into the real world.

 

[lomojojo]

I remember reading QuietGuy's post and it does sound very similar to yours.
In response to your concerns, what I have to say is I am happy that there are guys like you out there. I don't mean miserable about not finding a girl but nice ones not just focused on sex or shallow relationships. And don't worry about those that have rejected you they were just not meant for you, your priorities and theirs are obviously not the same. I know you will find the right girl at some point keep looking...