invisibleXangel
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For months I’ve been plagued by these two choice—to do the right thing or to be true to myself. Some of you might pick one over the other in an instant when asked to choose from both. But somehow taking a pick between those two always troubled me. It made me question the things I have always believed in and the person that I am.
Being a nineteen year old girl is I think a crossroad. Technically you are considered an adult since you are above eighteen but still inexperienced when it comes to life. But still old enough to make decisions to direct the path you take.
In my nineteen years walking this earth, I can say that I have thought of my future, what I will become and how I will achieve it. Which leads me to this question, should I do the right thing or should I be true to myself?
To better understand my point, I’ll give you a bit of sneak peak regarding my dilemma. Here goes...
I am currently in college taking a pre med course. The course is very demanding and it takes up most of my waking hours leaving me almost no time for leisure. But I had expected that. Of course trying to break into the medical field meant long hours of study, tedious preparation and intense amount of determination. You are dealing with human lives and it is no joke, so I guess it somehow justifies why the course takes a lot of investment. The reason I took this course was that somewhere during my high school years, I somehow thought of being a doctor. Maybe it was the TV programs like house, grey’s anatomy and scrubs that allured me or maybe it was glamour of their jobs formulating epistaxis inducing diagnoses or perhaps part of me also liked curing people. Whatever it was, it pushed me to take this pre med course. And so here I am, three years later enduring my major.
Of course it was nothing like I had expected. It was a tedious and rigorous course for me, sometimes draining all of my joy. I often complained about it and attending classes had become a chore. I was caught in a routine life of going to school, going home and studying. Often than not, I would ask my classmates how they find our major. Most of them would say that they were excited for the days to come, dealing with patients with different disorders and taking care of them, and being a nurse. And it hit me like lightning, why haven’t I felt this way? Why haven’t I felt excited about going to the hospital to nurse my patients back to heath? Why haven’t I felt fulfilled at the thought of going to the hospital? Is it possible that I was not really into my major?
Then writing came along, my first love, my true love. Writing was joy, it gave me bliss. I weaved words from my mind to form sentences, built alternate realities, conjured fictional characters or expressed myself through words, it gave me euphoria, a state of feeling fulfilled. Writing never became a chore, for I enjoyed it, I was fulfilled by it.
So now here comes the choice, to leave nursing and pursue another major so that I can write or to endure my major and finish the two more remaining years? Should I be honest with myself or do I do the right thing and endure two more years?
For a nineteen year old girl, I think that is a big decision, one that could change the path she takes. That is why I have spent the past two years agonizing and crying over it. But still no decision has been made. Yes, I am that indecisive.
So, I have weighed each matter in my head a thousand times and here is what I came up with.
Do the right thing. Finish my major.
For me, this seems to be the right thing because I have invested a lot of time, money and effort in this. Well not only me but also my parents. They have worked hard to provide for me and I don’t want their effort wasted even if I did not love my course or that I felt totally miserable about it. It seems like the right thing to do because, I was the one who chose this therefore I should see it to the end. And it somehow also secures my future in the long run. There’s also this saying that doing the right thing isn’t always easy.
Be loyal to myself. Find a new major and write.
This may come off as really selfish but If I were to be brutally honest to myself and not think about consequences I would choose this. I know that I am agonizing in my course, not good at it either and I lack passion. I don’t have the passion for my major like I have a passion for writing. If I were to be true myself, I’d ditch my course, find a new one and write. Part of me wants to do this mainly because, I want to take a risk, take a leap of faith and trust myself that it will all work out in the end. I want to explore the possibilities, do something I really want to do, veer away from the road usually taken and make my own path. Be wild, be free, be loyal to myself and choose my happiness. But of course I know that choosing this requires courage, and right now I don’t think that I have a lot of that. First I gotta have that courage, courage to choose be happy regardless the consequence and how things will turn out later.
See my dilemma? I am torn between the two. Choosing one over the other means that I have to give up the other. Should I give up the years that I have toiled over my major or should I give up my happiness? Which of the two, I am not sure. I have spilled tears over them and still not figure it out.
Perhaps I should just do a coin toss, heads would be the right thing and tails would be loyalty to myself. So that when I flip the coin, as it tosses and turns in the air and before it touches the ground, I’ll know what I’m hoping for, what I really want.
I need help. Please.
Being a nineteen year old girl is I think a crossroad. Technically you are considered an adult since you are above eighteen but still inexperienced when it comes to life. But still old enough to make decisions to direct the path you take.
In my nineteen years walking this earth, I can say that I have thought of my future, what I will become and how I will achieve it. Which leads me to this question, should I do the right thing or should I be true to myself?
To better understand my point, I’ll give you a bit of sneak peak regarding my dilemma. Here goes...
I am currently in college taking a pre med course. The course is very demanding and it takes up most of my waking hours leaving me almost no time for leisure. But I had expected that. Of course trying to break into the medical field meant long hours of study, tedious preparation and intense amount of determination. You are dealing with human lives and it is no joke, so I guess it somehow justifies why the course takes a lot of investment. The reason I took this course was that somewhere during my high school years, I somehow thought of being a doctor. Maybe it was the TV programs like house, grey’s anatomy and scrubs that allured me or maybe it was glamour of their jobs formulating epistaxis inducing diagnoses or perhaps part of me also liked curing people. Whatever it was, it pushed me to take this pre med course. And so here I am, three years later enduring my major.
Of course it was nothing like I had expected. It was a tedious and rigorous course for me, sometimes draining all of my joy. I often complained about it and attending classes had become a chore. I was caught in a routine life of going to school, going home and studying. Often than not, I would ask my classmates how they find our major. Most of them would say that they were excited for the days to come, dealing with patients with different disorders and taking care of them, and being a nurse. And it hit me like lightning, why haven’t I felt this way? Why haven’t I felt excited about going to the hospital to nurse my patients back to heath? Why haven’t I felt fulfilled at the thought of going to the hospital? Is it possible that I was not really into my major?
Then writing came along, my first love, my true love. Writing was joy, it gave me bliss. I weaved words from my mind to form sentences, built alternate realities, conjured fictional characters or expressed myself through words, it gave me euphoria, a state of feeling fulfilled. Writing never became a chore, for I enjoyed it, I was fulfilled by it.
So now here comes the choice, to leave nursing and pursue another major so that I can write or to endure my major and finish the two more remaining years? Should I be honest with myself or do I do the right thing and endure two more years?
For a nineteen year old girl, I think that is a big decision, one that could change the path she takes. That is why I have spent the past two years agonizing and crying over it. But still no decision has been made. Yes, I am that indecisive.
So, I have weighed each matter in my head a thousand times and here is what I came up with.
Do the right thing. Finish my major.
For me, this seems to be the right thing because I have invested a lot of time, money and effort in this. Well not only me but also my parents. They have worked hard to provide for me and I don’t want their effort wasted even if I did not love my course or that I felt totally miserable about it. It seems like the right thing to do because, I was the one who chose this therefore I should see it to the end. And it somehow also secures my future in the long run. There’s also this saying that doing the right thing isn’t always easy.
Be loyal to myself. Find a new major and write.
This may come off as really selfish but If I were to be brutally honest to myself and not think about consequences I would choose this. I know that I am agonizing in my course, not good at it either and I lack passion. I don’t have the passion for my major like I have a passion for writing. If I were to be true myself, I’d ditch my course, find a new one and write. Part of me wants to do this mainly because, I want to take a risk, take a leap of faith and trust myself that it will all work out in the end. I want to explore the possibilities, do something I really want to do, veer away from the road usually taken and make my own path. Be wild, be free, be loyal to myself and choose my happiness. But of course I know that choosing this requires courage, and right now I don’t think that I have a lot of that. First I gotta have that courage, courage to choose be happy regardless the consequence and how things will turn out later.
See my dilemma? I am torn between the two. Choosing one over the other means that I have to give up the other. Should I give up the years that I have toiled over my major or should I give up my happiness? Which of the two, I am not sure. I have spilled tears over them and still not figure it out.
Perhaps I should just do a coin toss, heads would be the right thing and tails would be loyalty to myself. So that when I flip the coin, as it tosses and turns in the air and before it touches the ground, I’ll know what I’m hoping for, what I really want.
I need help. Please.
