Insecurity Is Destroying My Oppurtunities

[Mysis]

Just a tip... Stop casually referring to them as "females". Try "women" instead. Makes them sound more human, and less like specimens or statistical data populations.

Sometimes word choices like that can influence the way you process something. Personally I'm of the belief that those words are chosen because of the way you already view it. Maybe I'm wrong though. Would still be a socially savvy habit to pick up.

Confidence is easy to build up. What really matters is the ability to remain confident after you've been defeated. That takes a level of confidence as well.

Take chances, roll with the punches, do a barrel roll, or something like that, I can't give you all the answers.

See a psychologist if you have to. They're good with this type of thing.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

@Lonesome Crow: I am going to reply to both of your posts with this one.

The first one: I guess I can try faking it, kind of hard when what I want is to lose weight. As for the joke, about kissing, I guess after a couple of months I can try it. Just get friend-zoned and slowly work my way into her heart.

The second one: Having balls eh, hard to have something I have never really had to begin with. I also feel guilty about saying I want to be friends, via the net, and then go out and try and hit on her. When I don't even know if she is interested... that is not the point of this thread. If you would be willing to advise me I can send you a PM.

Yes...workout, get in shape and lose weight. Not only dose excersizing
is healthy for your body and lower depressions...it's also a workout for
your mind. (this is something a woman can't give you) it's also a part
of loving and taking care of yourself. It also gets you into purpose,
goals settings and achiving your goals. it also gets you out of your
house into open space and a posibilty of running into a woman.

I still work out. Poeple compliment me on my body all the time...
becuase they know it takes works, dedications and self discipline..
it's more about than just my body. it say other stuff about me.
I take care of myself...I love and care about me...you can see it.
It takes me into actions

During the process of working out or getting shape..I simply couldn't
run a mile at first...As I jog or walk the mile..I'll notice the dialog
within myself. My body wants to give up becuase of the pains or
my negative thinking will start. So i set a goal...baby steps.
A commitment and goal for myself. I'll walk it the first time...then
maybe walk it and jog it the next time...then jog it more.
My mind would say..." I can't...i can't..it hurts..it hurts"
I force myself..."yes you can, inspite of the pains...yes you can"
It helps my confidence a lot. I knew i can overcome pains and accomplish my goals. It strecthed my muscels and my mind.

Then when it comes to dating women and other aspect in my life.
It's like going through the process or principles...I had to get into
actions and do the best as I can


I have females friends...it's kind of like taking baby steps.
I felt more comfortiable inneratcing with women. Lot's of body contacts
or playful touching. I also learn
how to say "NO"..I don't agree with you on that and I'm OK
with me and you're OK too.

 

[AFrozenSoul]

@Lonesome Crow: I guess I am just ashamed that I give into my negative thoughts. Of needing sleep or being to tired to work out. I have only managed to work out for 5 straight days. Then I give up, I am working on psyching myself up. But it is hard.

Know my boundries when it comes to female friends. That is something that I have a hard time with. Part of me wants them to snuggle up with me. Then my hands wander >.> it is very annoying.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

Forgive yourself, ...let go and move forward.

hahahaaaa...I hands wonder all the time. That's why women likes to hold my hands
I've put my hands right between a women's legs before on a first date...lmao
She simply put her hands over mine...but nevered removed my hand from between her legs...
She actaully open up her legs a little more...it was discrete in the dark at the movies.
She just rest her head on my shoulder trying to play it off...hahaaa

Don't trip...women love their body to be touched....
You got gotta learn her to touch or stimulate her body all over instead of just going for her tits, ass or her pussy.
I'm a guitar player..."I'm the magic man...with the magic hands"
I have very soft touch when playing my guitar and when I touch women.

with that women ..i simply put my hands on her knee. She didn't remove my hand..so my hand wonder....
I just start rubbing her leg gently..then on the inside of her theigh.hahahaaa
Bascially she let me..but i still had to test what her boundaries are.

I been know to hit home runs when playing baseball or softball. i just swing..man.

 

[AFrozenSoul]

@Mysis: Sorry I have been trying to make my vocabulary distinct over the past couple of years. I generally only use those terms around people I am comfortable with. If it is any consolation I use the term "Male" just as much as I use female. But that is generally only a forum thing.

How do you remain confident after you have been defeated?

@Lonesome Crow: So basically let my hands wander around and see what happens. I just fear that not setting up boundaries right away will scare her away. Then again I am also scared lack of intent will put me in zones that I don't want to be in.

maybe I will actually sit down and learn how to play the guitar.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

Errr...I went out with this chick onetime...she used to hold my hand when I'm driving.
Oneday she told me to scratch her palm....

I was like ...errr wtf???
She said..."didn't you know, when your palm tickgles, it mean that something good is going happen"
I was like..." if you say so"
Then she said..." I'm really, really horny"
My hands were all over the places after that.hahahaaaa

Then onetime I was watching her pick out only the green M&Ms and eating them.
I was like..WTF???...this chick is totally wierd.
Then she said.." didn't you know..eating green M&Ms makes people horney"

Then onetimes I came home...
She said..."I didn't cook dinner tonight."
I asked her...why? what's wrong?
She said.." you're going to eat me tonight, so I didn't bother cooking"

 

[AFrozenSoul]

@Lonesome Crow: Huh... ^_^;; I am not sure what the moral of this story is... she will tell me when she is really horny? How do I know if she does not come out and tell me that she is really horny? Are there signs that I can look for?

 

[Lonesome Crow]

hahahaaa....you mean when she's in heat?
When she's really, really that horney she won't say ****..she'll just jump your bones
as soon as you open the door.

The moral of the story is...she felt comfortiable around me to just be herself.
That becuase I was comfortiable being myself.
That's becuase she also had a geekiest side personality herself

She felt comfortiable enough to tell me she was horny and she wants and she wants and she wants it now...
without feeling insecured about herself or sexuality.

We weren't going into deep conversations all the time or seldom..We were just being in the moment, hanging out with each and did pretty much what we wanted to do...
wheather it be sex, going dancing, taking a stroll at the lake, window shoping, going out to dinner or just staying home and watching a movie together.
It's call bonding. She bascailly fell in love with me...I could do no wrongs. After a while I could had sex with her anytime I wanted to. All i had to do was ask or say something..
as she had. IDk...that's just how she treated me. She bascailly did anything and everything for me. Everyonce in a while she'll ask me to do stuff for her...but it wasnt a big deal.
I wasn't trying to impress her..I never did. For some reasons she found me very attractive.
In other words...I never thought about...hey here's this girl lets see how I can get her. It wasn't like that...I just met her and went with the flow.

 

[AFrozenSoul]

@Lonesome Crow: Ah I see, don't try is the moral of the story. Just let it happen... is that the moral of the story. :s well then I am doomed oh well

 

[Lonesome Crow]

Just go with the flow...you're on the court already...just play.
It's not about winning or loosing...just play.

 

[AFrozenSoul]

@Lonesome Crow: It is not any fun when you lose.

 

[arkitek4]

Loneliness my friend is a far more desolate place especially when you are old and grey. While you are still young and mobile better decide to go the other way than your usual street you often walk on. if say you always smoke marlboro, maybe a change of brand needs be done. To some people changing cigarette brand isn't the same when it comes to change when in fact the simplest of decisions eventually would take on a transformation.

I think changing oneself immediately will just result to more pain in the future. Change I think should be gradual, like a baby learning how to crawl, then walk. Taking small careful steps until he learns how to walk, after that he learns something else.

God didn't create the world in a day, according to the bible he created life after 6 days. No miracles are around for everyone to see vividly, sometimes miracles comes in small graces he up above showers us with. Nothing wrong with you as I see it, regression usually reserved for people who went through trauma at one point in their lives and when they are faced with some kind of obstacle they look the other way for fear of pain.

Don't wait until its too late for you to takes small steps towards the life you wish to live, the more you wait the less chances you will have to live a life you always dream of when you sleep at night.

---

"It is true that it is not fun when you lose, but it is also not fun to lose without trying to win what you want."

The fighting part if actually more fun than the winning part.

 

[AFrozenSoul]

@arkitek4: I guess I am just do not like the thought of having to spend the next 5 years fixing myself. Everyone says baby steps. Even the baby steps cause me mind numbing pain. It feels like an eternity before I will have what I want. It feels like what I want will never come.

How do I keep up hope if all I can see is failure?