Interpretation of a guy what I don't understand

[SlavicNa97]

He more annoys me so in general I plan to block him because it leads also nowhere but can someone interpretate him to me at least? I wanna make sure it is worth it like formally. I will show only from today (I was saying in 1st day or max 2nd that I need time and I was saying nothing about a relationship in general because with friends you don't talk about it when you form friendship and later you see). I was using chat gpt in situations when I didn't know how to say that already I said something to him + he kept saying he doesn't understand what I am saying + the most confusing is when he talks about relationships while he agreed to me about time and friend part. Idk how is it socially alright but for me when I am in friendship, I don't ask about others relationships naturally or I don't tell them what I need (I have some plans but as long as no one asks me, for what to share?)

PS: He gives this type of vibe that I don't wanna explain anything to him, I feel that I don't have to. Medically I am a female, I am just demi- and ace-.
PS2: He is specific in beginning so ofc I don't wanna talk in another way (voice, video) + I met another guy who sent me a lame message "You invite me from interesting area. How are you doing ?" (something like this and you know what? It is lame, we had short talk but I feel comfortable with him, I don't feel he suggests anything to me or runs straight to a relationship. Maybe it will be just a good guy to play with on pc and this is it)

 

[SlavicNa97]

+ he says "I need" (he used that few times about gf/partner) and once mentioned around visa things, something like that. "I need" sounds very fake. I unmatched him on Boo and can't see one message but there he mentioned also something about it that he needs or something similar and it smelled with red flag. If sex things aren't important for him, then for what HE NEEDS A PARTNER?

 

[okidoke]

Understanding a person isn't always easy. Who's to know exactly? He sounds like he's just wanting a sexual encounter, although I'm not sure what his definition of wanting "romance" is. Anyway, just do what your gut tells you.

I'm more interested in how you can be a demisexual AND asexual at the same time? You either have an interest in sex or you don't. And if you don't, just say it outright to the other person so there's no confusion or leading on from the beginning.

 

[SlavicNa97]

Understanding a person isn't always easy. Who's to know exactly? He sounds like he's just wanting a sexual encounter, although I'm not sure what his definition of wanting "romance" is. Anyway, just do what your gut tells you.

I'm more interested in how you can be a demisexual AND asexual at the same time? You either have an interest in sex or you don't. And if you don't, just say it outright to the other person so there's no confusion or leading on from the beginning.

I decided to block him. He tried to "show" that I am one not understanding, giving me in some way "ultimates". Next time I don't plan to waste more than 1h or 1 day on new people. I know what is my way.
He was arguing that relationship (he and his woman) is different in compare with mother, father and husband and wife can't be friends, it never works (he once agreed with me when I explained demi- that's a human thing about friendships and that's normal that we make friendships first that argue and say friendship and relationship aren't the same). Also he agreed on beginning about being slow, giving time and looking how it will be in future about the relation between me and him and agreed that "we are friends" on start (all messages were sent in less than 5 days so he showed like 2 arguing visions each other that he agrees and disagrees with me) and later "he doesn't understand me, he doesn't know what I am talking about".

I can be demi- and ace- at once because it is about it that I fall in friendships with deeper bond and not in a sexual way at 1st (there is very little of it), never I treat anyone as the sexual object basicaly whenever I encounter them

 

[okidoke]

I can be demi- and ace- at once because it is about it that I fall in friendships with deeper bond and not in a sexual way at 1st (there is very little of it), never I treat anyone as the sexual object basicaly whenever I encounter them

yeah but asexual means you're not interested in sex at all

 

[147]

yeah but asexual means you're not interested in sex at all

No, okidoke. Asexual has very many different "shades", as in: not just black and white, but all the greys in-between. I am asexual by mere category, and while I won't talk about my personal stuff, there are variations like:
- not interested in sex 100%
- mostly not interested, except for rare occurrences
- not interested in penetration, but making out just the same
- not interested in sexual encounters with another person, but enjoy pleasuring yourself
- etc etc

Hope this helps!
Asexuality is actually a very vast field.

 

[okidoke]

okay - obviously the term has been stretched over time, like so many definitions.

 

[TropicalStarfish]

Feel free to keep sharing @SlavicNa97 , sometimes it can help to think through things by sharing (though I can't quite agree with sharing personal conversations publicly).

There was a time in my life, a few years ago, where, I spent more time meditating (about 2 half-hour sessions a day). I had a realization, at that time (though it didn't stick), about, trying to be a bit more helpful and attentive around the house and to the people in my life in general; but, not only that: also, to sort of 'guard my inner world,' a bit bitter, where it concerns my immediately family, and others in my life.

I think, sometimes, as people who feel strongly, and also have a need to communicate, to make sense of our inner-life, sometimes it can help to try and learn to process things alone, rather than share with people who won't necessarily understand or be as receptive as we might like.

For example, say some one wants to be a musician, but their family/friends don't believe in them, think their dream is foolish and unrealistic. Well, it may be foolish and unrealistic, but, it would probably have a better chance at happening, if people were supportive from the start.

So, when we lack supportive people in our life, I think sometimes, it might be helpful to sort of, 'hide ourselves / hide our dreams,' a bit, while we work on them, silently, and steadily. If that makes sense.

Good luck out there in your endeavors. That's just some of my thoughts.

 

[SlavicNa97]

Feel free to keep sharing @SlavicNa97 , sometimes it can help to think through things by sharing (though I can't quite agree with sharing personal conversations publicly).

There was a time in my life, a few years ago, where, I spent more time meditating (about 2 half-hour sessions a day). I had a realization, at that time (though it didn't stick), about, trying to be a bit more helpful and attentive around the house and to the people in my life in general; but, not only that: also, to sort of 'guard my inner world,' a bit bitter, where it concerns my immediately family, and others in my life.

I think, sometimes, as people who feel strongly, and also have a need to communicate, to make sense of our inner-life, sometimes it can help to try and learn to process things alone, rather than share with people who won't necessarily understand or be as receptive as we might like.

For example, say some one wants to be a musician, but their family/friends don't believe in them, think their dream is foolish and unrealistic. Well, it may be foolish and unrealistic, but, it would probably have a better chance at happening, if people were supportive from the start.

So, when we lack supportive people in our life, I think sometimes, it might be helpful to sort of, 'hide ourselves / hide our dreams,' a bit, while we work on them, silently, and steadily. If that makes sense.

Good luck out there in your endeavors. That's just some of my thoughts.

I understand your view and about sharing conversations or parts of it sometimes helps with interpreation (like I need help when I question myself, days after blocking him and when I "cooled down", I am more sure that we don't fit, that I am too simple and our intelligence is different each other; I am more dumb in twisted conversations and I need straight answers + that guy "had a problem" whole time and I didn't know what was it about). I shared also another part of conversation about another situation but it is something different and the problem is in this part so I ask about that part in another topic. Just explaining myself, I guess overexplaining but wanted to share my perspective about my things.

Saying simply you are right with your thoughts, just in some situations it doesn't work when you have harder situation. If you were free in some fields like about working + you "fit" this work (even if it isn't your fav but it doesn't destroy you inside, you are able to give yourself 100% or even more in this work, if it was for you "one work out of many" just nothing harder, nothing special), then you are able to decide for yourself on your own slowly, you need only plan to get more free to realize yourself in your own dreams.

In the house where I live in they think they know me but I hide myself a lot, I think a lot about things what, how to do but it gets harder ofc when the most simple solutions don't work very, especially when your mental health is in crisis and you haven't much energy, self-esteem is pushed down.

Just wanted to share a bit. Tho thank you and I appreciate your reply. Have a better day

 

[TheRealCallie]

Online dating can be difficult and frustrating as hell, but you can't get to know someone that quickly. It takes time to find the quirks and get rid of the awkwardness that comes at a first meeting, so I wouldn't cut it to an hour or day.

As for relationships, it's about more than just sex. Intimacy is more important than full on sex. That can be as simple as giving a hug, holding hands or even just being near each other. It's about connection and compromise. You have your needs and so do the people you are talking to. Some people want/need to be in a relationship, they want/need that intimacy, the same as you want/need that connection/bond. It's a compromise. I'm not saying have sex before you're 100% ready, but a relationship is give and take. You have to give them a little bit, the same as you are asking them to give a little. BOTH sides have to be understanding of the other.

Just my opinion, of course.

 

[SlavicNa97]

Online dating can be difficult and frustrating as hell, but you can't get to know someone that quickly. It takes time to find the quirks and get rid of the awkwardness that comes at a first meeting, so I wouldn't cut it to an hour or day.

As for relationships, it's about more than just sex. Intimacy is more important than full on sex. That can be as simple as giving a hug, holding hands or even just being near each other. It's about connection and compromise. You have your needs and so do the people you are talking to. Some people want/need to be in a relationship, they want/need that intimacy, the same as you want/need that connection/bond. It's a compromise. I'm not saying have sex before you're 100% ready, but a relationship is give and take. You have to give them a little bit, the same as you are asking them to give a little. BOTH sides have to be understanding of the other.

Just my opinion, of course.

Fully I get you and you are right, it is also about huge respect each other (if they know about it how I am about sex things + closeness and they are patient or very similar, it can be only make it good). I know what you mean also about intimacy, I experience that thing some differently in my own way.

Also I avoid online dating, I just made it more clear that looking for connections, friends and hope they will read it. I know what I can or can't give especially in the whole current situation on my side. Didn't meet someone yet who fully understands.

Thank you for the response, I appreciate a lot and I like your perspective.