Is everybody a hypocrite..?

[kirakn]

Call me a pessimist, but I think that society has been degraded into a big sea of hypocrites. As honest as I try to be, I often find myself doing it as well. There are no real friends nowadays in my opinion. Everybody seems nice, until their interests conflict with yours. Then the mask falls off and you see the ugliness beneath.

If you are a pessimist then I must be one too...Although I believe we are just seen things the way they are...I've come to believe that there no true friendships indeed..You are so right..

So everyone is a hypocrite to an extend...Maybe because you dont want to be rude to someone...or maybe because you dont want to show your feelings...It seems though that not everyone sees themselves from different perspective...When I realize I am being uncomfortable with someone and I am not being myself I try to distant myself from that person, just because I think its unfair for both of us...

I'll give you an example...I was spending time with this girl and after two or three times we were hanging out I realized that I can not be friends with her...I couldnt find anything to say to her..I didnt want to be rude so I continued going to class with her as usual..We talked a little about the class we were taking together and thats it..I asked her a couple of times for notes from the class that I didnt have and I thought its ok to ask..I was sick for two weeks and I asked her if she could give me the notes because we had a big test coming up for the end of semester...We met and she gave me her notes to copy..When I went home I realized these were a months old notes so I called to tell her I copied the wrong ones...She said she doesnt have anymore notes, and she wont take the test because she is leaving for vacation early...I couldnt find another person to help me so I failed the test...When the results came up she had an 8 and I had 0....

So what is the line that separates my hypocrisy with hers..?

 

[Seeker_2.0]

Call me a pessimist, but I think that society has been degraded into a big sea of hypocrites. As honest as I try to be, I often find myself doing it as well. There are no real friends nowadays in my opinion. Everybody seems nice, until their interests conflict with yours. Then the mask falls off and you see the ugliness beneath.

If you are a pessimist then I must be one too...Although I believe we are just seen things the way they are...I've come to believe that there no true friendships indeed..You are so right..

So everyone is a hypocrite to an extend...Maybe because you dont want to be rude to someone...or maybe because you dont want to show your feelings...It seems though that not everyone sees themselves from different perspective...When I realize I am being uncomfortable with someone and I am not being myself I try to distant myself from that person, just because I think its unfair for both of us...

I'll give you an example...I was spending time with this girl and after two or three times we were hanging out I realized that I can not be friends with her...I couldnt find anything to say to her..I didnt want to be rude so I continued going to class with her as usual..We talked a little about the class we were taking together and thats it..I asked her a couple of times for notes from the class that I didnt have and I thought its ok to ask..I was sick for two weeks and I asked her if she could give me the notes because we had a big test coming up for the end of semester...We met and she gave me her notes to copy..When I went home I realized these were a months old notes so I called to tell her I copied the wrong ones...She said she doesnt have anymore notes, and she wont take the test because she is leaving for vacation early...I couldnt find another person to help me so I failed the test...When the results came up she had an 8 and I had 0....

So what is the line that separates my hypocrisy with hers..?

Well, I think you nailed it with your example, because it seems to me that she did it on purpose to "decrease the competition". I don't know whether you're in school or in college, but some people are so competitive that try do increase their chances of getting top grades by eliminating the competition...I speak from experience, having almost fell for the same thing once, although I double-checked the notes with another classmate and got the right ones. I think that career chase and ambition have made people competitive.

I will give you an example of my own. When I first went to university, I studied business administration for a while, but eventually realized that i didn't want to spend the rest of my life behind an office dealing with money. So, I quit uni and studied forestry instead (a very unpopular choice in my country). My classmates tried to prevent me, showing "compassion and concern", saying it was career suicide and that the salary would be higher in business. I left anyway. Fast forward to today, I work as a forester, while business administration got so saturated that most of my old classmates struggle to find a job in their field. Now they all accuse me of "having a job" and talk behind my back about me being unfairly more successful than them. Needless to say, I don't care about any of it, seeing that I did what I did because I followed the career I love, but it goes to show you that when people think you have it worse than them, they act sympathetic, but when the opposite proves to be true, they all bury you to the ground. That was my wake-up call, it was then I realized that the only person you can really trust is yourself.

 

[shadetree]

You know i read a lot of these replies and things and alot of us talk about people being hypocrites and selfish and masks and everything else. It all really comes down to perspective. I just hate that we live in a world where everybody thinks they cant trust anybody and so many people prove that to be true. I think at a certain point though somebodys gotta stop and say hey screw this noise and decide to start trusting people regardless. Because if we all keep going like were going as a race theres not going to be any humans left in a couple hundred years because well all have killed one another lol. I know me writing a paragraph on an internet forum aint gonna make much difference either way but its the truth.

I just think we all need to find a way to get along and be more open as a society and learn to talk about things. Thats the dream anyway.

Im a realist myself neither optimist or pessimist, the glass is halffull but its got a hole in it and the liquids leaking out. We still got time but we better start today or its gonna be too late to plug the hole.

I say random acts of kindness are the best way to start, it doesnt require any trust, its an act of service that helps others and you get the benefit of knowing you did a kind deed to make another persons life better. That person realizes hey my perspectives changing maybe life and people aint so bad, they go out and pass out some kindness to others as well thats how you start it anyways.

I dont know just some random thoughts and ramblings. Dont mind me im just passing through.

 

[Seeker_2.0]

You know i read a lot of these replies and things and alot of us talk about people being hypocrites and selfish and masks and everything else. It all really comes down to perspective. I just hate that we live in a world where everybody thinks they cant trust anybody and so many people prove that to be true. I think at a certain point though somebodys gotta stop and say hey screw this noise and decide to start trusting people regardless. Because if we all keep going like were going as a race theres not going to be any humans left in a couple hundred years because well all have killed one another lol. I know me writing a paragraph on an internet forum aint gonna make much difference either way but its the truth.

I just think we all need to find a way to get along and be more open as a society and learn to talk about things. Thats the dream anyway.

Im a realist myself neither optimist or pessimist, the glass is halffull but its got a hole in it and the liquids leaking out. We still got time but we better start today or its gonna be too late to plug the hole.

I say random acts of kindness are the best way to start, it doesnt require any trust, its an act of service that helps others and you get the benefit of knowing you did a kind deed to make another persons life better. That person realizes hey my perspectives changing maybe life and people aint so bad, they go out and pass out some kindness to others as well thats how you start it anyways.

I dont know just some random thoughts and ramblings. Dont mind me im just passing through.

I get what you're saying Shadetree, I really do, it would be nice for your dream to come true, but in a time when kindness is seen as weakness and honest people are used as stepping stones, I wouldn't hold my breath for a change to happen anytime soon.

 

[kirakn]

Well shadetree, that is what fills me with bitterness the most...I used to be a lot reserved in high school and when someone talked to me,I was answering kinda rude...I used to be very hostile just because I didnt trust anyone..When I got into university I didnt feel so angry anymore...

I saw a movie that first semester of university, and it was actually "into the wild"..Kinda weird since Seeker_2.0 has that photo hehe..
Anyway at some point that guy said something like "why everybody has to be so ******* mean to each other all the time..It doesnt make sense to me.." And that phrase shook my whole system..I took it kinda personally and I decided I would be the person who would be nice to others..Everyone you see is fighting a hard battle right? So I was going to be the one to make their day, and make them forget about their problems for a while...

Since that day every person I met was my friend..I would always talk to them, ask them about their days, listen to them complaining how life is unfair and I tried to find some advice for them..I was so happy and calm inside..My mind was at peace...
But then began a vicious cycle where a friend would betray me or wanted something I didnt want to do and then they left, and then i tried to find other friends that I trusted regardless because everybody is struggling through something rough, right..?

5 and a half years later from that day I saw "into the wild" for the first time, I stopped the vicious cycle by ending every single friendship that was left in my life..The girl with the notes, the narcissist with the song, the best friend for 4 years...

sorry for the long post guys..im not that good at being brief..

 

[Seeker_2.0]

Into the Wild changed me forever, in ways that I would need a book-length essay to explain kirakn.

Is it alright if i PMed you sometime? It seems to me that we have enough thinks in common to last us talking for days

 

[kirakn]

Hey, sure you can feel free to pm me anytime..

I wish though someone would tell me if they did the whole "random act of kindness" thing...
Anyway, you guys helped me so much..Especially that article about familiarity principle, it really cleared things up..
Thank you guys so much!

 

[shadetree]

Well shadetree, that is what fills me with bitterness the most...I used to be a lot reserved in high school and when someone talked to me,I was answering kinda rude...I used to be very hostile just because I didnt trust anyone..When I got into university I didnt feel so angry anymore...

I saw a movie that first semester of university, and it was actually "into the wild"..Kinda weird since Seeker_2.0 has that photo hehe..
Anyway at some point that guy said something like "why everybody has to be so ******* mean to each other all the time..It doesnt make sense to me.." And that phrase shook my whole system..I took it kinda personally and I decided I would be the person who would be nice to others..Everyone you see is fighting a hard battle right? So I was going to be the one to make their day, and make them forget about their problems for a while...

Since that day every person I met was my friend..I would always talk to them, ask them about their days, listen to them complaining how life is unfair and I tried to find some advice for them..I was so happy and calm inside..My mind was at peace...
But then began a vicious cycle where a friend would betray me or wanted something I didnt want to do and then they left, and then i tried to find other friends that I trusted regardless because everybody is struggling through something rough, right..?

5 and a half years later from that day I saw "into the wild" for the first time, I stopped the vicious cycle by ending every single friendship that was left in my life..The girl with the notes, the narcissist with the song, the best friend for 4 years...

sorry for the long post guys..im not that good at being brief..

Im not good at being brief either, i kinda hate when people write one sentence and act like its a complete thought lol so its okay. All i can say is im really sorry people are the way they are. I seen seeker had asked about pming, if itd be okay id like to pm you as well because ive enjoyed talking to you, but i think you have your pms turned off.

Yeah into the wild is a great movie, theres a couple more like that ill have to round up and give to you sometime you might enjoy that are about living in the wilderness, its not so much the same story as into the wild but theyre still enjoyable films. Anyway im getting off topic, drop me a line sometime if yould like to talk.

To turn Pms On you go to USER CP at the top Then Options on the left hand side and then on the right theirs a checkbox in there that says recieve pms from other users.

Anyway i hope youre doing okay today. Christmas is coming up, i think ill be glad when all this holiday crap is over myself lol. That will be the bestest gift of all!

 

[Erevetot]

I think at a certain point though somebodys gotta stop and say hey screw this noise and decide to start trusting people regardless.

regarding the first part, most of the people that have trouble trusting people, have started at the other side. Personally, I was a social and friendly person. I liked people, i liked having friends, I was open to everyone, I didnt want to think bad of people, gave chances to everyone. Then stuff happened, and they changed me, leaving huge, impossible to fill gaps in my life, ripping huge holes in my trust. Now I have trust issues. I dont hate people, im still a nice and open person, but i got trouble when it comes to let people in my life. As I said on a previous response I always try to see the best in everyone, but I just cant trust anymore. Friends, relationships, everything, I always think of the worse, trying to find things they may betray me with, trying to hide the real me, expecting that people are close to me to use me and abuse me, not for me, not cause they love me or want me in their lives.
I thought I was good at judging people, I thought that when I happened to let someone in my life, it was because I was good at seeing their good aspects and finding them different and trustable. I was happy I had good people in my life, I was greatfull for them. With 2 exceptions, I was as wrong as it can get. In the end, they forced their way in my life to use me. Most of them had it better than me, and did it just cause they could, just to get that extra validation

Personaly, I dont think it'll ever change. People will keep betraying each other. People that trust will get hurt, ending up trusting noone or trusting harder. It's a never ending circle, I trust you- you hurt me-i stop trusting- person A trusts me-i dont trust them-they dont trust me- person B trusts them-person A doesnt trust person B-person C trust person B-B doest trust C....


Yes, the people that are hurt can try and change. That's why Im posting in here now for example. I'm trying to help people in these forums, well i dont even know how to cope with my life, but I'm trying to help others in trouble, that's my "random act of kidness", trying to offer the help and support i never had. Still, I'll never heal, I'll never be able to stop thinking that that person probably has a mask on to gain something from me, even if I got nothing anymore. And the people I may help, have no reason to trust me, nothing tells them that I wont betray them too.


Gosh, i need to learn how to write more in less text

 

[jd7]

Ah...trust...

 

[Nicholas]

So after i have read most of the comments here i have to ask my self... Whats next? Do we just continue as before? Knowing that almost everybody out there are a bunch of self centered hypocrits? Always doubting and never trusting others? Always in the search of the ones that will accept us for just who we are???
Or should we be open to people, knowing that we will get hurt sometime in the future, but still keeping some hope, even the smallest, that we are not alone? That we can trust? That we can belong somewhere?

Unlike Evertot, i hate people and i feel that the moment they feel that we are vanruble they will betray and hurt us.
No matter what we will do for them and how much we hurt ourself in the process.... Its never enough.

Im lucky i have my girlfriend besides me, without her i would be in a much more darker place.

When will it all just end?

 

[kirakn]

So after i have read most of the comments here i have to ask my self... Whats next? Do we just continue as before? Knowing that almost everybody out there are a bunch of self centered hypocrits? Always doubting and never trusting others? Always in the search of the ones that will accept us for just who we are???

Hey Nicholas..I wish I could answer you your questions..Truth is my heart is filled with despair...I never wanted to admit to myself that this is my reality now...I was bouncing through denial and rage over and over again...

One day a thought came to my mind...I remember a "great" advice my father gave me because he wanted me to be social and meet people...He said you dont always have to agree with everyone...Sometimes you won't agree with people, you don't need to say that...just keep it to yourself..I told him that I just don't like certain people so I prefer being alone..And he's responce was : you don't have to like people to hang around with them...just go out with them...be social...
So instead of compromising and hating myself everytime I would hang out with this people I decided it was better for me to just accept my situation and make my peace with it...Its not easy to do that though...I still find myself reminiscing good times I had with people I don't talk to amymore...
So I don't know...I too hate people but I won't fall for the same tricks again..People have to earn your trust and not just give it to them freely..I wish you though to find your hope...Tell me if someone proved to deserve your unconditional trust...

and just because i feel that when someone is in a happy relationship people tend to go on a crazy wild rampage of jealousy and hate, I wanted to say that it makes me happy when couples really support each other and help one another to heal and make them happy...I wish you both the best..Don't let them crack you...Keep one another strong.. ^_^

---

regarding the first part, most of the people that have trouble trusting people, have started at the other side.

Its like you are describing my life...I'm so sorry you are feeling this way...It's such a terrible state to be in...

Yes its a vicious cycle and I don't think it will ever change..Someone at some point in his/her life will need something from the person that is closest to them and then the ego gets between...The most ironic of all that is that sometimes the person that gets betrayed and hurt gets to be the bad guy in the stories of the hypocrites...You can't change that either...

But I promise you you will heal...The effort you make to give others the support they need is really therapeutic...Sometimes you will still hurt but if you keep moving on with your life you will get better..And hopefully you'll be able to build strong defences so that you won't get hurt next time..something I wish I can manage to do too.. ^_^

 

[Erevetot]

You know, everytime it feels like I'm Troy, and the people I meet the Greeks (funny as I'm Greek). I have my defenses up, but they will always have a Trojan horse, and I'll always be too naive I guess, to get it through my defenses, they'll always appear good and trustworthy, they'll make their way through and by the time I realize I was wrong, my city is already burnt to the ground.
And I won't heal, I got trust issues since the first incident. Tbh, I think it's better that way, hopefully it means that next time I trust more carefully



I just don't understand these people. I'm happy with the hapiness of others, of people I know and like, friends, relationship etc. I admit I sometimes get jealous of others' happiness but I dont try to destroy or steal it from them, I use it as a motivation to get back looking for mine. I'm always willing to stop w/e I'm doing to support someone, and I never ask anything in return, and the people I let in knew it clearly that I'd do everything for them. I don't understand why they had to betray me and use me, when I'd give them most of what they wanted anyways. I think it goes back to their past, they probably have been in my shoes and are now too scared to trust me, so they think the only way is to walk on me instead of trusting me and walking with me


Anyways, I'm just done. I'm putting my own mask on. I'm not gonna use people, but I'm not gonna be so open anymore.

 

[Nicholas]

kirakn: your dad gave you a good advice, but its just not for me. ive been through so much **** that i just cant pretend to be someone else so that people would like me. Other people can, i see it everyday, but i just cant... better be alone then accepted by a bunch of hypocrites. Its not that i dont want to be liked, that would be great, but not at that cost.
So i wonder why the hell people cant be just normal and accept each other? why do they always need to be self centered egomaniacs and value other people if it only serve their interests?!
But what really annoys me its when they hurt each other if they feel that they on a lower level, just to show how superior they are.

Everlot: I really can relate to what you have said, and most of the times i feel that its better to keep things to yourself just that others wont have anything to use against you.

i dont know if it will mean anything, but thanks for writing... i feel less lonely now.

 

[kirakn]

Erevetot I understand and empathise with your thoughts...for years these thoughts were torturing my mind over and over again...I was almost obssesed, I was thinking about them all the time...

Why everyone I meet does the same pattern?Why women have to antagonise every woman they meet..?Most of my female friendships ended because I was feeling the rivalry from her side...Why they behave and treat me like that when they know I trust them and consider them friend..?

I still don't have answers to those questions...I'm trying to accept that I won't ever get them and just have to move on..

Erevetot do you ever get the feeling you lost someone..? I really want to know if its a thing...I feel like I'm griefing...Like I lost someone..Its very confusing and hard to explain to someone who hasn't felt it before...I recently saw a picture of my two best friends from these past 4 years...They remained best friends...I got this feeling like I. was seeing familiar and frienldy faces that I lost...Bf told me it was just the habit of seeing them everyday that got triggered...I guess betrayal screws you up in different ways..

---

kirakn: your dad gave you a good advice, but its just not for me. ive been through so much **** that i just cant pretend to be someone else

Oh Nicholas it means so much to me...It makes me feel like a better person when I know I really helped someone..You can always talk to me when you feel lonely...

I guess we will never get our answers...The only thing I can think of is what they told me before that when interests conflict all relationships are falling apart...Not everyone can put other people ahead of themselves...I think that sometimes people have deep holes in their hearts and subconsciously try to fill them using other people...I guess if someone were to come up to me and admit that none of the things that happened were targeted for me, maybe I would forgive them..or maybe I'm too affected by the whole picture thing..

Other people "walk away quietly into empty spaces, trying to close gaps of the past..."

 

[Seeker_2.0]

Erevetot I understand and empathise with your thoughts...for years these thoughts were torturing my mind over and over again...I was almost obssesed, I was thinking about them all the time...

Why everyone I meet does the same pattern?Why women have to antagonise every woman they meet..?Most of my female friendships ended because I was feeling the rivalry from her side...Why they behave and treat me like that when they know I trust them and consider them friend..?

I still don't have answers to those questions...I'm trying to accept that I won't ever get them and just have to move on..

Erevetot do you ever get the feeling you lost someone..? I really want to know if its a thing...I feel like I'm griefing...Like I lost someone..Its very confusing and hard to explain to someone who hasn't felt it before...I recently saw a picture of my two best friends from these past 4 years...They remained best friends...I got this feeling like I. was seeing familiar and frienldy faces that I lost...Bf told me it was just the habit of seeing them everyday that got triggered...I guess betrayal screws you up in different ways..

---

kirakn: your dad gave you a good advice, but its just not for me. ive been through so much **** that i just cant pretend to be someone else

Oh Nicholas it means so much to me...It makes me feel like a better person when I know I really helped someone..You can always talk to me when you feel lonely...

I guess we will never get our answers...The only thing I can think of is what they told me before that when interests conflict all relationships are falling apart...Not everyone can put other people ahead of themselves...I think that sometimes people have deep holes in their hearts and subconsciously try to fill them using other people...I guess if someone were to come up to me and admit that none of the things that happened were targeted for me, maybe I would forgive them..or maybe I'm too affected by the whole picture thing..

Other people "walk away quietly into empty spaces, trying to close gaps of the past..."

---

Still quoting McCandless, I see

Just a comment on this:

"Not everyone can put other people ahead of themselves."

No one puts other people ahead of themselves. It's all about individualistic survival out there.

 

[shadetree]

I sometimes think the animals make more sense, at least they kill each other for food lol. Humans are crazy, theres no real sense to try to MAKE any sense of any of this, i think life is about enjoying those brief moments of madness when we can see clearly how truly crazy and lost we are and forget for a moment and just enjoy life and have fun and a few laughs. Because like the man said, nobody gets out of here alive

Hope everybodys having a good morning this morning, im really proud to say i FINALLY got my damn sleep turned around after my latest week long insomnia nightmare. Yay go me. Im really thankful i will get to see daylight today, it feels like god put a gold star on my soul and no matter what happens, todays going to be a good day.