Is loneliness a state of being or a state of mind?

[oh-kay?]

The brighter we shine the quicker the world recognizes us.

This is true but it doesnt end there, obviously. If we shine not only does the world notice but we ourselve's notice ourselve's too. This very principle, or mechanism, could be considered the positive equivalent of a/the 'self fulfilling prophecy' as it has the opposite effect on us and on/in the ones we reach as such, it builds confidence and from there derives stability. The trouble with (any amount/sort of) confidence however is that a state of mind isnt constant but fluctuates and it is at such times, when we find ourselve's (thrown) back to ourselve's again, especially when we are alone, we start to doubt our newly gained brightness and could easily fall back a few notches. We should take into account that one's own state of mind will/can make us socially 'desirable'/acceptable but that we, or anyone for that matter, cannot expect it to be of a continuous nature, not in our psyche and not in the eyes of the/any beholder. There will always be (your) lesser days/times, the presence of less loving/occupied people, as there will be the very opposite. In the end it will all be about finding balance and spending enough time with ourselve's to reflect and introspect (yes just like you allready mentioned ).

Hope I make/made myself 'readable' as my english isnt as eloquent as yours.

Thank you for this and I look more for intent than in eloquence. I've seen people tare eachother apart in the sweetest ways.

As I've said life is a roller coaster ride and nothing is guaranteed.

The idea behind having a positive outlook on life is not to just have a positive outlook. It is a chance to learn how to deal with the pitfalls of being human and find the tools which may very well be the single-most important impliment that will provide you with the stability to remain focused when everything around you is falling apart.

What works for me is my own philosophy and it has give me strength to persevere and a flotation device when the struggle against adversity wears me out.

What I've used mostly is the phone to reach those who I know care about me and they know I care about them, to bleed of the negatives and contemplate solutions to the small time catastrophes that seem so menacing when veiwed alone. They tend to shrink, possibly into obscurity when confronted by more than you mind.

 

[BeyondShy]

Have you reached out or merely reached inward?

I am not too sure of what this means.

She cared enough to ask. Have you ever thought that she wanted to know out of fear she had said something that hurt you?

Not for one second.

Then that second of thought was lost. There is a difference between acting and reacting.

If I had any reason at all to believe she was serious I would have considered it. Please understand this. Nobody cares.

 

[oh-kay?]

I am not too sure of what this means.

It means, did you reach out to others without the fear of rejection impeding your progress. Fear is stands for False Evidence Appearing Real. What you may feel may very well be feelings and nothing more. The past is called the past for a reason. It's no longer the present.

If I had any reason at all to believe she was serious I would have considered it. Please understand this. Nobody cares.

You have every reason to believe it and only one not to. It might very well be that you've become comfortable in the feelings of loneliness and you've embraced the idea of being a victim. That is a death spiral into self loathing. You have a ladder here in this web site and a lifeline with those who come here to participate in the lives of others. I hope you will use it.

 

[TheRealCallie]

If I had any reason at all to believe she was serious I would have considered it. Please understand this. Nobody cares.

Yet people are trying to understand and help you here.....doesn't seem like nobody cares to me.

 

[Despicable Me]

If I had any reason at all to believe she was serious I would have considered it. Please understand this. Nobody cares.

What you really mean is, "I don't care."
You're just being a hypocrite and rejecting everyone else because you automatically assume that everyone is going to reject you if you don't do it to them first. As Callie stated, you're just using this as a defense mechanism.

Other people obviously do care. They asked you a question and you rejected them, willingly and flagrantly. If they did not really care they wouldn't have asked. They would not be trying to help you, either.
They would have just ignored you if they really didn't care and/or disregard all these things you're saying about yourself.
Apathy is how you truly show someone that you don't care about them. Ignoring someone or ignoring the things they do or say is the way you show them you don't care.

Not to attack you, but you're the one here guilty of this now.
You ignored the questions people were asking you. If you didn't want to answer these you could have just said you didn't want to answer and been nice about it. Instead you rejected the questions entirely and also rejected the people's intents, remarking that they didn't actually care. Earlier in this topic you said you'd never willingly reject people. This was obviously not true. Maybe it's the person you want to be, but it's not the person who you are right now.

Moral of the Story: Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and start being the person you really want to be.

 

[TheRealCallie]

Moral of the Story: Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and start being the person you really want to be.

Thanks, now this song is stuck in my head....

[video=youtube]

 

[HoodedMonk]

She cared enough to ask. Have you ever thought that she wanted to know out of fear she had said something that hurt you?

Not for one second.

Then that second of thought was lost. There is a difference between acting and reacting.

If I had any reason at all to believe she was serious I would have considered it. Please understand this. Nobody cares.

You know what? Ladyforsaken is one of the most sincere people here. She really wanted to know the answer to this question.

I'm sick of you being rude to other members. You are afraid of rejection and yet you post passive-aggressive responses on here that surely and no doubt turn others off and prevent them from reaching out to you and trying to connect with you.

Look to your own actions before you blame others.

 

[McDamned]

Thanks, now this song is stuck in my head....

Love that song!

 

[Greenish]

I don't know about many here, but I find myself the loneliest when I place myself in situations where I fail to fulfill myself. I find, even when I am alone that you can occupy yourself with introspection to evaluate yourself as a person to make yourself a better individual.

Sometimes it is we who make yourself lonely because we have so little love for ourselves that we can't allow others the chance to get to know us. The brighter we shine the quicker the world recognizes us.

You're spot on.

Doing things that give you fulfilment builds confidence and kicks those lonely feeling right up the behind.
I do however believe that we all have an inherent need for companionship, some more than others. Perhaps finding those that also enjoy doing the things that are important to us will help reduce our feeling of loneliness. And yes, a degree of self love goes a long way in getting to know people and caring about their feelings.

Thanks for your post, love it!

 

[VanillaCreme]

The reason I asked that i to find out why you wanted to get into a certain group. Not all groups are the same and I would believe that there would be some more open to you than not. If you see all groups like this, then it might very well be you projecting your own self image out on others and end up rejecting them because you are so convenced that they would never accept you because of that self image.. I did that for a very long time and I know the consequences of it. It is like a self fulfilling prophecy of emptiness, but that emptiness is only a fictional image of yourself that only you see.

I haven't found one yet that is accepting. And if people don't accept me why should I accept them now? What is the use?

She cared enough to ask. Have you ever thought that she wanted to know out of fear she had said something that hurt you?

Not for one second.

Beyond, the fact that you're so defensive (whether you think you are or not - that's how you're coming off in all your posts to me) makes me believe that you don't want people to care. And that's fine. Just don't expect people to give you any sympathy when you both push them away and want some understanding.

Justifying the end result by having such a negative attitude during the means doesn't mean that all people treat you wrong. It means that you gave them no choice but to stand to the side wondering what it is about you that they can't seem to figure out. Many people want to care. Believe it or not, it's true. But they can't do that if you constantly shut doors.

 

[BeyondShy]

It means, did you reach out to others without the fear of rejection impeding your progress. Fear is stands for False Evidence Appearing Real. What you may feel may very well be feelings and nothing more. The past is called the past for a reason. It's no longer the present.

When you have a memory like mine the past is never too far away.

You have every reason to believe it and only one not to. It might very well be that you've become comfortable in the feelings of loneliness and you've embraced the idea of being a victim. That is a death spiral into self loathing. You have a ladder here in this web site and a lifeline with those who come here to participate in the lives of others. I hope you will use it.

No, I can promise you I am not comfortable at all like this. It really takes a toll on me.

Yet people are trying to understand and help you here.....doesn't seem like nobody cares to me.

I am trying to accept this as fact but I still can't.

What you really mean is, "I don't care."
You're just being a hypocrite and rejecting everyone else because you automatically assume that everyone is going to reject you if you don't do it to them first. As Callie stated, you're just using this as a defense mechanism.

This is where you are wrong. I do care. More than anyone realizes. And I admit I could be acting like this without knowing it.

Earlier in this topic you said you'd never willingly reject people. This was obviously not true. Maybe it's the person you want to be, but it's not the person who you are right now.

I don't know any other way. I'll be damned if I get hurt again. One more would be the end.

You know what? Ladyforsaken is one of the most sincere people here. She really wanted to know the answer to this question.

I am sure she is.

I'm sick of you being rude to other members. You are afraid of rejection and yet you post passive-aggressive responses on here that surely and no doubt turn others off and prevent them from reaching out to you and trying to connect with you.

I'm sick of you giving me a hard time. You don't mean a damn thing to me because people like you have harassed me all my life. You make fun, say what you want and keep me down. Leave me the hell alone. Get off of my back.

Beyond, the fact that you're so defensive (whether you think you are or not - that's how you're coming off in all your posts to me) makes me believe that you don't want people to care. And that's fine. Just don't expect people to give you any sympathy when you both push them away and want some understanding.

That's not true. In fact the opposite is true.

Justifying the end result by having such a negative attitude during the means doesn't mean that all people treat you wrong. It means that you gave them no choice but to stand to the side wondering what it is about you that they can't seem to figure out. Many people want to care. Believe it or not, it's true. But they can't do that if you constantly shut doors.

Look, can I tell all of you people the truth here? I don't know how to go and ask for help. I don't know how to tell if someone cares. I don't know how to let people know I want them to care and that I need them to care.

I don't know what it is like to deal with decent people like Ladyforsaken or Callie or you or the others who responded here. I have no idea. I do know how to deal with the people that are against me like that HoodedMonk guy because I am used to that. I hate people like that because it seems that they enjoy what they do too damn much.

I just do not know how to deal with the ones that care except to mistrust their actions and I know it is wrong but I do it anyway.

I shared too much.

 

[McDamned]

Well it is never too late for change just dont expect the impossible from yourself nor from any other. We can only judge someone by his actions and cannot look into their souls or memory. Perhaps you could try to cut the people (over here) some slack as they obviously are doing the very same thing for you by keeping up a dialogue instead of putting you down. For sure the people roaming this board are here in all cincerity and probably seek the same level of understanding you are seeking for yourself.

 

[Despicable Me]

This is where you are wrong. I do care. More than anyone realizes. And I admit I could be acting like this without knowing it.

You're right, I'm sorry. What you meant is "I don't want to care." I know that feeling. You care but don't want to because that's the part that hurts.
But my points are still true. You're still pushing people away and rejecting them because you don't want to be rejected.

I don't know any other way. I'll be damned if I get hurt again. One more would be the end.

It isn't the end. And I think you can do better than this.
I know I don't really "know you", but I trust you. I believe in you. You'll be okay. I know that sounds weird.... Sorry.

Look, can I tell all of you people the truth here? I don't know how to go and ask for help. I don't know how to tell if someone cares. I don't know how to let people know I want them to care and that I need them to care.

You want to know the truth? I don't either.
I don't know who to trust, I just do it anyway. I don't know who cares, I just care for them anyway. I get hurt a lot... It's okay. I get up every day and just keep going. It hurts, but I'm okay. I put my pain into other things. I use it.

I do know how to deal with the people that are against me like that HoodedMonk guy because I am used to that.

I don't know HoodedMonk either, but I'm pretty sure he's not 'against' you. I just think he just approaches some problems with a 'tough love' approach. I might be wrong, though.

As for me... I don't know what I get out of trying to help people either. So if you have any guesses feel free to let me know.

 

[BeyondShy]

Well it is never too late for change just dont expect the impossible from yourself nor from any other. We can only judge someone by his actions and cannot look into their souls or memory. Perhaps you could try to cut the people (over here) some slack as they obviously are doing the very same thing for you by keeping up a dialogue instead of putting you down. For sure the people roaming this board are here in all cincerity and probably seek the same level of understanding you are seeking for yourself.

That's true McDamned. Thank you. I just don't know how to make the first step. I am like a magnet for the SOB's of the world and it has jaded me.

 

[VanillaCreme]

Look, can I tell all of you people the truth here? I don't know how to go and ask for help. I don't know how to tell if someone cares. I don't know how to let people know I want them to care and that I need them to care.

I don't know what it is like to deal with decent people like Ladyforsaken or Callie or you or the others who responded here. I have no idea. I do know how to deal with the people that are against me like that HoodedMonk guy because I am used to that. I hate people like that because it seems that they enjoy what they do too damn much.

I just do not know how to deal with the ones that care except to mistrust their actions and I know it is wrong but I do it anyway.

I shared too much.

You may not know how to, and I understand that, but don't you think that pushing people away will never correct that? You never will know if you don't even give people that chance. Shooting everyone down when they're clearly trying to show some care certainly doesn't rectify not giving that chance.

 

[BeyondShy]

You may not know how to, and I understand that, but don't you think that pushing people away will never correct that? You never will know if you don't even give people that chance. Shooting everyone down when they're clearly trying to show some care certainly doesn't rectify not giving that chance.

Yes I do but I don't know any other way now.

You may not know how to, and I understand that, but don't you think that pushing people away will never correct that? You never will know if you don't even give people that chance. Shooting everyone down when they're clearly trying to show some care certainly doesn't rectify not giving that chance.

Yes, and like I told VanillaCreme I don't know of any other way or how to protect myself.

It isn't the end. And I think you can do better than this.
I know I don't really "know you", but I trust you. I believe in you. You'll be okay. I know that sounds weird.... Sorry.

No, it doesn't sound weird at all. I understand what you meant.

 

[VanillaCreme]

That second bit you quoted was something I said.

 

[BeyondShy]

That second bit you quoted was something I said.

Whoops. Please excuse me. You get proper credit.

I am very sorry.

 

[HoodedMonk]

You know what? Ladyforsaken is one of the most sincere people here. She really wanted to know the answer to this question.

I am sure she is.

I'm sick of you being rude to other members. You are afraid of rejection and yet you post passive-aggressive responses on here that surely and no doubt turn others off and prevent them from reaching out to you and trying to connect with you.

I'm sick of you giving me a hard time. You don't mean a damn thing to me because people like you have harassed me all my life. You make fun, say what you want and keep me down. Leave me the hell alone. Get off of my back.

I am not against you. I am against your behavior of being rude to others and putting others down. It's fine if you are hurting, but it's not fine if you make others feel small in the process. Be courteous and kind to others like you would want to be treated.

I can't stand to see you be rude when others have been sincere or have just expressed an opinion.

It really gets to me and I am not against you personally, I would be against anyone who did that on the forum. I have seen you do this numerous times and I've said nothing because I know how you hurt inside but it really doesn't justify you hurting and being rude to others because of your own pain.

Some advice…be a little more open and kind.

 

[VanillaCreme]

. . . doesn't justify you hurting and being rude to others because of your own pain.

Some advice…be a little more open and kind.

Ain't that the truth... The people responding you to, Beyond, are trying to help. Help with some advice or ideas or just a supporting shoulder. But being rude and ignorant to those who don't tell you what you want to hear will not do well by you.