Is love only meant only for certain people?

[VanillaCreme]

Yes, love is only meant for the beautiful, thin people. I'm short, fat and ugly, in my 40's and have never had a girlfriend. If "looks don't matter" then I should've had a few relationships by now. But nope, women are shallow, plain and simple. They want their men tall, well built and skinny.

Looks may not matter to many folks - whether you don't believe that based on your experiences, doesn't make it truth for everyone - but attitude usually matters to damn near everyone. And that's a sorry attitude for anyone of any stature to have.

Also try not to glob us into one pile. Not all women are the same, and not all men are the same. Maybe if you had shown a different attitude other than a miserable one, a lady might have seen you were a bit different from many other guys. But you showed miserable, and you got miserable.

 

[lmph8885]

I never thought I would get all these responses. Thank you everyone. I agree with what was said here about the odds of finding someone are too low. That is something I have thought about for some time. That is why I concluded some months ago that if you put yourself on the spot, you might increase your chances other than just sitting around waiting for Mr. Right to come one day and knock on my door.
I started visiting an online dating website. Since then, I've met several guys. Some only wanted ***, others liked me but I didn't like them. There were two guys I met that I did like. One of them was an Italian guy. We went out for two weeks and he had to go back to his country. Fortunately, by the time he left, I had realised I preferred to have him as a friend. The other guy I liked ended up deceiving me. He was only looking for a rebound and at the end, eventually got back with his ex. So as you can see, I have been quite unlucky even when I have put myself in the spot. Last Friday I met another guy I had met in the website. He seemed like a very nice and down to earth guy. I don't think he was ugly but I didn't feel attracted towards him. I don't know what is wrong with me. Am I too picky? Or I subconsciously decide to feel attracted to guys with whom I can't have anything? I don't know if I should give this last guy another try. I am scared that at the end I won't feel attracted towards him and end up hurting him, as I have done to other men in the past.
About my physical appearance, there are some things I can do to look better, like lose weight. However I am very insecure and I have a low self esteem. I know the problem is me and not the world.

 

[Veruca]

Dear Imph,

I am sorry you're sad and that you've had to go through a lot of bad stuff. That really sucks *hugs*

Firstly, you're probably more beautiful than you realize, but feeling rejected may be leading you to only see the flaws (which we all have). You mentioned that some guys have really liked you, so you must be quite pretty . (Ignore the people calling you trans/man like.....people often say things to intentionally hurt others coz they get a sadistic kick out of it. Also their opinion doesn't matter because they're insignificant to your well being).

I agree with what Bob Lee said. The reality is that not everyone will get to experience love in the way they want to. And this has less to do with us and more to do with external factors we can't control. You'll never know if you're going to be one of the lucky ones so I feel its best not to think about it. If it happens, it does, if not, then life can still be good, if not complete.

You may be wondering how unfair it is that other less deserving people get to be in relationships and not you. Yes, it is unfair but its beyond our control. The thing is, these people may not even be happy. And no matter how much we try to analyze it, there are simply no answers. It happens for some, and not for others, but the thing is...you don't know if its going to happen to you. It just might.

And its like Lady said too....don't hope too much either. That can lead to disappointment. How do you not hope but also not give up? For me at least, I try to spend each day focusing less on relationships and more on the other things that make me contented. Some days are difficult. It will feel like all your friends are married or in relationships, you're always attending parties and things alone, people ask pointed questions or your hormones are just whack and making you feel horrible. But I tell myself these are the few random bad days. And trying to genuinely be happy for couples helps loads.

Its hard to do at first because we're hardwired to seek companionship and there are so many triggers around us, but if you keep at it, the days become tolerable, and slowly they become pretty good with just you on your own.

A lot of people would probably disagree with me, but I don't think settling for someone you don't feel crazy about is a bad thing. I think if both parties are honest about their situation and want to give companionship a shot, its worth it. Love doesn't always have to be fireworks, it could be something simple and sweet that develops with time.

Also, most importantly, I think its very important to not think about ending up alone. I'm about to turn 30 myself, and very single and for a long time this haunted me. But the truth is, its only scary because its a faraway concept in our mind. When we were 20, the idea of being alone at 30 was terrifying, but here we are. We've made it. It wasn't so bad.Anything is possible so maybe we should just try to spend the next few years trying to be happy and even if we end up alone, it won't be the worst thing because in that moment, you're doing OK. Does that make sense?

Pardon the long message. I hope things improve for you soon, Imph

 

[Minus]

... women are shallow, plain and simple. They want their men tall, well built and skinny.

I am sure you are going to believe what ever makes you comfortable, but i have never found anything that holds true for all women. Undoubtedly looks are important to some women, and among those that find looks important there will be some looking for the type you describe.

I do know there are women who just aren't concerned about looks. They are more interested in what a person is like. Of course walking around with the attitude that they are "shallow" probably isn't going to interest them either.

 

[Jafo]

Yes, love is only meant for the beautiful, thin people. I'm short, fat and ugly, in my 40's and have never had a girlfriend. If "looks don't matter" then I should've had a few relationships by now. But nope, women are shallow, plain and simple. They want their men tall, well built and skinny.

Looks may not matter to many folks - whether you don't believe that based on your experiences, doesn't make it truth for everyone - but attitude usually matters to damn near everyone. And that's a sorry attitude for anyone of any stature to have.

Also try not to glob us into one pile. Not all women are the same, and not all men are the same. Maybe if you had shown a different attitude other than a miserable one, a lady might have seen you were a bit different from many other guys. But you showed miserable, and you got miserable.

Actually I was very positive when trying to get out there and date. But all I kept hearing from women was their standard excuses that they think we men don't really know what they mean, but we do. You know, ******** lines like "I think you're a really nice guy, but" "Any girl would be lucky to have a guy like you" except the one you are interested in. All that crap. Maybe if they were just upfront and honest I would have a different attitude.

 

[Triple Bogey]

Yes, love is only meant for the beautiful, thin people. I'm short, fat and ugly, in my 40's and have never had a girlfriend. If "looks don't matter" then I should've had a few relationships by now. But nope, women are shallow, plain and simple. They want their men tall, well built and skinny.

Looks may not matter to many folks - whether you don't believe that based on your experiences, doesn't make it truth for everyone - but attitude usually matters to damn near everyone. And that's a sorry attitude for anyone of any stature to have.

Also try not to glob us into one pile. Not all women are the same, and not all men are the same. Maybe if you had shown a different attitude other than a miserable one, a lady might have seen you were a bit different from many other guys. But you showed miserable, and you got miserable.

Actually I was very positive when trying to get out there and date. But all I kept hearing from women was their standard excuses that they think we men don't really know what they mean, but we do. You know, ******** lines like "I think you're a really nice guy, but" "Any girl would be lucky to have a guy like you" except the one you are interested in. All that crap. Maybe if they were just upfront and honest I would have a different attitude.

I agree with you.
It's ***** but there isn't anything we can do about it.

 

[Aisha]

Yes, love is only meant for the beautiful, thin people. I'm short, fat and ugly, in my 40's and have never had a girlfriend. If "looks don't matter" then I should've had a few relationships by now. But nope, women are shallow, plain and simple. They want their men tall, well built and skinny.

A lot of people have physical preferences, not just women but men too. It does not make them 'shallow, plain and simple' just to have a preference.

And as for being judged for looks- there is a reason more women feel the pressure when it comes to body image, and suffer from illnesses relating to that like eating disorders.

It is not fair for either gender to put the other down for something so superficial, although yes, it does happen. But it's not restricted to women.
And there are many, many people to whom looks are not an issue at all. Like others have said, you can't lump an entire gender together just so you have somewhere to direct your bitterness.

 

[Xpendable]

Yes, love is only meant for the beautiful, thin people. I'm short, fat and ugly, in my 40's and have never had a girlfriend. If "looks don't matter" then I should've had a few relationships by now. But nope, women are shallow, plain and simple. They want their men tall, well built and skinny.

Looks may not matter to many folks - whether you don't believe that based on your experiences, doesn't make it truth for everyone - but attitude usually matters to damn near everyone. And that's a sorry attitude for anyone of any stature to have.

Maybe if you had shown a different attitude other than a miserable one, a lady might have seen you were a bit different from many other guys. But you showed miserable, and you got miserable.

None of this two extremes goes for solutions.

 

[Despicable Me]

This seems like a rather silly topic to me.

Is love for 'certain people'? Yes, absolutely... but not the "beautiful" type, as you're assuming.
Love is only for people who learn to love themselves and learn to accept and understand others. Someone who cannot do that is incapable of love.
Beauty and looks and all that superficial nonsense is irrelevant. There have been 'ugly people' throughout history that have fallen in love.

As the expression goes: 'Looking for love in all the wrong places'.
Lmph, I remember in a different topic you posted a picture of yourself and many here stated you're not even 'ugly', so this ugliness you see that is what is on the inside, not the outside. It is what you see, not what others see. And it may not even be real.
But until you can remove that ugliness from yourself, either by removing the real ugliness inside or merely dispelling the illusion of ugliness that you see, honestly I don't think you'll find any love.
But you simply cannot remove that sort of ugliness with make-up or nose-jobs or anything like that. It comes from learning to accept and appreciate yourself for who you are, and learning to love that person for who she is. Until you can say you love yourself, how could you love someone else? And if you cannot love yourself, how can you expect anyone else to do it?

Everyone talks this cheap game about how "Beauty is on the inside" but I'm honestly not sure many people even know what that means. I've heard numerous people say that and then only to do something superficial a minute later. Screw that. That's not what I mean at all!
Beauty is whatever you want it to be. It is not on the inside or the outside, it is simply just entirely subjective. It is like water, if you attempt to grab it then it fades away quickly. So you need the right tools to get it, whether you use a bucket or a little cup doesn't matter in the slightest, so long as it gets the job done.

So again: Stop looking at the ugliness in the mirror, and look at the beauty instead, both inside and out. Everywhere. Find what is beautiful, create what is beautiful. No more worrying about ugliness, redefine it.
Redfine beauty, redefine ugliness, redefine yourself, and redefine love. Then you will find more than you could ever hope for in all of these things.

 

[Phaedron]

We drown in an ocean of infinite choice, yet to our surprise there are still Native Americans who practice pre-arranged marriage, and find themselves happy with it. The spirit is willing, humans are complex and we have imagination.

Yes, I think some people are just meant to be feel alone and be rejected. Karma and/or the will of creator may influence this. In the book Megashift is a story about a priest who claims he was told by God to go somewhere in the middle of the night and he'd meet his wife there, she was told the same thing. I've dreamed of love since I was 13 years old, listening to Vangelis Les Apocalypse out on the couch with a blue light on.

Its about his reality, and her reality, and the ability of those realities to blend into the near future of our reality. So the stranger you are, the harder it is, by default. Of course, I'm the worst person to give you any advice.

A word on beauty, focus on the sublime. Your attitude about your own beauty plays a role, but if you want good pictures, try finding a sense of art so that you blend into your surrounding and look cute doing it. If we can walk in art, and maintain it like surfing, maybe you can get to where life just flows.

 

[Xpendable]

Its about his reality, and her reality, and the ability of those realities to blend into the near future of our reality. So the stranger you are, the harder it is; by default.

Too bad we can't choose how strange we are.

 

[VanillaCreme]

Actually I was very positive when trying to get out there and date. But all I kept hearing from women was their standard excuses that they think we men don't really know what they mean, but we do. You know, ******** lines like "I think you're a really nice guy, but" "Any girl would be lucky to have a guy like you" except the one you are interested in. All that crap. Maybe if they were just upfront and honest I would have a different attitude.

They were honest. They told you they weren't interested, didn't they? Did any of them tell you that you were perfect and just what they were looking for, and then dumped you like a bag of rocks into a river? If one of them did, then I'd tell you, yeah, the girl might have fibbed. But whatever their reason was doesn't lessen the fact that they just weren't interested. And that doesn't mean they're horrible people. They don't have to agree to date you just because you're interested in them. That's their personal choice if they want to date someone. Being rejected is a natural occurrence in life. We're not supposed to get everything we want in life exactly when we want it. Being bitter about it - which is what I sense from many of your posts, and not just the posts in this thread - doesn't really help you much either.

 

[kamya]

I agree with Jafo on this one. Just be up front with what the actual issue is so at least we know what our problem is. We aren't fragile little things that need to be protected from the truth.

 

[VanillaCreme]

We aren't fragile little things that need to be protected from the truth.

I don't think that's the issue. It's not about thinking someone's fragile. It's more so about the fact that when some people are told that a person isn't interested in them, then all of a sudden the girl is a ***** or the guy is an *******. All of a sudden, the other person was wrong and was being a meanie who wouldn't date someone they didn't want to. No one is wrong in the situation. One person asked or brought up the idea, and the other person said either yes or no. And when the answer is no, then that person is automatically wrong for saying no.

 

[kamya]

If someone treats you wrong for saying no, then that person would have called you a ***** no matter what you say. Whether you feel justified in it or not, letting someone down easily is a cop-out. That's all there is to it. You're free to do whatever you want but that doesn't change what it is.

 

[VanillaCreme]

If you're wrong for saying no, then that person would have called you a ***** no matter what you say. Letting someone down easy is a cop-out. That's all there is to it.

That's the problem though. Someone saying no doesn't make them a horrible person. It doesn't mean they're a ***** or an *******. And too many people want to fall too easily into throwing insults at someone just for being turned down. I'd rather someone tell me no than for them to give me a false hope, because, from personal experience, being told yes when there's no intention of that person actually going out with you... Well, that's a touch more harsh in my opinion.

 

[kamya]

That's what I'm saying though. Say no. But giving a truthful explanation of why would be nice. That's all.

It's like holding a door open. It's a common courtesy. You don't have to. Some people will get angry at you for holding it for them. That doesn't stop me from still doing it.

It's not completely the same thing but the concept is similar.

 

[Jafo]

There's no such thing as "love" anyways. So who the **** cares?

 

[lmph8885]

This seems like a rather silly topic to me.

Is love for 'certain people'? Yes, absolutely... but not the "beautiful" type, as you're assuming.
Love is only for people who learn to love themselves and learn to accept and understand others. Someone who cannot do that is incapable of love.
Beauty and looks and all that superficial nonsense is irrelevant. There have been 'ugly people' throughout history that have fallen in love.

What might be silly for you, might be painful to another. When I see a person suffering for something I find pointless, I never tell them they are silly or anything like that. It is not right to minimise other people's problems when when we don't agree. I just don't find it constructive. After all, we are all here trying to help, or at least that was what I thought. I never said an unattractive person couldn't fall in love, I don't know where you got that idea. What I meant was that for certain people falling in love and being loved back seems harder and I was wondering why it is so hard for some people than for others. I exposed possible reasons like being unattractive or just unlucky. I am sorry that my post annoyed you. For the rest of your comment, I would like to thank you.

 

[ladyforsaken]

There's no such thing as "love" anyways. So who the **** cares?

That's what you want to believe. It's not a "fact" and isn't true for everyone.