I've been a chronic loner for the past 16 years

[Solitary man]

I have literally spent every day for the past 16 years on my own. I know that many people will find that very difficult to believe, but regrettably it's true. I've always been an introvert, but as I got older I began to experience depression, and in fact was ill for more than 3 years. During this time I fell into a very deep rut, and still haven't managed to climb my way out of it. I've lost touch with the few so-called friends I once had, I'm an only child, and both of my parents are now dead. I am very alone in this world, and I mean alone.

I think of myself as a loner, an outsider, a misfit, and a social recluse. I'm also a misanthrope, as I've seen far too much phoniness, selfishness, egocentricity, egotism, and corruption in people to have even a smidging of liking or respect for them. I'm not saying all people are bad, as there is goodness and badness in all of us, it's that the negativity and badness seems to predominate and manifest itself much more often.

I could tell my life story here, and you'd probably be able to identify the turning points, and pinpoint the reasons why I have become such a chronic loner, but that's work. All I know is that I actively go out of my way to avoid people, and that this pattern of behaviour has become so deeply entrenched in my psychological make-up that I really don't know if I'll ever be able to change my ways, reintegrate myself into society, and return to some semblance of what most people would refer to as "normality".

I have just joined this site and this is my first thread. If you have nothing informative, constructive, or positive to share, please say nothing at all. I've been on many different internet forums, and most of them suck. I'm hoping that this one shall be a lot different. If not, I can easily delete my profile here too, and swiftly move on.

Thanks for listening.

 

[Masson]

What can I say other that I can relate to what your saying.I'm an introvert that has S.A. , a hatred for humanity like you and I've been lonely for 5 years now. I don't know what informative, constructive, or positive things you want me to say because you basicaly just described yourself but if you want to talk about anything I'm a good listener and a very open minded person , I don't shy away from any subject.

 

[SophiaGrace]

I feel sad for you

 

[Solitary man]

What can I say other that I can relate to what your saying.I'm an introvert that has S.A. , a hatred for humanity like you and I've been lonely for 5 years now. I don't know what informative, constructive, or positive things you want me to say because you basicaly just described yourself but if you want to talk about anything I'm a good listener and a very open minded person , I don't shy away from any subject.

When I said "if you don't have anything informative, constructive, or positive to say, don't say anything at all" ...or words to that effect, what I meant was, many people have a habit of using the internet, and sites like these in particular, to judge and criticise other people, and without making any valid or constructive contribution of their own.

If you have had negative life experiences which have brought you to a situation of loneliness, by all means share them. But try to do it in a way that helps others to relate to your experiences, and without being judgemental or patronising towards others. That's all I'm saying.

 

[Masson]

Ok good , I like the way you think.

 

[Tiina63]

Hi solitary man, I can relate to you as I am also an introvert, as well as being an only child whose parents have passed on, and I also suffer from depression. So I can understand where you are coming from. Being so alone in the world is horrible.
However, the fact that you are using the net to reach out to people is a step forward. And here people will understand you.
When it comes to meeting people in everyday life, you could start in very small ways, just talking now and then for a few minutes on trivial matters with people you encounter. This is what I do. If I go out somewhere, I aim for two short conversations with two different people, instead of putting unrealistic expectations on myself to be the life and soul of the event and coming home feeling like a failure because I am not.
When it comes to 'normality' I think that western societies tend to see the extravert norm as normality ie always out socialising, never at a loss for words, happy to be the centre of attention, outgoing etc and we will never be like that. I think that most introverts feel like square pegs in round holes at least some times. It is hard to go against the expected norm. I'm still working on accepting my introversion.

 

[Solitary man]

Hi Tina, good post. I've always been a bit awkward in social situations, but I'm OK with people I know. I'm actually a very friendly person who used to enjoy the company of a very small group of friends, but that was a very long time ago, and before this chronic lonerism kicked in.

Recently I have in fact been wandering out, not to intentionally strike up a conversation with a complete stranger, but sometimes in the context of a shopping purchase that has happened, and if the interaction has been positive I've come away feeling better for it.

However, most of the time I am alone, and I'm ******* sick of myself. I think I might have a personality disorder, as this reclusion has just been going on for far too long.

 

[Tiina63]

Hi solitary man, I am glad that you found my post helpful.
It's good that you are already taking whatever chances come your way to make contact with people as every postive experience helps. Maybe you could join one or two groups where you could come into contact with others who have some interests in common with you as well? I go to a French group and although I am really quiet there (I have to speak occasionally or cough or something, just so the others know I haven't died!!) I feel better for going there.
You are clearly concerned as to whether or not you have a personality disorder-could you see someone to investigate this and maybe give you a diagnosis if your suspicions are correct? It could be that it is your situation and introverted nature which has led to your feeling the way you do, or you could have deeper problems. It would be worth getting it checked out so that you either get the help you need, or are able to put your mind at rest on this issue.

 

[Solitary man]

When I began suffering from depression about 16 years ago, I was in consultation with both a psychiatrist and a psychologist. Psychotherapy did me very little good, as I found that talking about negative stuff that went on in my past just made me feel more depressed. I no longer suffer from clinical depression, as I have learned a lot about it from my own personal studies and the internet, and have devised an effective strategy comprised of a number of different elements to keep the beast at bay. But I have always felt that my depression was a symptom of something else, but could never place my finger on it.

Loneliness and isolation literally drove me insane in 2003, and I did something which got me into a lot of trouble. When I was seen by a psychiatrist for the second time, he intimated something about a potential personalty disorder to my lawyer, but when I inquired if a diagnosis had actually been made, my lawyer was not very helpful, and I never found out.

I have a degree in Psychology, but am not a psychologist, but I know enough about personality disorders to be able to say that the lines are not clearly drawn, and that many merge and overlap. For a time I thought I may have "Avoidance Personality Disorder", but after having answered the online personality test questions to make a proper diagnosis of that disorder, I can honestly say that it is very unlikely that I suffer from that disorder, if any at all.

Truth is, a number psychiatrists and psychologists refute the very existence of "personality disorders", viewing them as a human construct, devised by mental health professionals to conveniently place labels upon people, then treat them accordingly.

Realistically, if every person with a problem underwent sufficient enough psychiatric analysis, they would probably all be (mis)diagnosed with a personality disorder.

 

[edgecrusher]

i can somewhat relate to where you are coming from. ive been mostly a loner for like 10 years now. pretty much since about halfway through high school. i understand being a misanthrope as well. i often find most people to be petty and filled with unnecessary drama that they mostly seem to bring on themselves but then they complain about it as if its not their fault. i just dont particularly like social gatherings and find it hard to just sit and talk about random gossip and BS. i mainly stay isolated. i still have one of my parents but we arent particularly close. i live with my sister and a roommate and even when they have people over i spend 99% of the time in my room playing video games or watching movies alone. i feel like i am slowly becoming more and more of a recluse. if i lived alone i would have very little human contact. i cant really offer anything other than to say that you arent alone.

 

[dresta2000]

I have literally spent every day for the past 16 years on my own. I know that many people will find that very difficult to believe, but regrettably it's true. I've always been an introvert, but as I got older I began to experience depression, and in fact was ill for more than 3 years. During this time I fell into a very deep rut, and still haven't managed to climb my way out of it. I've lost touch with the few so-called friends I once had, I'm an only child, and both of my parents are now dead. I am very alone in this world, and I mean alone.

I think of myself as a loner, an outsider, a misfit, and a social recluse. I'm also a misanthrope, as I've seen far too much phoniness, selfishness, egocentricity, egotism, and corruption in people to have even a smidging of liking or respect for them. I'm not saying all people are bad, as there is goodness and badness in all of us, it's that the negativity and badness seems to predominate and manifest itself much more often

Well feel the fact that you have posted on this site and have had people respond to you including myself shows that people do care about you and we and making a non physical connection via this site. Is this the first time you have posted on a web site

I could tell my life story here, and you'd probably be able to identify the turning points, and pinpoint the reasons why I have become such a chronic loner, but that's work. All I know is that I actively go out of my way to avoid people, and that this pattern of behaviour has become so deeply entrenched in my psychological make-up that I really don't know if I'll ever be able to change my ways, reintegrate myself into society, and return to some semblance of what most people would refer to as "normality".

I have just joined this site and this is my first thread. If you have nothing informative, constructive, or positive to share, please say nothing at all. I've been on many different internet forums, and most of them suck. I'm hoping that this one shall be a lot different. If not, I can easily delete my profile here too, and swiftly move on.

Thanks for listening.

 

[UncomfortablyNumb]

I have literally spent every day for the past 16 years on my own. I know that many people will find that very difficult to believe, but regrettably it's true. I've always been an introvert, but as I got older I began to experience depression, and in fact was ill for more than 3 years. During this time I fell into a very deep rut, and still haven't managed to climb my way out of it. I've lost touch with the few so-called friends I once had, I'm an only child, and both of my parents are now dead. I am very alone in this world, and I mean alone.

I think of myself as a loner, an outsider, a misfit, and a social recluse. I'm also a misanthrope, as I've seen far too much phoniness, selfishness, egocentricity, egotism, and corruption in people to have even a smidging of liking or respect for them. I'm not saying all people are bad, as there is goodness and badness in all of us, it's that the negativity and badness seems to predominate and manifest itself much more often.

I could tell my life story here, and you'd probably be able to identify the turning points, and pinpoint the reasons why I have become such a chronic loner, but that's work. All I know is that I actively go out of my way to avoid people, and that this pattern of behaviour has become so deeply entrenched in my psychological make-up that I really don't know if I'll ever be able to change my ways, reintegrate myself into society, and return to some semblance of what most people would refer to as "normality".

I have just joined this site and this is my first thread. If you have nothing informative, constructive, or positive to share, please say nothing at all. I've been on many different internet forums, and most of them suck. I'm hoping that this one shall be a lot different. If not, I can easily delete my profile here too, and swiftly move on.

Thanks for listening.

NO, please don't go! I don't have anything particularly helpful to say other than that I feel much the way you do, and that I completely relate to everything you wrote. My parents are not dead and I have 2 siblings, but I am the black sheep of the family so I often end up spending holidays alone - they extend obligatory invitations but I've learned the hard way that it's better to stay home alone than be surrounded by "family" who clearly dislike me. I am a single female and thus everyone assumes I have this great social life...yeah, right. I am alone most of the time. I have friends but I do not go around them when I'm depressed - all it takes is one thoughtless comment from one of them and I'm spiraling down even further. Things bother me that other people don't even notice. I've stopped trying to get others to understand. I'm sorry you feel this way SolitaryMan because I feel the same and it really, really sucks.

 

[Solitary man]

NO, please don't go! I don't have anything particularly helpful to say other than that I feel much the way you do, and that I completely relate to everything you wrote. My parents are not dead and I have 2 siblings, but I am the black sheep of the family so I often end up spending holidays alone - they extend obligatory invitations but I've learned the hard way that it's better to stay home alone than be surrounded by "family" who clearly dislike me. I am a single female and thus everyone assumes I have this great social life...yeah, right. I am alone most of the time. I have friends but I do not go around them when I'm depressed - all it takes is one thoughtless comment from one of them and I'm spiraling down even further. Things bother me that other people don't even notice. I've stopped trying to get others to understand. I'm sorry you feel this way SolitaryMan because I feel the same and it really, really sucks.

I used to be a bit wild when I was a teenager, and what family I have left in England still don't want to know me, as I think they are incapable of grasping the concept that people change and calm down a bit as they get older. I think they shut me out and keep me at a distance as a protective measure. I've never done anything that bad. I just used to drink a lot when I was younger and this led to me getting into trouble with the Police on a number of occasions. I'm not going to beg to be accepted as part of the family, as I am, whether they like it or not.

I too am a very sensitive person, and can detect sarcasms and slights very easily. People can be cruel, and especially those in positions of authority that should really know better; some doctors in particular. In fact I would go as far to say that those people (like doctors) who know about your problems are the very people you must protect yourself from, as I have experienced some really evil doctors.

 

[acedna]

I am an introvert and unfortunately, I am also a misanthrope. That makes it even more difficult to make friends.

 

[strugl]

Welcome to our midst , most of us are lurkers, never responding to threads but we exist and feel your pain. Most of us seek the same answers you seek maybe thats the problem.