I've been ghosted: how to react when the other person disappears

[ardour]

Go on youtube, and you'll find 50,000 videos that will explain to you why your current partner is a ******* narcissist and why you should leave them, immediately, and go no contact, and offer no explanation. Then come here, and reread all that ******** about, 'ghosting,' being, 'on the rise,' and such a horrible, horrible thing for some one to have to endure. Woe to all the traumatically triggered ghosting victims! Me... Oh... My...

This applies to popular relationship advice subs on reddit, where any conflict, dare we say normal up and down is framed as abuse. People get told an extreme version of what they want to hear - that the other party is always at fault; and in reddit/social media land being fault always comes with being an abusive narcissist. People giving said advice are neurotic, have an obvious axe to grind, or damaged and speaking from that.

 

[Adamridge79]

You could come home one morning, and...everyone is just gone...4 years....and, nothing. Please ghost me via the internet. I can burn that bridge without a thought.

 

[user 136944]

"This applies to popular relationship advice subs on reddit, where any conflict, dare we say normal up and down is framed as abuse. People get told an extreme version of what they want to hear - that the other party is always at fault; and in reddit/social media land being fault always comes with being an abusive narcissist. People giving said advice are neurotic, have an obvious axe to grind, or damaged and speaking from that."

The above reply from @ardour is spot on. Apparently nowadays we are all 'edcuated in tolerance, acceptance, and love' yet the accounts of people being 'cut out' of somebodies life simply for having had a difference of opinion or a little row, subsequently then being labelled 'toxic' or even 'abusive' (both overused buzzword's) is absolutley staggering. Not being able to accept that people have differing opinions and then cutting them out of your life sounds to me quite the opposite of 'tolerance, acceptance, and love' actually.

 

[Minus]

I also don't like the word. I don't understand why EVERYTHING needs a "trendy" new name.

I feel I need a dictionary to keep up with all the buzzwords that have been coined or popularized in the last few years.

As for myself, I may make contact again once and forget it after that.

 

[Finished]

I feel I need a dictionary to keep up with all the buzzwords that have been coined or popularized in the last few years.

As for myself, I may make contact again once and forget it after that.

This may help

https://voicesfromtheblogs.com/modern-slang/

 

[StarDust]

Ghosting - to be declared an emotional offence!

https://www.washingtonpost.com/world/2022/07/27/philippines-ghosting-emotional-offense-act/
What's your thoughts for the scales of justice ⚖ to make a ruling on social conduct?

For starters, if you were ghosted, they'll first need to find the person so they know who to charge

 

[Sci-Fi]

Getting ghosted sucks, but sometimes the person eventually reaches back out to you in their own way because they realise what they did and feel bad about it. That has happened a few times with two people who did that to me, one apologised and the other sent me a friend request on Facebook which was their own way of apologising. I've done it too, there is one person I've ghosted but there is a very damn good reason for it though and they damn well know why.

 

[NoxApex(N/A)]

I also don't like the word. I don't understand why EVERYTHING needs a "trendy" new name.

Even if they don't "ghost" you, that doesn't mean you have the answers you want. There will always be questions that 9 out of 10 times won't get answered. But it doesn't really matter what the answers are. It is what it is, if they don't want to be in your life, that's their problem, that's their loss, they don't deserve you.

I think the older term for it was Door Slamming.

I just kind of roll with it when it happens to me.
I have developed the ability I think out of trauma to retract my feelings at will and refocus myself on whatever I deem more worth my time, which has mostly become my default way of dealing with emotional pain of any kind. It isn't a pleasant feeling to be in, so I try to create a pleasant feeling for myself, and that's the idea. I'm human, obviously it isn't fullproof, but it has taught me how to be more in control of myself than not.

 

[maybetrollingmaybenot]

Long post sorry, I skipped it (just being honest). But define: ghosting? If you mean the amount of times a nice girl replies with "thank you" and then ignores you - it had happened 1000s of times to me already lol. OK, not really the "thank you" part but more like: "OMG you're so funny!", 2 messages later: ghosted.

 

[TheSkaFish]

I don't know if you could say that I've ever really "ghosted" anyone, but I have pulled back sometimes.

The reason isn't that I don't like the person anymore, or think I'm "too cool" for them or something like that - it's quite the opposite. It's that I think that I'm not ready to talk to them, it's that I'm afraid that if I talked to them right now, I'd make a bad impression as a boring, unsuccessful weakling, and I'd have too much complaining and negative vibes because my life isn't in a good place. So I pull back until I can figure out how to make a stronger impression. The problem is, while I'm figuring myself out more, it's going at a very slow pace. And I'm worried that someone else could show up, while I'm trying to figure myself out.