Keeping in touch with an ex.

[VanillaCreme]

In most cases, staying friends with an ex will just lead to trouble. The two of you have shared your feelings with one another, have been romantically involved. It's very rare that someone could go from that, to friends and stay that way. I mean, they're an ex for a reason, you know?

Things could lead to getting back into a relationship, being jealous of them having further relations with other people, or just being hurt in general because they're still in your lives. Most of all, being friends might stop you from letting go and getting over things completely or at all.

I agree with this. Personally, I don't think it's ever a good idea to stay friends or even keep in contact with an ex. It depends on the people though and the relationship they had. But, to me, it just screams out trouble. I tend to stay away from my ex, and out of contact with him. I might have a more extreme reason for being that way with my ex though, as our relationship wasn't the best. He still tries to talk to me in various ways from time to time, regardless of my efforts to keep him at bay.

 

[DreamerDeceiver]

From my perspective, keeping in touch with an ex would not feel right at all. It might seem to work for some people, but I think the consequences of this could be emotionally unhealthy in the long run.

 

[blackhole]

you know,

it totally depends on the situation.

not all situations are the same.

in a situation where one broke up with the other, and feelings were hurt, and the decision to break-up was make by only one person, and the other person clearly still had (has?) some emotional attachment, then NO, it's not a good idea to stay in contact.

but in a situation where it's been a long time passed, they both decided it wasn't going to work, there was no real attraction there from either end, and the relationship just kind of died or morphed into a REAL friendship (not best buds, just friends), then i see no problem with keeping in touch.

it's funny. so many of these topics look for one-size-fits-all answers to very, VERY complex human situations.

the answers are always going to be variable.

the constant should be honesty and common sense.

 

[annik]

you know,

it totally depends on the situation.

not all situations are the same.

in a situation where one broke up with the other, and feelings were hurt, and the decision to break-up was make by only one person, and the other person clearly still had (has?) some emotional attachment, then NO, it's not a good idea to stay in contact.

but in a situation where it's been a long time passed, they both decided it wasn't going to work, there was no real attraction there from either end, and the relationship just kind of died or morphed into a REAL friendship (not best buds, just friends), then i see no problem with keeping in touch.

it's funny. so many of these topics look for one-size-fits-all answers to very, VERY complex human situations.

the answers are always going to be variable.

the constant should be honesty and common sense.

I think this whole quote is so true!!

 

[blackhole]

thank you

my brilliance is hard to conceal

 

[omniac]

I'm sure this topic has been posted before...

Is it ever a good idea to stay in touch with an ex? In my case I think describing it as "staying friends" would be seriously pushing it.

My boyfriend and I were together about 3 years, it wasn't really a great relationship. I wanted a lot more out of it than him I think. He didn't treat me badly so much as neglect me. We really didn't spend enough time together at all. I just ended up getting more and more unhappy. Obviously it came to a head and eventually we split. About 2 years later than maybe we should have done. But I had few friends and was scared of being alone without him.

We split maybe two years a go but we have pretty much stayed in touch since. I'm worried the reasons I still speak to him are the same as the ones that kept me in the relationship so long.

I also worry its simply because I have such are hard time "letting go" of things.

I really don't know how much good it is doing me. I don't feel like I have a friend. Our only contact is short meaningless emails. I know he doesn't tell me anything and lies to me. Its not so much that I care about that but it just seems like such a waste of time carrying on with it. I know if I needed someone he wouldn't be there for me. It also makes me feel quite down on myself for various reasons.

I have complicated feelings I guess. I did stay with him for a long time because I genuinely cared about him and because I knew of some issues that made him act like he did. But I'm worried my loneliness is keeping me in contact with him now just out of fear.

You figured it out yourself but here is another way to think about it. Every moment you share with him is one you are losing with someone else, someone maybe you could have found already that does fit. Holding on will deny you what could be. Or by living in the past we deny ourselves our future.

 

[annik]

That's completely true and I totally see your point only I don't think I really waste my time on him in that the only contact we have is the odd one line email. I met a new guy and went after a new relationship a few months back as well. It didn't work out but that had little to do with my ex or still being in touch with him.

 

[omniac]

That's completely true and I totally see your point only I don't think I really waste my time on him in that the only contact we have is the odd one line email. I met a new guy and went after a new relationship a few months back as well. It didn't work out but that had little to do with my ex or still being in touch with him.

Once upon a time I was dating this women. We broke up but exchanged the occasional comments by txt. Now and again I would see here but it was casual and no longer serious but I still cared, always wondering if we'd ever... figure it out and maybe something would click again like it had in the past. During this time I met another women. She was really quite amazing in hind-sight. She took me to her family's thanksgiving when I couldn't be with my family. She told me things how they were. I often wonder if I should have stuck with it, but I didn't feel like dealing with the conflict in a relationship, instead of making compromises, I didn't care because I didn't feel I needed two intimate relationships. I had a "deeper" connection 'history, understanding, inside-jokes' with the women I had been keeping in touch with. I couldn't be entirely in a new relationship because even if I wasn't physically involved with someone else I was still emotionally involved with someone else. There really wasn't enough 'emotional connectivity' to keep my physical relationship together. So it died. Course now Ill never know if it would have worked. I looked her up once. She looks happy.

 

[floffyschneeman]

Once upon a time I was dating this women. We broke up but exchanged the occasional comments by txt. Now and again I would see here but it was casual and no longer serious but I still cared, always wondering if we'd ever... figure it out and maybe something would click again like it had in the past. During this time I met another women. She was really quite amazing in hind-sight. She took me to her family's thanksgiving when I couldn't be with my family. She told me things how they were. I often wonder if I should have stuck with it, but I didn't feel like dealing with the conflict in a relationship, instead of making compromises, I didn't care because I didn't feel I needed two intimate relationships. I had a "deeper" connection 'history, understanding, inside-jokes' with the women I had been keeping in touch with. I couldn't be entirely in a new relationship because even if I wasn't physically involved with someone else I was still emotionally involved with someone else. There really wasn't enough 'emotional connectivity' to keep my physical relationship together. So it died. Course now Ill never know if it would have worked. I looked her up once. She looks happy.

That is so sad. I'm sorry for you what you've been through. I don't know why but I've always had this fear of just being the other girl, the one who made all the right things but in the end, is never enough. But I hope that wont be the case.

 

[freedom]

i, for one, don't keep in touch with any of my exes. it's not that we're enemies or anything, most of my relationships ended amicably, but keeping in touch with an ex just makes it that much more difficult to let go. when you really want to let go and move on, you have to cut that person out COMPLETELY. it's harsh and difficult, but if you ask me, that's the reality.