O
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At 28, it's only dawned on me recently that no matter how kind, generous, or hard I try to build or maintain a friendship with someone - if they don't put an effort in - there's nothing more I can do. I'm not the problem, and out of respect for myself...I should just walk away.
I had a sad childhood and spent most of my life lonely and friendless. Naturally, being a people-pleasure and not having an idea of 'normal boundaries' when it came to self-respect; I struggled and still struggle with 'reading between the lines' and recognizing when people are lying for the sake of 'politeness' or are actually honest and care for me.
Friends (if I happen to luck out and make one) cycle in and out of my life. I've come to notice that my friendships fall into a pattern:
- I'm always being the one to initiate everything (messages, meetups etc.)
- I'm always compromising for what they want (what they want to do, their time and schedule etc.)
- Friends will stop talking to me for weeks/ months etc. then randomly send me a message; then stop replying for weeks/ months or not at all
I've had a long time to self-reflect on the causes for this and adjust myself and actions. I've blamed myself at many times and continued to stay in one-sided friendships which left me questioning my self-worth. I've reached out endlessly in the friend-making world and people are all the same. I've tried to understand why people are acting the way that they do towards me.
I think it's time to 'drop the rope' and to let go when I recognize that a friendship isn't making me happy. I'm the type of person that persists at a problem but it seems that it's only a problem from my point of view. Otherwise, the 'friends' that I have would actually make an effort for me (like they do for their other 'friends'). There is NO POINT in wondering why people behave the way that they do. They are not worth me or my headspace.
It is hard for me to accept that this is something that I can't fix but the only thing that I can control is how I let others treat me.
Is anyone else in the same situation as well?
I had a sad childhood and spent most of my life lonely and friendless. Naturally, being a people-pleasure and not having an idea of 'normal boundaries' when it came to self-respect; I struggled and still struggle with 'reading between the lines' and recognizing when people are lying for the sake of 'politeness' or are actually honest and care for me.
Friends (if I happen to luck out and make one) cycle in and out of my life. I've come to notice that my friendships fall into a pattern:
- I'm always being the one to initiate everything (messages, meetups etc.)
- I'm always compromising for what they want (what they want to do, their time and schedule etc.)
- Friends will stop talking to me for weeks/ months etc. then randomly send me a message; then stop replying for weeks/ months or not at all
I've had a long time to self-reflect on the causes for this and adjust myself and actions. I've blamed myself at many times and continued to stay in one-sided friendships which left me questioning my self-worth. I've reached out endlessly in the friend-making world and people are all the same. I've tried to understand why people are acting the way that they do towards me.
I think it's time to 'drop the rope' and to let go when I recognize that a friendship isn't making me happy. I'm the type of person that persists at a problem but it seems that it's only a problem from my point of view. Otherwise, the 'friends' that I have would actually make an effort for me (like they do for their other 'friends'). There is NO POINT in wondering why people behave the way that they do. They are not worth me or my headspace.
It is hard for me to accept that this is something that I can't fix but the only thing that I can control is how I let others treat me.
Is anyone else in the same situation as well?