Let’s try this again

[TheRealCallie]

So tell me then....how do you expect to find anyone to love and care about you if you hide away from the world in your negative *** perspective of all things life and people? How do you expect to meet anyone if you don't go out and do things like, oh, I don't know....HOBBIES? How do you expect to find anything you want at all when all you can do is tear down women and people who side with women over your ******** generalizations about "the fairer ***"?
Oh and a "goal" can also be about meeting more people and getting friends and people who could possible eventually love you.
Seriously, maybe stop looking at the world with your **** colored glasses on and get a clue, dude.

 

[lookatbrightside]

yes, beat that depression, God is Greater than your problems. don't let the problems consume you but see what you can do to overcome those problems, it might benefit you in the long run if you have a little bit grateful for what you are today. everybody got problems, life is a test. try to be positive thinking.

 

[M_also_lonely]

 So what I mean to say is that life has essentially been ruined for me now. Everything in it has been ruined.

Not really. First hand experience here. 
This is just a turning point.

  I’m just waiting until my mom gets back to good health before I disappear and kill myself. I can kill myself so easily without hesitation now. I have no desire to live, and I’m dying to be dead. I don’t hold onto life. That instinct is gone. 

You don't have the right to kill. Neither yourself, not someone else. You shouldn't destroy what you can't create.

 I’m a loving man.

Can you explain the term, "love" ?

I get the idea they not only care nothing about me, but actively despise me.

They can't care about you. Men and women, love differently.

I get told every which was it’s my fault. It’s my attitude. It’s my outlook. Etc... But dare I ever suggest that women play some role. Get ready to have my rights read to me.

I don't think its your fault. But its your responsibility. You have the most complex neurological system ever. An intelligence that surpasses all other species. You have the ability, to move beyond the basic instincts of life. You are giving up on life way too easily.

 

[ITellYouHhwut]

So tell me then....how do you expect to find anyone to love and care about you if you hide away from the world in your negative *** perspective of all things life and people?  How do you expect to meet anyone if you don't go out and do things like, oh, I don't know....HOBBIES?  How do you expect to find anything you want at all when all you can do is tear down women and people who side with women over your ******** generalizations about "the fairer ***"?  
Oh and a "goal" can also be about meeting more people and getting friends and people who could possible eventually love you.  
Seriously, maybe stop looking at the world with your **** colored glasses on and get a clue, dude.

Let’s say I accepted everything you said here. Then I straightened myself up, and after a while, decided to start seeking women. 

Ok great. What women? Where? There simply aren’t any single/available women. I’ve never met a single one I don’t think. It puzzles me where people find their partners. I’ve yet to unravel that one. It’s like some life hack everyone else has figured out that is wholly lost on me. I remain convinced there are no single women. I’ve asked women out before. I’ve approached them. They’re never single.

Plus, like I’ve said, I don’t care to anymore either. I’ve been done for some time now.

 

[ardour]

Been to meetups, running groups. Usually if there's any women within 10 years of your age they'll be wary and aloof. Just like it is at work. One woman at the photography meetup just about ran once she realized I was catching a train (as if I were going to jump on her train and follow her home). There's no appropriate opportunity to find out if any of these women are single let alone ask them out. The conversation is usually surface level if it happens at all. It just doesn't get to the point where it's socially acceptable to take it any further. But yeah, HOBBIES!

 

[ITellYouHhwut]

Every night I lay down to go to sleep, and I ponder this very topic. It truly is surreal that I’ve not had the first contact with women in my whole life. What is even more surreal is the reality starting to sink in that there really is no hope of it ever happening for me at this point. All things considered, my utter lack of ability to attract women, the way the world is today, being out of touch. It is starting to look like I’m doomed.

 

[kaetic]

Didn't some girl give you her number this year, and then you flipped out on her because she said she was having a family emergency? So clearly she had to be blowing you off?

I only bring this up, because you seem to have forgotten that you do have some culpability because of how you treat women, and not all women are as repulsed by you as you seem to think... Or she never would have given you her number, let alone a real one.

Btw, I've said the same thing, many times. "After this year, if nothing changes, I'm ending it." The thing is, nothing changed, because I didn't change. I still haven't changed that much, just enough to where I don't want to kill myself anymore. You sound like you hate yourself, and I really don't believe that you feel that way because of genetics, or women, or cultural differences. Though I'll admit, this probably does happen less often in cultures that place a higher importance on family values. That's really beside the point though.
I don't know if you've ever seen a therapist, but maybe your last year is a good time to give it a shot.

 

[Cucuboth]

People seem to always think in this axiomatic way when thinking about depression or unhappiness. They think “well, you’ve got this going for you, you’ve got that, and this other thing. Why are you depressed?” People seem to always miss the point with depression. It has nothing to do with things being okay or things working out fine. Rather, a lot of times it stems from loneliness, dissatisfaction, fear/dread, etc... For me, life is not about “goals”, as one of the commenters stated. Not even remotely. Life, to me, is about people, family, and having a purpose that transcends your so-called “goals” or occupation. Like, once again, family/loved ones, your people, your culture, your heritage, etc... Feeling wanted/loved is crucial to having purpose. Some of us, especially men, are finding ourselves more and more completely without options for finding love. You can’t just think “getting hobbies” and “finding happiness by ourselves” is going to work, as is always the advice. This advice is simply ignorant. Finding a romantic partner, being wanted by the opposite ***, etc... These are crucial to our mental/emotional well being. This is why the advice always seems obtuse, and obscurant. It’s almost like people are gaslighting us. Telling us it isn’t important when it most certainly is.

Yep. Got to agree that feeling loved is important. We all have different goals in life, and even the goals we might have the same will probably be different priorities to each individual. ***** me no end when people try to tell you that you should put this goal before that one, or that a certain goal shouldn’t be important. Really feels like they are just transferring their priorities on to someone else, and expecting them to follow blindly. 

Same goes for when people mention to get hobbies. Yeah. Thanks. You aren’t parting with some super special secret there you know. Have got heaps of hobbies. Too many really, it feels like never have time to do all of them as much as I would like to. But none of them have lead, or even helped, in meeting anyone. Not even in going to groups and clubs about them. Hobbies are just even more time alone for me. 

All I want really is someone to share things with. Have a connection with. When people say finding happiness by ourselves, in ourselves, well, I went down that path for a long, long time, and found, like I just said, that I just want someone to share things with. But I was told that people thought I was happy being alone. I guess I have since found out that what they really meant was that they were happy for me to be alone, because, although I am happy with who I am, I am not happy being alone all the time.

 

[Sker01]

People seem to always think in this axiomatic way when thinking about depression or unhappiness. They think “well, you’ve got this going for you, you’ve got that, and this other thing. Why are you depressed?” People seem to always miss the point with depression. It has nothing to do with things being okay or things working out fine. Rather, a lot of times it stems from loneliness, dissatisfaction, fear/dread, etc... For me, life is not about “goals”, as one of the commenters stated. Not even remotely. Life, to me, is about people, family, and having a purpose that transcends your so-called “goals” or occupation. Like, once again, family/loved ones, your people, your culture, your heritage, etc... Feeling wanted/loved is crucial to having purpose. Some of us, especially men, are finding ourselves more and more completely without options for finding love. You can’t just think “getting hobbies” and “finding happiness by ourselves” is going to work, as is always the advice. This advice is simply ignorant. Finding a romantic partner, being wanted by the opposite ***, etc... These are crucial to our mental/emotional well being. This is why the advice always seems obtuse, and obscurant. It’s almost like people are gaslighting us. Telling us it isn’t important when it most certainly is.

Nobody's saying that depression ain't hard to get away from. You're not the only one who feels lonely, because if that was the case, this forum wouldn't exist. Everyone hits rock bottom at some point in their lifes, but the difference is between those who get up and continue to fight, even after multiple defeats, and those who just stand there doing nothing but complaining. Tell me, do you want your life to continue like it is now or do you want to make it better!? 
If you want to make your life better, you've got to observe people, listen to people and especially the ones who want to help you, like the people in this forum. 
That being said, let me tell you a little story: 3 years ago I've got rejected by the person I loved the most. She told me that she rejected me because I was thin, unpopular, inexperienced (I was and still am a virgin, as I don't have any problem in admitting to it) and been humiliated by others a few times. The day she told me that to my face, I went to the bathroom where I spend hours crying, not just because it was her saying it, but because it was what everyone tought. Then, I tought to myself: If I'm gonna go down, I'm gonna go down fighting. Till the end of the year I'll change and I'll have my first kiss, my first time in bed with a girl and my first girlfriend. Guess what, I didn't need to change my personality but only the way I saw things. Changing that way of seeing things was very hard to me and only now, after 3 long years, I can feel it sticking. As for my goals, to date, I've only got the kiss. I gave up on the girlfriend because I spoke to people in relationships and what I find out was: Relationships just suck. Choose friends any time of the week. I still haven't got the first sexual experience but I don't really care that much anymore. Because I fought with everything I got and that's what matters. That girl isn't worthy of any men's love but not all girls are like her. I met I few nice ones in the way.
On the first college party I went, I didn't had 2 friends. I just went there and spoke to everyone I found. I also spoke to a random girl, whom I didn't know was going to be my collegue. I just went there and said hello, asked her name and what she was studying. Then I said she seemed cool and asked for her number, which she gave. A few days ago, we spoke about that moment. She said she really liked me then, because she was feeling a bit apart from the rest of the party and I was the only one to give her a shot. This is what you have to do: Give people a shot. There are going to be bad people like number 1 and good people like number 2. Leave number 1 alone, because someone like that will never find true love. Negative people like her can't achieve anything so don't be like that, for the sake of yourself and your life. Not only find people like number 2, but me more like number 2 yourself.


PS: If you have "family/loved ones, your people, your culture, your heritage" in high regard, why not learn more about them? Do some research about it.

 

[ardour]

Didn't some girl give you her number this year, and then you flipped out on her because she said she was having a family emergency? So clearly she had to be blowing you off?

I only bring this up, because you seem to have forgotten that you do have some culpability because of how you treat women, and not all women are as repulsed by you as you seem to think... Or she never would have given you her number, let alone a real one.

Btw, I've said the same thing, many times. "After this year, if nothing changes, I'm ending it." The thing is, nothing changed, because I didn't change. I still haven't changed that much, just enough to where I don't want to kill myself anymore. You sound like you hate yourself, and I really don't believe that you feel that way because of genetics, or women, or cultural differences. Though I'll admit, this probably does happen less often in cultures that place a higher importance on family values. That's really beside the point though.
I don't know if you've ever seen a therapist, but maybe your last year is a good time to give it a shot.

You've just shown more interest in him with this reply than probably any woman has in real life, over the course of his entire adult life. Funny how certain types of guys are suddenly worth engaging with when the interaction is limted to online.

 

[TheRealCallie]

Didn't some girl give you her number this year, and then you flipped out on her because she said she was having a family emergency? So clearly she had to be blowing you off?

I only bring this up, because you seem to have forgotten that you do have some culpability because of how you treat women, and not all women are as repulsed by you as you seem to think... Or she never would have given you her number, let alone a real one.

Btw, I've said the same thing, many times. "After this year, if nothing changes, I'm ending it." The thing is, nothing changed, because I didn't change. I still haven't changed that much, just enough to where I don't want to kill myself anymore. You sound like you hate yourself, and I really don't believe that you feel that way because of genetics, or women, or cultural differences. Though I'll admit, this probably does happen less often in cultures that place a higher importance on family values. That's really beside the point though.
I don't know if you've ever seen a therapist, but maybe your last year is a good time to give it a shot.

You've just shown more interest in him with this reply than probably any woman has in real life, over the course of his entire adult life. Funny how certain types of guys are suddenly worth engaging with when the interaction is limted to online.

I call ******** on that, because he has stated that women have been interested in him.  But, of course, they weren't worthy of him.  They weren't good enough for him.  So yeah, it's ********.  Also, you're just trying too hard now.

 

[ardour]

"They" meaning someone who wanted to play Nintendo Wii with him once and a girl who reluctantly gave him her number.

 

[kaetic]

Didn't some girl give you her number this year, and then you flipped out on her because she said she was having a family emergency? So clearly she had to be blowing you off?

I only bring this up, because you seem to have forgotten that you do have some culpability because of how you treat women, and not all women are as repulsed by you as you seem to think... Or she never would have given you her number, let alone a real one.

Btw, I've said the same thing, many times. "After this year, if nothing changes, I'm ending it." The thing is, nothing changed, because I didn't change. I still haven't changed that much, just enough to where I don't want to kill myself anymore. You sound like you hate yourself, and I really don't believe that you feel that way because of genetics, or women, or cultural differences. Though I'll admit, this probably does happen less often in cultures that place a higher importance on family values. That's really beside the point though.
I don't know if you've ever seen a therapist, but maybe your last year is a good time to give it a shot.

You've just shown more interest in him with this reply than probably any woman has in real life, over the course of his entire adult life. Funny how certain types of guys are suddenly worth engaging with when the interaction is limted to online.

You should know by now that I'm going to take this literally.
I wasn't aware I knew or ignored him in person.

You say certain types of guys... All we have to go on is how he's described himself. He's clearly depressed and probably overly critical of himself. I'm lonely, I'll talk to anyone. What makes you think that "certain types of guys" would have any interest in me? They haven't displayed any so far.

 

[ITellYouHhwut]

I had an existential crisis last week. I spent most of the week in bed, more depressed than I’ve ever been.

I think I crossed a bridge though, because all of the sudden I’ve completely lost all want or desire for women, and have started viewing them in a much more different, unfavorable light than I ever have. Before, I didn’t resent women. My disdain was more out of not knowing why they treated me the way they did. But now I’ve become set in this feeling that I don’t want women in my life in any capacity. Not as friends nor lovers (not that that was ever an option). I’ve come to realize that women just aren’t loving creatures. They’re just not beings that love. Their psychological makeup is just of a fundamentally different nature. This is most likely the underlying reason behind my confusion about them, and my frustration with them all these years, and probably most guys who have trouble with women. I’ve always wanted to be loved by a woman, but they’ve always been nothing but STONE COLD towards me.

My change in mentality happened virtually overnight, like turning a page. I’m content in not having or wanting women now. I’ve made peace with it, and I don’t even view relations with women as desirable. Not sure what changed, but this is surely the case.

The girl y’all are referring to who I asked out earlier this year said yes reluctantly, then proceeded to ghost me, and since then has treated me like **** on the occasions I have run into her in public. She acts like I’m this creep who won’t leave her alone, when I’m nothing of the sort. If anything I was patient and non-pushy when I asked her out, and all I’ve ever done since then is try to be courteous when I run into her, which is a rare occasion. I got over her quick.

I’m done with women, and the “idea” of women. Feels good to say that. Never was for me, and never will be. Just like life.

 

[kaetic]

I had an existential crisis last week. I spent most of the week in bed, more depressed than I’ve ever been.

I think I crossed a bridge though, because all of the sudden I’ve completely lost all want or desire for women, and have started viewing them in a much more different, unfavorable light than I ever have. Before, I didn’t resent women. My disdain was more out of not knowing why they treated me the way they did. But now I’ve become set in this feeling that I don’t want women in my life in any capacity. Not as friends nor lovers (not that that was ever an option). I’ve come to realize that women just aren’t loving creatures. They’re just not beings that love. Their psychological makeup is just of a fundamentally different nature. This is most likely the underlying reason behind my confusion about them, and my frustration with them all these years, and probably most guys who have trouble with women. I’ve always wanted to be loved by a woman, but they’ve always been nothing but STONE COLD towards me.

My change in mentality happened virtually overnight, like turning a page. I’m content in not having or wanting women now. I’ve made peace with it, and I don’t even view relations with women as desirable. Not sure what changed, but this is surely the case.

The girl y’all are referring to who I asked out earlier this year said yes reluctantly, then proceeded to ghost me, and since then has treated me like **** on the occasions I have run into her in public. She acts like I’m this creep who won’t leave her alone, when I’m nothing of the sort. If anything I was patient and non-pushy when I asked her out, and all I’ve ever done since then is try to be courteous when I run into her, which is a rare occasion. I got over her quick.

I’m done with women, and the “idea” of women. Feels good to say that. Never was for me, and never will be. Just like life.

To be honest it doesn't sound a lot different from things you've written in the past. I hope you don't take this as me trying to say, "oh no don't give up on love". Besides all the semi insulting remarks, I think you have a good idea. Not the suicide part, I mean the part about "quitting women". Might do you some good to quit fixating on that for a while. If you've got to believe that women are mean, unloving creatures in order to feel better right now... I still don't think it has anything to do with your real problem, but hey... Whatever works. As long as you aren't openly hostile towards every woman you come across, this could be a positive thing... Eventually.

About that girl, you and her are the only ones that really know what happened there. I was just going by what was said in your other thread. If I got it wrong I apologize.

 

[Minus]

Let me try to communicate my thoughts without stereotyping women ...

... I’ve come to realize that women just aren’t loving creatures. They’re just not beings that love...

Okay, it sounds like you have it all sorted out and have a whole gender put into a nice convenient box as the cause of your difficulties so it seems that we are done here.