Let it go?

[kaetic]

So, you're thinking she doesn't want to go out with you because... you don't think she should want to go out with you?

People don't always match our expectations. She gave you her phone number, and replied to your text... I don't know what all you guys talked about, but I would guess that she's interested... maybe stop second guessing yourself and relax a bit?

 

[ITellYouHhwut]

maybe stop second guessing yourself and relax a bit?

I’m trying. I really hope this girl gives me at least one chance and goes out on a date with me because I really like her. Lord knows my asking her out was cringy because my heart was beating out of my chest. I was nervous as hell. I know I looked kind of insecure when I asked her out. But hey, I f*cking DID IT! That has to count for something, and maybe made me not look like a total beta.

 

[ITellYouHhwut]

Well, I waited four more days, then I texted her last night basically asking if she was actually interested in going out with me, and that I would appreciate it if she could give me a definitive answer. Still no reply. I deleted our conversation in my phone. I don’t know why I keep getting sucked back into the delusion that I can get a girl. Girls run from me. Makes me wonder why evolution hasn’t developed an adaptation that recognizes genetic inferiority in the womb and detonates/terminates the offspring. Makes more sense than releasing us into the world. I’m not sure what the point in me living is. I guess we need inferiority in order to recognize superiority, right? That’s about the only reason I can think of. I’ll never make this mistake again. I will learn to suppress my biological urges and look the other way. Don’t know why I continue living.

 

[TheRealCallie]

I likely wouldn't respond either, if you sent me that.....
But, here you are again, assuming. Didn't we already establish that you were wrong to do that? You know family **** doesn't usually just get all hunky dory overnight. Maybe she needs some damn time.

 

[ITellYouHhwut]

I likely wouldn't respond either, if you sent me that.....
But, here you are again, assuming.  Didn't we already establish that you were wrong to do that?  You know family **** doesn't usually just get all hunky dory overnight.  Maybe she needs some damn time.

You’re probably right. Everything I do ends up being wrong and regrettable. I should probably just abandon this one. That probably did piss her off. I’ll probably just walk away and not message her anymore. If she ends up messaging me that’s one thing. I guess I would have a lot to learn about relationships if I ever started attracting women.

 

[TheRealCallie]

Not sure if that's sarcastic or not, but I'll reply like it is not.

I don't think your issue is not knowing about relationships. I think it's that you didn't learn from your mistake, in this situation. You did the same thing you did when you posted this thread. You wrote her off without even giving her a chance.
In person is ALWAYS better, if it's an option. You can observe their body language and their expressions. That's why I suggested going to get a sandwich instead of texting her. You already said you go there regularly, so it wouldn't be out of place or stalkerish in any way. It wouldn't look odd.

You need to learn to not just abandon everything that doesn't work out immediately like you want it to. Have some faith, give people the benefit of the doubt until you know for sure.

 

[kaetic]

Ok, I wasn't going to reply but you said something about giving up on life altogether in that other thread... 

If you make each opportunity an all or nothing type situation, no one is going to be able to live up to that. I get that you've been alone a long time, and speaking from personal experience... It makes you more selfish. You start thinking more about what you want, what you need, what you want to have happen and you don't think about the other person. You end up putting a lot of pressure on someone you basically just met. Did you like this girl? Were you actually even interested? Or did you just want to get to the date/relationship checkpoints? Did you consider that you could still text her without having to go on the date, right away, just to see how she was doing and get to know her a bit. (And yes she could have done that too, though she may have had other things on her mind if she really had a family crisis)

Don't be in such a hurry. You got one girls number, you can do it again. Just take what you learned and use it. And quit beating yourself up... Mistakes happen, forgive yourself and move on.

Edit - I reread above, where you said you really like her and that's what has you all nervous. She could still reply, and she might not... if she does ... apologize for not asking before and see how she's doing, and that's regardless of what her answer might be to this ONE date.

 

[ardour]

You messed up here. By messaging her this soon you’ve turned yourself into another problem for her to deal with… most likely through avoidance. Yes-or-no ultimatums don’t carry any weight, it comes across as needy or manipulative, which is not how you want to be perceived as a guy. I wouldn’t expect any replies now. Better to move on and view this one as a learning experience.

 

[ITellYouHhwut]

You messed up here. By messaging her this soon you’ve turned yourself into another problem for her to deal with… most likely through avoidance.  Yes-or-no ultimatums don’t carry any weight, it  comes across as needy or manipulative, which is not how you want to be perceived as a guy.  I wouldn’t expect any replies now. Better to move on and view this one as a learning experience.

It’s not a learning opportunity because there will be no others. I’ll never try again.

Even if I did, it doesn’t matter. Access to women is not something I have anyway. These opportunities don’t come my way. 

I’m done.

 

[ardour]

These opportunities don’t come my way. 

I’m done.

Yes, you said, but she could have just as easily lied and said she had a boyfrend. Instead you got her number, which means you probably aren't in this universally loathed category like you seem to think.

 

[SirPanda]

Well I think you set it up for failure the 1st time you asked. YOu mentioned only asking if she'd like to go out sometime? You should have asked her with definitive time and place. Like that Friday or Sat. YOu left it open ended? I agree if she's not replying at all now I'd move on.

 

[Lumias]

From my own experience and prespective (so maybe you can see what it’s like coming from the other person’s point of view)

When a guy asks for my number and I am uninterresred in him (many factors in my life can play a part in the disinterest: busy life, stressed, can’t be bothered with others, want to be a lone, self loathing, no attracted to him physically, not a cat, etc.) I may give him my number ONLY because sometimes I feel too guilty to say no to his face. Having to hurt someone, or reject them can make a person feel terrible.

I can understand from her perspective why she may have given you the number, and maybe why she replied back so late. Maybe it’s a circumstantial coincidence that she encountered the unfortunate family event, but whatever her reason is, if she’s not responding back then just leave it and not waste your time and effort.  You can’t force someone to eat a well done steak if they prefer medium rare.  If someone doesn’t like you doesn’t mean you should give up. Just learn that we all have different tastes in things which is normal