Loneliness: Values versus Desire

[blackdot]

ok, I've never had women do any of those things to me
well except for laugh a lot but that's because I'm a comedian of sorts.

 

[TheSolitaryMan]

ok, I've never had women do any of those things to me
well except for laugh a lot but that's because I'm a comedian of sorts.

That's probably a good thing actually, all that physical things seem to do is confuse me even further!

If ladies are laughing a lot, that's a pretty damn good sign

Perhaps I shall try to be more impulsive. Then again, girls tend to lead me on like that, then shy away. So being impulsive could mean disaster.

Perfect example is the girl from my "phys. flirting" thread, who suddenly leant her chest against me, started talking to me for twenty minutes straight...then abruptly ignored me for the final days of term o_0

So goodness knows what that stuff means, if anything.

And now I'm rather derailing my own thread. Fail

 

[blackdot]

I have found that women don't like a guy who makes them laugh though.

 

[TheSolitaryMan]

I have found that women don't like a guy who makes them laugh though.

No way!

Girls love a sense of humour I think. Or at least, I find girls who laugh when I kid around with them usually seem the flirtiest. Much more than those who stay deadly serious at all times anyway.

Perhaps I've just been lucky though, I don't truly understand these things of course. And I could always be misinterpreting friendliness as flirtiness, it's not like I've been close enough to anyone to define the two :\

I'm sure ladies appreciate your attention. Perhaps you just need to be a little more overt with them? Or it might be the other way, a subtlety thing.

If anything I personally find I am too subtle, so nothing goes anywhere. On the other hand, being too out there might make a girl laugh quite a bit, but she could well feel less comfy at the same time?

Sorry, my advice is total pants. I can't really explain my experiences/ideas well... :s

Gah, I've decided that next time someone starts stroking my arm I'm going to start returning the gesture or something instead of standing there like a lemon...

 

[blackdot]

I've been told by multiple women on dating sites that they enjoyed going out with me since I could make the laugh and was entertaining but that that was not what they were looking for in a date.

 

[TheSolitaryMan]

I've been told by multiple women on dating sites that they enjoyed going out with me since I could make the laugh and was entertaining but that that was not what they were looking for in a date.

That's pretty harsh :\

Well, I haven't got to the dating level yet, so you're a step ahead of me

 

[blackdot]

well since most women on dating website are not there to date, I'm not sure I'm at the dating level either.
HA HA HA!!!!

 

[TheSolitaryMan]

Mulling it over some more, I think I'm having some positive changes in attitude after a very useful PM discussion

Just a question for those who have or have been in relationships: Was it straightforward for you to get close to your partner? I mean, when you met them, did you think "This girl/guy is right for me" soon afterwards?

I feel attraction to a lot of girls at the moment and I'd say a fair few are possibly interested in me too. I'm at least friends with them all, with some of them sort of playing around with me a bit when I talk to them. I don't see them out of work much though.

But I don't feel sure that a relationship with any of them would have any kind of substance, so I'm not keen on showing that physical attraction too much :\

Now I'm starting to think "You're being illogical. You shouldn't hesitate like this and just try to have a kiss with someone." Is that sensible?

I definitely don't want to have sex or anything like that until I'm with someone I see a full relationship working with. I'm wondering if I'm just being too uptight when it comes to simple stuff like hugging and kissing though...?

I think in general I find it really hard to loosen up - I don't drink, I don't sleep about, I don't get out much at all in totality. Perhaps I shall make an effort to be more socially active this coming semester at Uni without compromising my values

@Blackdot: Yes, I must admit I don't like the idea of dating websites myself. All that stuff with photos being the first thing people see, text profiles, things like that? I'm not sure whether I believe that can convey the stuff which attracts people.

I've always interacted with girls purely face to face, almost exclusively at my various places of study over the years (so a work setting). I think it helps a lot to know that you can get on with someone just in a casual friendly setting, as opposed to feeling the pressure I presume comes with an arranged date?

Still, you're more knowledgable on all that stuff than me, so feel free to ignore my opinions on the matter

 

[Lonesome Crow]

Well....being gods gift to women,
Ive had plenty of women asked
Me out and chased me.
At least 3 women stocked me.lol

My first GF pretty much leaned
Into me and made body contact
Then held my hands. Drop dead
Gorgeous blonde of course.
Lots of hugs and kisses.

When i lost my virginity...
She too lead me by the hands
And intiate everything.

When i met Renae...it was love
at first site.

My exwf asked me out.

Wendy knock on my door one night
After meeting through a freind prior.

Daniel came after me...my first stocker.

Sheryl got my phone number from a friend
And called me.

---

Sherry Chase me imto church.

JENNI STRAIGHT UP ASK ME OUT
TO DINNER.

TRACY CALL ME EVERYDAY TO GO
VISIT HER.

JENN STRAIGHT FLIRT WITH ME AND TOLD ME
She wanted me to be her BF.

JULIET ASK ME TO HAVE COFFEE THEN TOOK
ME HOME WITH HER.

CYNDY STRAIGHT UP SHOUTED OUT LOUD
DURING A PARTY SAYING SHE WANTS TO BE WITH
ME IN FRONT OF EVERYONE...LET IT BE KNOWN.

---

Ive had women hitted up on me in front
Of my exwf, Renae,or EXs....

---

Even in my childhood...girl would
Come play with me in the sand box
Or ask me to get on the teeter todder
with them. Then wanna dont think g
too much about it. hold me hands
And be bf and gf....grade school stuff.

Thoughout my life its been like that.
Plenty of girls chased me in high school.

SIMPLE EXPOSURE...i
I believe ive been conditioned from
Early on in life pertaining to the opposite
sex. Its not a self confidance thing for me.
I sort of desentisized or its not a big deal to
Me.

My challenge is more about having
A healthy and lasting relationship with
RENAE. I LOVE HER VERY MUCH.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

Plus other factors.

Such as being an artist.
I designed year book covers
When I was in middle school.

Im also a musican. A lead guitar
IiPlayer. I used to carry my guitar
Or instruments everyday to school.
I played in metal bands and dress
Accordingly. Not as a badboy..but
As a mystical creature that cant be
Tamed

---

Im also asian. Most of my life I've
never fit into the norm.
Ive only been with cucasian women.

Im exotic...or forbiden love to lots
Of these women. Its sort of a voodoo
Kind of thing. Which brings out the
Rebelous side of them..but its more
About FREEDOM to these women.
Which they find very romantic and passionate.

---

Plus im also ex military.
I had a lot of training and marching...the way i carry myself.

Plus my fater is also ex military and guitar player.
Lots and lots of structures and too much discipline.

The military also gave me self discipline.
Courage..pride,self sacrifice for the love of others...etc

Plus i have a great sense of humor.
Im easy gping which women can relax being
Around me.

Lots of positive traits I do have.

I wss also an honor role student.
lots of women knows im brilliant.
I just get too egotistic sometomes.
But a lot of women sees me as over confidedent
and kindda taim me.

---

Thats basically the attractions or connection.
Most women ive been with dosnt
Want to fit into whatrvery yhe hell

---

SEX???
I have sex with women on the hood
of my car during day light...
Its because they asked me to participate
With them.lol
Jts their rebellion to the system, sortta speak.
They get off on it more than i do.
Im worry about getting arrested.hahahaa

 

[Romeo Echo]

There are so many things in my life that I feel like I've sacrificed to put what is "right" in my view first, I can't even list them. I feel this deep need to go out of my way to make sure the "right" thing gets done, even if it means personal discomfort or leaving my personal wants at the door.

Never has this been more apparent than the romantic situation."

That sounds like me, a mirror darkly almost

"Right" is highly subjective, what one person thinks is right, another might think is unacceptably wrong. While you might that by not consolidating on your desires for a girl is right, another person might see this as a wrong, as you could be potentially be defining not just her, but yourself of happiness and isn't that what doing the "Right" thing is all about? Maybe not providing happiness, joy and excitement for yourself, but for others also? or maybe by providing these things for yourself, in turn you may also be giving them to others?

Its quite a deep and philosophical view you have concerning your relationship status there, refreezing actually to see someone not solely of themselves not being good enough, but the well being of others as well.

I think eventually though you will have to conceded slighlty to your 'Desires'. We all do, justice can't be our first thought every step in our lives, or if it is then call me Batman

 

[TheSolitaryMan]

That sounds like me, a mirror darkly almost

"Right" is highly subjective, what one person thinks is right, another might think is unacceptably wrong. While you might that by not consolidating on your desires for a girl is right, another person might see this as a wrong, as you could be potentially be defining not just her, but yourself of happiness and isn't that what doing the "Right" thing is all about? Maybe not providing happiness, joy and excitement for yourself, but for others also? or maybe by providing these things for yourself, in turn you may also be giving them to others?

Its quite a deep and philosophical view you have concerning your relationship status there, refreezing actually to see someone not solely of themselves not being good enough, but the well being of others as well.

I think eventually though you will have to conceded slighlty to your 'Desires'. We all do, justice can't be our first thought every step in our lives, or if it is then call me Batman

Looks like your message fell victim to the weird disappearing quote bug o_0

Anyway, this was a very interesting and helpful post, thank you

I think the biggest point is that it'd be good to make a girl romantically happy. You're right there, of course.

The last time a girl flirted with me (and every time before, actually), my mind just felt totally at ease. Just really happy and I enjoyed the attention a lot.

I'm starting to think perhaps denying feelings like that (and pushing away friendly girls in the process) is perhaps just as "wrong" as at least being a little bit more relaxed and open.

The only problem I can foresee with letting my guard down more is where to draw the line. That's my only fear I guess - leading these girls into something I'm not ready for, since I don't think I could deal with anything beyond basic flirting right now.

Other the last few days it's also come to my attention that some of these value issues don't neccessarily lie with me, but from pressure applied to me from others.

It's quite complicated, but I'm trying to sort it out so I can feel a little bit more independant and a little less stressed!