Hi my name is SteWieH and I am a lonely person. nww before hand some of you people /might/ know me from various website out the in the rubes, but the haunted realityy, is I am a very lonely person.
I try to fill the empty void i have inside by staying online if i am not going/coming/at work. even thou i "fill the void" by staying on multiple networks/chat sites, etc but the general feeling is even with all these chat mates, is I still feel lonely. There will be at times, i will aimless, and blindly just star at my pc for seemingly hours, not really doing anything.This lonely feeling gets to me so often even thou i"m surrounded by chat mates and people who call me a friend online..
I have tried to go outside and try to mingle with those out there in the real world but sadly due to a lack of experience, lack of friendships as a child, lack of social skills and self confidence, i cant eally just go out there and mingle. i feel so ackward whenever i am out at a public place to try to even make friend or learn someones name. I do have a small "handful" of irl friend, but they ae counted on hand nand if you remove the friends that never hit me up, moved out of town or who doesnt live wih me, i might be able to count that with just one finger.
(this is not a suicide rant)
People tell me that killing myself is the cowards way out. but I however dont see it that way. Why? I have no friend's irl, my mom doesn't really talk to me (i am the blacksheep of the family), i have little to my name. so who is going to miss me first off. Secondly I have "lived my life" i grew up as a child, i experiences various drugs and came to realize, except for smoking weed, they are not my thing. (mainly due to my body chemistry drugs dont really give me the same reaction as most) and i have seen the world. i have lived in the following states. California, Texas, colorado, Arkansas, Louisiana, Illinois, and Indiana. Its not like i havnt traveled and gotten to experience different area of life. its just I feel maybe this world is not for me. There nothing here seemingly for me. I work at the most dead end of jobs. i feel like Im not smart enough to really do anything with my life either. Granted I been working with pcs for 25 years now (started when i was a child) but now pcs work is so easy, anything 3 yr can do it now. I just feel like I am just a very tiny microgranism in the worlds water (ocean).
Im sorry and most of you guys are gonna be like tldr or tldc thats fine.
I try to fill the empty void i have inside by staying online if i am not going/coming/at work. even thou i "fill the void" by staying on multiple networks/chat sites, etc but the general feeling is even with all these chat mates, is I still feel lonely. There will be at times, i will aimless, and blindly just star at my pc for seemingly hours, not really doing anything.This lonely feeling gets to me so often even thou i"m surrounded by chat mates and people who call me a friend online..
I have tried to go outside and try to mingle with those out there in the real world but sadly due to a lack of experience, lack of friendships as a child, lack of social skills and self confidence, i cant eally just go out there and mingle. i feel so ackward whenever i am out at a public place to try to even make friend or learn someones name. I do have a small "handful" of irl friend, but they ae counted on hand nand if you remove the friends that never hit me up, moved out of town or who doesnt live wih me, i might be able to count that with just one finger.
(this is not a suicide rant)
People tell me that killing myself is the cowards way out. but I however dont see it that way. Why? I have no friend's irl, my mom doesn't really talk to me (i am the blacksheep of the family), i have little to my name. so who is going to miss me first off. Secondly I have "lived my life" i grew up as a child, i experiences various drugs and came to realize, except for smoking weed, they are not my thing. (mainly due to my body chemistry drugs dont really give me the same reaction as most) and i have seen the world. i have lived in the following states. California, Texas, colorado, Arkansas, Louisiana, Illinois, and Indiana. Its not like i havnt traveled and gotten to experience different area of life. its just I feel maybe this world is not for me. There nothing here seemingly for me. I work at the most dead end of jobs. i feel like Im not smart enough to really do anything with my life either. Granted I been working with pcs for 25 years now (started when i was a child) but now pcs work is so easy, anything 3 yr can do it now. I just feel like I am just a very tiny microgranism in the worlds water (ocean).
Im sorry and most of you guys are gonna be like tldr or tldc thats fine.
