Lonely, single, and wanting to be a Dad

[Adam1983]

I am a 38 year old man and I am quite lonely.  I have tried and tried to find a woman who wants the same things as I do.  All I end up finding are women with 4 kids already and don't want any more or they're going through some heavy emotional problems because of their ex and then they project his failures onto me.

I always tell women what my ultimate goals are in a relationship and they get freaked out.   Since when did having a child equate to a death sentence?  It's like they get this look that's kinda like a deer in headlights and they flip out.   

I guess that's why I'm lonely.  I'm choosing not to settle.  I do have baby fever really bad and I have met some women who say they do too, but I think it's a lie just to get me to sleep with them.  Reality is, they're probably already pregnant or on birth control and just don't tell me.

Where are the normal women who also have baby fever and aren't afraid of being a parent?  I'm getting older and I'm ready to settle down and live a nice, normal life.

 

[TheRealCallie]

I don't think that not wanting to have kids makes you abnormal. There are a lot of people who don't want kids.

That being said, there's nothing wrong with what you want. Have you considered adoption? There are a lot of kids out there who need a loving family, even if it's just a dad. You don't need a woman to get started on a family, unless you only want biological kids.

 

[Adam1983]

I am a 38 year old man and I am quite lonely.  I have tried and tried to find a woman who wants the same things as I do.  All I end up finding are women with 4 kids already and don't want any more or they're going through some heavy emotional problems because of their ex and then they project his failures onto me.

I always tell women what my ultimate goals are in a relationship and they get freaked out.   Since when did having a child equate to a death sentence?  It's like they get this look that's kinda like a deer in headlights and they flip out.   

I guess that's why I'm lonely.  I'm choosing not to settle.  I do have baby fever really bad and I have met some women who say they do too, but I think it's a lie just to get me to sleep with them.  Reality is, they're probably already pregnant or on birth control and just don't tell me.

Where are the normal women who also have baby fever and aren't afraid of being a parent?  I'm getting older and I'm ready to settle down and live a nice, normal life.

Callie, I do want kids. I want biological children. I'm not putting down children who want to be adopted, but I'm the last of my family and I want to keep my bloodline going.

---

I don't think that not wanting to have kids makes you abnormal. There are a lot of people who don't want kids.

That being said, there's nothing wrong with what you want. Have you considered adoption? There are a lot of kids out there who need a loving family, even if it's just a dad. You don't need a woman to get started on a family, unless you only want biological kids.

Callie, I do want kids. I want biological children. I'm not putting down children who want to be adopted, but I'm the last of my family and I want to keep my bloodline going.

 

[Forgottendanfan]

I have sympathy for your predicament, but I don't relate. I've never wanted kids, can't relate to them and find them to be annoying for the most part. That may limit my dating prosects, but so be it.

 

[Finished]

Where are the normal women.

They are all stuck back in the 1960's - 1970's. Crazy and confused is the new normal now. 

 

[ardour]

I always tell women what my ultimate goals are in a relationship and they get freaked out.   Since when did having a child equate to a death sentence?  It's like they get this look that's kinda like a deer in headlights and they flip out.   

Wanting a family is fine if they want it, "selfish"  and "treating women like reproductive vessels"  if you want it (/s)

You're probably better off stating this upfront, either in a dating profile or within the first few messages exchanged. No point in wasting time on people who already had their lives and would judge you for wanting yours.

 

[NoxApex(N/A)]

Where are the normal women.

They are all stuck back in the 1960's - 1970's. Crazy and confused is the new normal now. 

Roses are red
Violets are blue
Hippie chicks are just goth chicks
With different tattoos
¯\_(ツ)_/¯

 

[mgill]

i would like to offer a suggestion which you may find upleasant.  there is a very good chance that your failure at creating the life experience you so greatly desire is due to a lack of genetic quality.  perhaps your genetics are not at a level sufficent to make the women you are interested in want to procreate with you.  the reason you are only attracting single mothers is because women look at you as a provider as opposed to a man they wish to reproduce with. 

many people on this forum and IRL will offer you empty platitudes and give you false hope as these idea's directly conflict with the Just World fallacy they have so strongly bought into.  personally, i have discovered from personal experience that false hope is one of the most addictive and also one of the most destructive drugs ever. it is important to understand that due to social media & OLD, average is the new ugly so unless you are in the top 20% of men in looks & height at best you will have extremely limited options when it comes to dating & relationships-regardless of whatever else you may have to offer.

don't get me wrong, i wish you the best of luck & hope that you do somehow beat the very high odds & find success. i think it far more likely though that you will end up having to decide if you want to start a relationship and have children with a women you are not attracted to, marry a single mother and raise someone else's children or accept being single & alone.

 

[ringwood]

i would like to offer a suggestion which you may find upleasant.  there is a very good chance that your failure at creating the life experience you so greatly desire is due to a lack of genetic quality.  perhaps your genetics are not at a level sufficent to make the women you are interested in want to procreate with you.  the reason you are only attracting single mothers is because women look at you as a provider as opposed to a man they wish to reproduce with. 

many people on this forum and IRL will offer you empty platitudes and give you false hope as these idea's directly conflict with the Just World fallacy they have so strongly bought into.  personally, i have discovered from personal experience that false hope is one of the most addictive and also one of the most destructive drugs ever. it is important to understand that due to social media & OLD, average is the new ugly so unless you are in the top 20% of men in looks & height at best you will have extremely limited options when it comes to dating & relationships-regardless of whatever else you may have to offer.

don't get me wrong, i wish you the best of luck & hope that you do somehow beat the very high odds & find success. i think it far more likely though that you will end up having to decide if you want to start a relationship and have children with a women you are not attracted to, marry a single mother and raise someone else's children or accept being single & alone.

Where in the hell did you dig up this ****? 

“[font=Tahoma, Verdana, Arial, sans-serif]it is important to understand that due to social media & OLD, average is the new ugly so unless you are in the top 20% of men in looks & height at best you will have extremely limited options when it comes to dating & relationships-regardless of whatever else you may have to offer.”[/font]

 

[NoxApex(N/A)]

so unless you are in the top 20% of men

Do you see anybody in the top 20% of men with answers to a likely potential 6th great extinction on this planet?? **** 'em, let them reproduce. The children that they create are also going to die. The ends justify the means to me. As for me personally? I'm happily child free and wife free. It was actually quite easy: Life beat the emotionalism out of me, and then I survived anyhow, and now men and women alike both equally dislike me for having the balls to do so. So until the top 20% of men give me some actual ******* answers: To Hell with the top 20% of men, I don't care.

 

[Finished]

Artificial Insemination Dude! Ha! Ha!

 

[Adam1983]

Wow! What the **** happened to this discussion? It has devolved into a pit of despair mixed in with specious theories about genetics.

If you ever question why you're lonely, please re-read your answers.

Just do me a solid and leave me out of the suicide note. Appreciate it!

 

[TheRealCallie]

Yes, we seem to have a big problem with thread hijackers recently....

But, back on topic.....I wasn't saying give up on having biological kids, but if want a child, adoption could be a way to start your family now. Though, if you only want biological kids, I suppose that wouldn't work.

 

[ardour]

Wow! What the **** happened to this discussion?  It has devolved into a pit of despair mixed in with specious theories about genetics. 

If you ever question why you're lonely,  please re-read your answers. 

Just do me a solid and leave me out of the suicide note.  Appreciate it!

There's  probably  more in common with mgill than you'd want to admit. I mean you're 38, haven't gotten what you want yet  and your options appear to be limited to older women who  dump their issues on you - passive agreeable guy they have little respect for in other words.

 

[Forgottendanfan]

MGill is getting **** on from all angles lately, it seems.

 

[TheSkaFish]

I see both sides of the issue.

MGill shouldn't try to make threads that are not about his particular issue, about his issue.

That said, I don't like the piling on him that happens, cause the guy is clearly in pain. That's why this happens. I can't say I feel too differently than MGill, just in different ways/about different things.

---

Anyway. Not sure what is going on with OP. Looks like he can attract a woman, just not one that shares his life goals. At least not yet. I don't know what to do except to keep trying. Maybe he tells them he wants kids too early, while still in the "getting to know you" phase? I don't know, just a guess.

 

[Just_another_one]

Having a child is the last goal of a long term relationship and not a starting point. I guess (just my opinion) your eagerness of having a child is what makes women run away and not absurd theories about genetic. Choosing someone as the father of your child means (usually) knowing that person extremely well, living with him, knowing his ideas and habits and, most of all, love.

 

[ardour]

Having a child is the last goal of a long term relationship and not a starting point. I guess (just my opinion) your eagerness of having a child is what makes women run away and not absurd theories about genetic. Choosing someone as the father of your child means (usually) knowing that person extremely well, living with him, knowing his ideas and habits and, most of all, love.

Wanting a family or not would seem like an important aspect of compatibility. Sure, bringing it up on the first date is a bad idea, but wasting months, years, on someone who it turns out doesn't want kids doesn't make sense.

 

[Just_another_one]

Wanting a family or not would seem like an important aspect of compatibility. Sure, bringing it up on the first date is a bad idea, but wasting months, years, on someone who it turns out doesn't want kids doesn't make sense.

But you should at least know someone before saying you want kids. If I still don't even know if I want you and you're talking about kids, I would definitely run away the faster I can

 

[StarDust]

I am a 38 year old man and I am quite lonely. I have tried and tried to find a woman who wants the same things as I do. All I end up finding are women with 4 kids already and don't want any more or they're going through some heavy emotional ...

Hi Adam, if you are looking for a woman to have kids with, you must also look at the age factor. To the best of my knowledge, pregnancy starts to get complicated for a women after the age 35. The possible complications with the pregnancy escalates as the woman gets older starting at 35 yrs. (To the women out there, correct me if I am wrong please)

Can still happen after 35 yrs, but may need more health check-ups. My cousin had a kid at 40, but to carry to term, she endured 4 months of bed rest.