Love or Pride

[Frito Bandito]

When forced to choose, which have you chosen?

 

[Ox Blood]

The first time, I chose love. Got ripped to shreds.

The second time, I chose pride. Guilt and regret-ridden.

Now I'm just in a "idgaf" mode. Which is partial-lie because... It bothers me I can't get it right.

Can't win, apparently.

 

[Frito Bandito]

The first time, I chose love. Got ripped to shreds.

The second time, I chose pride. Guilt and regret-ridden.

Now I'm just in a "idgaf" mode. Which is partial-lie because... It bothers me I can't get it right.

Can't win, apparently.

Wow, you actually got my post.

Your response could have been written by me too.

 

[SophiaGrace]

Maybe choose love on Monday, Wednesday and Fridays, Pride on Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday.
Sunday is neutral!

 

[Missing]

I Chose Love ...never regretted it

 

[Lost Drifter]

Which one comes with BBQ sauce again?

 

[DreamerDeceiver]

Which one comes with BBQ sauce again?

 

[OurLadysTears]

I pick C.

 

[DreamerDeceiver]

I wonder, is it possible to have both?

 

[Frito Bandito]

I wonder, is it possible to have both?

Of course, that happens every day.

But there are also times in life when someone important to you asks for a sacrifice. We sacrifice things for those we care about all the time. Sometimes it is a little of our money, some of our time, more of our effort, a portion of our freedom, maybe even a little control/vulnerability. This is part of the normal give and take of relationships (in all contexts) in life.

However, there are also people who demand your pride be sacrificed, and it's usually framed as the "ultimate" display of love or commitment. How does this happen? I'll explain the way it's happened to me in the past, several times.

These pride-takers will test you. Oftentimes they will make you "prove" your love by subjecting you to words or deeds that amount to cruel or demeaning displays toward you - or basically something that attacks the very core of your pride or dignity as a human being. Once the deed is committed, the pride-taker then sits back and gages your response from a judgmental perspective. There are really only two options available when a person goes after your pride. Simply put, you can either "put up with it" or "not put up with it".

The problem with these sorts of tests (that attack pride) is that they are a lose-lose proposition from the moment they are initiated.

- If you stay because you love the person so much (aka: choosing love over pride), the pride-taker will see you as weak with no backbone or standards and you will silently, if not openly, be resented from that point going forth. You will be viewed as a lesser person who is there for the abuse and therefore of low value and not worth decency, commitment, or love.

- If you walk away and keep your dignity (aka: choosing pride over love), the pride-taker will cast you as a villain - or perpetrator - who "never really cared" and is therefore not worth any further attempts at reconciliation or growing a meaningful and loving relationship.

Again, it really is a setup and it really is a lose-lose proposition from all angles.

It's not my intent to overintellectualize this topic. But this is a real thing that happens. It has happened to me in past relationships with family members, friends, and romantic partners. If you are in a relationship with someone, that person needs to know "up front" that you are a person with your pride intact who will NOT under any circumstance sacrifice your dignity. Some people don't operate on that level, so they see pride as rather insignicant (aka: pride-takers) and they use it as a bargaining chip or a method of testing/control.

Anybody who reads this and has had this sort of (what I consider to be) abusive relationship will be able to relate to this.

- Have you ever had a friend who insisted you call her, but she would never call you?

- Have you ever had a brother or sister that always demanded your help but was never there for you when you needed it?

- Have you ever had a boyfriend or girlfriend who talked down to you in front of his or her friends? Or who intentionally did things to make you worry or be concerned?

These people are "pride-takers" because they know that their behaviors are not correct and they are basically daring you to get some self-respect and do something about it.....

People are funny. I watch. I learn. I adapt.

 

[SophiaGrace]

I've insisted to know whether or not someone loved me, up front, because they were evasive with me. It helped me move on when they said they "liked" me. Is that a pride thing?

 

[The Good Citizen]

I've insisted to know whether or not someone loved me, up front, because they were evasive with me. It helped me move on when they said they "liked" me. Is that a pride thing?

Hmm.. Depends really, common form is to avoid telling someone you love them too early for fear of scaring them off, you drop I love you into the conversation too early and you can ruin things. If I were asked that before I got together with someone I would have to be honest and say "like". I've had an intense crush on someone before we got together but it takes time to fall in love properly (well with me about a week but I'm rubbish!)

I have found myself dying to say it and biting my lip and settling for "I am really falling for you". Its a useful phrase for anyone as emotionally pathetic as I am at the start of a relationship.

 

[SophiaGrace]

I've insisted to know whether or not someone loved me, up front, because they were evasive with me. It helped me move on when they said they "liked" me. Is that a pride thing?

Hmm.. Depends really, common form is to avoid telling someone you love them too early for fear of scaring them off, you drop I love you into the conversation too early and you can ruin things. If I were asked that before I got together with someone I would have to be honest and say "like". I've had an intense crush on someone before we got together but it takes time to fall in love properly (well with me about a week but I'm rubbish!)

I have found myself dying to say it and biting my lip and settling for "I am really falling for you". Its a useful phrase for anyone as emotionally pathetic as I am at the start of a relationship.

It had been something like....10 months....

I waited. believe me.

 

[The Good Citizen]

Ah, well I think thats fair enough!

I think I'd be asking the question too by then!

 

[jjam]

[video=youtube]

 

[MadMonkè]

When my ex tested my pride. I never gave in.
I think it made her want me more...

Strange how that happens...
I dont think girls know what they want... some girls I mean..