Manipulative Phrases with a Critical Subtext

[SophiaGrace]

"This is life, you must learn to deal with it" (subtext: "You are deficient")

"Choose to like where you are at, what you've got and to be with whoever you are with" (subtext: "Stop complaining")

"I never promised you a rose garden" (subtext: "You are unreasonable" - when the only expectation may have been for decent and respectful behaviour!)

"Be grateful for what you have" (subtext: "You are ungrateful" )

"Do volunteer work" (subtext: "You are ungiving")

"Now you're sadder but wiser" (subtext: "Don't be ungrateful - I've done something for you" - even though you sought help in dealing with the sadness)

"To have a friend you must be a friend" (subtext: "You are the problem - and if you say anything against other people, you're paranoid")

"There's no such word as 'can't'" (subtext: "You are pathetic", or "I don't believe you")

"Don't you know that?" (subtext: "You ought to know that")

"Don't you want to get better?" (subtext: "You don't want to get better", or
" You will only get better if you do what I say")

http://website.lineone.net/~vex/How Therapists Abuse.htm

 

[bulmabriefs144]

Some of these can be used in a positive context (okay, mainly just the one about dismissing can't from your vocabulary, because it might hold you back to be thinking in terms of limitations)

The others I've heard all too often:

#3 when all I wanted was to be treated fairly, it was phrased instead as "you gotta take the bad with the good (what good? all I've seen is you complain when I ask for anything, and you demand more from me)"

#5 usually as a suggestion when I don't do anything work-wise (so now, I do mainly volunteer work, and no job. Serves you right)

#6 I've heard mainly after relationship failures (thanks alot. btw, now I'm perma-single)

#7 I've heard (okay, really? I go out on a line for people giving time and energy and get used it return. So then I'm guarded and untrusting and not all that likely to be anyone's friend)

The last one. (No, I don't. I want things to stay the same, and I'd like people to butt out with their "helpful suggestions." )

Oh, this is for therapists. Sorry, but I've heard much of this control behavior from lay folk. Which is why I'm so screwed up.

 

[perfanoff]

If I heard these from someone, that's what I would actually hear

"This is life, you must learn to deal with it" (subtext: "You are deficient")
^ Be strong for yourself because I or nobody else is going to fix your problems

"Choose to like where you are at, what you've got and to be with whoever you are with" (subtext: "Stop complaining")
^ I'm a condescending prick

"I never promised you a rose garden" (subtext: "You are unreasonable" - when the only expectation may have been for decent and respectful behaviour!)
^ I treat you like **** and you still stick with me, tool

"Be grateful for what you have" (subtext: "You are ungrateful" )
^ You'll never ever get up so live with it

"Do volunteer work" (subtext: "You are ungiving")
^ Actually good advice

"Now you're sadder but wiser" (subtext: "Don't be ungrateful - I've done something for you" - even though you sought help in dealing with the sadness)
^ ??? can't imagine someone telling me how I think, and feel

"To have a friend you must be a friend" (subtext: "You are the problem - and if you say anything against other people, you're paranoid")
^ GOLDEN ADVICE

"There's no such word as 'can't'" (subtext: "You are pathetic", or "I don't believe you")
^ depends on the context. generally this is a buzz-sentence. or whatever you call it.

"Don't you know that?" (subtext: "You ought to know that")
^ ditto

"Don't you want to get better?" (subtext: "You don't want to get better", or
" You will only get better if you do what I say")
^ I am Yahweh your God, who brought you out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of bondage. You shall have no other gods before me. You shall not make for yourselves an idol, nor any image of anything that is in the heavens above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth: you shall not bow yourself down to them, nor serve them, for I, Yahweh your God, am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers on the children, on the third and on the fourth generation of those who hate me, and showing loving kindness to thousands of those who love me and keep my commandments.

---

P.S. My view of psychiatrists has been as good as sealed after the first one I was forced to keep company with, slept with a 14 year old girl in that same camp. He was at least 35 years old. It's not too far from the mind that people who want to control, manipulate, and mentally abuse others end up as psychiatrists the same way that many pedophiles end up as school coaches. I'd be damned if I sent someone close to me to such a person. The danger is just so high, especially if my close one already has mental issues.