Marrying below your station

[Sunless Sky]

Hey everyone,

I just had a question on my mind lately. You know those movies where a Prince marries a peasant or something? It got me thinking, do people really marry below their station or is that just a Hollywood fantasy?

Some context here, I am actually currently looking for a partner for marriage and was given a list of prospects. In most, if not all, of the entries, the women want to marry someone that is somewhat equal to or greater than their station. Whether that be financials, education, etc...

So that's where my question comes from. I would appreciate any input.

Thank you

 

[okidoke]

Wow, you have a list to choose from? That's impressive.

I have no respect for people thinking they're better than someone else because of their "station", their "class", their "cast", whatever.

You sound like your goal is to get married. Why? I mean, why is that a goal? Why is the marriage so important? I'm not against it, but just having a person in your life that is there for you is the important part isn't it? To sound like "I gotta get myself married" is just silly to me. It's like an objective you have to conquer, whereas just finding someone to connect with and create a bond is natural, then the marriage might happen from there. Am I making myself clear, maybe not?

 

[Unsigned]

Hey everyone,

I just had a question on my mind lately. You know those movies where a Prince marries a peasant or something? It got me thinking, do people really marry below their station or is that just a Hollywood fantasy?

Some context here, I am actually currently looking for a partner for marriage and was given a list of prospects. In most, if not all, of the entries, the women want to marry someone that is somewhat equal to or greater than their station. Whether that be financials, education, etc...

So that's where my question comes from. I would appreciate any input.

Thank you

I would absolutely endorse a male marrying "below" his station.
It is my dream.
What guy would want to hear some female b*tching about her miserable day in "human resources".
You want enthusiastic cooking, cleaning & s*x, young man. We all do. ALL OF US MEN!
So if you have that available to you...go for it!

 

[Unsigned]

I would absolutely endorse a male marrying "below" his station.
It is my dream.
What guy would want to hear some female b*tching about her miserable day in "human resources".
You want enthusiastic cooking, cleaning & s*x, young man. We all do. ALL OF US MEN!
So if you have that available to you...go for it!

@Abstamyous & @ringwood
Thank you for putting up with me and my drunk posts these past few years!

 

[Sunless Sky]

Wow, you have a list to choose from? That's impressive.

I have no respect for people thinking they're better than someone else because of their "station", their "class", their "cast", whatever.

You sound like your goal is to get married. Why? I mean, why is that a goal? Why is the marriage so important? I'm not against it, but just having a person in your life that is there for you is the important part isn't it? To sound like "I gotta get myself married" is just silly to me. It's like an objective you have to conquer, whereas just finding someone to connect with and create a bond is natural, then the marriage might happen from there. Am I making myself clear, maybe not?

Thanks for your input oki. Marriage is a goal of mine right now but a prerequisite for it is finding someone I connect with who is willing to be there for me and I for her. Only after finding this connection will I be comfortable marrying someone. So, I am definitely not looking for marriage just for the sake of it.

Do you know/know of anyone who did marry below their station?

 

[Sunless Sky]

I would absolutely endorse a male marrying "below" his station.
It is my dream.
What guy would want to hear some female b*tching about her miserable day in "human resources".
You want enthusiastic cooking, cleaning & s*x, young man. We all do. ALL OF US MEN!
So if you have that available to you...go for it!

Funny you should say that. The woman that I am currently seeing does work in human resources.

 

[TheRealCallie]

Below your station......What makes a girl below your station? Does she have inferior genes? Does she has a Ph.D? Is she missing an ear? Does she work in Fast food while you are a CEO?

That's just stupid and shallow. (Sorry to anyone who thinks that way, but it is). A person is a person. Not one damn difference than the next person, regardless of all that crap. You want a CONNECTION, an honest connection and someone you can share you life with and be happy, right? How the hell do you expect to find that if you throw away chances just because someone is considered "less" than you by a society that needs to pull their heads out of their ***** and start treating people as people. Who the hell cares about all the material things out there. Any job is better than no job at all. You can always get more education. You can always better yourself. A person is a person and they all deserve a chance regardless because you never know where you will find your best friend, your soul mate, your...well, whatever you want to call it. Stop worrying about stations and levels and just give the person a chance to show you whether or not you could have what you are looking for.

 

[147]

Below your station......What makes a girl below your station? Does she have inferior genes? Does she has a Ph.D? Is she missing an ear? Does she work in Fast food while you are a CEO?

That's just stupid and shallow. (Sorry to anyone who thinks that way, but it is). A person is a person. Not one damn difference than the next person, regardless of all that crap. You want a CONNECTION, an honest connection and someone you can share you life with and be happy, right? How the hell do you expect to find that if you throw away chances just because someone is considered "less" than you by a society that needs to pull their heads out of their ***** and start treating people as people. Who the hell cares about all the material things out there. Any job is better than no job at all. You can always get more education. You can always better yourself. A person is a person and they all deserve a chance regardless because you never know where you will find your best friend, your soul mate, your...well, whatever you want to call it. Stop worrying about stations and levels and just give the person a chance to show you whether or not you could have what you are looking for.

I love you for this.

 

[Sci-Fi]

That happens in real life, just do a Google search and you will find that lots of royalty have done it, usually it is because they have found someone they truly love and want to be with. I am curious, because I read what you actually wrote and am no just gloss over it, why would you want to choose from a list of women? I'm not surprised the women on this list have standards, its probably a requirement seeing as they are put on a list, but does seems more like you'd end up with a business partner than someone you would fall in love with. I get some cultures have arranged marriages and the like, just doesn't seem like a good way to find your "true love".

 

[okidoke]

Thanks for your input oki. Marriage is a goal of mine right now but a prerequisite for it is finding someone I connect with who is willing to be there for me and I for her. Only after finding this connection will I be comfortable marrying someone. So, I am definitely not looking for marriage just for the sake of it.

Do you know/know of anyone who did marry below their station?

It's not something I've ever consciously taken into consideration and can't off the top of my head give you examples, but I can give you a "reverse" story. My own mother refused to accept a marriage proposal of a wealthy man, who was a lovely young guy apparently and a doctor, while my mother was a poor young college girl with limited prospects. She refused his proposal purely for the fact that didn't ever want anyone (including him) to ever think that she married him for his money. She has always been worried about what people think of her. Silly woman married an abusive spendthrift instead.

 

[TheRealCallie]

If I'm not mistaken, Sunless is in an arranged marriage type of situation. I could be thinking of someone else though.

 

[Sunless Sky]

That happens in real life, just do a Google search and you will find that lots of royalty have done it, usually it is because they have found someone they truly love and want to be with. I am curious, because I read what you actually wrote and am no just gloss over it, why would you want to choose from a list of women? I'm not surprised the women on this list have standards, its probably a requirement seeing as they are put on a list, but does seems more like you'd end up with a business partner than someone you would fall in love with. I get some cultures have arranged marriages and the like, just doesn't seem like a good way to find your "true love".

It's not an arranged marriage per se. You see, I choose someone from the list and, with her agreement of course, then we start talking, going out, and getting to know each other to see if there is chemistry/compatibility there. After some time and many talks/dates, we get the families involved and start discussing the next steps. (Engagement leading to marriage)

It's not like I just choose one then we get married through a family arrangement no. We have to have feelings for each other first.

I get you're not a fan of this method. If that is the case, what method would you recommend for finding true love?

 

[ardour]

Women are usually hypergamous when the option is available. This secures resources for her and her children. You'll still be the provider in most cases. It's a reality of our species. I doubt most of us would date a woman we weren't attracted to appearance wise so we can't throw stones at them for prioritizing security. "Love" isn't pure; certain criteria have to be met first.

Generally it seems the most stable long term arrangement for you to be earning more (unless she's an obvious gold digger).

 

[Unsigned]

It's not an arranged marriage per se. You see, I choose someone from the list and, with her agreement of course, then we start talking, going out, and getting to know each other to see if there is chemistry/compatibility there. After some time and many talks/dates, we get the families involved and start discussing the next steps. (Engagement leading to marriage)

It's not like I just choose one then we get married through a family arrangement no. We have to have feelings for each other first.

I get you're not a fan of this method. If that is the case, what method would you recommend for finding true love?

It sounds like a very good and logical method to me.
IMO, it's too bad this is not the norm in Western cultures.

 

[Sci-Fi]

I get you're not a fan of this method. If that is the case, what method would you recommend for finding true love?

Not that I'm not a fan of it, there are advantages to it especially for people who have a hard time putting themselves out there. I know a guy who is Muslim and his parents try to set him up with girls they approve of, a lot of them he didn't like though and the ones he did like his parents didn't like. His father wanted his boys to wait and enjoy life before getting married (they start them young) because he got married when he was sixteen. I find it okay as long as you aren't being pushed into it with someone you don't have a connection with. Sounds like that isn't the case here, it is more like a dating service.

I haven't had much luck finding a mate, I've dodged a few bullets, and if I was given a choice of mates they would have been ones I didn't have any feelings for. Much like the Muslim guy I know. The girls I liked my mother didn't much care for, but then again thankfully it helped me because I would have ended up miserable in the long run.

 

[Sunless Sky]

Below your station......What makes a girl below your station? Does she have inferior genes? Does she has a Ph.D? Is she missing an ear? Does she work in Fast food while you are a CEO?

That's just stupid and shallow. (Sorry to anyone who thinks that way, but it is). A person is a person. Not one damn difference than the next person, regardless of all that crap. You want a CONNECTION, an honest connection and someone you can share you life with and be happy, right? How the hell do you expect to find that if you throw away chances just because someone is considered "less" than you by a society that needs to pull their heads out of their ***** and start treating people as people. Who the hell cares about all the material things out there. Any job is better than no job at all. You can always get more education. You can always better yourself. A person is a person and they all deserve a chance regardless because you never know where you will find your best friend, your soul mate, your...well, whatever you want to call it. Stop worrying about stations and levels and just give the person a chance to show you whether or not you could have what you are looking for.

This reminds me of something Louis ck said (he's probably not the first to say it but he's the first I heard).

"People don't fu.ck down. They fu.ck up or across"

It's vulgar but in there is the question I had.

Let's play devil's advocate though. As a hypothetical, If there was an upper middle class woman and she chose to marry me while I was lower middle class, wouldn't that mean more financial struggle for the family down the line? You could say "you can get more education and get a higher paying job" but that would still mean financial struggles until I get that job. You could also say "you can borrow money from her family" but that would just create tension down the line which almost never ends well.

What's the female perspective on this I wonder? Would you marry someone who you know/feel wouldn't be a good provider?

 

[TheRealCallie]

This reminds me of something Louis ck said (he's probably not the first to say it but he's the first I heard).

"People don't *** down. They *** up or across"

It's vulgar but in there is the question I had.

Let's play devil's advocate though. As a hypothetical, If there was an upper middle class woman and she chose to marry me while I was lower middle class, wouldn't that mean more financial struggle for the family down the line? You could say "you can get more education and get a higher paying job" but that would still mean financial struggles until I get that job. You could also say "you can borrow money from her family" but that would just create tension down the line which almost never ends well.

What's the female perspective on this I wonder? Would you marry someone who you know/feel wouldn't be a good provider?

I'm perfectly capable of paying my own bills. If I had to pay his too, it might be a struggle, but if I loved him, I wouldn't much care. Though, I don't really give a damn about money. As long as I have enough to support myself and my kids, I'm good.
I once told my ex that I would live on the street with him as long as we were happy, because I loved him. Money and material things are worthless in the grand scheme of things. Obviously you need money to survive, but you don't need an excessive amount. You can be perfectly happy living paycheck to paycheck. And as long as my partner was TRYING, that's enough.

 

[Sunless Sky]

I'm perfectly capable of paying my own bills. If I had to pay his too, it might be a struggle, but if I loved him, I wouldn't much care. Though, I don't really give a damn about money. As long as I have enough to support myself and my kids, I'm good.
I once told my ex that I would live on the street with him as long as we were happy, because I loved him. Money and material things are worthless in the grand scheme of things. Obviously you need money to survive, but you don't need an excessive amount. You can be perfectly happy living paycheck to paycheck. And as long as my partner was TRYING, that's enough.

You don't think that's a bit much? I mean, it's "Love conquers all" and everything but would you really be happy living on the street just because you were with someone you loved?

I can't say I've experienced such strong romantic love before.

 

[TheRealCallie]

You don't think that's a bit much? I mean, it's "Love conquers all" and everything but would you really be happy living on the street just because you were with someone you loved?

I can't say I've experienced such strong romantic love before.

I mean, between his family who would absolutely love to take us in and my family that would feel obligated to take us in, it would never be an issue, but in theory, yes.

 

[Sunless Sky]

I mean, between his family who would absolutely love to take us in and my family that would feel obligated to take us in, it would never be an issue, but in theory, yes.

"In theory" you just said it. Think about it though. If you had no family to take you in on either side, no one to turn to. Would you be happy being with someone, maybe even have a family with someone, if you had to live on the street? Or would you rather attract someone with a job and a home?

I am not suggesting to be a gold digger, just that your partner having at least a job would be a requirement before you decide to be with them right?

Does love actually conquer all?